What exactly is emotional intelligence (EI)?
Emotional intelligence is about putting yourself in the best emotional state to perform in optimal mode. It’s about not being dragged around emotionally, either positively or negatively.
Emotional intelligence is having the ability to deliver when the moment demands and not buckling under pressure.
Emotional intelligence is about not being manipulated emotionally by marketers or conmen, to buy something you don’t really want or need, because you feel pressured, or don’t want to upset them, or don’t want to appear weak or indecisive.
Emotional intelligence is about being able to deal with setbacks, disappointment or loss and be able to get on with life.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to accurately identify your own emotions, as well as those of others.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to utilize emotions and apply them to tasks, like thinking and problem-solving.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to manage emotions, including controlling your own, as well as the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.
Employees with a high level of EI have self-awareness that helps them understand co-workers and meet deadlines.
When people have high EI, they are not bothered by client criticism; they remain focused on outcomes, rather than feeling offended.
If two job candidates have similar IQs, the one with the higher EI will likely be a better fit for the company.
Emotionally intelligent people constantly look for ways to add value and contribute to their environment. They use their emotional awareness to think progressively and find answers to problems. This quality helps them to inspire others to be successful, too. According to Steve Jobs, “Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it; they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while.”
Many psychologists have outlined that EQ includes having these three skills
- The ability to utilize emotions and apply them to tasks, such as thinking and problem solving.
- Emotional awareness includes the ability to recognize your own emotions and those of others.
- The ability to manage emotions includes the ability to control your own emotions as well as the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.
Improving your own emotional intelligence
Manage stress – stress is caused by the fear of a future potential devaluation in your mind. Change your thoughts, changes your emotions.
Improve your self awareness – strengths and weaknesses, what you will do and won’t do. Where your talents exist and don’t. Put yourself in the best position to succeed, know what you can do and can’t do and fill the gaps with others that are better at that than you would be
Self reflect – honest opinion. Be honest with yourself, good and bad
Improve empathy – ability to see from the other person’s perspective. Empathy and Ego don’t work well together. Empathy – feeling the other persons point of view and emotional stance. Psychopathy is opposite of empathy
Awareness of others – Observe those around you -Understand their motivations. Why they do and don’t do things.
Read others – Pick up subtle signals and read between the lines. You need to be able to read people and understand which techniques relax them and which ones alienate them. When I pitch, I’m purposefully aware of their body language and tone of voice, which helps me be aware of emotional signs.
Encourage criticism from others, consider it a valuable feedback loop, that allows for continuous self improvement (Total Quality Management).
Respectively disagree – if you don’t agree with someone, be considerate to the other persons view and sensibility.
Assume the best in others – believe everyone is doing their best -this helps trigger compassion.
While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.”
You should be curious about people – It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy.
Embrace change – Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness.
Become a good judge of character – Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness; the ability to read other people, know what they’re about, and understand what they’re going through.
Become difficult to offend – If you have a firm grasp of who you are, it’s difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat.
know how to say no (to themselves and others).- They delay gratification, and avoid impulsive actions.
Let go of mistakes.
Give and expect nothing in return.
Don’t hold grudges – The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response.
Learn how to neutralize toxic people – When you need to confront a toxic person, approach the situation rationally. Identify your own emotions and don’t allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. Also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and be able to find solutions and common ground.
Don’t seek perfection.
Appreciate what you have, in the form of gratitude. It’s the quickest way to change how you feel, and what emotions you experience.
Disconnect with thought – live in the moment
Get enough sleep and rest.
Stop negative self-talk in its tracks.
Don’t let anyone limit your joy – When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness.
Your mind can often be like a fortress that doesn’t want to admit weaknesses. Get friends comfy to be honest with you and listen to feedback from strangers and enemies
Deploy empathy at scale – so you can understand where you need to position yourself to deliver a solution. Understand what makes people tick. What are their goals. Whether you’re a salesperson, an operator or a business person, if you can understand what the other person is thinking and what their goals are, you can reverse engineer those aims and map it back to your goals too. That knowledge sets you up to win, you’ll both win.
Be curious – to find out how others feel
- Research
- Ask questions
- Listen carefully – pay attention
- Understand and respect how the other person feels and thinks, by putting yourself in their shoes
Control the equation of emotion in self and understand it in others
Have a growth mindset – People with a growth mindset welcome challenges and setbacks with open arms. Not only do they fiercely believe in their ability to master whatever they turn their mind to, they also out perform those without a growth mindset, even when they have a lower IQ
Be open to experience -If you’re curious about how and why things work, and are keen to uncover explanations, then you’re four times more likely to succeed than your closed-off classmates and colleagues. This is partially due to the genuine excitement you feel when given the opportunity to learn something new.
Develop social skills – You can network, function in a team and bring people together, all whilst remaining focused. Having social skills means more than just being friendly – it means being emotionally capable in any situation.
Cognitive ability over emotional intelligence
- Learn
- Perceive
- Reason
- Remember
- Problem solve
EQ important in jobs with emotional demands that involve high degree of people interaction (think sales, real estate and counceling for example). However, when it comes to job performance, cognitive ability proves to be king.