A closer Look at Oscar Wilde’s Quote: Two Tragedies in Life …

“There are only two great tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want and the other is getting it.” — Oscar Wilde
“There are only two great tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want and the other is getting it.” — Oscar Wilde

This quote by Oscar Wilde reflects on the dual nature of life’s potential tragedies. Let’s break it down:

“One is not getting what you want”: The first tragedy refers to the disappointment and sorrow that come from unfulfilled desires and aspirations. Failing to achieve one’s goals or obtain what one desires can be a source of profound sadness and regret.

“The other is getting it”: The second tragedy is more subtle. It suggests that obtaining what one desires can also be a source of tragedy. This could be due to the unexpected consequences, responsibilities, or challenges that come with achieving one’s goals. Success may not always bring the fulfillment or happiness one anticipated, and the reality of attaining one’s desires may turn out to be less satisfying than expected.

In essence, Wilde’s quote highlights the complex and often contradictory nature of human desires and the potential for both disappointment in not achieving them and unexpected challenges in achieving them. It encourages reflection on the nature of personal goals and the broader implications of success and failure in the pursuit of those goals.

Learn the Lessons From Different Points Of View

Get Results: self awareness helps you learn
Get Results: self awareness helps you learn

Have you ever wondered why people have such different points of view, particularly with regard to political opinions?

It’s really not the case that “the other side” lacks intelligence, has no morals, or are just loonies.

It really comes down to personality traits – the temperamental inclinations we are born with.

Pre-cognitive screening means the world  actually presents itself differently to us, and not that we see the same thing and ignore some aspects and accept others. We don’t see the same things to begin with.

We can only pay attention to a limited set of things at any moment, in terms of their utility to us, and most things go unnoticed. My temperament dictates what I pay attention to, which is likely to be different to what you pay attention to. Sure there’ll be some overlap at times, but often we are seeing very different realities.

There will be some situations and problems which I will be better suited to deal with because of my temperament, and there will be other situations and problems, where you’re temperament will be better.

We each are a broader resource for the other.

We are more effective working together, to solve problems, than each of us are alone.

The battle between the political left and right is a necessary aspect of society because the two opposing forces push and pull against each other, and will probably give us a better version of society than a society under complete influence of one side or the other.

So, it can feel like a lot of effort to deal with the idiosyncrasies of people we don’t naturally agree with, but actually, they may be able to teach us something that doesn’t come easily to us.

It may be better to listen to people with different points of view and ideas, to see what you can learn from them, rather than dismiss them as foolish or idiotic, because you may well be the foolish one.

Let Quote Graphics Inspire Action

Get Results: be the hero of your own story
Get Results: be the hero of your own story

Reading quotes helps reshape beliefs and these are the foundation of motivation.

They can make a big difference in any journey for success.

Motivation is often the very thing that gets blocked and prevents you trying for your goals and dreams.

To take action you must be motivated, and to be motivated you must have congruent beliefs;

#1 – This is what you want, and

#2 – You can do it.

If either of these beliefs are absent from your belief system, you won’t take action.

Well formed quote graphics can help you look at your situation in a different way, to think about it from a different perceptive, to inspire you to take action. It helps you create a different story, or a different narrative on an old story.

A different story, analogy or metaphor, alongside an open mind can reshape or sidestep those disempowering beliefs, which are holding you back.

The first disempowering belief many of us are guilty of holding, is…

“I can’t do this!”

Or some variation of this such as..

“I don’t have the experience!”

“I don’t have the resources!”

Here are a few quotes from Jim Rohn to help you out of this mindset.

Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes get on the good side of life
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes get on the good side of life
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes

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Problematic False Beliefs

what you don't know you don't know
what you don’t know you don’t know

It’s interesting isn’t it, beliefs are a fascinating topic. What we believe guides our decision-making in every aspect of life.

There was recently a post on Facebook with the following maths problem..

(7+7+7)-(7+7)x 0 = ?

On reading the comments, it was funny to see how some people were arrogantly quoting zero as being the answer, while others equally arrogantly quoted 21 being the answer.

This observation got me thinking how people were so sure in their belief in the answer, that they were happy to comment to the world, and potentially in front of their friends, family and other associates, without ever doubting that they may be wrong, and the possibility of looking stupid.

Now I’m not judging people who got this wrong, as being stupid, but I’m sure that if they found out they were wrong, they would feel a little embarrassed that they didn’t know the answer, after all “it’s something you learn in 3rd grade” – and I’m quoting a comment of someone who got the answer wrong.

But people do this kind of thing all the time, particularly on social media. They believe they know something when they wrong – they have false knowledge.

Having false knowledge can be problematic for decision-making, if you’re basing your decision on that false knowledge.

Doing a quick Google search will undoubtedly give you the right answer to a simple maths question, and the consequences of getting it wrong is nothing greater than a little social embarrassment, but there are situations where having false knowledge, while believing you are right, can cause significantly more serious consequences.

The answer to dealing with false knowledge and misguided belief, is not to hold beliefs with such certainty. Question them, look for proof that you are right or wrong,  before acting on them.

The moment you believe you are right, is the exactly the same moment you stop looking for evidence of contradiction. You look for confirmation you are right, which further entrenches you into that belief mind-set.

One solution, drawn from a famous insight of philosopher Karl Popper, who argued that in science, evidence against a hypothesis, called
disconfirmation, is much more important than evidence for that
hypothesis, called confirmation.

So, let go of beliefs, and instead look for evidence that disconfirms them. If you believe “all politicians are self-serving”, then you only have to find one that isn’t self-serving, and you’ve disproved your belief, good luck with that, only joking. But you get the point, it’s easy to fall into the trap of finding evidence that supports your belief, after all, there are many politicians who you can find evidence of being self-serving, if you look hard enough, and this further embeds the belief.

A word of warning before I finish this post, if you find yourself using generalities such as “all”, “most” or “none” you’re over-relying on stereotypes and biases, and this is a lazy and foolish way of forming beliefs.

Comments like “All BMW drivers are arrogant”, and “most politicians are self-serving”, play on stereotypes, prejudices, biases and vastly overgeneralise, so stop holding such beliefs, and start looking for contradictions. You’ll undoubtedly find that many of your beliefs are based on false knowledge.

Just one last point, the answer to the maths question, if you didn’t already know, is 21 – the rule that makes it so is called “order of operations”, so now you really do know the answer.

Don’t Be Offended

Get Results: it's how you react that matters
Get Results: it’s how you react that matters

It seems the world is becoming more offended by the views and actions of other people, other nations, other cultures and other societies. If you spend any time on social media, you’ll know the outpouring of outrage of people commenting on posts which they have taken some offence to.

Offence is defined as;

Resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.

It got me thinking about what offended me.

I’m offended by those that …

Don’t agree with me and who thing it’s okay to insult my views,

Have different views and won’t open their minds to see others’ views,

Don’t say thank you, or acknowledge when I let them go in front of me,

Push in,

Are rude,

Infringe on my cultural values,

Infringe on my civil liberties,

Threaten my way of life,

Try to tell me what I can say, can’t say, can do, can’t do; the PC brigade,

Do what I have been known to do to others,

Take offence over everything they perceive as an insult to them as if they were the center of the universe.

However I realise it’s okay to be offended, in fact, it’s inevitable that at some point someone is going to offend me. So I no longer wish for the world to change, and instead have changed the way I think about things. I don’t take things so personally anymore.

At the end of the day, I can’t control what others do, but I can change the way I react.

For more about shifting perspective click here.

For more about spirituality click here.

Power Corrupts And Absolute Power Absolutely Corrupts

Get Results: power corrupts
Get Results: power corrupts

“Power corrupts and absolute power absolutely corrupts.”

It’s an interesting statement but is it accurate?

If you think about human nature we all have a tendency to gravitate towards inflating our sense of self, and avoiding situations that devalue it.

Evidence of this is all around us in everyday life. Arguments are engaged in to uphold ones sense of self. For instance, think about the reasons why you last argued, were you protecting something important to you? Something you’d invested yourself in. When you prefix “my…” to anything, such as“my idea”, “my thoughts”, “my opinion”, “my possessions”, “my kids” you make it part of your self-worth.

The mind believes, the more you HAVE the more you ARE, but the flip side of having more and being more, is that you also have more to lose.

When individuals gain more money, more power, more stature, it becomes more difficult to face loosing it, and so self interest and self preservation become even more important.

Those in power have more to lose by rocking the boat, by fighting again the very system they are benefiting from, so what do they do, they fight to preserve the status quo, because it serves them and after all, we are all designed to protect ourselves, it’s our survival instinct doing it’s job.

If you understand this trait of human nature, you come to realise that anyone in power is open to corruption, and is not going to drive through change that could potentially put them at risk.

You can’t defy human nature, we are what we are, but you can manage it, so that society is better for it, and so that those in power, serve society rather than themselves.

So how do we, the ordinary people, deal with the fact that people are self serving and power only increases this instinct?

Well, we start to actually hold politicians, businesses and powerful individuals to account, we make sure they deliver on the promises they benefited on the back of, and if they don’t they should know they have a great deal to lose.

Learn To Ask Better Questions

Get Results: ask better questions
Get Results: ask better questions

Asking better questions is a skill like any other, in that you get better with purposeful practice.

A while ago I read Warren Bergers, A more beautiful question – The power of inquiry to spark breakthrough ideas, and it got me thinking about the power of questions.

It’s an interesting read and builds on the idea of using the WHY, WHAT IF, HOW questioning system, which I love, because  it encourages expansive thinking.

I’ve used questions a lot in my life, in fact my wife is forever warning me to stop asking so many damn questions, particularly when we meet new people. I must admit, I do ask lots of questions, but not for any other reason than because I’m deeply interested in people and what makes them tick.

Get Results: ask better questions
Get Results: ask better questions

Maybe that’s why questions aren’t asked so much by many adults, we get used to adults telling us, as kids, to shut up and stop asking them.

There is no doubt in my mind that question are a gateway to finding things out. I ask my wife about things from her past, about where she lives and what she did, and what other people in her life did etc. It surprises me how little she actually knows about a lot of people she has shared her life with.

Now don’t get me wrong, people have a right to privacy, they don’t owe anyone else an explanation. I don’t mind people telling me to keep my nose out of their business, but I do believe that questions provide us with an opportunity to get to know others on a much deeper level.

Get Results: ask better questions
Get Results: ask better questions

People often seem content with superficial conversation about what they watched on TV the night before and what such-a-person is doing or saying. Gossip  can be quite interesting sometimes, although I try to keep away from it where possible, mainly because I don’t want to be viewed by others as a gossip.

However that level of conversation doesn’t really connect people to others, it doesn’t tell you much about who they are, apart from that they too like a bit of gossip or in some cases, thrive on spreading it, which gives a deeper insight into their personality, I guess.

Get Results: ask better questions
Get Results: ask better questions

Questions are also great for learning about ourselves, increasing self awareness. We may ask ourselves, why we do what we do and don’t do what we don’t do. What’s driving our behaviour? The answer’s, if given with honesty, can be very revealing. Sometimes people don’t ask these kind of questions, because they don’t want to know or admit to themselves, the answers.

It is surprising how much of what we do and don’t do is conditioned into us by social persuasion, often referred to as social conditioning. Conditioning is drilled into us throughout the duration of our lives, but particularly as young children, when we are particularly susceptible.

Get Results: ask better questions
Get Results: ask better questions

Questions are also a great way to spark ideas and innovation. Moving us away from the thought processes and work practices we have historically been accustomed to and instead opening up the opportunity to do them differently, and to find a better way. Why do we do it this way? What if we could do it that way instead? and then figuring out the HOW from that perspective.

Personally I like to use the following questions to remind me about not falling into the trap of doing anything that would be wasteful, unimportant or unfulfilling, when I would be better doing something else instead. I find it’s a great productivity tool. The questions should be asked in order.

  1. Why am I doing this, at all?  What is my goal?
    for example is it to make money, because it’s interesting to me, is it to gain or avoid something (such as not getting left behind or being able to add value to others). You should seriously consider this question and try to unlock your big WHY. This will help with the remaining questions. Use the 5 why’s method of questioning to dig deeper, so each answer you come up with, is followed by another  why, do this, you guessed it 5 times. Doing this delves down to the emotional background driving forces of your thoughts and actions, and gives you an opportunity to question these.
  2. What is the opportunity cost of doing it? What else could I be
    doing instead? Doing anything means not doing something else, both in terms of time constraints and economics, so consider what you’re missing out not doing. Remember time is the one resource we can’t recoup, once it’s spent.
  3. Is it worth the opportunity cost?
  4. Is there a better way of achieving my goal, instead of doing this?
  5. What other alternatives are available? Consider as many as you can!

So there you have it, questions are powerful, and if you haven’t read Warren Bergers, A more beautiful question – The power of inquiry to spark breakthrough ideas, I would highly recommend doing so, here is a link to Amazon where  you can read the reviews and even buy it.

Get Results: A more beautiful question
Get Results: A more beautiful question

 

Stay Inspired: Video Quotations

Get Results: learn, desire, action
Get Results: learn, desire, action

It’s important to keep motivated, and we can find inspiration all around us. People who overcome adversity and succeed, people who do things they don’t particular like, in order to reach a goal, people who never give up, no matter what.

I also love inspirational quotes, they give me a pick up, an opportunity to change perspective, and look at a challenge from a new frame of mind. I’ve included a few, and will be adding more video inspiration quotes to this page, so keep checking back. You can find them on my Instagram page also here.

They’re Fooling You, Start Living The Life You Want

Get Results: focus on making a life
Get Results: focus on making a life

It’s time to wake up to the big lie.

If you only do what you truly love for a fraction of your waking life, because you have bills to pay, and other obligations, what kind of life are you really living? I mean seriously think about this for a moment.

Cutting costs is as good as earning extra income. Drop the excess to focus on the things that really matter to you.

Happiness doesn’t come from possessions, or having more stuff, because once you have them, and once the novelty wears off, it becomes part of the norm and you will tend to look towards the next new or better thing.

Marketers and the businesses behind them want to feed you the narrative that having more will make you happier, will enrich your life, and they do this because it serves them, not you.

WANTING is conditioned into us, and HAVING is the dream, but this is a lie.

Instead focus on BEING. experience life, get out of your head and into the experiential reality of life. Serve your soul, by enjoying the experience of people, places and pursuits that excite you and that bring you joy or should I say, you enthuse joy into doing.

Figure out a way to pay the bills you have to pay, the necessities, minus any unnecessary excess, while doing the things that allow you to BE true to yourself. This is the way you should be defining success or lack of.

Get Results: wheres you path taking you
Get Results: wheres you path taking you

It’s time to change perspective, to re-evaluate your financials, and live a life that truly engages you.

 

 

34 Important Life Principles

Get Results: learn, focus, execute
Get Results: learn, focus, execute

For much of my 50 years I’ve tried to be a student of life, and I’ve collated a number of principles I think have helped me live a better life. I thought I’d share them with you, hopefully you can find some value in them.

They are listed below:

  1. Become a master at Selling – get to know what turns people on, their passions, think of the seven deadly sins for this (lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, pride). Alternative consider what keeps people awake at night (fears/anxiety). Use well known sales structures to hang your sales message on such as A.I.D.A. or S.U.C.C.E.S.
  2. Be a business owner – don’t work in a business, work on it, there’s a world of difference. If you find your not suited to the running of business, but you’re interested in it, be an investor in businesses.
  3. Become an investor – Learn to spot undervalued assets and sell for a profit or derive income from them.
  4. Identify where things are headed. Pattern recognition. Map to the future.
  5. Stay ahead of the trend not behind it. Look for expanding markets, otherwise you’ll have to work harder each year for same profit.
  6. Disrupt your own business model. Don’t focus on how it’s always been done. Find the perfect solution and get as close to that as possible. Don’t just try to do it the best you can, do it the best it can be done. Seek the perfect solution and work back to what is currently possible, and work to fill the gap going forwards. Consider convenience, affordability, increase of SOS.
  7. Under promise and over deliver. Manage expectations and try to exceed them.
  8. Go the extra mile.
  9. Pay attention to detail.
  10. Add value in all exchanges – even if it’s just a smile, or a kind word.
  11. Customers are not interested in your story, only how you can help them increase their sense of self. Align your needs to theirs and you’ll win. Provide a solution to help them.
  12. Be memorable – people won’t remember what you did, they will remember how you made them feel. Use mnemonics, like velcro with lots of sensory hooks, for example baker versus Baker.
  13. Be a problem solver – not just a problem spotter. See what people are moaning and complaining about. Providing workable solutions is where the value is created . Stop moaning and do something about it. Be a solution provider.
  14. Don’t let your resume hold you back. Be open to opportunities and say YES, then figure out the HOW after.
  15. Leverage is key to wealth success. It magnifies effort exponentially (to the power of..). Leverage of debt, compound interest, leverage of resources. For example; multiple shops, multiple assets all bringing income. Leverage your contacts. You don’t need money, you need a better strategy. If you can’t make money without money, you probably can’t make money with money. Leverage other people resources. Who benefits from what you are trying to do? If you need £50k to buy a new business, If supplier going to get £100k more business ask them for £25k investment, offer seller £10k more if they accept the remainder in instalments. Ask “who will benefit” and work out a way to leverage other people’s resources.
  16. Focus – concentrates energy through a narrow conduit, reducing drag and increasing speed and effectiveness, like a magnifying glass intensifying the sun’s rays so that it is powerful enough to start a fire. Do the one thing such by doing it, everything else will be easier or unnecessary.
  17. Adaptable – ability to shift perspective and flexibility of thought. Open minded to new and better ways of thinking /behaving. Look for the best way it can be done rather than the best way you can do it. Try to disprove what you think you know and challenge assumptions/inferences. What worked yesterday may not tomorrow. Don’t resist chance. Be a predator of chance rather than s victim of circumstance. There are winners and losers in every situation. Try to put yourself out of business (be a disrupter).
  18. Be a lifelong learner – Seek out the best way it can be done, not the best you can do it. Master of what you know, apprentice of what you don’t. Question everything test everything.
  19. Don’t just believe everything you hear, even from authority figures or so called experts. Ask “how do you know? Point me to the research/evidence !” Look to have hypotheses that you try to disprove (like science does) rather than beliefs you try to confirm. It is the most effect way to uncover the truth.
  20. There are lessons all around you all the time, with lessons of what to do, what not to do, everyone has something to teach you, whether they know it or not – watch and listen more than talking.
  21. Learn from your mistakes, don’t be fearful of making them. They are the best teacher.
  22. Find accurate information from reliable sources, curiosity, disprove rather than prove – prevents confirmation bias and self reinforcement, scientific approach.
  23. Allow reflective time to absorb and assimilate information. Talk to others out loud (real or imaginary) as if you were teaching them about what you have learned, or blog about what you’ve learned, this will help you organise your learning into a coherent form.
  24. Beware the Curse of knowledge. Use what you have/know to help others who want to know what you know, in layman’ terms. Break things down. If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it enough.
  25. Choose love over fear – Fearfulness is self defeating, and Ego-centric. Be in the moment, observe thought, don’t react or be controlled by it.
  26. Think abundance rather than scarcity – When one door closes another opens, if you miss a door opening, don’t worry another will. They are always opening.
  27. Givers gain – Of your time, experience attention, support, experience, money.
  28. Get results – Know and do what’s needed, whilst not doing anything counter. Knowledge, motivation, productivity.
  29. Stop using Coping strategies to excuse failure – Justifying is a method to alleviate cognitive stress, and allows us to settle/make do with the current status quo.
  30. Goal setting – Make sure the method you choose to achieve your goal is congruent/ aligned with you, otherwise you won’t act. Ideally do something you like which leads to your goal. If you like business but don’t like the day to day responsibilities of running a business, be an investor instead.
  31. E to P (Entrepreneur to purposeful) – don’t keep bouncing off outer wall of ability, you have to figure out a way to expand your boundary, because life will keep testing you until you do. Even if you give up and do something else, the time will come again when you need to push past.
  32. Know that beliefs, values and consequently, principles, rules, conditions, judgements, views, opinions, conjecture, predictions are built largely on assumptions and inferences and testimony (of perceived experts/authority figures via social conditioning), rather than truths, formed by repetition, revision, practice. Yet they play a huge role in shaping our perceptions/perspective and consequently behaviour/actions. Our Senses take incoming stimuli and our mind then runs a storytelling narrative over them, as we attempt to interpret and make sense of what we see, hear, taste, touch and smell. Our senses can be fooled, our thoughts and consequently our perceptions/perspective misguided.
    Question thoughts, beliefs, assumptions /inferences – start researching to find if they’re accurate/true
  33. Be wary of having fixed/rigid beliefs and values. When someone tells you something, ask “How do you know?”
  34. Expectations worth having;
  • Expect that if it can go wrong it will and at the worst possible time – prepare for it!
  • Expect nothing – drop any sense of entitlement – life and people don’t owe you anything, whether politeness, favours, forgiveness, a place in society, the right to make a living, good health, relationships, friends, family. Each day is a gift, appreciate everything you have, while you have it. Replace Expectation with Appreciation.
  • Expect change – Nothing stays the same, everything changes, change is a natural part of life, you can’t get stuck (in a situation)forever because things are constantly shifting. There are winners and losers in every situation, position yourself to win, be a predator of chance, rather than a victim of circumstance.
  • Expect things/situations to be more complex than initially meets the eye. i.e. political issues, skills etc. If something doesn’t seem to make sense, look into further to find out the complexities, rather than just giving an uninformed opinion.