Overcome FEAR by BEING COURAGEOUS
Fear comes from a potential threat of a devaluation in your “sense of self “, which includes anything you are attachment to. How much fear you experience is dictated by the strength of the attachment and how great and imminent the threat is.
You might experience the FEAR of…
Failing is a big fear for many people, whether it’s failing an exam, or a test, failing at business, failing in relationships or marriage. Whatever it is it can be debilitating. Many people would rather not even try, than experience failure.
but I’m a firm believer that you cannot fail until give up. Winning often follows losing. Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die, for winners, losing inspires them, for losers, losing defeats them. Winning means being unafraid to lose.
If you’ve ever been in sales, you’ve doubtlessly experienced rejection, but always remember, the prospect is rejecting your proposal not you personally, and in doing so they are concerned with protecting themselves. You need to convince them of your reliability and trustworthiness.
Of course we can be rejected in love and this can be particularly difficult to deal with, but in reality it’s a matter of how you frame the rejection. If love isn’t reciprocal, than it’s saving you from wasting time, and experiencing frustration of being in a one sided relationship. There is somebody for everybody, so suck it up and move on.
Disappointment comes about because you have unfulfilled expectations. These might be unrealistic, hopeful, misplaced, or overblown expectations. One big expectation many have is not to experience failure, but failure is a good teacher, and each disappointment has a lesson concealed within it. Don’t fear disappointment, accept it as part of life, have an expectation that disappointment is part of life’s teachings.
Fear of change exists because we fear the risk of hazards that could exist outside the status quo. We like predictability, and are preoccupied by the possible danger rather than the possible opportunities.
Some other fears…
- The Unknown (possible devaluation of “harmony” or “comfort zone”). Embrace the unknown – your path is unclear and hazy, but don’t fear the risks, look out for the opportunities. Be a predator of chance rather than a victim of circumstance.
- The difficulty and number of obstacles ahead
- Being Vulnerable – don’t want to appear weak (see right column)
- Shame and resistance can hold you back
- Death/disability/damage health – It’s the knowledge that I’m going to die that creates the focus to being alive. The urgency to make use of what little time we have. Without this sense of scarcity, with the prospect of an eternal existence where does the motivation come from to do anything?
- Success – a perverse sense of punishing yourself for some previous unwanted behaviour / act
- Not able to have fun time (too busy) see drawback of goal conflict
- Loss – we don’t want to lose anything from our attachment map and sense of self
- Not being able to cope with the demands of success (devaluation of “control” due to loss of control, “harmony” and devaluation to “family life”)
- Having to spend all time working (devaluation of “family” and “leisure time”)
- Death/disability/damage health – Death is the route fear of all fears
- NB- fear of falling is not fear of falling itself, it’s the fear of damaging ourselves hitting the ground, the fear of the dark, is actually the fear of what might be in the dark that can hurt us
Manifested with the inner voice saying you’re…..
- Not good enough
- Not worthy / deserving of success
- Not capable
- Not able to cope
- Lacking in the necessary skill / experience
- You’re going to look an idiot when this goes wrong
- People think you’re an idiot and don’t have a clue, they are looking and laughing at you.
- You’re not good enough
often due to
- Lack of confidence – due to past failures/shortcoming, others putting you down and social conditioning and learn behaviours
- Lack of self belief – due to past failures/shortcomings, others putting you down and social conditioning and learn behaviours
Resulting action and behaviour;
- Buying head in sand/denial/ignoring/avoidance/making excuses/complicating situation/insisting on perfection/giving up too early
- Doubt in own ability
- Anxiety – perceived imbalance of ability and necessary requirements/skills
- Fear-driven self sabotage – doing counterproductive actions – drawbacks of goal, want vs should/need conflicts, low self esteem, self doubt, self belief
Procrastination is often caused by fear, overwhelm or just not having enough of a reason to take action. People are comfort-seeking animals. In order to motivate us out of couch-potato status (literally or figuratively), we must see a clear benefit in pushing ourselves into discomfort. In other words, if we don’t think going to the gym is going to bring us a tangible benefit, we won’t do it. Why rock the boat when we’re so comfortable right where we are?
Be couragous, be brave
Act in spite of being fearful, reframe the way you consider fear (mindfully), change your perspective, use gratitude to refocus on what you have rather than what you want.
Understand your counterproductive beliefs, thoughts and behaviours, many of which are the result of social conditioning and learned behaviours.
Fear of destruction and being NOTHING – the more you HAVE the more you ARE. but also the more you HAVE the more you HAVE TO LOSE, so you can’t win when fear is in control. Bringing awareness to the cause of this way of thinking, helps you see it for what it is.
Manage FEAR and conflicts by identifying them, acknowledging and working through them to resolution. If your goal doesn’t accommodate what you fear you will lose in achieving it you will remain torn. There is always a way to achieve goal and resolve any fears which are after all only real in your mind.
The key to overcoming such fears is to:
- Recognize them in yourself.
- Understand that “Comfort zone” and “Safety zone” are not the same thing. You may be uncomfortable but safe, or you may feel comfortable but be unsafe. Safe jobs for life no longer exist
- Identify their root.
- Make a plan to deal with them.
- Working through them to resolution
- If your goal doesn’t accommodate what you fear you will lose in achieving it you will remain torn. There is always a way to achieve goal and resolve any fears which are after all only real in your mind.
- Rise out of the ego and above fears and insecurities, these are not you but your Ego (sense of self and attachment map). “The me”. Surrender and bring consciousness into this moment (conscious presence), shine light on resistance (negative emotions) and become the watcher of your thoughts and feelings
The next time you have an idea you are hesitant to pursue, ask yourself if fear might be the only thing holding you back.
Success and failure exist in the power of the mind. Take control of your thoughts and you will take control of your success.
Ask yourself “what’s the worst that could happen?”
Each failure is a learning experience, and with each failure we take out another obstacle. Ask yourself “What would I do if I could not fail for next 24 hours, then 48 hour, then 72 hours….”, or ask “What would my idol do in this situation?” This will help you focus on what needs doing immediately to achieve your goal(s) with the fear of failure removed.
Stop overthinking everything
Overanalyzing every decision you make is a terrible habit to fall into. We’re all guilty of it. Our feelings of uncertainty drive us to overthink. Collecting more data and noodling about every potential outcome might make you think you are advancing toward a goal when you’re really just spinning your wheels.
The first step is taking control. Despite what you might think, you are always ready to start. If you make the wrong decision at some point, you can adjust. You don’t have to know all of the answers, you just have to start and then you’ll figure them out.
What would my idol do?
Early in my media career, as I was trying to break into the business and build a platform from scratch, I was constantly uncertain. I devised a simple strategy that helped me ignore my feelings of self-doubt so I could make important calls. I picked someone I admired and thought about what she would do in my situation.
Flip a coin
Another tip, when in doubt, flip a coin. The idol strategy uses logic, but flipping a coin taps into your heart and soul. If you must choose between two things, label them choice A (heads) and choice B (tails). As the coin flies in the air, you’ll secretly root for one or the other, that’s how you’ll know what you truly want.
Identifying the cause of fear
Using the equation of emotion in reverse ask these questions:
- What am I attached to that I am worrying about?
- What is the threat I perceive to that attachment?
To remove fear:
- Change the Attachment – release the attachment in your mind (spiritual creatures beyond body= no fear of death). To let go of attachments, you must believe in a more spiritual existence and live outside the illusion of the Ego. Who you would be without anyone else in the world?
- Change the Perception of threat
Use Body language
Use Power poses, our bodies change our minds.
..and our minds change our behaviour
..and our behaviour changes our outcomes
Define your fears instead of your goals
- Overcome Self destruction and self paralysis
- Through STOICISM – the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint. Think of it as an operating system for dealing with high stress environments
- Separate what you can control from what you can’t control
- “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” – Seneca
- Visualising the worst case scenarios that you fear and that prevent you taking action, that prevent cause self paralysis
- Write down “Fear Setting” on three sheets of paper.
- “what if I..” under headings…
- #1 Define – all the worst things you can imagine
- #2 Prevent – what can I do to prevent any of these things from happening
- #3 Repair – if the worst case scenarios happen, what can I do to repair it. Find role models that have dealt with what you might have to go through
- What might be the benefits of an attempt or partial success? Looking at the upside
Last page ….
- Next analyse the cost of inaction – emotionally, physically, financially etc. Over 6 months, 1 year, 3 years