self improvement | Get Lasting Results with Mike

Let Go: Recognising Your Coping Strategies and Uncovering Underlying Pain

I believe SELF AWARENESS to be probably, the most important part of improving the quality of life and achieving success in personal and business life.

As part of my attempt to improve self awareness, I found it important to explore my emotions, feelings and reactions to events, circumstances, situations, and attachments in all aspects of life.

Emotional compass

I’ve learned that how you feel about something lets you know whether you’re on the right track or not. Decoding the meaning of that feeling is very important if you’re to learn anything from it.

If you’re feeling good about something, then you’re likely to be on the right track, at least, from your current perspective. If you’re feeling bad about something, you may need to take a closer look. Think of your emotions and feelings as a compass, indicating which way to go.

Coping strategies

However one thing that can cause a great deal of confusion is the adoption of COPING STRATEGIES (otherwise known as psychological coping mechanisms/tactics/skills), which are often employed to cover up some negative situation or issue and allow you to put-up with them.

Coping strategies can be positive or negative in nature. Drinking and taking drugs to excess is often a sign you’re using them to cover up pain, or trying to temporarily forget about the pain. Overeating, complaining, blaming, gossiping, procrastination, gambling, self-sabotaging are all examples of negative coping strategies. They are designed to temporarily cover up the underlying issue, but seldom work to resolve the issue, and to make matters worse they often add more pain into the mix.

I believe it’s important to look underneath the coping strategy and find the underlying issue, and deal productively with it. The field of Spirituality agrees, saying we should “surrender to what is”, to “go fully into the feeling” and “accept it”, and “let go” of any negative influences, working positively to move beyond it. Many psychotherapies are designed to confront the root cause of pain and again move healthily beyond it.

It’s best to resolve the issue in most cases. Seeking professional help might be needed for more complex, severe issues and trauma. Some issues can be resolved yourself, if you take positive steps or employ positive coping strategies to deal with them.

Knowing the cause

Discovering and examining the underlying issue is the first step. Repressed pain and memories often still influence us at a subconscious level. Uncovering and taking a fresh perspective can help. Some issues start early in life and are left unexamined into adulthood. Often looking at them as an adult helps shift perspective, and what was a big issue as a child is not so much as an adult. We can be particularly hard on ourselves in relation to say ,embarrassing situations, and feel traumatised by them at the time, but looking with fresh eyes, as a mature adult, maybe as a parent, we realise that we may have been viewed less critically or harshly by others, then we thought at the time, at least by those with some level of decency and maturity. If you saw a child mess up, in say, a school play and subsequently became upset, would you look on that child as a complete loser, or would your heart go out to them, and want to tell them it’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it? Only those in pain themselves would negatively view the child.

Taking Responsibility

Blaming and complaining is often an attempt to pass on responsibility. It’s a coping strategy, but when you pass blame or you complain you also pass on power. You pass on the power you need to do something about it yourself. You can’t control what others do, but you can control what you do, and how you react to things, situations, events and people.

Being Empathetic

If you are angry with someone from your past, because they messed up, or let you down. Maybe looking at the situation differently might help, consider the other persons INTENT rather than their EXECUTION. Were they acting with the right intention, but just messed up their execution? Were they acting from a position of fear, and trying protect themselves in some way? What were they going through at the time, that could have impacted on their execution?

Often holding onto resentment, hatred and anger is far more damaging and destructive to ourselves than the other person they are directed towards. Let them go.

Below is a list of coping strategies, check them out and see which ones you use, figure out what the underlying issue is and deal with it or seek professional help to do so.

Coping strategies

Adaptive Mechanisms: That offer positive help.

Adaptation: The human ability to adapt.
Compartmentalisation: separating conflicting thoughts into separated compartments.
Compensation: Over-doing one thing to compensate for another weakness.
Crying: Tears of release and seeking comfort.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Idealisation: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
Intellectualisation: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
Performing Rituals: Getting time to think.
Post-traumatic growth: Using the energy of trauma for good.
Sublimation: Channel psychic energy into acceptable activities.
Substitution: Replacing bad things with good things.
Undoing: actions that psychologically ‘undo’ wrongdoings for the wrongdoer.

Attack Mechanisms: That push discomfort onto others.

Acting Out: not coping – giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Fight-or-Flight Reaction: Reacting by attacking.
Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Trivialising: Making small what is really something big.

Avoidance Mechanisms: That avoid the issue.

Acting Out: not coping – giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Distancing: Moving away.
Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
Idealisation: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Intellectualisation: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
Passive Aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
Performing Rituals: Patterns that delay.
Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
Rationalisation: creating logical reasons for bad behavior.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
Repression: subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts.
Symbolisation: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
Trivialising: Making small what is really something big.

Behavioural Mechanisms: That change what we do.

Acting out: not coping – giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
Aim Inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
Altruism: Helping others to help self.
Attack: trying to beat down that which is threatening you.
Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
Compensation: making up for a weakness in one area by gain strength in another.
Crying: Tears of release and seeking comfort.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
Undoing: actions that psychologically ‘undo’ wrongdoings for the wrongdoer.

Cognitive Mechanisms: That change what we think.

Aim Inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
Altruism: Helping others to help self.
Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
Compartmentalisation: separating conflicting thoughts into separated compartments.
Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Dissociation: separating oneself from parts of your life.
Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
Idealisation: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
Intellectualisation: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
Introjection: Bringing things from the outer world into the inner world.
Passive Aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
Rationalisation: creating logical reasons for bad behaviour.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
Repression: subconsciously hiding uncomfortable thoughts.
Somatisation: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
Suppression: consciously holding back unwanted urges.
Symbolisation: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
Trivialising: Making small what is really something big.

Conversion Mechanisms: That change one thing into another.

Aim Inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
Altruism: Helping others to help self.
Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Idealisation: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Post-Traumatic Growth: Using the energy of trauma for good.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Somatisation: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
Sublimation: channeling psychic energy into acceptable activities.
Substitution: Replacing one thing with another.
Symbolisation: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
Trivialising: Making small what is really something big.

Defense Mechanisms: Freud’s original set.

Denial: claiming/believing that what is true to be actually false.
Displacement: redirecting emotions to a substitute target.
Intellectualisation: taking an objective viewpoint.
Projection: attributing uncomfortable feelings to others.
Rationalisation: creating false but credible justifications.
Reaction Formation: overacting in the opposite way to the fear.
Regression: going back to acting as a child.
Repression: pushing uncomfortable thoughts into the subconscious.
Sublimation: redirecting ‘wrong’ urges into socially acceptable actions.

Self-harm Mechanisms: That hurt our selves.

Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
Somatisation: psychological
problems turned into physical symptoms.
Self-harming: Conscious physical self-harm.

(list sourced from: changingminds.org)

Some ways these manifest themselves into our daily lives, separated into positive and negative grouping can be seen below.

Positive coping strategies (constructive)

Diversions

Artistic – Writing, drawing, painting, photography, playing an instrument, singing, dancing, acting, gardening
Taking a shower or a bath
Taking a walk, or go for a drive
Watching television or a movie
Spending time on social media
Play a game
Going shopping
Cleaning or organise your environment
Reading
Taking a break or vacation

Social/Interpersonal (with others)

Talking to someone you like and trust
Setting boundaries and saying “no”
Writing a note to someone you care about
Being assertive
Using humour
Spending time with friends and/or family
Serving/helping/encouraging someone in need
Caring for or play with a pet
Role-playing challenging situations with others

Cognitive (Of the Mind)

Making a gratitude list
Brainstorming solutions
Lowering your expectations and preferences of the situation
Checking out inspirational quotes
Being flexible and open minded
Writing a list of goals and things you want to achieve
Taking a class, learning a skill
Acting opposite of negative feelings
Writing a list of pros and cons for decision making
Rewarding or pampering yourself when successful
Writing a list of strengths and skills
Accepting a challenge with a positive attitude

Tension Releasers

Exercising or playing sports
Catharsis (yelling in the bathroom, punching a punching bag)
Crying
Laughing

Physical

Getting plenty of sleep
Eating nutricious and healthy foods
Getting into a good routine
Not over indulging in sweet/fatty foods
Limiting caffeine intake
Deep/slow breathing

Spiritual

Meditation and/or praying
Enjoying nature
Getting involved in a worthy cause

Limit Setting

Dropping some involvement
Prioritising important tasks
Using assertive communication
Making time for yourself
Using negative coping strategies
Using Diversions
Procrastinating
Abusing drugs or alcohol
Wasting time on unimportant tasks
Creating a lower level drama to cover up higher level pain (the less of two evils)

Negative coping strategies (maladaptive)

Diversion

Procrastinating
Abusing drugs or alchol
Wasting time on unimportant tasks
Creating lower level drama to cover up higher level pain. (less of two evils)

Social/Interpersonal

Blaming
Isolating/withdrawing
Mean or hostile joking
Gossiping
Criticizing others
Manipulating others
Refusing help from others
Lying to others
Sabotaging plans and goals
Being late to appointments and letting others down
Provoking violence from others
Enabling others to take advantage of you
Accepting embarrassing situation to hide a perceived more embarrassing situation (not undressing to hide fat)

Cognitive (of the Mind)

Denying any problem
Stubbornness/inflexibility
All or nothing/black or white thinking
Catastrophising
Overgeneralising

Tension Releasers

Tantrums throwing
Throwing things at people
Hitting and lashing out at people
Yelling at others
Destroying property
Speeding or driving recklessly

Physical

Suicide
Self harming
Developing illnesses

Intrapersonal

Making fun of yourself
Self-sabotaging behaviors
Blaming yourself

Indulging

Spending too much
Gambling
Eating too much
Setting dangerous fires
Continually crying

Conclusion

We all use coping strategies to deal with anxiety and pain, in some form or another. They help us deal with negative feelings and emotions so that we can function without feeling great sadness, anger, and pain, all the time. There are good ways to deal with pain as well as bad.

The extent to which drugs and drink are indulged and abused in modern life, suggests that there are a lot of people experiencing negative emotions to varying degrees, and are dealing with that pain in a very destructive and damaging manner.

Mental health problems are on the increase, particularly with the uncertainty and fast changing society we now live in. A job for life is no more, and this cause great uncertainty and anxiety. Strong family units and ties are increasing hard to rely on and with them. the important support networks they once provided.

People feel increasing isolated and vulnerable and so look for ways to escape the perceived madness, injustice and isolation. Coping strategies are used, by many, to deal with this pain, in the best way people feel they can.

It’s so important to deal with such issues at the root, and employ positive coping strategies for issues that can’t be easily resolved. Remember you can’t control how others think or behave, but you can control how you respond, react, behave and think about the situation/issue/event. Awareness is often the first BIG step in the right direction.

I hope this article helps increase your awareness and self awareness so that you can move towards a healthier state of well being.

If you would like to read more articles focused on COPING STRATEGIES, click here.

More about MOTIVATION.

Coping Quotes

“Problems are not the problem; coping is the problem.”- Virginia Satir

“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”– Jim Rohn

“Culture is a way of coping with the world by defining it in detail.” – Malcolm Bradbury

“Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.”- Chuck Palahniuk

“Routine is part of coping.”- Lorene Scafaria

“Leaving things behind and starting again is a way of coping with difficulties. I learnt very early in my life that I was able to leave a place and still remain myself.”- Rachel Cusk

“Think first of the action that is right to take, think later about coping with one’s fears”.- Barbara Deming

“Scientists have demonstrated that dramatic, positive changes can occur in our lives as a direct result of facing an extreme challenge – whether it’s coping with a serious illness, daring to quit smoking, or dealing with depression. Researchers call this ‘post-traumatic growth.” – Jane McGonigal

“What is forgiveness? An emotion? A coping mechanism? An element of deepest faith? A way for the heart and soul to combat the type of hate, anger, rage and a thirst for revenge that could ultimately consume a person? All of those and more?” – Mike Barnicle

“One day I looked at something in myself that I had been avoiding because it was too painful. Yet once I did, I had an unexpected surprise. Rather than self-hatred, I was flooded with compassion for myself because I realized the pain necessary to develop that coping mechanism to begin with.”- Marianne Williamson

“If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” -T.S. Eliot

“If you are faced with a mountain, you have several options. You can climb it and cross to the other side. You can go around it. You can dig under it. You can fly over it. You can blow it up. You can ignore it and pretend it’s not there. You can turn around and go back the way you came. Or you can stay on the mountain and make it your home.” ― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

“It is what it is. Isn’t that how these things always go? They are what they are. We just get to cope.” ― Mira Grant, Feed

Stop Making Bad Decisions

Get Results: How will you know if it's the right decision if you never make it? — Get Results: How will you know if it’s the right decision if you never make it?

Having a habit of making bad decisions can severely hamper the quality of your life.

Self Awareness

It can be changed by improving your self-awareness and shining a light on what is at the route of why you make your choices.

You may ask yourself “Why did I pick choice X over choice Y?”, by keep asking “why” you can dig deeper, and find the route cause of why you do what you do and don’t do what you don’t do. More about self awareness, here.

There are number of additional things to focus on when looking to improve your decision making…

Laziness

Don’t be lazy in your decision making, consider your options and weigh them against one another. Remember, doing nothing at all, is an option. Take time out to really think about all the choice open to you.

Pressured

Bad decisions can also come out of pressured situations. Important irreversible decisions should never be rushed under such circumstances.

Sales people are trained to add scarcity to their offerings in the form of limited volumes of stock or limited time availability, these are designed to encourage impulse, emotionally driven buying decisions. Don’t be fooled by this, better not to buy, than buy and have deep regret later.

Emotionally Driven

Avoid taking decisions when in a strong emotional state. Emotions can severely hamper rational decision making. Psychologically sleeping on decisions is a great strategy for allowing emotions to subside. Come back to the decision later when you can be somewhat more objective.

Summary

So, if you find you keep making bad decisions, you owe it to yourself to do something about it.

The first step is to improve your SELF AWARENESS
Don’t be LAZY. Ensure you are taking the time to evaluate all your options
Don’t be PRESSURED into making rash decisions. If a decision is worth taking, make sure you aren’t being rushed into it
Finally, avoid making decisions when in an intense emotional state, good or bad. Rationality and emotions don’t mix well. Take time out and revisit the decision when you feel you can be more objective about it.

For a more in-depth article about Decision Making click here.

The Components for Getting Results

Get Results: acquire knowledge, be motivated, be productive

Getting results in any aspect of life can be difficult, and having heavily researched the subject of success and getting results, I can tell you there are so many aspects to it.

However, when you boil it down to its primary components there are three, Knowledge, Motivation and Productivity. Everything else falls into these three.

Things like self awareness, taking responsibility, being committed, having a strong work ethic, being brave enough to overcome fear, fall under the motivation category.

Being focused, improving decision making and problemsolving fall under, productivity.

Finding reliable sources of unbiased, accurate information, under knowledge.

I love the fact you can say the same things a myriad of different ways, the following graphics have been done to illustrate this.

Check out our guides for more information, you’ll find links in the sidebar (desktop) or below (mobile)

Reading Books: The Gateway to Knowledge

Get Results: Books give a soul to the universe, wings in the wind, flight to the imagination and life to everything

Reading books is one of the most effective methods for the acquisition of knowledge, because it’s an opportunity to stand on the shoulders of giants, to learn from others experiences, trials and tribulations, experiments, time, effort and expertise.

If you’re not the reading type, then audio versions are available for many popular books and are a great substitute. Check out Audible for some very affordable listening plans. I use it myself, listening in the car to make the most of travel time.

The most important part of reading a book or listening to an audio book, with the intention of learning something, is to put what you learn into practice, otherwise what’s the point? Knowledge is not power, it’s the potential for power, providing you put it to work for the good of yourself and others.

I hear people bragging about reading or listening to a book a day, Really? How can you read a book a day and possibly, gain anything of true value. Just reading without the time to reflect on the insights you have uncovered, seems nonsensical, unless you’re only gaining one or two insights from each book. Hey, if it works for you go ahead, but if you look back, having forgotten most of what you have read, then maybe it’s time to find a good book to read and take your time absorbing its valuable teachings, and to re-read it again and again.

There are a number of high quality books around, that are worth taking time over and re-reading. These are what I would describe as all time classics. Here are my favourites, if you haven’t read them, check them out by following the links.

Please note: these are affiliate links, I get paid a small commission if you decide to buy, and I thank you for that. The books are genuinely my favourites and well worth checking out.

Spiritual/Wellbeing

A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
The Power of Now: A guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle

Wealth, Business, Marketing

Wealth and Wisdom Classics: Think and Grow Rich. The Science of Getting Rich, The Art of War by Napoleon Hill
The One Thing by Gary Keller
Made to Stick: Why some ideas take hold and others come unstuck by Chip Heath
Purple Cow by Seth Godin
Build a Brand in 30 Days by Simon Middleton

Keep checking back for updated recommendations. Also check out our guide for the acquisition of Knowledge.

Improving Knowledge to Get Results

Knowledge is power, or at least it’s the potential for power. Knowing what to do is vital for success, but it comes about in a variety of ways.

The best method is probebly learning through DOING. But lessons can be learned, and shortcuts can be takens by paying attention to the journey of those that have gone before you.

Role models and mentors can make a huge contribution to your progress, and shorten the time needed to reach your goal, as long as you pick sources that provide accurate information, unbiased by their own agendas, and self interests.

If you don’t have direct access to role models, books are a great alternative and gateway to knowledge.

Below is a number of ingredients to the acquistion of knowledge, which is one of the three components of the Get Results model, the others being motivation and productivity. We will, over the coming months be linking from this page to fresh, relevant content related to the component it is linked from, so please keep checking back.

Clicking on the posters will take you to more in-depth information. If it doesn’t click through, the information isn’t available yet.

Get Results: Knowledge requires reliable sources of information

Get Results: Knowledge requires verifiably credible and unbiased sources

Get Results: Knowledge requires roles models mentors mastermind teams

Get Results: Knowledge requires accurate information

Get Results: Knowledge requires knowing how, what and when particularly why

Get Results: Knowledge requires putting knowledge into action

Get Results: Knowledge requires developing skill from the prractice of doing. (Click on poster for more info)

Get Results: Knowledge requires learning, comprehension and recall

Get Results: Knowledge requires testing variablesl

Get Results: Knowledge requires asking expansive questionsl

Get Results: Knowledge requires hiring talent to do it for you

Knowledge Quotes

“Knowledge is of no value unless you put it into practice.” – Anton Chekhov

“The only good is knowledge, and the only evil is ignorance.” – Socrates

“Knowledge is power if applied.”

“Power is gained by sharing knowledge, not hoarding it.”

“knowledge comes from learning, wisdom comes from living.” – Anthony Douglas Williams

“knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”

“The first step towards knowledge is to know that we are ignorant.” – Richard Cecil

“An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.” – Benjamin Franklin

“intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.” – Salvador Dali

“As knowledge increases, wonder deepens.” – Charles Morgan

“Doubt is the key to knowledge.”

“knowledge shrinks as wisdom grows.” – Alfred North Whitehead

“If we wonder often, the gift of knowledge will come.” – Arapaho

“Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.” – George Bernard Shaw

“The great aim of education is not knowledge, but action.” – Herbert Spencer

“Today knowledge has power. It controls access to opportunity and advancement.” – Peter Drucker

“It takes considerable knowledge just to realise the extent of your ignorance.” – Thomas Sowell

Thought of the Day Quotes (more thoughts here)

“We are all ignorant. It’s what you do about it that counts. I wish more people felt comfortable asking questions, the world would be a better place if they did. After all, division is built from ignorance.”

Get Results: ask questions to prevent ignorance

Gratitude: The Power of Appreciation

The power of GRATITUDE can not be overstated, it works like magic, to change a negative mindset into a positive one, in an instant.

There is a quick way to move from negative emotion to positive emotion, and that is by pschologically reframing what you think about.

You can only think about one thing at a time, try it for yourself, your thoughts might flitter around aimlessly, but you can only hold one thought at any time.

Get Results: make the best of everything

If you’re feeling in a negative state, it is because of what is occupying your thoughts in that moment.

One quick fix for this is to become grateful. Coming from the perspective of gratitude, allowing your thoughts to really explore the feeling of gratitude, instantly shifts your perspective.

If you focus on what you don’t have, on the pain that you share your life with, of what’s not good, then you inevitably are going to feel negatively.

However there is so much to be grateful for, your life, the fact you get to experience this reality, against all the odds of even being born. Of the love and friendship you share with others, the glory of health and capability, both physically and mentally. The beauty of nature, the rich tapestry of life that is all around you, if you dare to look, and I mean really look. The possibilities and opportunities that are there for all, if they believe and are willing to put in the work. It’s a matter of perspective. Changing the way you think about things, really does change your experience of life.

Gratitude is part of what motivates people, check out more ingredients of motivation.

If you would like to read more articles focused on GRATITUDE, click here.

Gratitude Quotes

“Trade Expectations for Appreciation.” – Tony Robbins

“Gratitude is the quickest way to turn a negative mood into a positive one.” – getresults.org.uk

“It is not happy people who are thankful. It is thankful people who are happy.”

“Never let the things you want make you forget the things you have.”

“A moment of gratitude makes a difference in your attitude.”

“Expect nothing and appreciate everything.”

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” – Tony Robbins

“There is always, always something to be thankful for.”

“Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.”

“The quickest way to change a negative mood into a positive one is to think deeply about what you have to be grateful for. There is always something.” Getresults.org.uk

“Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” – Karl Barth

“When you arise in the morning. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”

“Gratitude transforms common days into thanksgivings, turns routine jobs into joy, and changes ordinary opportunities into blessings.”

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”

“On a good day, give thanks, on a bad day, give thanks. Life is a gift. Tomorrow isn’t promised.”

“Don’t wait ’til it’s gone before you realise its worth. Appreciate it while you have it in your life, instead of neglecting it. That way it’s more likely to be in your life for longer” – getresults.org.uk

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein

“Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received.” – Henry Van Dyke

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson

“Whatever you appreciate and give thanks for will increase in your life.”

“There is no joy without gratitude.” – Brene Brown

“Enjoy the little things for one day. You may look back and realise they were the big things.”

“If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.” – Robert Quillen

“Contentment makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.”

“The great secret of life is to cultivate the ability to appreciate the things we have.”

Wealth is Not Just About Economics

When discussing WEALTH, most people focus on the economic aspects of wealth. But ECONOMICS is only a small part of overall LIFE WEALTH. Life wealth covers all aspects of life, including, economic, physical/health, psychological and social areas.

Social wealth

This is about the RELATIONSHIP CONNECTIONS that you form, and can include good and bad. Relationships with family, friends, colleagues, bosses, subordinates, even strangers. Think about the positive relationships you establish and the negative ones. Increasing well-being, means deepening the positive relationships and ditching the negative ones. Align your energy with those that feel good, and positive. Having a good social SUPPORT NETWORK, and personal BONDING is a fundamental need for the human species.

How do you know if a relationship is positive? Ask yourself honestly, if you feel a greater sense of your BEING, an expanded version of yourself. You are MORE, in the company of a particular other person. You can be true to yourself, and the relationship JUST WORKS. There are no downsides. You accept the other people for who they are, and they accept you. If it’s a case of they are great when not [blank], then consider how often they are [blank], is this a price worth paying. The blank could be drunk, angry, on drugs or a myriad of other things.

You have to take the person as a whole, their good aspects and bad aspects. Don’t try to mould people to fit what you want, let them be who they are. If it works on that basis, great. If not, move on, life is really too short.

Physical Health wealth

It doesn’t matter how economically wealthy you are, without good physical health, you just can’t enjoy the fruits of wealth to the same degree. Health is so much more of a blessing than money could ever be.

We tend to neglect physical health, taking it for granted until it is taken away from us. On the flip side, enjoying good health, makes everything else more enjoyable.

Now I’m not saying you can’t have a good life without good health, because you can. You have to make the best of the hand life deals you. Some of the most extraordinary people in the world today, suffer from bad health and illness, but through the frailty of their form, shines through the light of their spirit. They can be an inspiration for others.

The point I’m trying to make is, don’t take your health for granting, look after it, and appreciate it.

Psychological wealth

Psychological wealth, includes intellectual and emotional aspects of personality. Emotions are triggered by our thoughts, which also have a bearing on most everything we do, including our social connections and how we treat our health.

Our thoughts are what shape our beliefs and values, which in turn affect our perceptions and interpretations about life and everything in it. What you focus your thoughts on, beccomes your reality. Therefore the quality of your thoughts, determines the quality of your life. Check out our wellbeing guide for more information.

Mental health is getting more attention today, than it has ever has before. It is a really big issue. Life today seems to be too much for some people to cope, overwhelmed by their perception of the complexities of modern life, the rapid rate of change, seeming lack of security, consistency, and stability economically and politically. People locked in EGOIC STRIVING for more and need for growth, are put under tremendous social pressure to achieve success, or be labelled a failure. Interpreting a breakdown in the sense of community, lack of emotional support and parental bonding can also impact negatively on psychological wealth.

On the positive side, having a positive mental attitude, the freedom to be yourself, to be true to who you are, the courage to follow your dreams, a positive self image, acceptance of the good and bad of what makes you, you, can have a major positive impact on your psychological wealth.

Economic wealth

So let’s give it some attention, economic wealth, is what most, or at least, a lot of people are fixated with. Wanting more is a structural part of the Ego, where WANTING is often more important than HAVING.

Having the burden of debt or liabilities has a negative impact on you, while having savings and assets, a positive one.

Pulling it all together

Like a balance sheet, positive aspects are weighed against the negative aspects of each of the wealth categories PHYSICIAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, SOCIAL, and ECONOMIC. The aim is to have a positive perspective for each to increase your overall LIFE WEALTH.

I’ve weighted the categories in order of importance (from my perspective).

PSYCHOLOGICAL and PHYSICAL HEALTH WEALTH = each is 5/16
SOCIAL WEALTH = 4/16
ECONOMIC WEALTH = 2/16

You might have a different order than mine, it doesn’t really matter, as long as you consider them all when coming to a judgement of your wealth status.

The initial inspiration for this article was taken from actualwealth.com. Check it out by following the link. We have built on the model presented there, making a number of adjustments, taken from our own experiences and understanding.

For more information about economic wealth.

For more informaiton about psychological wealth

Why Do We Often Misread How Others Perceived Us?

Get Results: We judge ourselves by our INTENTIONS and others by their ACTIONS

Many people provide a true projection of who they are. They are true to themselves, and are easy to read. What you see is what you get.

However some people can initially appear to have certain characteristics or attributes, but when we get to know them better, you find they are not really “like that”.

I consider myself a good judge of character, but occasionally I have had an instant dislike for someone, only to grow fond of them over time. Why have I misjudged them?

I have also had a view of myself, that has differed from the view others have had of me. How can this be?

How do we misread how others think of us? How can we think we are coming across one way, when indeed we are coming across completely differently from the perspective of others?

One example that jumps to mind from recent experience, is the boy racers that rev their engines, screech off from lights, wheel spinning as they go, only to be sat waiting at the next set of lights, when you catch them up. They deeply believe they are projecting coolness, male prowess and demonstrating what a catch they are for the opposite sex. When indeed they look immature, and quite ridiculous.

It can be a real problem, if we see ourselves one way and everyone else see us another, particularly if the two views greatly contrast. If we think of ourselves as warm , friendly , approachable, and likeable and others see us cold, abrupt, unapproachable and not very likeable there is a real disconnect that can be very problematic for our business and personal lives.

Now there is an element of showing your best side, when you first meet strangers, and showing your true colours later, when you get to know people better. But we’re not talking about this, we’re talking about the discrepancy of what you think you are projecting, compared to how others perceive you.

So why can there be such a disconnect for some people? Stephen R. Covey explained “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions.”

This is where the discrepancy lies, we judge ourselves differently to how we judge others, and how we judge others is closer to how others actually judge us.

When perceiving yourself you have lots of background information. You understand your intention, what you’re trying to achieve by your actions. You are more likely to blame situational factors if things don’t work out as planned. You are also privy to your mental and emotional state at the time, and their influence on your behaviour.

When you perceive others, particularly in relation to people you don’t know very well, you’re likely to consider their behaviour as much more representative of the persons underlying character, and a truer reflection of WHO THEY ARE, without much consideration for situational influences.

Likewise, this is inevitably how they will perceive you. They are likely to interpret your actions as an indication of your personality. This difference in how we perceive ourselves versus how others perceive us, is referred to as the Fundamental Attribution Error or attribution effect.

It describes the tendency to overestimate the effect of personality and underestimate the effect of the situation in explaining other people’s actions. For example, if you are in a rush, and cut someone off in traffic because you have to get to the hospital to care for a loved one, you will interpret cutting the person off as totally justifiable. You are not a jerk, in fact, you are trying to help someone. The person you cut off, however, will have no idea you are going to the hospital, and will likely think you are a jerk.

How we see ourselves is intrinsically connected to our self-image, which is developed through our life experiences. A poor self-image can deeply affect our relationships and interactions in the world, which in turn, are perceived, by others, as being who we are, without the deeper understanding of why we may act this way.

A theory coined by Charles Horton Cooley provides us with insight as to how we see ourselves. The concept is called, “The Looking-Glass Self.” As each individual interacts with others in society, a relationship develops. It may last only a few seconds, yet our perception of how others view us, shapes our image of ourselves. It is like looking to a reflective glass for a glimpse of what it is like to be “us.” Cooley’s theory suggests our perceptions of how others see us, inevitably shapes our image of ourselves.

So if you find there is a disconnect between your view of yourself, and that of everyone else around you, there is a need to improve your self-awareness. Be wary that your attempts to be appear confident, aren’t being misinterpreted as arrogance. That trying to appear witty isn’t being seen as sarcastic, cutting or uncaring. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and try to be empathetic to their viewpoint.

Better still, don’t try to put on an act, and instead let your behaviour be a true representation of who you are, without the insecurities, and fears that might cause your behaviour to be undesirable. Embrace your inner being, and let your light shine through.

Check out my article about spirituality and wellbeing, that might give you some insight into letting your true self shine.

Why Are You Not Sticking To A Healthy Lifestyle, When Others Are?

Get Results: Being healthy isn't a fad or a trend, it's a lifestyle — Get Results: Being healthy isn’t a fad or a trend, it’s a lifestyle

Why do some people stick to a healthy diet, and a productive exercise routine, while others don’t?

If you’re not exercising regularly (even if it’s just regular walking), and you’re not maintaining a healthy weight, you’re not living a healthy life, and you maybe, should be making a change. We all know it can be difficult to shed the pounds, especially as we get older, but most of the reasons for not following through on a healthy lifestyle, are largely due to motivational issues, rather than physical constraints.

ALWAYS CONSULT A DOCTOR BEFORE UNDERTAKING ANY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY AND DIETARY PLAN. THERE ARE SOME MEDICAL CONDITIONS THAT CAUSE EXCESS WEIGHT, SO CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST.

it is common knowledge, that a mixture of good diet and regular exercise is required to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle, so we will be dealing with both in this article. I’m not going into the particulars about what foods to eat and not eat, and what exercises to undertake and what to avoid, in this article, it’s more about strategy, then execution.

Let’s look at some of the reasons and excuses for not sticking to a good diet and regular exercise routine and then what we can do about them. I have separated them out so that we can deal with them in turn, some of the points are repeated for both, where applicable. These are based on my experience, you may find some of the points apply to you, and some may not. It is recommended that you make your own list.

Self analysis

Not sticking to diet/eating plan

Giving in to a moment of weakness
Giving in to the urge/hunger
Inability to resist/delay (taste) gratification
Crave the taste/experience of (unhealthy/fatty food)
Think “will cut back tomorrow to make up”, but then don’t – (rationalise breaking the rules)
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”

What we can do about it

Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Don’t believe or fool yourself and your rationalisations – resist the temptation
Frame nice tasting food, negatively
Make healthy food more appealing and enjoyable
Fill yourself up on water (no calories), so you don’t feel hungry, sometimes thirst can be mistaken for hunger
Keep your mind busy, so you don’t think about food out of boredom
Avoid distractions and temptations altogether (no chocolates in cupboard)
Have an accountability buddy, or some mechanism for holding yourself to account
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. So you will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy eating some treats (as part of the plan), then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do. Make it a good habit. Once it becomes part of your routine, it will be easier to stick to.

Not exercising

Want to do something other than exercising, like watching TV, working on laptop.
Don’t want the discomfort of going outside, or having to pay and go to the gym, and missing out on doing more fun things.
Lack of energy willpower, can’t be bothered – lethargy.
Would rather be doing anything else – don’t enjoy exercising.
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”

What to do about it

Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Try to undertake exercise that is fun to do – has a social element to it
Exercise in front of the TV, so you can do both
Remove the temptations or distractions, so you can’t do them anyway, even if you don’t exercise.
Do short bursts of high intensity, do them in advert break.
Have a accountability buddy, or exercise with one
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. You will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Don’t think about it, just set a routine and stick to it – make yourself do it, once it becomes a habit, it will get easier.
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy some treats or veto’s, then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do

I have put down some of the things that go through my mind when I’m faced with the choice of either eating something I want to eat or eating healthy, and with regards to exercising or not. You should add your own excuses to this list as part of your self-awareness analysis.

Conclusion

First set yourself a GOAL, give yourself some room for TREATS, otherwise you will be miserable (thinking you are missing out too much) and will be unlikely to keep it up. Your goal has to be sustainable, and enjoyable, if possible. Some exercise is better than none.

Develop a PLAN OF ACTION to achieve your GOAL. Set to a timeline, with a deadline. In doing this, you have to tap into your SELF AWARENESS, and figure out why you’re not doing what you need to do, or find out why you’re doing things that are counter-productive to your goal. Try to manage your weaknesses. For example, If you can’t pull yourself away from the TV, stick a treadmill in front of it and do exercise while watching TV.

Then you have to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. There is no short-cut, or magic formula (be very, very careful about taking slimming aids and quick fixes, they can result in untold damage to your body). Stop making excuses and blaming other people or circumstances and the stresses of life, for not following your plan.

TAKE RIGHT ACTION. Those that take RIGHT ACTION have made it part of their routine. They JUST DO IT. They have found a way to JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN. It can be difficult to go against your bad habits, so either find some form of HACK to fool yourself into complying, or just make yourself do it.

Finally, be COMMITTED to your goal and plan of action, see it through to a successful conclusion.

Good luck

The Law of Attraction

Below is an inspirational video with quotes and affirmations from the “Law of Attraction” teachings.

Check out the “Law of Attraction” which is the idea behind the popular movie “The Secret”. However I would suggest checking out some of the videos done by Abraham Hicks on youtube for some really interesting in-depth videos about the subject. I recommend keeping an open mind when approaching the subject.

The 3 laws that are detailed by Abraham Hicks are:

The Law of Attraction – says “That which is likened to itself is drawn” and refers to the magnetic power of thought
The Law of deliberate creation – says “That which you give thought to or that you believe, allow or expect, is” we are all creators, most thoughts are by accident or default but holding deliberate thought will allow it to grow stronger and manifest itself into our life, good or bad.
The Law of allowing – says “I am that which I am, and I am willing to allow all others to be what they are”

You must understand the first before you can understand the second, and you must understand the first and second before you can understand the third.

Author Napoleon Hill also advocates the use of the Law of Attraction in this book Think and Grow Rich. He outlines the stages that need to be taken to live a fulfilled life:

Develop a burning desire, have faith, learn how to feed constructive ideas to your subconscious mind, acquire specialized knowledge, put your conscious mind to work, have a written plan, be decisive, be persistent, join forces with like-minded individuals, understanding the function of sex as related to success, understanding the power of the subconscious mind, trust your inner voice or six sense.

Although the book was written 1937 many of its teachings are still relevant today and is certainly worth a read. If you search there are a number or free PDF downloads available and the book is also available from Audible.com in audio form.

In a nutshell the premise of the Law of Attraction is:

Whatever you focus on, good or bad, you get more of. So be careful what you lock your thoughts on. Try to positively frame things in your thoughts such as wanting to be rich, instead of not wanting to be poor. If you think of poor, even in the negative you will get more of it in your life. The law of attraction does not understand the difference between not wanting or wanting. If you think poor, even in not wanting to be poor, that is the overriding focus of your thoughts and as a result you will get more of it in your life. So just to clarify, if you don’t want to be poor, think about being rich.

Just thinking of something is not enough, it needs to be mixed with a strong emotion to really work. so desiring something with all your heart will be more effective. So will fearing something. If you fear something greatly and keep that fear in your mind, you will, like a magnet attract that very thing into your life…so be warned!

Don’t just wish for something, believe it is waiting for you in the future, just waiting for you to meet up with it. Believe it is already yours, it’s just waiting for you to claim it.

For more about spirituality and wellbeing check my spirituality guide.

Emotional compass

Coping strategies

Knowing the cause

Taking Responsibility

Being Empathetic

Coping strategies

Positive coping strategies (constructive)

Negative coping strategies (maladaptive)

Conclusion

Coping Quotes

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Self Awareness

Laziness

Pressured

Emotionally Driven

Summary

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Spiritual/Wellbeing

Wealth, Business, Marketing

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Knowledge Quotes

Thought of the Day Quotes (more thoughts here)

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Gratitude Quotes

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Social wealth

Physical Health wealth

Psychological wealth

Economic wealth

Pulling it all together

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Self analysis

Conclusion

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