The power of GRATITUDE can not be overstated, it works like magic, to change a negative mindset into a positive one, in an instant.
There is a quick way to move from negative emotion to positive emotion, and that is by pschologically reframing what you think about.
You can only think about one thing at a time, try it for yourself, your thoughts might flitter around aimlessly, but you can only hold one thought at any time.
Get Results: make the best of everything
If you’re feeling in a negative state, it is because of what is occupying your thoughts in that moment.
One quick fix for this is to become grateful. Coming from the perspective of gratitude, allowing your thoughts to really explore the feeling of gratitude, instantly shifts your perspective.
Get Results: appreciation
If you focus on what you don’t have, on the pain that you share your life with, of what’s not good, then you inevitably are going to feel negatively.
However there is so much to be grateful for, your life, the fact you get to experience this reality, against all the odds of even being born. Of the love and friendship you share with others, the glory of health and capability, both physically and mentally. The beauty of nature, the rich tapestry of life that is all around you, if you dare to look, and I mean really look. The possibilities and opportunities that are there for all, if they believe and are willing to put in the work. It’s a matter of perspective. Changing the way you think about things, really does change your experience of life.
If you would like to read more articles focused on GRATITUDE, click here.
Get Results: gratitude changes mood
Gratitude Quotes
“Trade Expectations for Appreciation.” – Tony Robbins
“Gratitude is the quickest way to turn a negative mood into a positive one.” – getresults.org.uk
“It is not happy people who are thankful. It is thankful people who are happy.”
“Never let the things you want make you forget the things you have.”
“A moment of gratitude makes a difference in your attitude.”
“Expect nothing and appreciate everything.”
“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” – Tony Robbins
“There is always, always something to be thankful for.”
“Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.”
“The quickest way to change a negative mood into a positive one is to think deeply about what you have to be grateful for. There is always something.” Getresults.org.uk
“Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” – Karl Barth
“When you arise in the morning. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”
“Gratitude transforms common days into thanksgivings, turns routine jobs into joy, and changes ordinary opportunities into blessings.”
“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”
“On a good day, give thanks, on a bad day, give thanks. Life is a gift. Tomorrow isn’t promised.”
“Don’t wait ’til it’s gone before you realise its worth. Appreciate it while you have it in your life, instead of neglecting it. That way it’s more likely to be in your life for longer” – getresults.org.uk
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein
“Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received.” – Henry Van Dyke
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie
“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson
“Whatever you appreciate and give thanks for will increase in your life.”
“There is no joy without gratitude.” – Brene Brown
“Enjoy the little things for one day. You may look back and realise they were the big things.”
“If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.” – Robert Quillen
“Contentment makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.”
“The great secret of life is to cultivate the ability to appreciate the things we have.”
When I first started my business many years ago, I found finding my USP, one of the hardest things to get to grips with. A unique selling proposition (USP) is something that differentiates you from all of your competitors. It’s what makes you so different or unique in a particular way that customers and prospects will opt to do business with you over any of your rivals.
One of the biggest mistakes you, as a business owner, can make is not finding something that makes you unique, especially in a very competitive market, where customers have an abundance of choice and where differentiation becomes increasingly difficult other than through pricing.
To survive, you have to stand out and differentiate in the eyes of your prospects. Your USP is what explains to the world why you are different.
The more clearly you can communicate you USP, the more you will stand out from you competitors
Get Results: Branding
So how do you go about finding or choosing your USP?
Think carefully about opportunities within your market that are not currently being catered for. If you base your USP on these opportunities you are much more likely to be successful. Another way to look at this is, identify a demand that is not being supplied, and centre your USP around this. Examples can include:
Genuine convenience – such as instant availability, handy location and so on.
Large selection of stock items,
Fast service,
Longer than usual opening hours, or more convenient opening hours,
Professional advice,
Longer than normal warranty or guarantee,
Reputation for honesty and integrity,
Personal service and assistance,
Privacy and security,
Another way to identify your USP is to have a good answer to the following customer question:
Why should I do business with you, instead of any and every other option available to me, including the option of doing absolutely nothing at all?
Another way of asking the same question from your point of view is:
What do you uniquely guarantee?
When you have a really powerful answer to these two questions, your adverts practically write themselves. When you have a really powerful answer to these questions, people will line up to buy from you.
A third method to identify your USP is to answer the following questions, again these questions are taken from your customers point of view:
Why should I read or listen to you?
Why should I believe what you have to say?
Why should I do anything about what you’re offering?
Why should I act now?
A fourth method of identifying your USP is comparing yourself to your competitors over a range of criteria, and focusing your USP around the areas where you score higher. The following table is an example of how you might set out your analysis. Score you and your competitors 1-5 on each of the criteria listed below, or add your own.
self
Comp 1
Comp 2
Price
quality
range
Catalogue quality
website
Ease of ordering
Speed of delivery
reliability
Personal liking
First understand the Characteristics that Customers’ Value – Evaluate your strengths and significant competencies. Take a good look at the features and benefits of your product or service and then decide what differentiates you and your business from the pack.
What services and/or products do you provide?
To whom do you provide these services/products; who are your customers?
What needs do you fill for your customers?
How big a problem you solve?
What benefits do they appreciate most and which do they actively look for?
What makes you better than other companies?
Is it the value you provide, your experience, know how, customer service, delivery speed and so on?
Rank yourself and your competitors by these criteria – Check on competition by reviewing leading trade publications, analyse newsletters and search the internet for news and trends about your niche, particularly social media pages.
Here’s another great tip: survey your customers to gather data.
Identify where you rank well – Take your top match(es) and use it to position yourself and your product in the market. Summarise the results into one compact, compelling, motivating phrase that will persuade your clients to trade their cash for the benefits presented by your products/services. Your significant product benefits and the way in which you structure your offering is your ‘Unique Selling Proposition’ or ‘USP.’
Once you have identified your USP, you need to think about the ways in which you can use it. These could include:
Sound-bites or elevator speeches
Marketing messages online and offline
Brochures or flyers
Press Releases
Business Proposals
Keep your USP as the central theme throughout all your marketing, and through repetition you will become known as the business to use for that particular USP. Be careful not to try and be all things to all people. Selling to everyone is selling to no one.
To find more information about marketing, check out our marketing guide.
When you stand side by side with your competitors in a publication, a directory or in a pay per click (PPC) advert, you have to have something that makes you stand out, to get noticed. There needs to be something that jumps off the page and smacks your prospective customers right between the eyes. One of the best ways to do this is to use “contrast“.
If you have the luxury of being able to use images in your advert you can make use of contrast in a number of ways using size, tone, colour, value, direction, shape, type, position and texture within your advert. The key to making an impact is being as different visually, to your competitors as you can be. If they are using bright colours, use black and white, if they are displaying a particular style do something that looks very different.
If, as in the case of PPC ads, you don’t currently have the benefit of using images to stand out, you have to make sure your wording provides the contrast. If your competitors are offering discounts, then you should reframe from doing so and approach it from a different angle say something like:
“No Sale Here, just great prices all year round.”
“We Don’t Need a Sale to…”
“Giving You the Best Prices – Order Now.”
If they’re not displaying prices, then you show prices, if they are showing prices then you reframe from doing so. If they are using lots of words, then you use less and make use of white space to stand out, and so on.
Using Contrast to sell
You can make use of CONTRAST on your landing pages or in your sales copy by using the rule of contrast – this is based on perceptual contrast and happens when you introduce 2 vastly different alternatives in succession. It distorts and amplifies the perception, making them seem to be more different from one another than they actually are. It works due to the fact that people need to establish a benchmark for comparison to make judgements especially in unfamiliar situations.
The passage of time reduces the effect of contrast. So timing is critical when using this method. The second offer should be presented immediately after the first to get the full effect.
The Door in the face close is a great example of the rule of contrast where a larger initial request is followed by a smaller request – the prospect feels they are getting a better deal than they were originally and are more likely to make the purchase.
A slight variation of this rule is the Comparison effect which presents an undesirable version first and follows it up with the sellers “intended offer” at the same price. This is often used by realtor’s when selling houses, they present a run down property first followed by the one they really want to sell, and at the same price. The prospect feels the second property is vastly superior in comparison to the first, and so is a bargain.
Summary
Using CONTRAST helps you stand out from the crowd and allows you to differentiate yourself from your competitors. It also allows you to anchor your prospects perception of value, helping them feel they are making a more informed decision.
Hope you found this article useful. For more marketing information, check out our marketing guide.
One of the most important things I’ve learned about Marketing is, you can’t and shouldn’t try to sell to everyone. Doing so means you’re not actually selling to anyone. The point is perfectly illustrated through the following tale:
The boy, old man and a donkey tale – don’t try to please everyone.
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked: “What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.” They then decided they both would walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story? In Marketing, if you try to please everyone, you might as well… Kiss your ass good-bye.
Stay Focused
Instead of marketing to everyone, look to focus your marketing to a particular customer profile, who buys a particular product from you, maybe for a particular purpose. For example, mobile phones are a “must have” these days but who would be a typical customer for a mobile phone, and why might they look to make a purchase?
If I think about myself, a middle aged man, I want a phone to be functional by allowing me to make calls when I need to (network coverage), and offer a good payment plan (cost and value). I rarely purchase anything from the internet on my phone, so that is not one of my considerations when making a purchase. So in summary my buying criteria for a phone purchase would be:-
Connectivity (phone and internet works when I want it to, which I guess would be a universal requirement)
Payment plan deal – value for money
Cost and affordability
My buying decision doesn’t consider:-
How the phone looks
How well it plays games
How many text messages I get with it (I hate texting)
Internet access and social media connectivity (although I am finding myself spending more and more time doing these)
All the technology info ( I don’t care how it works, just that it does)
So if marketing to someone like me, Companies would have to make sure their marketing ticks my buying criteria. If instead they talk about how the phone looks and feels, and how well games play on it etc, then they are not appealing to me in any way.
If on the other hand they were marketing to my 12 year old daughter they would have to aim for a whole different buying criteria, where style and brand would be very important factors, as would texting and social media functionality
To further complicate the point, what if I am buying for my daughter as a gift. The phone company would have to consider my buying criteria as well as my daughters in this instance. They would have to appeal to my money consciousness, security issues, and my concerns about her ability to make calls in an emergency, while still providing the style my daughter would demand.
Summary
So it’s important to know who you’re trying to sell to and focus on them.
Is it a parent searching for a phone for their child? (security, able to make calls in emergency), is it the child searching for themselves? (functionality, popularity of model, visual appeal), is it a geek buying a phone? (technical specifications). Each would need to be targeted differently. Speak to each in their language.
Hope you get something from this article, check out our marketing guide for more information.
When discussing WEALTH, most people focus on the economic aspects of wealth. But ECONOMICS is only a small part of overall LIFE WEALTH. Life wealth covers all aspects of life, including, economic, physical/health, psychological and social areas.
Social wealth
This is about the RELATIONSHIP CONNECTIONS that you form, and can include good and bad. Relationships with family, friends, colleagues, bosses, subordinates, even strangers. Think about the positive relationships you establish and the negative ones. Increasing well-being, means deepening the positive relationships and ditching the negative ones. Align your energy with those that feel good, and positive. Having a good social SUPPORT NETWORK, and personal BONDING is a fundamental need for the human species.
How do you know if a relationship is positive? Ask yourself honestly, if you feel a greater sense of your BEING, an expanded version of yourself. You are MORE, in the company of a particular other person. You can be true to yourself, and the relationship JUST WORKS. There are no downsides. You accept the other people for who they are, and they accept you. If it’s a case of they are great when not [blank], then consider how often they are [blank], is this a price worth paying. The blank could be drunk, angry, on drugs or a myriad of other things.
You have to take the person as a whole, their good aspects and bad aspects. Don’t try to mould people to fit what you want, let them be who they are. If it works on that basis, great. If not, move on, life is really too short.
Physical Health wealth
It doesn’t matter how economically wealthy you are, without good physical health, you just can’t enjoy the fruits of wealth to the same degree. Health is so much more of a blessing than money could ever be.
We tend to neglect physical health, taking it for granted until it is taken away from us. On the flip side, enjoying good health, makes everything else more enjoyable.
Now I’m not saying you can’t have a good life without good health, because you can. You have to make the best of the hand life deals you. Some of the most extraordinary people in the world today, suffer from bad health and illness, but through the frailty of their form, shines through the light of their spirit. They can be an inspiration for others.
The point I’m trying to make is, don’t take your health for granting, look after it, and appreciate it.
Psychological wealth
Psychological wealth, includes intellectual and emotional aspects of personality. Emotions are triggered by our thoughts, which also have a bearing on most everything we do, including our social connections and how we treat our health.
Our thoughts are what shape our beliefs and values, which in turn affect our perceptions and interpretations about life and everything in it. What you focus your thoughts on, beccomes your reality. Therefore the quality of your thoughts, determines the quality of your life. Check out our wellbeing guide for more information.
Mental health is getting more attention today, than it has ever has before. It is a really big issue. Life today seems to be too much for some people to cope, overwhelmed by their perception of the complexities of modern life, the rapid rate of change, seeming lack of security, consistency, and stability economically and politically. People locked in EGOIC STRIVING for more and need for growth, are put under tremendous social pressure to achieve success, or be labelled a failure. Interpreting a breakdown in the sense of community, lack of emotional support and parental bonding can also impact negatively on psychological wealth.
On the positive side, having a positive mental attitude, the freedom to be yourself, to be true to who you are, the courage to follow your dreams, a positive self image, acceptance of the good and bad of what makes you, you, can have a major positive impact on your psychological wealth.
Economic wealth
So let’s give it some attention, economic wealth, is what most, or at least, a lot of people are fixated with. Wanting more is a structural part of the Ego, where WANTING is often more important than HAVING.
Having the burden of debt or liabilities has a negative impact on you, while having savings and assets, a positive one.
Pulling it all together
Like a balance sheet, positive aspects are weighed against the negative aspects of each of the wealth categories PHYSICIAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, SOCIAL, and ECONOMIC. The aim is to have a positive perspective for each to increase your overall LIFE WEALTH.
I’ve weighted the categories in order of importance (from my perspective).
PSYCHOLOGICAL and PHYSICAL HEALTH WEALTH = each is 5/16
SOCIAL WEALTH = 4/16
ECONOMIC WEALTH = 2/16
You might have a different order than mine, it doesn’t really matter, as long as you consider them all when coming to a judgement of your wealth status.
The initial inspiration for this article was taken from actualwealth.com. Check it out by following the link. We have built on the model presented there, making a number of adjustments, taken from our own experiences and understanding.
This article is about using KEYWORD RESEARCHto understand how customers are finding you, or your competitors on the net. It is a look into the psychology of the people looking for your products or services. Use keyword research to GET RESULTS online.
What is keyword research?
There are a number of tools available online, that allow you to see what people are typing into search engines like Google, when looking to buy from businesses like yours. You can use these keywords to better understand your prospective customers, and apply the same search terms to rank your website, so that it appears at the very moment, prospective customers are looking for a product that you sell. It’s the ultimate in matching supply and demand.
The information is provided to businesses looking to advertise through platforms like Google Adwords, and details things like monthly search volumes, and estimated cost per click (if you advertise on Adwords). This information can also be used for Search Engine Optimisation purposes, aligning your website with searchers intent, and the good part is it’s FREE traffic.
Remember your website is useless if it doesn’t appear when searchers type in a search query. If your site isn’t optimised for these same search terms, you won’t appear in the search results, which means you won’t get any relevant visitors and customers.
Google Adwords for instant traffic
If you have a new website it can take months for your site to appear in organic search results, depending how competitive your niche is, even if your site is well-optimised.
Using advertising tools like Google Adwords, allows you to rank your site much quicker. In fact, if you know what you’re doing it can be ranking on the first page of the search results, within minutes, but you will have to pay for this rapid success. The cost for which varies, depending on your niche. Let’s look at how keyword research works and what you can learn from it to benefit your business online. Prices per click can be as low as 30p or be multiple pounds depending on how much money can be made by advertisers. Insurance companies tend to have a CPC of as much as £5-£10. Florists can pay £2-£3 per click.
At that cost, you really don’t want people just looking for information or searching for pretty pictures, clicking on your ad and costing your £2. You only want serious buyers to do so, so you need to focus on keywords that include buying intent.
Let’s look at keyword research for a typical local business, floristry.
Keyword research for florists
“Flowers” is the top searched-for-term, relating to florists, however it is too general, it could include searches for photos of flowers, or for information to identify flowers. There is no buying intent connected to this search term.
“Flower delivery” on the other hand is much more “buying intent” driven. People wouldn’t likely be using this search term unless they were looking to buy flowers or at least, find out information about flower delivery.
You would expect “flower delivery” to have a relatively high cost per click if it were purchase driven, which it does, at £2.81.
Other top search terms include:
Rose
Orchid
Plants
Florists
Lily
Funeral flowers
Flowers by post
Artificial flowers
Flower delivery UK
Red rose
Mothers day flowers
Send flowers
These are the top searched-for keywords. As you can see by this list there are a number of very general searches, which you would expect, with longer tailed searches being used less often. A long tail keyword would use more words, for example “cheap flowers online same day delivery” which had just 10 monthly searches compared to 201000 searches for “flowers”.
Get results; keyword research
If I were a florist, I would use from the list above, only maybe “flower delivery UK”, and maybe “Mothers day flowers”(if it were coming up to mothers day of course), “Send flowers” seems to be an information gathering search term on the face of it. All the other terms would be fine to use for Search Engine Optimisation purposes, but not for Pay Per Click advertising, where each click is going to cost you.
If you’re a small business owner, and would like a full list of keywords for your business, please provide your email in the box below and we will get one to you, free of charge. If you’re an entrepreneur, you should try to figure it out yourself, you’ll need it going forward, if you’re intending to keep building businesses.
Below is an article I did back in 2013 regarding Keyword Research which was, at the time on another website, so I thought I’d include it here, as I think it contains some interesting material.
Get Results: Google Adwords
What is Keyword Research
Keyword research can be used in a couple of different contexts, the first would be by a business owner or niche website owner, looking to improve visibility on the internet, so that they appear higher up in search results of popular search engines such as Google and Bing. If you are such as business owner, this would involve finding out what your target market is typing into the major search engines to find the products, services or information that you provide. Once you have these keywords you can use them to optimise your website so that you show up in those very same search results. When I say “optimise your website” I’m talking about writing articles that are centred around those keywords, as well as adding the keywords to your page title, and description.
The second context in which you can use keyword research is when you’re looking to start a website from scratch and want to set it up solely around monetising it around adverts such as Google Adwords (where you are paid if someone clicks on an advert on your website). To do this you look for money keywords, which can be compared to ‘panning for gold’ where you sieve out all the dirt and soil (poor quality keywords) until you are left with little gold nuggets (money keywords).
The golden rules for gold nugget keywords are:
#1 Relevance – keywords relating to niche to attract ‘targeted traffic’
#2 Traffic – high traffic volume is best to ensure there is sufficient potential custom.
#3 Competition – low competition is best but not too low as this might be evidence of there not being much of a market.
#4 Commerciality – is the measure of high value keywords.
Keyword research can be done in Google Adwords for free, by simply signing up for an account, alternatively there are a number of software solutions available that will do more in-depth analysis of potential keywords such as Market Samurai which I have used myself in the past.
#1 Relevance
Relevance is important if you’re a business owner and have particular products to sell or already have a website in a particular niche. It is about finding keywords that will attract ‘targeted traffic’ This is traffic that is going to be interested in your offering, and who are likely to buy from you or click on the ads on your site.
If you’re using PPC such as Google Adwords, where you’re paying to drive traffic to your site then Keyword research is vital to make sure you’re not spending money on unnecessary clicks. For example If your selling ‘dog collars’ then you will want to remove keywords such as ‘training’ for instance, because these searchers are not looking to buy dog collars at this time. You can set such keywords as negative keywords in Google Adwords so that when someone types in this negative keyword your advert will not show, and you won’t be charged for an inappropriate click.
You will definitely want to include the word ‘dog’ as a keyword rather than something like pet, otherwise you might find cat searches are included in the results. Using long tail keywords can help qualify searches. for instance ‘buy dog collars’ is likely to qualify potential purchasers rather more than ‘dog collars’ would.
tip – Go to amazon.com and type in keyword, look at books section (relating to your niche), and look at the table of contents, and check some of key terms and add the interesting ones, and do further searches of these ‘semantic’ keywords. This tactic can be used for writing articles and also to find what subjects would be popular to include on your website.
If you fall under the second context of keyword researcher (described above) than relevance doesn’t matter as much because you don’t have a particular product offering. Whatever you make the website about, Google Adwords will match the advert content to your content. In this circumstance you want to make sure you are targeting niches and keywords that have a higher value, see #4 commerciality below for more information about this.
#2 Traffic
It is important to know the difference between “total searches” which are cited in most of the keyword research platforms and the volume of traffic you are likely to actually get on your website should you rank on the first page of the Google SERP results. Below is a table showing the typical breakdown for traffic that is likely in each of the 10 listings on the first page of Google
95-98% of traffic come from 1st page of Google
Even if you are #1 you won’t get all the traffic
Google position
clicks
Traffic per 1000
Incremental Improvement in clicks
1
42%
420
254%
2
12%
120
40%
3
8%
80
39%
4
6%
60
24%
5
5%
50
20%
6
4%
40
7
3%
30
#3 Competition
There are two important measures when looking at the competition for a particular keyword phrase the first is the amount of competition. Ideally look for a lower amount of Google searches ideally less than 30,000 search results for any particular keyword phrase, you can check this by going to www.Google.com and typing in your keyword to see the amount of searches found.
Secondly consider the strength of competition. It’s best to avoid competing with professional websites, that have been around a long time, and that are highly optimised for the particular keyword phrase you are targeting. Also avoid competitor websites that have lots of webpages and a lot of backlinks pointing to them. If the first page on Google or Bing is mainly made up of these kinds of sites you are unlikely to be able to outrank them, so it is better to avoid these competitive keywords phrases altogether. Of course you have little option if you have a particular product offering and these keywords are the ones used by your target market, in this circumstance, where you are unlikely to get a first page listing you may consider PPC (pay per click) advertising to get a first page presence.
#4 Commerciality
The commerciality of a keyword is how much a particular keyword is worth. Google Adwords is a bidding system for keywords and is based on supply and demand. The more demand for a particular keyword the higher the cost per click (CPC) for that keyword. This is a good indicator of how much money is being made on a particular keyword. If an advertiser is paying $10 per click for a keyword it is likely that they are making more than that from their website sales, otherwise they wouldn’t be willing to pay that to Google to drive traffic to their site.
So when your conducting any keyword research keep in mind these golden rules and your more likely to find those golden nuggets.
Check out market Samurai’s explanations below of each of the golden rules. Useful information even if you aren’t considering using their software.
Relevance
Traffic
Competition
Commericality
Promotion
Track your Ranking
Market Samurai is a great tool which saves you valuable time and helps give you a greater insight into your keyword selection. Alternative you can use a free service provided by Google called Google Keyword Planner. You need to sign up for an account to access this online tool, but it’s a great resource. However it’s not as good as Market Samarai in terms of depth and insight. In fact MS uses your Google Keyword planner account to access much of the data needed but is much better at organising it for analysis.
Get Results: We judge ourselves by our INTENTIONS and others by their ACTIONS
Many people provide a true projection of who they are. They are true to themselves, and are easy to read. What you see is what you get.
However some people can initially appear to have certain characteristics or attributes, but when we get to know them better, you find they are not really “like that”.
I consider myself a good judge of character, but occasionally I have had an instant dislike for someone, only to grow fond of them over time. Why have I misjudged them?
I have also had a view of myself, that has differed from the view others have had of me. How can this be?
How do we misread how others think of us? How can we think we are coming across one way, when indeed we are coming across completely differently from the perspective of others?
One example that jumps to mind from recent experience, is the boy racers that rev their engines, screech off from lights, wheel spinning as they go, only to be sat waiting at the next set of lights, when you catch them up. They deeply believe they are projecting coolness, male prowess and demonstrating what a catch they are for the opposite sex. When indeed they look immature, and quite ridiculous.
It can be a real problem, if we see ourselves one way and everyone else see us another, particularly if the two views greatly contrast. If we think of ourselves as warm , friendly , approachable, and likeable and others see us cold, abrupt, unapproachable and not very likeable there is a real disconnect that can be very problematic for our business and personal lives.
Now there is an element of showing your best side, when you first meet strangers, and showing your true colours later, when you get to know people better. But we’re not talking about this, we’re talking about the discrepancy of what you think you are projecting, compared to how others perceive you.
So why can there be such a disconnect for some people? Stephen R. Covey explained “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions.”
This is where the discrepancy lies, we judge ourselves differently to how we judge others, and how we judge others is closer to how others actually judge us.
When perceiving yourself you have lots of background information. You understand your intention, what you’re trying to achieve by your actions. You are more likely to blame situational factors if things don’t work out as planned. You are also privy to your mental and emotional state at the time, and their influence on your behaviour.
When you perceive others, particularly in relation to people you don’t know very well, you’re likely to consider their behaviour as much more representative of the persons underlying character, and a truer reflection of WHO THEY ARE, without much consideration for situational influences.
Likewise, this is inevitably how they will perceive you. They are likely to interpret your actions as an indication of your personality. This difference in how we perceive ourselves versus how others perceive us, is referred to as the Fundamental Attribution Error or attribution effect.
It describes the tendency to overestimate the effect of personality and underestimate the effect of the situation in explaining other people’s actions. For example, if you are in a rush, and cut someone off in traffic because you have to get to the hospital to care for a loved one, you will interpret cutting the person off as totally justifiable. You are not a jerk, in fact, you are trying to help someone. The person you cut off, however, will have no idea you are going to the hospital, and will likely think you are a jerk.
How we see ourselves is intrinsically connected to our self-image, which is developed through our life experiences. A poor self-image can deeply affect our relationships and interactions in the world, which in turn, are perceived, by others, as being who we are, without the deeper understanding of why we may act this way.
A theory coined by Charles Horton Cooley provides us with insight as to how we see ourselves. The concept is called, “The Looking-Glass Self.” As each individual interacts with others in society, a relationship develops. It may last only a few seconds, yet our perception of how others view us, shapes our image of ourselves. It is like looking to a reflective glass for a glimpse of what it is like to be “us.” Cooley’s theory suggests our perceptions of how others see us, inevitably shapes our image of ourselves.
So if you find there is a disconnect between your view of yourself, and that of everyone else around you, there is a need to improve your self-awareness. Be wary that your attempts to be appear confident, aren’t being misinterpreted as arrogance. That trying to appear witty isn’t being seen as sarcastic, cutting or uncaring. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and try to be empathetic to their viewpoint.
Better still, don’t try to put on an act, and instead let your behaviour be a true representation of who you are, without the insecurities, and fears that might cause your behaviour to be undesirable. Embrace your inner being, and let your light shine through.
Check out my article about spirituality and wellbeing, that might give you some insight into letting your true self shine.
Get Results: Being healthy isn’t a fad or a trend, it’s a lifestyle
Why do some people stick to a healthy diet, and a productive exercise routine, while others don’t?
If you’re not exercising regularly (even if it’s just regular walking), and you’re not maintaining a healthy weight, you’re not living a healthy life, and you maybe, should be making a change. We all know it can be difficult to shed the pounds, especially as we get older, but most of the reasons for not following through on a healthy lifestyle, are largely due to motivational issues, rather than physical constraints.
ALWAYS CONSULT A DOCTOR BEFORE UNDERTAKING ANY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY AND DIETARY PLAN. THERE ARE SOME MEDICAL CONDITIONS THAT CAUSE EXCESS WEIGHT, SO CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST.
it is common knowledge, that a mixture of good diet and regular exercise is required to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle, so we will be dealing with both in this article. I’m not going into the particulars about what foods to eat and not eat, and what exercises to undertake and what to avoid, in this article, it’s more about strategy, then execution.
Let’s look at some of the reasons and excuses for not sticking to a good diet and regular exercise routine and then what we can do about them. I have separated them out so that we can deal with them in turn, some of the points are repeated for both, where applicable. These are based on my experience, you may find some of the points apply to you, and some may not. It is recommended that you make your own list.
Self analysis
Not sticking to diet/eating plan
Giving in to a moment of weakness
Giving in to the urge/hunger
Inability to resist/delay (taste) gratification
Crave the taste/experience of (unhealthy/fatty food)
Think “will cut back tomorrow to make up”, but then don’t – (rationalise breaking the rules)
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”
What we can do about it
Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Don’t believe or fool yourself and your rationalisations – resist the temptation
Frame nice tasting food, negatively
Make healthy food more appealing and enjoyable
Fill yourself up on water (no calories), so you don’t feel hungry, sometimes thirst can be mistaken for hunger
Keep your mind busy, so you don’t think about food out of boredom
Avoid distractions and temptations altogether (no chocolates in cupboard)
Have an accountability buddy, or some mechanism for holding yourself to account
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. So you will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy eating some treats (as part of the plan), then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do. Make it a good habit. Once it becomes part of your routine, it will be easier to stick to.
Not exercising
Want to do something other than exercising, like watching TV, working on laptop.
Don’t want the discomfort of going outside, or having to pay and go to the gym, and missing out on doing more fun things.
Lack of energy willpower, can’t be bothered – lethargy.
Would rather be doing anything else – don’t enjoy exercising.
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”
What to do about it
Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Try to undertake exercise that is fun to do – has a social element to it
Exercise in front of the TV, so you can do both
Remove the temptations or distractions, so you can’t do them anyway, even if you don’t exercise.
Do short bursts of high intensity, do them in advert break.
Have a accountability buddy, or exercise with one
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. You will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Don’t think about it, just set a routine and stick to it – make yourself do it, once it becomes a habit, it will get easier.
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy some treats or veto’s, then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do
I have put down some of the things that go through my mind when I’m faced with the choice of either eating something I want to eat or eating healthy, and with regards to exercising or not. You should add your own excuses to this list as part of your self-awareness analysis.
Conclusion
First set yourself a GOAL, give yourself some room for TREATS, otherwise you will be miserable (thinking you are missing out too much) and will be unlikely to keep it up. Your goal has to be sustainable, and enjoyable, if possible. Some exercise is better than none.
Develop a PLAN OF ACTION to achieve your GOAL. Set to a timeline, with a deadline. In doing this, you have to tap into your SELF AWARENESS, and figure out why you’re not doing what you need to do, or find out why you’re doing things that are counter-productive to your goal. Try to manage your weaknesses. For example, If you can’t pull yourself away from the TV, stick a treadmill in front of it and do exercise while watching TV.
Then you have to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. There is no short-cut, or magic formula (be very, very careful about taking slimming aids and quick fixes, they can result in untold damage to your body). Stop making excuses and blaming other people or circumstances and the stresses of life, for not following your plan.
TAKE RIGHT ACTION. Those that take RIGHT ACTION have made it part of their routine. They JUST DO IT. They have found a way to JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN. It can be difficult to go against your bad habits, so either find some form of HACK to fool yourself into complying, or just make yourself do it.
Finally, be COMMITTED to your goal and plan of action, see it through to a successful conclusion.
Below is an inspirational video with quotes and affirmations from the “Law of Attraction” teachings.
Check out the “Law of Attraction” which is the idea behind the popular movie “The Secret”. However I would suggest checking out some of the videos done by Abraham Hicks on youtube for some really interesting in-depth videos about the subject. I recommend keeping an open mind when approaching the subject.
The 3 laws that are detailed by Abraham Hicks are:
The Law of Attraction – says “That which is likened to itself is drawn” and refers to the magnetic power of thought
The Law of deliberate creation – says “That which you give thought to or that you believe, allow or expect, is” we are all creators, most thoughts are by accident or default but holding deliberate thought will allow it to grow stronger and manifest itself into our life, good or bad.
The Law of allowing – says “I am that which I am, and I am willing to allow all others to be what they are”
You must understand the first before you can understand the second, and you must understand the first and second before you can understand the third.
Author Napoleon Hill also advocates the use of the Law of Attraction in this book Think and Grow Rich. He outlines the stages that need to be taken to live a fulfilled life:
Develop a burning desire, have faith, learn how to feed constructive ideas to your subconscious mind, acquire specialized knowledge, put your conscious mind to work, have a written plan, be decisive, be persistent, join forces with like-minded individuals, understanding the function of sex as related to success, understanding the power of the subconscious mind, trust your inner voice or six sense.
Although the book was written 1937 many of its teachings are still relevant today and is certainly worth a read. If you search there are a number or free PDF downloads available and the book is also available from Audible.com in audio form.
In a nutshell the premise of the Law of Attraction is:
Whatever you focus on, good or bad, you get more of. So be careful what you lock your thoughts on. Try to positively frame things in your thoughts such as wanting to be rich, instead of not wanting to be poor. If you think of poor, even in the negative you will get more of it in your life. The law of attraction does not understand the difference between not wanting or wanting. If you think poor, even in not wanting to be poor, that is the overriding focus of your thoughts and as a result you will get more of it in your life. So just to clarify, if you don’t want to be poor, think about being rich.
Just thinking of something is not enough, it needs to be mixed with a strong emotion to really work. so desiring something with all your heart will be more effective. So will fearing something. If you fear something greatly and keep that fear in your mind, you will, like a magnet attract that very thing into your life…so be warned!
Don’t just wish for something, believe it is waiting for you in the future, just waiting for you to meet up with it. Believe it is already yours, it’s just waiting for you to claim it.
. He outlines the stages that need to be taken to live a fulfilled life: