Do What Matters
This great little Zen parable teaches us to avoid “resistance”, and to go with the flow of life, good or bad.
Resistance to “what is…” only brings additional pain and suffering, if we are able to be in complete acceptance of the reality of what is happening to us, when it’s happening, then sadness, or anger that comes from feeling injustice, “why me” goes away.
Check out our well-being and spirituality guide for more information
I love “Maybe” the Zen parable, which teaches us not to be so quick to label and judge anything that happens to us as either good or bad. Without knowing what is still to come we have no way of really knowing the reality of the situation.
If we miss one door opening, who is to say another, even better one isn’t awaiting us, further down the road, which means the missed opportunity turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
When we label and judge something, an event or situation, we base that opinion on our expectations or preferences, and in doing so, we are playing into what is commonly known as the “pain gap”.
The pain gap is the difference between our expectations/ preferences and our reality as we perceive it, regarding a situation or event. If there is an imbalance between the two, we feel a negative emotion.
For our well-being, we should avoid imposing preconceived expectations or preferences onto situations. We should instead be prepared to ride the waves of life, and be fully accepting of what comes our way. Stop resisting “what is” and accept it for what it is, after all it’s here and resisting it, by wishing it wasn’t so, really doesn’t make it go away.
Sure, aim to get out of undesirable circumstances and situations, but face what life is giving us in the moment, accept it fully, face it, feel it and then move forwards positively to get out of it.
Check out our well-being/spirituality guide for more information
It’s all too easy for people to say they are committed 110% or 1000% to see something through to conclusion, it’s often a different matter actually executing on that promise. For a start you can’t give more than 100%, so let’s get that out of the way first. We all know the promise of giving it 1000% is designed to communicate your determination to see whatever it is through, but it’s ridiculous, so please don’t do it, you’re likely to diminish any credibility you might otherwise have.
So being committed to achieving a goal, or getting a certain result is necessary if you’re going to succeed, but what does it involve?
Commitment consists of dedication, determination, enthusiasm, purposefulness, passion, desire, dedication and focus, it also requires some level of accountability.
If you’re purposeful, you have some sort of goal in mind, something you want to achieve. You’re focused on the attainment of that goal, no matter what. It’s like having a burning desire that won’t go away. It’s not having something you’d rather like to do, if the opportunity presented itself, or something you would rather, kind of like to do. If you’re wishy washy about your goal, you aren’t going to have the necessary endurance to apply yourself anywhere near enough to make it a reality.
Purposefulness is better if your purpose is meaningful to you. If you perceive it to be important, a cause that’s bigger than yourself, that will make a difference to other people or society at large. These are examples of the usual inspirational purposes that many people aspire to, and why not, they show you are making a noticeable contribution, even leaving a legacy, and that’s no bad thing. However purpose doesn’t have to be so big and meaningful, it can be a matter of getting out of debt, or making enough money for your next vacation, as long as it means something to you, and you really want it, that’s what counts.
Purposefulness has two sides, enthusiasm and determination.
When the going is tough, when you lack the motivation, or inspiration to take effective action, when you come face to face with a seemingly impassable road block, or a glass ceiling that’s difficult to break through, what you need at those times, is determination. You need a can-do attitude, you need grit and resilience, and it helps if you have a burning purpose behind you.
If you don’t believe in what you’re doing, you’re likely to prematurely throw in the towel at the first sign of difficulty. It will be just too hard to overcome and too easy to make up excuses why it’s not worth the effort, discomfort, or trouble. You’ll have no staying power, when you need it most.
The other face of purposefulness, is enthusiasm
Enthusiasm should exist when the road is clear, and the going is good. If you can’t enjoy those moments of flow, you’re doing something incongruent with who you are and your deeper self. If you don’t feel excited, joyful, engrossed when you think about your purpose than it isn’t a purpose you really believe in. Would you do it for no monetary gain? Would you do it just for the joy of doing it? If you answer a resounding yes to these two questions, you’re on the right path.
When you’re committed to something, you’re dedicated to it, and that means you’re focused or even fixated on it. You would rather be doing whatever it is, than anything else. Now I don’t advocate losing yourself in anything 100%, because I’m a firm believer that you should live partially in “the moment”, and outside what you are doing, check out my wellbeing guide for more about this. You should however be excited, dedicated and focused in doing whatever it is you’re committed to doing, and be as productive as possible in making progress.
I could say things like “don’t be half pregnant”, “be all-in”, or “burn your bridges”, so that you can’t go back or deviate. If you do this you have to make it work, you either sink or swim as the saying goes. I wouldn’t recommend this without knowing your particular circumstances or tolerance for risk, but it is a way to really focus your attention and solidifying your commitment and dedication to your cause.
Avoid distractions and temptations, they will only lead you astray. as they are often difficult to resist. It often takes a great deal of will-power, which is finite. The best of us will struggle, if our willpower is not fully charged, even with the best intentions. So try to avoid situations that present distractions and/or temptations altogether.
Sometimes we need a push from some outside influence, or we need the help of someone else to encourage us, or chastise us. Looming deadlines often do the trick, we have a project or assignment that needs to be done by a particular date, so we cram to get it done, at the last minute and just in time. If we fail we are held to account by our poor results.
Make use of someone close to you, someone you respect a great deal, and whose opinion you value, and who you want to have a good opinion of you. Get them to hold you to account for your progress and results. Promise them you’re going to do X by Y date, and have them hold you to account for your results. If you fail, they will know and you will feel bad. If they don’t instil that kind of reaction in you, find someone who will. This is one reason why social groups like slimmer’s world and the likes, are so successful, slimmer’s are held to account, by regular public weigh-ins. Nobody wants to look like a failure in front of others. It’s often the extra motivational push you need to get you over the line.
Whatever your goal is, you have to have some idea how you’re going to achieve it. You need some sort of plan of action, even if it’s quite loose in its construction. No plan should be so rigid that you can’t make adjustments as you progress, but it shouldn’t be so loose that you find yourself backtracking so much that you’re barely making progress. Take some time to work it through, step-by-step as if you were there actually doing it. What needs to be in place for each stage, visualise it, be there, if you do it correctly you’ll be surprised what details come to mind. This will make execution that little bit easier later.
After formulating a plan, the critical stage comes next, taking action. Without it you’re going nowhere. Don’t procrastinate, or over-plan. Your actions will provide feedback and insight as you go. Learn from them and keep taking action. Look at failure along the way as part of the feedback loop, and keep going, be committed and make it happen.
For more about motivational influences, check out our Motivation guide.
If you would like to read more articles focused on COMMITMENT, click here.
“You must be committed and do what it takes, then you will have what you want.”
“Most people fail, not because of lack of desire, but because of lack of commitment.” – Vince Lombardi
“Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality.” – Abraham Lincoln
“Commitment leads to action. Action brings your dreams closer.” – Marcia Wieder
“We become whatever we are committed to.”
“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re commited to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” – kenneth Blanchard
“Stay committed to your decisions. But stay flexible in your approach.” – Tony Robbins
“Commitment means staying loyal to what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.”
“You need to make a commitment, and once you make it, then life will give you some answers.”
“There’s no abiding success without commitment.” – Tony Robbins
“When you’re committed, you do whatever it takes.”
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead
“Commitment. This is my favorite word because in some way, people who are committed are always much more interesting and much more reliable, and much more, I would say, deep than people who are not.” – Carlos Ghosn
“Without commitment, you will throw in the towel when the going gets tough enough. With it, there is nothing that can stop you from trying.” – getresults.org.uk
Life is full of ups and downs. Some things we can influence, others not so much. Many situations will be made up of winners and losers. It’s just the way life rolls.
You might not always be able to dictate the terms of your life, but the one thing you have complete control over is how you deal with the ebbs and flows.
You can either position yourself psychologically as a victor or a victim.
Victim mentality looks for other people or other things to blame for failure. They blame their circumstances, their lack of support, resources, money, time, know-how, their boss, they just blame. Blame helps to make the individual feel better, because it wasn’t their fault. One of the hardest things to admit is your own inadequacies. It’s really hard to look yourself in the mirror and admit you messed up at some point. Your Ego would rather cover up your shortcomings and have you believe the blame is over there, somewhere else.
Victim mentality is quick to find excuses for why things didn’t fall right for you, or didn’t work out the way you wanted, and for the same reason as pointed out when discussing “blame”, it’s just easier to do.
Denial is another self preservation tactic. Burying your head in the sand and hoping it goes away is a form of self delusion, failing to admit the reality of the situation is another.
Victim mentality is aimed at self protection, it’s a defensive tactic aimed at cushioning the blow. If you admit you were wrong your subconscious sees this as a big deal, cause if your wrong in a life or death situation, you could be toast. Your mind, doesn’t want to admit this could be the case, cause that’s what the minds there to do, keep you safe. It’s better to delude yourself, that way you can move on more quickly and try to forget about the whole sorry episode.
It’s easier to blame, excuse or deny, rather than have to look deeper into where the mistakes really lay, so laziness is part of the problem when it comes to a lack of self-analysis.
If you take a Victor mentality, you empower yourself to really look at what went wrong and why. You might not be a victor of the situation, in that you haven’t won in absolute terms, in fact you’re likely to have lost. But by taking a victor mentality, you can at least learn any lessons that are there to learn.
Negative situations are inevitable at some time in your life. S**t happens, but feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t really serve over a prolonged period. Feel the grief of loss, feel the hurt, sure you should always face it full on and deal with it, but then learn what needs to be learned and move forward. Don’t hold on to the past negativity, just take the lessons forward with you.
Unless it’s a real life and death situation, most things are not that important in the great scheme of things. Money can be earned again, stuff can be replaced. “People”, and “Time are the two things worthy of real grief, and while they are beyond the scope of this article, even they should not be seen as a dead-end that can not be moved beyond. They surely can, with the right “victor” mentality.
The law of opposites says there are always positives in any negative, if you look hard enough and approach from an empowered perspective. Take ownership and responsibility. It’s your job, nobody else’s. Sure use the support of those closest to you to help you through emotionally, but don’t expect them to provide the answers for you, the solutions are within you, they are there, if you open to them.
So instead of playing the victim, blaming, excusing and denying, take ownership, take responsibility and be accountable for the situations you find yourself in, and use them as your strength for improvement and progress.
This article is about taking back responsibility for your actions and results. Without this your results will be limited, based on someone else’s agenda and out of your hands.
Before we talk about why taking responsibility is important, I thought I’d describe what people are doing instead of taking responsibility.
When people try to do something important they have to feel it is within their power and capability to get the job done. If they don’t feel confident they can see it though, they are much less likely to even make a start at it. It becomes a pipe dream with little chance of realisation.
Sure some things can be delegated to experts to do for you, and that’s fine if that’s the case, but the responsibility for finding that expert is still yours, and if that expert turns out to be a failure, it’s your fault.
People are quick to make judgements about how external influences impact their lives. They like to complain about all sorts of things, such as what the government is doing to them, what their local councils are doing to them, what their neighbours, their boss. their work colleagues, their friends and family are doing to them. They complain about the weather, the traffic, suppliers, customers, big business, other voters, the car, the train service providers, other motorists, the list goes on. We like to complain, particularly in Britain, where we’re a nation of complainers. The recent EU referendum has perfectly illustrated the fact that we like to complain about others for the mess we find ourselves in now. “It was the leave campaign that got us into this mess”. “They lied to us”.
People are always blaming external elements for making their lives more difficult. They use all sorts of excuses why they didn’t achieve something, or to blame failure on some external event, person or thing. They didn’t have enough support, didn’t get the breaks, got let down by a supplier, bank bailed on them, weather ruined the day, lacked the time, money, knowledge, resources, got duped, were mis-sold.
Many of us push against change because we hate uncertainty and ambiguity. We like to think we are safe in our comfort zone, we’re familiar with our surroundings and what is expected of us. There is a perception of stability in the status quo. In reality this is an illusion, particularly with the way technology is impacting all our lives. Things are moving faster, and we have to be prepared to move with them, otherwise we’re going to be left behind.
People generally like to rely on others for guidance, help and support. Many people like to be followers rather than being leaders, partly because if the proverbial s**t hits the fan, they can blame someone else for the failure. Lots of people don’t like to lift their head above the parapet for fear of being shot down, criticised, rejected. The result is they play it safe and fail to make progress.
If we don’t push beyond our existing capabilities we’re confined to the world we currently inhabit. Our comfort zone becomes our limit, but as technology impacts our lives more and more that world is going to get a lot smaller over a short amount of time. To push beyond our little bubble, we have to break through our boundaries. This can be scary, because we are conditioned for self-preservation, and part of this means we prefer certainty and the status quo over change and uncertainty which brings with it, risk. We as human beings hate risk, and the unknown because risk equals danger. Instead see change as opportunity. There will always be winners and losers in any given situation. mentally position yourself to be on the winning side, by looking to take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves. Be predator of opportunity rather than a victim of circumstance.
What good does blaming someone or something else for a failing do anyway? It might temporarily make you feel better about yourself because someone else messed up, it wasn’t you, phew. But after that initial relief, where does that leave you. You still haven’t achieved your aim. Instead you’ve tricked yourself into staying put and accepted the failure, instead of learning from and moving beyond it.
Abdicating control of the situation, and believing your life is subject to some unalterable master plan is also dis-empowering. Burying your head in the sand, might fool you, but the reality of the situation is unchanged. Having a victim mentality, blaming external circumstances for your problems, believing it’s not within your power to change, is the surest way to avoid improving your life.
Failing to take responsibility only delegates control, responsibility for your life still resides within you (whether you like it or not).
When you complain about or blame others or something else, you’re trying to pass responsibility to that same thing. In doing so you also pass power. The very power you need to be able to deal with it.
Eckart Tolle rounded it perfectly when he said “When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else is madness.”
When you say to yourself, whatever goes wrong is down to me, you allow yourself to take ownership. Instead of fearing failure, embrace it, learn from it and make it the fuel to power through and find a way to succeed.
Instead of allowing glass ceilings, plateaus, and obstacle to defeat you, accept the challenge and find a solution to overcome them. If you fail again, come at it from a different angle, keep going, don’t use external elements as an excuse to give up.
It’s not what happens to you that matters, it’s what you do about it that counts. Stop blaming circumstances, it’s not circumstances, it’s you. Really, it’s you. Things won’t improve unless you do. You know, the truth is liberating because you can have more than you’ve got because you can become more than you are. The other side of the coin, unless you change what you are, you’ll always have what you’ve got. It’s not a lack of resources (money, time, experience, support, skills, opportunities, connections) that’s the problem, it’s a lack of resourcefulness, by you, to find a way through. The only way to make progress is to take back responsibility for your actions and results. Rely on one person to take charge of your destiny, and that has to be you.
It’s fine to get outside help from experts, but know that it’s your responsibility to make sure they are up for the challenge. If they fail, it’s because of you. You didn’t get the right person for the right price. You have to take responsibility for your life, after all it’s yours, nobody else’s. Don’t fear the challenge, embrace it, be excited by it.
For more about motivational influences, check out our Motivation guide.
If you would like to read more articles focused on TAKING RESPONSIBILITY, click here.
“There are winners and losers in every situation. Instead of complaining and blaming, make sure you’re mentally and emotionally positioned to win. Be a PREDATOR of CHANCE rather than a VICTIM of CIRCUMSTANCE.”
“BLAMING and COMPLAINING are excuses not to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. They are COPING STRATEGIES for failure, they are a CHOICE to play the role of victim. Without them you have the power you need to TAKE ACTION and SUCCEED.”
“Make Things happen by doing what matters.”
“Placing the blame or judgement on some else leaves you powerless to change your experience: TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for your beliefs and judgements give you the power to change them.”
“Passing blame passes power to do something about it. Take responsibility.”
“More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren’t so busying denying them.”
“The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life.” – Hal Elrod
“It can be a painful thing to look at your own trouble and know that you yourself and one one else has made it. But not admitting it, doesn’t change the fact. Instead own it, learn from it and move forward.”
“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.”
“You’re free to do whatever you want, but you should always take responsibility for the consequences of your choices in life.”
“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” – Dr Denis Waitley
“The more you take responsibility for your past and present, the more you are able to create the future you seek.”
“Your attention please: No one is coming to save you. This life of yours is 100% your responsibility, whether you accept it or not.”
“Responsibility is the price of freedom.” – Elbert Hubbard
“When you choose your behaviour, you choose your consequences.” – Dr Phil
“Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go. No one else.”
“Part of getting a second change is taking responsibility for what you did wrong in the first place.”
“There are valuable lessons to learn from failure, but in order to learn them, you have to take responsibility for them.”
“Responsibility shouldn’t be considered a burden, it’s a consequence of your freedom.”
“With freedom, comes responsibility.”
“Responsibility: the ability to choose your response.”
When people say they can’t do something because they don’t have the time, don’t know enough, lack experience, lack money, support, or don’t have the right manager etc what they are really saying is they don’t have the necessary resources. In truth, what they really lack is resourcefulness. They lack the resourcefulness to find a way to get where they want to go in spite of the obstacles and difficulties that stand in their way.
Resourcefulness is the ability to overcome challenges by creatively finding ways to make progress in spite of challenges. It means solving problems with the resources you have at your disposal, making the best of what you have and doing more with less.
In order to put yourself in the right frame of mind, you should take full responsibility for finding a solution. If you pass responsibility to someone else, you also pass the power to do something about it. You then find you’re waiting around for them to come up with answers and you’re inevitably likely to be disappointed. Even if they do come through for you, relying on someone else to find the answers for you means that you’re not developing your own “resourcefulness”.
The more you practice being resourceful, the better you’ll get at it. It’s a skill, that improves the more you use it. So take ownership of it and start to build a new, and very worthwhile skill. People are paid a lot of money for being resourceful, think trouble-shooters and business turn-around managers. It’s a highly demanded commercial skill, as well as an invaluable skill for your own life.
Be on the front foot, rather than waiting for things to drop in your lap. This relates to taking responsibility (covered above). When you’re actively taking the initiative, you’ll be surprised how ideas and solutions come to you.
Creativity requires you to be open minded and able to stand back and see things from a different perspective. Use your strengths, abilities, knowledge, tools, networks and other resources to approach and tackle the situation from a variety of angles, such as using unconventional approaches and/or reapplying other experience, to the present situation. Using a variety of problems solving techniques such as brainstorming may also help, check some out here.
When you’re inspired to see things through, you’ll find a way. Drive carries with it the courage, passion, commitment, persistence, determination and tenacity that you’ll need to overcome difficult challenges. If it has been done before, it can be done again.
We can’t be expected to know it all, and that’s were other people can help. Use your existing connections for assistance, such as friends, family and colleagues, ask them for help and advice, you might be surprised what hidden connections, skills and resources people you thought you knew, might have. Also try to forge new connections where possible, sometimes reaching out to strangers can be surprisingly productive.
Improving your results comes down to many factors including the acquisition of knowledge, being motivated enough to power through any challenges you inevitably meet on your journey and being super productive, so that you’re doing the important things to ensure you get where you want to be. A big part of motivation and productivity is being resourceful. Without resourcefulness, you’re likely to be defeated by the the inevitable obstacles and challenges that come your way. However if you can harness your resourcefulness, you can overcome most anything. First take responsibility, then look for creative approaches to problem solving. Be proactive and driven to get the job done to a positive conclusion.
I’ll finish this article off with an example from my own experience using resourcefulness. When I was in the process of needing a new car, some years ago, I discovered that personal loans were running at 12% APR and for the car I wanted, the monthly repayments would be running at £250 a month, which at the time, was too much for me. So I looked around for alternatives.
I discovered a credit card that had 5.6% APR for the life of the balance, which was applicable for balance transfers only. The only problem was, I could only enjoy the deal if I purchased the car on another card, then transferred it to the 5.6% card.
None of my other cards had a big enough credit limit to buy the car on. So I explained the situation to a good friend of mine who offered to buy the car on their card. I checked, and it was okay to transfer off his card, so that’s what I did.
I then used the 5.6% balance card like a loan and paid a set amount each month, paying just £150, which was more within my means at the time. After a few years I transferred the remaining balance onto an interest free for 2 years card, until it was fully paid. In doing it this way, I saved massively on the amount of interest I paid, I managed to pay a monthly amount that I could afford, and I used credit in a positive way.
I hope this article has shed some light on resourcefulness for you. Please share it with your friends and family if you have found it informative.
For more about motivational influences, check out our Motivation guide.
If you would like to read more articles focused on RESOURCEFULNESS, click here.
“You think you failed because you lacked the necessary resources, in reality you failed because you lacked the necessary resourcefulness.”
“The defining factor (for success) is never resources, it’s resourcefulness.” – Tony Robbins
“The most fearsome opponent/competitor is one that is reliably resourceful.”
“Resourceful people find clever, ingenious, inventive ways to overcome difficulties.”
“Resourcefulness allows you to look at problems and challenges as opportunities.”
Finding, increasing and maintaining motivation is vital if you’re going to GET RESULTS. Motivation comes out of a psychological process, made up of two opposing forces, which either push you towards your goal or hold you back from pursuing it. You have largely fear based emotions on the one hand, designed to keep you from harm, but which often hold you back. On the other hand, you have motivational forces that help you take the necessary steps for realising your goals, and getting the results you desire.
Most people find it difficult to overcome the internal struggle that is fought between these opposing forces. We fear too much, so we don’t take action. We want something with all our heart, but we don’t take action, because we’re having to move away from our comfort zone.
When you start to break down the components of motivation, it becomes clear why it is so difficult. We have things like fear, conflict, self-doubt, discomfort, distraction, and temptation fighting against things like commitment, effort, resourcefulness, purpose, desire and determination.
TAKING ACTION towards a goal is a must if you’re going to be successful. Knowing what to do and when to do it, is also vitally important. Being effective rather than efficient makes you as productive as possible, but motivation is the key, without it, nothing else is possible or gets done. You have to be motivated to learn what needs to be learned, to spend the hours, weeks, days, months, even years acquiring knowledge, building skill, perfecting talent. You will not take action without motivation. It is the fuel in your tank.
Motivation is made up of a number of ingredients, which will need to be mastered if you’re to move closer to your goal, check them out below …
Some of the posters below, link to more in-depth articles (still on this website) that drill into the subject matter of that poster, in much more detail.
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Self awareness is essential in effectively planning the road ahead, gaining insight into why you do what you do, and don’t do what you don’t do. What you’re good at and not so good and and why. For more information about self awareness click here.
Being resourceful is about putting the excuses like “I don’t have the money, or the time, or the experience to do this” to one side and getting the job done, regardless of the difficulties you face. Resourcefulness is about getting results no matter what. For more information about resourcefulness, click here.
Taking responsibility is about not blaming others or complaining that this or that is getting in your way. It’s about being accountable for your own results. When you make the psychological shift away from playing the role of victim, you empower yourself to get results. For more about taking responsibility, click here.
Being committed is about burning your bridges, taking a focused, determined path forward, without wavering and second guessing yourself. For more about being committed, click here.
Having a strong work ethic is essential if you’re going to cover the ground from where you are now to where you want to be. For more about having a strong work ethic, click here.
Accessing your intuition is a skill which can be developed over time. Your subconscious knowledge pool is always at work, without your conscious awareness, it’s collecting information, scanning your environment, looking for inconsistencies and abnormalities. Learning to quiet your mind so that you can distinguish between intuition and fear response is something you will get better at over time. For more about intuition, click here.
Getting started is often the hardest part about making change, because over time habit kicks in and makes the behaviour/ action more automatic, check out more about initiating momentum, here.
The easiest way of getting rid of a bad habit is establishing a new good habit. Habits are hard to break because we often don’t think about doing them, they are by their nature, automatic. Most people complain that they struggle with filling the gap left by a habit, so fill the space with a new, more empowering habit, and over time it too will become automatic.
Having purpose requires having a direction, a goal. It gives us a reason to take action, to establish new behaviours, and develop new habits. Without purpose we are like a rudderless boat floating helplessly. Without purpose, there is no motivation to move from the current status quo.
To move from where you are now to where you want to be, requires change, and change is often feared because of the uncertainty, risk and danger it is perceived as bringing with it. Learning how to embrace change and risk is key to helping you move forwards. For more about embracing change and risk, click here.
No matter where you are in life, whether you are where you ultimately want to be, you have many things to be grateful for, and appreciation shouldn’t be far from the top of your mind. For more about gratitude, click here.
Fear is THE dream killer. If you can master fear, the world is your playground. For more about overcoming fear, click here.
Inner conflict can occur on both a subconscious level as well as a conscious level, which makes it difficult to identify and move beyond. For instance, fearing success or the consequences of success, while at the same time craving success, can cause chaos with internal motivational drives and subsequently attempting to unpick the underlying causes can clarify irrational beliefs. For more information about inner conflicts, click here.
Avoiding temptations and distractions is key to getting things done in a meaningful and effective way. We are often surrounded by these things and learning how to hack a way around them, or avoid them completely, so that we don’t sidetracked, is a must.
Even the thought of having to deal with discomfort, can be an ambition killer. Putting yourself in harms way, psychologically speaking, is a tough one to overcome, but with practice, you can become a master of it, rather than a victim to it.
Emotions are a vital component in driving behaviour and instigating action-taking. Emotions are what stir you, make you overcome situations, where you would not ordinarily take action. Anger, fear, regret, disappointment can be used to move you closer to your goal or keep you stuck where you are. Figuring out how to use emotions as useful tools rather than annoying obstacle is what will get you to where you want to be.
Shifting of perspective is about opening your mind and seeing things in a different way. Rigid beliefs, are often the major cause of keeping you stuck and preventing you seeing things, people, ideas and situations in a completely different light and from a completely different perspective. For more about shifting perspective, click here.
Overcoming coping strategies is about stopping yourself rationalising the thoughts, actions and behaviours that are preventing you pursuing your dreams and goals. Blocking coping strategies are a psychological way of feeling okay about your failure to take the necessary actions that are required to get you to your goals. For more about blocking coping strategies, click here.
I recently did some keyword research on the search terms inputted into Google around the word “motivation” and came up with a list of questions people want answered about motivation, which I’ve listed below, along with some of the more important answers. I’m not going to answer question by question, but rather gather the general gist of the questions into a few important answers. I’ve grouped them around, questions about 1. the definition of motivation, 2. self motivation, 3. motivating others and 4. more general motivational questions.
Keyword research is a great insightful tool for getting down to the nuts and bolts of what people want to know, and are actively searching for.
Motivation is defined as a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation can be intensified by using EMOTIONS, driving the NEED or WANT to take action, instead of maintaining a state of INDIFFERENCE in the STATUS QUO.
Motivation has two opposing forces, the first is the motivation to achieve some goal, to improve, get better, to succeed. All those things that you wish for, dream of or have desire to do or be.
On the flip side are the blocking motivations, which are driven by self-preservation and fear. The little voice in your head that tells you not to take risk, or pursue change because you might fail, be embarrassed, lose something important.
Both these forces fight over every decision you have to make, and only one can ever win.
If you’re not where you want to be, then the blocking motivations are the cause. It’s your job to recondition your thinking so that the blocking motivations are defeated. You can do it!
Clicking on the posters above, will walk you through the important considerations of motivation, including improving self-awareness, taking responsibility, being committed, overcoming fear, breaking inner conflicts and self sabotage.
With respect to using motivation for work, career or fitness, it works the same way in all aspects of life. Hacking motivation will support you in all aspects of life.
Once you truly understand how motivation works, you will be better placed to motivate others.
Understand that DESIRE and FEAR are the basic drivers of human behaviour. People always act with positive intent, and will respond to a potential improvement in their situation, or sense of self, as long as the risk and uncertainty, which they fear, is reduced. If the reward is greater than the risk, they will act, but you have to make a good enough argument to convince them that the rewards do indeed outweigh the risks.
If you can align employees goals with your business goals, you will win. This is why some businesses run profit sharing schemes.
But to understand people’s motivations you have to develop your emotional intelligence, so that you have more empathy for how that person models the world. We all have the same psychological structures of thought that influence behaviour, we all feel anger, sadness, happiness in the same way, but our triggers and perceptions can vary significantly. What is important to you, is not necessarily important to me, but you will react in the same way to something that is important to you, as I would to something that was important to me.
Don’t worry if you don’t get it at the moment, we will be revisiting it in future posts. I would also advise subscribing to our newsletter for exclusive content, not available on the website, which covers this subject in more detail.
Without motivation, nothing gets done, so it is an essential part of taking action and getting results.
Intrinsic motivation refers to doing something for the enjoyment of doing it, for its own sake, rather than any external rewards. Think of things like hobbies or passions that you may engage in, which are done simply for the enjoyment of doing them. Extrinsic motivation refers to doing something to earn a reward, such as money, fame or praise, or to avoid a punishment such as being chastised, or beaten, or made to feel embarrassed. You would not engage in this behaviour if it wasn’t for the consequences. Many people’s jobs are an example of extrinsic motivation, because they wouldn’t do it if they weren’t getting paid.
Many different emotions can be entangled in motivation. Desire for something else, frustration, discontentment, dissatisfaction with the way things currently are, yearning for more, for better, or a desperate sense of needing, are good examples of supporting emotions (emotions that drive you closer to your goal). Fear is largely responsible for blocking progress (stopping you reaching your goal). I recommend checking out the posters above, for all the supporting and blocking internal and external motivations.
Maslow’s (1943, 1954) hierarchy of needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid. It can be described as a model for motivation.
Maslow stated that people are motivated to achieve certain needs and that some needs take precedence over others. Our most basic need is for physical survival (bottom of triangle), and this will be the first thing that motivates our behaviour. Once that level is fulfilled the next level up is what then motivates us, and so on, until we eventually reach self-actualisation, at the top of the pyramid.
As far as establishing a process for motivation, the first and probably most important thing to do is increase SELF-AWARENESS, so to improve understanding as to what creates motivation within us as individuals, finding out what our particular triggers are. Then use these motivations to drive us towards our goal, while hacking those that get in the way. Again I would recommend reading the posters above and following the links for more in-depth information.
We will be detailing some clever motivation hacks in future articles, so please subscribe to our newsletter for content updates, as well as unique content, not available on the website.
Motivation is one of the building blocks for getting results, subscribe to our newsletter to get a walk through of our GET RESULTS methodology, as well as other content not available on the website. Email is a great way for us to provide information for you.
Self awareness is the conscious knowledge and understanding of your own character, feelings, motivates and desires. It’s knowing, why you do what you do and don’t do what you don’t do. Its knowing what you like and don’t like and what you’re good at and not so good at.
It’s important to develop self awareness so that you can align the world around you to serve your natural tendencies, rather than trying to be something you’re not. Let me explain what I mean.
If you’re doing a job you hate, there’s something wrong with your outer world and your inner world alignment. This can be a real problem,
I remember when I worked in middle management in my 20’s and 30’s, I enjoyed being a manager, directing the work force, organising the processes and production etc, but I also thought that there was something missing, something that felt out of sync. I realised over time that the silly games of politics that go on in big business was not for me. I wanted to get on with the job and do the best I could for the business, while other managers seemed more content with point scoring, apportioning blame when things went wrong. They prioritised activities that were self serving over what was right for the business, and this included managers that I reported to.
The sense of something being missing began to drive me mad, and I came to hate having to go to work. I would get a sinking feeling on the Sunday, thinking about having to go to work the Monday. I would be wishing for the weekend to come, counting down the days. I can tell you it wasn’t a feeling I would want to experience again.
I wanted to be “the leader”. I wanted to be the driver of the business. I enjoyed the business of business, creating the strategy, the marketing, the culture rather than carrying out the orders of someone else and being a pawn in someone else’s game. It was what I wanted to do, I couldn’t hide from that fact.
I left and started my own business, and although the business is much smaller than the one I’d worked in previously, I enjoy operating at a higher level within the business. I’m the boss, of marketing, strategy, and execution. I feel I am where I belong. I get to be in the business of business now. I feel in alignment, emotionally and mentally.
Now that I am my own boss, I have still got to make choices about what I should do and what I should get others to do. I’m lucky that I’m a bit of a geek so I like to figure stuff out. I enjoy doing the finances, I enjoy doing the marketing etc. I don’t enjoy doing the routine photo editing stuff ( I run a photography business to give you some context), so I don’t do it, I employ someone else to do it for me. I don’t like to do the administration side of things, so I hire someone else to do it for me. So I do the things I want to do and get others to do the rest.
I’m lucky that I can get to do this, not everyone has the finances to be able to do so, at least initially, but in time, this is what you should be aiming for. Instead of taking all the money out of your business, live a little more conservatively and pay someone to do the other stuff you don’t like to do.
Now something to remember here is, make sure you hire people that are good at doing the other stuff and that enjoy doing the other stuff. If you get a situation where they love what they do, then you’re going to be in a win win situation for both of you.
You improve self awareness by self examination. Give yourself some time to get away from the hustle and bustle of life, sit in a quiet place and exam your life, your routines, your likes and dislikes. Look at the things you spend your time doing and the things you try to avoid and ask yourself why. keep asking why to dig deeper.
By being self aware you get to figure out what you like and don’t like. You can punt the stuff you don’t like to someone else, who does like to do that particular thing.
You will discover you actually do the things you like to do, or at the very least, you find yourself wanting to do them, you’re also likely to be good at these things and they come naturally for you. If they don’t come naturally, you will, at least be happy to put in the time to practice and perfect them.
On the flip side you will find you don’t do activities you don’t like to do, or you try to avoid doing them. These are also likely to be activities you’re not very good at.
Now if you’re not doing something that needs to be done to make progress towards you goal, you can’t just ignore it. You either have to make the effort and do it or delegate it, if it can be delegated and you have someone to delegate it to. Otherwise you will be stuck where you are. Self awareness will at least shine a light on this situation.
Now the next bit can be a little more difficult, it’s knowing what you’re good at and not so good at, or even bad at. It can be difficult to face up to your shortcomings and weaknesses. You have to be bluntly honest with yourself.
Sometimes you should ask the opinion of others who are considered experts in a particular activity and see how you measure up from an experts point of view. You need to consider criticism as valuable feedback, which will allow you to progress. For instance if you’re doing your own graphic design for adverts and they suck, this could be adversely affecting the effectiveness of those adverts.
By getting some honest and unbiased feedback, you might decide to delegate the work it to a graphic designer rather than doing it yourself, and hopefully that will improve your adverts conversion rate. One caveat here, make sure the feedback is from someone who isn’t going to profit directly from saying you’re crap at something, otherwise they might be telling you because it’s good for them (they get that business), rather than good for you.
So there you have it, self awareness is a key component of getting results and should be a priority in both your business life and personal life. Don’t try to change who you are to fit the world around you, but shape the world around you to fit who you are.
For more about motivational influences, check out our Motivation guide.
If you would like to read more articles focused on SELF AWARENESS, click here.
“What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”
“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
“If you’re your authentic self, you have no competition.”
“Self-awareness gives you the capacity to learn from your mistakes as well as your successes. It enables you to keep growing.” – Lawrence Bossidy
“I am” two of the most powerful words. What you put after them defines your reality.”
“One way to measure self-awareness is by looking at your ability to tell your life story in a coherent way.”
“What other people say about you is their reality, not yours.”
“The most important journey is the journey within.”
“Happiness is a feeling of well-being derived from knowing ourselves.”
“Be yourself. There is something that you can do better than any other. Listen to the inward voice and bravely obey that.”
“Get lost and find yourself.”
“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” – Nathaniel Branden
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it late.”
“Awareness allows us to get outside our mind and observe it in action.”
“We can’t change reality: we can only change our experience of it, by changing our self…”
“knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle
“Accept no one’s definition of your life. Define yourself.”
“We have self-centered minds which get us into plenty of trouble. If we do not come to understand the error in the way we think, our self-awareness, which is our greatest blessing, is also our downfall.”
“Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.” – Debbie Ford
“Self-awareness is not self-centeredness, and spirituality is not narcissism. ‘Know thyself’ is not a narcissistic pursuit.” – Marianne Williamson
“Self-awareness is knowing why you do what you do and don’t do what you don’t do. It’s knowing what you like and don’t like, and why. It’s about having the enough self esteem to be able to look in the mirror and admit your shortcomings as well as celebrate your strengths.” – get results
“Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.”
“Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed”
“Bravery, honesty, honour, loyalty, self discipline, hospitality, industriousness, self reliance, perseverance. Nothing else is needed.”
In this TED video, Rory Sutherland discusses how perspective is much more important to how we live our lives than we realise. How the way we frame things really matters to the quality of life we lead.
Our circumstances aren’t necessarily a predictor of our happiness, what is much more important is how we look at things and how we feel they relate to us.
He uses a good example of pensioners and the unemployed youth being in a similar situation with too much time on their hands and not enough money in their pockets, yet pensioners are seen as being much happier then their young counterparts. This may be due to the fact that pensioners choose to be in their situation, where the youth have had no option, they have had it thrust upon them and this sense of not being in control, is what makes the two groups feel very differently.
He goes on to name numerous examples of how perspective is used and mis-used.
I like the way Rory recommends using psychological perspective within economic policy decision making and cites the example of governments spending billions of pounds on reducing the journey time on the Euro-star from Paris to London by 40 minutes when simply adding free WiFi to the trains at a fraction of the cost, would have satisfied commuters by allowing the journey time to be more productive and enjoyable.
Another great example he uses is how Korea added countdown timers to red traffic lights reducing the number of accidents and occurrences of road rage and driver frustration and how China not really understanding the principle behind it, added countdown timers to green lights which increased accidents due to drivers speeding up to beat the red light.
Re-framing our perspective and changing our impressions can have a big effect on how we feel and what we do. Things are not what they are, they are what we think they are.
Check out my article on Hugh Ranks model of Persuasion which talks about how marketers use framing to convince you to buy things from them. After all marketing is nothing more than managing perceptions and these shape our perspective.
The only thing that truly exists is THIS MOMENT.
Yesterday is consigned to history, there’s nothing that can be done to change or affect it anymore.
Tomorrow is simply a construct of the mind and is always in the future. You can never directly interact with it and it can only be influenced by what you do in the here and now.
What you do in THIS MOMENT shapes all your tomorrow’s, so it’s important you make it count. If you’re the type of person that says “I’ll make a fresh start …..” whether it be next Monday, next week, next month or January 1st (via a New Years resolution), understand that you’re simply procrastinating. Procrastination usually occurs because of some underlying fear.
THIS MOMENT is the only time that exists. By the time Monday comes round, it will be the now, no different to the now you face in THIS MOMENT.
I like to keep a “THIS MOMENT” focus, it helps me make better decisions that support my goals. It’s a no tolerance approach to life.
If you pass the responsibility for taking action into tomorrow and beyond you are also passing the power to take action into tomorrow, and are essentially living a “wishful life”, Wishing and dreaming things will change for you, instead of taking charge and making it happen through consistent action. Action is required to drive you into the arms of your goal, and there is no other time to make a start than “NOW”.
