Do What Matters
I came across this crash course in Philosophy a while ago and thought it might be interesting for you to check out. The whole course is accessable below. The videos are embedded as a playlist so will follow on from one another automatically, so sit back and enjoy.
Is it possible that western cultural values which imply that we should always be happy to be considered a success and that depression and sadness are signs of failure, are actually what are making us more depressed?
According to research, cited in an article on the conversation website, and which can be found here, it would seem that this could well be the case.
Feeling we should be living up to such cultural standards, and perceiving ourselves as falling short of them, is a great example of the Equation of emotion (EOE) in action. Remember that the EOE compares our expectations and preferences (EP) to our reality as perceived (RP) and throws out a negative emotion if the RP falls short of the EP.
Expectations, even culturally led ones, that aren’t being met by our perceived reality, cause negative emotions, and because we are the source of the perceived devaluation, we feel the emotion of SADNESS.
The equation of emotion is said to be responsible for all the emotions we feel, and well worth checking out. Here is an article I wrote about it.
We might not even realise we’ve internalised these particular cultural values, which could have been done on a subconscious level, through things like subliminal advertising imagery and symbolism, and as a result we may not even be aware that such subconscious expectations even exist within us.
When you’re on a journey of self-discover and self-awareness, subconscious influences can be difficult to uncover. Often working backwards helps in the discovery process.
I hope this article will aid your journey of self discovery and self awareness. Check out more articles about self awareness here.
Fear and fearfulness can be a real disabler, stopping you dead in your tracks and keeping you from pursuing your dreams and goals.
Fear manifests in the form of…
These behaviours come from some underlying fear, it could be fear of failure, fear of… coming to harm, even death, embarrassment, vulnerability, loss, poverty, change, uncertainty, discomfort, rejection… the list goes on.
Fear is a mind-construct and comes from working through scenarios of what might happen in the future, but because it’s thought-based it inevitably will be biased towards self-preservation and minimising risk and uncertainty where possible, because that’s what thoughts are conditioned to do.
Doing anything new, moving away from your comfort zone, will cause a fear reaction. It does so for everybody to some degree. The difference between those that act and those that don’t is confidence and risk-tolerance.
Some people naturally believe more in themselves or have been brought up to have confidence in themselves and are prepared to tackle uncertainty and risk, because they feel they will find a way through to a successful conclusion, no matter what.
Others have been conditioned to believe risk is dangerous and to play safe and/or have been brought up in such a way as to have their confidence eroded to the point that they just don’t want to take a chance.
Confidence is often built-up or demolished in childhood years, and the beliefs about ourselves, that are subsequently formed, follow us into adulthood.
We should increase self-awareness and truly challenge any limiting-beliefs, because often they are more likely to be reflection of the self-doubt of the very people who discouraged us from taking risks, dealing with uncertainty and change, rather than of us, as individuals.
Discouragement and warnings of what might go wrong, may have been made with the best intentions of keeping us safe, but result in a self-imposed prison.
Because they may be long-standing beliefs, it may take some time to break out of the groove they have imprinted on our minds and patterns of thinking, but bringing them into AWARENESS and challenging them is often the all important first step.
Repetition of a new empowering belief will form a new neural pathway through the power of habit. Put simply, replace bad habitual thinking patterns with good ones.
Intuition, otherwise known as gut feeling, or sixth sense, is a feeling either of unease, or alignment, about someone or something. It is a method of communicate for the subconscious, which is in possession of much more information and memory than is available at a conscious level.
The subconscious, absorbs much more data than the conscious, holding much of that information in store, until it’s needed. So having a way to access this information is very useful and intuition is a direct link to it.
It’s easy to mistake the noise created from THOUGHT and THINKING to be INTUITION, it is not. THOUGHTS are largely driven from a FEAR based perspective. If we were coming at this from a spirituality point of view, we would say thinking is EGO based.
So the feeling of unease you might sense, in taking a particular action, might actually be due to fearful THOUGHT, rather than a more enlightened warning from INTUITION.
The difficulty comes from distinguishing the two, from one another.
Fear is the default perspective of the Ego, of THOUGHT and THINKING. It’s all about self preservation from this view point. Most of negative feelings you experience will come from this type of fear. Many irrational fears can be found here, such as the fear of public speaking, or the fear of venturing out of your comfort zone. These fears are not life threatening as such, but they might result in a negative physiological reaction, when you start to think about actually doing them, in the same way as if your very life were under threat.
Intuition on the other hand, is not driven by fear, but is more of an awareness of something feeling right or feeling wrong. It’s noticing the expression on someone’s face, not being completely in sync with what is coming out of their mouth for instance. It’s a sense that something is out of place, or, on the flip side, is safe to pursue.
Intuition comes from the accumulation of years of the subconscious absorbing many subtle and not so subtle things that the conscious filters out, so that we can function more efficiently on our day to day activities. But these things are noticed by the subconscious and this noticing builds up over time. It is only when something is out of place that many of us become aware of intuition, operating in the background of our consciousness.
Intuition also works in a positive way too, when things just feel right and everything seems to be in alignment.
Malcolm Gladwell in his book, “Blink”, says intuition is easy to ignore, due to its subtlety, which is why people often fail to recognize it. On the other hand, fear is much more effective at attracting our attention, by screaming what it wants us to do or not do.
Intuition is a feeling that comes from life experience via sense perceptions, using all of the senses (sight, smell, taste, touch, hearing), and subsequently utilises much more of the brain. On the other hand, fear simply activates the Amygdala as a neural shortcut, and that leads to a racing heart, energised by fearful thoughts.
Fear is activated for many levels of importance, it’s energised by imagination and self story-telling. Intuition on the other hand, generally only comes into consciousness for the important moments of life and is much more experience based in nature, and certainly not prone to such imagination and story-telling fantasies.
The feeling you get from intuition is usually a sense of peace and alignment, whereas fear can keep nagging at you, even when you know you’ve made the right decision, playing the devils advocate, continually questioning your choices.
Intuition can be for and against taking action. Fear is usually only against action in preference to maintaining the status quo, resisting change and uncertainty, and doing nothing new or challenging.
Learn to quieten the mind, to think less intensely and be less driven by irrational fears.
Back feelings up with rational decision-making techniques and tools like the decision matrix to add a second check to your decision making process.
Improve your self-awareness, by observing your own behaviour and habitual thought patterns, so that you can spot how and when your fears are activated.
Improve your clarity of purpose to help intuition. By knowing where you want to go, and having clear goals, you will better navigate your journey.
For more articles about INTUITION, click here.
Check out our Motivational guide.
How do you feel about the possibility of being wrong?
It is considered to be a very bad thing by most people, resulting in feelings of dread, embarrassment, emptiness, sadness and a sense of loss for time and effort, which may have been wasted. We really don’t want to be proven wrong, do we?
The trouble is we feel we are right (even though we might actually be wrong) until the point we REALISE we’re wrong. A good analogy for this is the Looney tunes cartoon where the coyote chases the road runner off the end of a cliff, and is okay, even though he’s running in mid air, until he realises there’s nothing under his feet, only then does he fall.
We misunderstand the signs around us more than we care to admit, yet we do what we can to avoid thinking about the possibility of being wrong.
We grow to believe we see the world as it really is, we are certain it is so, but this is dangerous. When we ATTACH to the idea of needing to be right, this prevents us accepting any possibility of being wrong.
In the face of disagreement, we are convinced that those who disagree are ignorant of the full facts, and when they are furnished with them, they will agree with our view.
If others have the same facts as us, but still disagree, then we resort to thinking them to be morons and idiots, who lack the necessary education to grasp the true reality.
When we know others to be smart and they still disagree with us, we think they may be withholding something from us, for their own gain.
All these are psychological coping strategies, to keep us from admitting we might actually be the ones who are wrong.
Culture has conditioned us into thinking that people who failed when we were growing up in school, were the class dim-wits and drop outs, we have learned that lesson so well that we carry the fear of being wrong with us into our adult lives and subsequently spend all our time avoiding the possibility. We believe getting something wrong means there’s something wrong with us.
We overlook the role INTERPRETATION plays in shaping our perceptions, which explains why different people might take different meanings from the same event.
This however is what feeds creativity and makes mankind so interesting and diverse. If we all saw the world in the same way, we would lose much of what makes us, us.
Be prepared to stand outside the need to be right all the time, accept we are probably wrong a lot of the time and that’s okay. For instance, we might have thought in our school days that we would marry our childhood sweetheart or be flying around with jet packs strapped to our backs as adults, but life just doesn’t turn out the way we thought it would.
Check out this Ted Talk lecture by Kathryn Schulz, it’s the inspiration for this article and well worth a watch.
Eckhart Tolle describes, in his book A New Earth: Create a Better Life, how much of Mankind is currently under the control of the Ego and this is the cause of much social unrest and conflict around the world.
The Ego is thought you identify with, and to a large extent, is concerned with self-preservation, and in order to carry out that function is fearful by nature. It is preoccupied with the fear of pain and destruction.
Being rather imaginative, it comes up with all sorts of mind constructed scenarios resulting in its demise. It tries to build itself up so that it is more on the one hand, while resisting change and uncertainty on the other, instead opting for routine, consistency and predictability..
The Ego believes that by having more (possessions, ideas, psychological positioning) it will be more, and the more it is, the less chance of being nothing. While at the same time, fearing the more it has, the more it has to lose.
There is no scenario, that can end well, from a mindset of fear. Fear makes us inward looking, exclusive and more selfish because we believe the lie of scarcity, if there is not enough to go round we better grab our share, while we can.
Fear creates division, which in turn breaks communication, which in turn creates misunderstanding. For us to be more there needs to be an “other” that has less. We can’t be better or stronger if there isn’t an “other” to be less or weaker. There is no greater “other” than an “enemy”.
We all hold opinions based on social, political and cultural upbringing. Our parent’s, family, friends, colleagues, and mainstream media tell us their opinions and we make them our own, without really taking a long hard look at the logic and spirit behind them. These opinions become our beliefs and values, and over time, set into rigid thought patterns. We base all our decision making on these beliefs and values, they shape all aspects of our lives. Some of them serve us, but many hold us back from pursuing the kind of lives we would like to live, because they are consumed by fear.
Our Ego, in its attempt for growth, has us believing “we” are right and “they” are wrong. Our stance of superiority has us believing our perspective is the only valid one, so we fail to listen and be empathetic to other’s counter views, which are equally valid from their perspective. We can’t all be right but we could all be wrong.
Those with superior education might consider their views more informed, but if the source of that knowledge, turns out to be biased, than they might just be more brainwashed and less open to opposing narratives and views.
The media is largely responsible for fueling our fears, but they only supply what interests us, so while under the influence of the Ego, we pay more attention to, and takes interest in, fearful stories and bad news, so that we might avoid such situations ourselves in the future.
What is the solution for escaping such a destructive situation? Return your self-preservation instruct to servant and end its role as master. Open your heart and mind to opposing perspectives. Embrace an empathetic mindset and allow yourself to learn from others. Without the Ego in charge, there is only love and inclusion, and from that comes peace and prosperity for all.
If your interested in spirituality, check out our spiritual and wellbeing guide.
The New Year is 6 days old and already the numbers of people going to the gym are dwindling. So much for all those well intentioned New Years resolutions.
Willpower can only take us so far. The effort needed to initiate momentum is finite, it runs out the more its used.
Habits are our saving grace because they take over where willpower leaves off, they are what help us over the longer term.
But habits don’t kick in for at least 30 days of continuous routine, where you do something religiously, almost everyday. After 30 days or so, habit will take over and make the process more automatic. You won’t be thinking about whether to do it or not quite so much, and on the flip side, you will feel a tinge of guilt if you miss a day. Six days of effort isn’t ever going to be nearly enough, persevere through to the end of January at least.
Bad habits tend to be harder to break than good ones, so a few days taking time away/off, results in an interruption of your inertia, which breaks your routine, and consequently the habit, so don’t weaken and get lazy. Health should be a lifestyle, afterall.
Set yourself a tangible goal, and act with purpose in its realisation. Put in the effort to get some momentum, until it becomes habit and then it will be easier to keep going.
For more about increasing your motivation, check out our MOTIVATION GUIDE.
I’ve just finished watching “The Choice” on Netflix with Mrs Turner, and I would highly recommend it. But I’m not writing a movie review here, but talking briefly about what it got me thinking about.
I find choice to be an intriguing aspect of life.
Life is all about choice, right or wrong doesn’t matter because life keeps unfolding regardless.
Choices can be big or small, and can change the whole direction of your life in a heartbeat.
We are where we are because of the choices we have made to this point. The decisions about what to think, to do, and who to do it with or not, provide a continuous stream of options, each following the other.
The best or worse thing about it, depending on how you choose to frame it in your mind, is you get to make them, all of them.
I once made a choice to go away on an holiday, I wasn’t particularly looking forward to. I won’t bore you with the detail, but at the end of it all, it resulted in me meeting the love of my life and marrying her. If I hadn’t of gone on that holiday, and I very nearly didn’t, I wouldn’t have been in a position to meet her and experience the subsequent journey we have enjoyed together since. That holiday literally chanced my life, but really all the decisions we make have the potential to do that don’t they?
So let me wish you good luck with your future choices, may they bring you incredible joy.
Many people provide a true projection of who they are. They are true to themselves, and are easy to read. What you see is what you get.
However some people can initially appear to have certain characteristics or attributes, but when we get to know them better, you find they are not really “like that”.
I consider myself a good judge of character, but occasionally I have had an instant dislike for someone, only to grow fond of them over time. Why have I misjudged them?
I have also had a view of myself, that has differed from the view others have had of me. How can this be?
How do we misread how others think of us? How can we think we are coming across one way, when indeed we are coming across completely differently from the perspective of others?
One example that jumps to mind from recent experience, is the boy racers that rev their engines, screech off from lights, wheel spinning as they go, only to be sat waiting at the next set of lights, when you catch them up. They deeply believe they are projecting coolness, male prowess and demonstrating what a catch they are for the opposite sex. When indeed they look immature, and quite ridiculous.
It can be a real problem, if we see ourselves one way and everyone else see us another, particularly if the two views greatly contrast. If we think of ourselves as warm , friendly , approachable, and likeable and others see us cold, abrupt, unapproachable and not very likeable there is a real disconnect that can be very problematic for our business and personal lives.
Now there is an element of showing your best side, when you first meet strangers, and showing your true colours later, when you get to know people better. But we’re not talking about this, we’re talking about the discrepancy of what you think you are projecting, compared to how others perceive you.
So why can there be such a disconnect for some people? Stephen R. Covey explained “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions.”
This is where the discrepancy lies, we judge ourselves differently to how we judge others, and how we judge others is closer to how others actually judge us.
When perceiving yourself you have lots of background information. You understand your intention, what you’re trying to achieve by your actions. You are more likely to blame situational factors if things don’t work out as planned. You are also privy to your mental and emotional state at the time, and their influence on your behaviour.
When you perceive others, particularly in relation to people you don’t know very well, you’re likely to consider their behaviour as much more representative of the persons underlying character, and a truer reflection of WHO THEY ARE, without much consideration for situational influences.
Likewise, this is inevitably how they will perceive you. They are likely to interpret your actions as an indication of your personality. This difference in how we perceive ourselves versus how others perceive us, is referred to as the Fundamental Attribution Error or attribution effect.
It describes the tendency to overestimate the effect of personality and underestimate the effect of the situation in explaining other people’s actions. For example, if you are in a rush, and cut someone off in traffic because you have to get to the hospital to care for a loved one, you will interpret cutting the person off as totally justifiable. You are not a jerk, in fact, you are trying to help someone. The person you cut off, however, will have no idea you are going to the hospital, and will likely think you are a jerk.
How we see ourselves is intrinsically connected to our self-image, which is developed through our life experiences. A poor self-image can deeply affect our relationships and interactions in the world, which in turn, are perceived, by others, as being who we are, without the deeper understanding of why we may act this way.
A theory coined by Charles Horton Cooley provides us with insight as to how we see ourselves. The concept is called, “The Looking-Glass Self.” As each individual interacts with others in society, a relationship develops. It may last only a few seconds, yet our perception of how others view us, shapes our image of ourselves. It is like looking to a reflective glass for a glimpse of what it is like to be “us.” Cooley’s theory suggests our perceptions of how others see us, inevitably shapes our image of ourselves.
So if you find there is a disconnect between your view of yourself, and that of everyone else around you, there is a need to improve your self-awareness. Be wary that your attempts to be appear confident, aren’t being misinterpreted as arrogance. That trying to appear witty isn’t being seen as sarcastic, cutting or uncaring. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and try to be empathetic to their viewpoint.
Better still, don’t try to put on an act, and instead let your behaviour be a true representation of who you are, without the insecurities, and fears that might cause your behaviour to be undesirable. Embrace your inner being, and let your light shine through.
Check out my article about spirituality and wellbeing, that might give you some insight into letting your true self shine.
Why do some people stick to a healthy diet, and a productive exercise routine, while others don’t?
If you’re not exercising regularly (even if it’s just regular walking), and you’re not maintaining a healthy weight, you’re not living a healthy life, and you maybe, should be making a change. We all know it can be difficult to shed the pounds, especially as we get older, but most of the reasons for not following through on a healthy lifestyle, are largely due to motivational issues, rather than physical constraints.
ALWAYS CONSULT A DOCTOR BEFORE UNDERTAKING ANY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY AND DIETARY PLAN. THERE ARE SOME MEDICAL CONDITIONS THAT CAUSE EXCESS WEIGHT, SO CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST.
it is common knowledge, that a mixture of good diet and regular exercise is required to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle, so we will be dealing with both in this article. I’m not going into the particulars about what foods to eat and not eat, and what exercises to undertake and what to avoid, in this article, it’s more about strategy, then execution.
Let’s look at some of the reasons and excuses for not sticking to a good diet and regular exercise routine and then what we can do about them. I have separated them out so that we can deal with them in turn, some of the points are repeated for both, where applicable. These are based on my experience, you may find some of the points apply to you, and some may not. It is recommended that you make your own list.
Not sticking to diet/eating plan
What we can do about it
Not exercising
What to do about it
I have put down some of the things that go through my mind when I’m faced with the choice of either eating something I want to eat or eating healthy, and with regards to exercising or not. You should add your own excuses to this list as part of your self-awareness analysis.
First set yourself a GOAL, give yourself some room for TREATS, otherwise you will be miserable (thinking you are missing out too much) and will be unlikely to keep it up. Your goal has to be sustainable, and enjoyable, if possible. Some exercise is better than none.
Develop a PLAN OF ACTION to achieve your GOAL. Set to a timeline, with a deadline. In doing this, you have to tap into your SELF AWARENESS, and figure out why you’re not doing what you need to do, or find out why you’re doing things that are counter-productive to your goal. Try to manage your weaknesses. For example, If you can’t pull yourself away from the TV, stick a treadmill in front of it and do exercise while watching TV.
Then you have to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. There is no short-cut, or magic formula (be very, very careful about taking slimming aids and quick fixes, they can result in untold damage to your body). Stop making excuses and blaming other people or circumstances and the stresses of life, for not following your plan.
TAKE RIGHT ACTION. Those that take RIGHT ACTION have made it part of their routine. They JUST DO IT. They have found a way to JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN. It can be difficult to go against your bad habits, so either find some form of HACK to fool yourself into complying, or just make yourself do it.
Finally, be COMMITTED to your goal and plan of action, see it through to a successful conclusion.
Good luck