Is it possible that western cultural values which imply that we should always be happy to be considered a success and that depression and sadness are signs of failure, are actually what are making us more depressed?
According to research, cited in an article on the conversation website, and which can be found here, it would seem that this could well be the case.
Feeling we should be living up to such cultural standards, and perceiving ourselves as falling short of them, is a great example of the Equation of emotion (EOE) in action. Remember that the EOE compares our expectations and preferences (EP) to our reality as perceived (RP) and throws out a negative emotion if the RP falls short of the EP.
Expectations, even culturally led ones, that aren’t being met by our perceived reality, cause negative emotions, and because we are the source of the perceived devaluation, we feel the emotion of SADNESS.
The equation of emotion is said to be responsible for all the emotions we feel, and well worth checking out. Here is an article I wrote about it.
We might not even realise we’ve internalised these particular cultural values, which could have been done on a subconscious level, through things like subliminal advertising imagery and symbolism, and as a result we may not even be aware that such subconscious expectations even exist within us.
When you’re on a journey of self-discover and self-awareness, subconscious influences can be difficult to uncover. Often working backwards helps in the discovery process.
What is the emotion, you’re feeling?
What’s the relevant attachment?
And what’s the expectation/preference you have about that attachment?
Does your perception of reality fall short of this expectation/preference?
I hope this article will aid your journey of self discovery and self awareness. Check out more articles about self awareness here.
If you’ve ever dug into the subject of SPIRITUALITY, you’ll no doubt realise that the aim of spirituality is about becoming ENLIGHTENED, which is the process of bringing awareness to the fact that most of mankind’s woes come from his enslavement by the EGO.
The Ego is best described as a state of mind which is completely IDENTIFIED WITH THOUGHT, which means that thoughts, particular rigid thought patterns and habits such as beliefs and values, become part of WHO WE THINK WE ARE, that is, we invest it with our sense of self. Furthermore we mistake our thoughts about the world around us, to be the world around us, rather than just thoughts about the world around us, which is all they actually are, and in so doing, we reduce everything to a mind-constructed abstraction, grossly simplified to aid understanding and navigation.
When ENLIGHTENED, the world becomes a vibrant, ecosystem of wonder. The two dimensional, simplified version, we held to be THE TRUTH, opens up into a vastness of multi-sensory, wonderfulness, that brings with it a sense of awe. You come away from the necessity of thought, into the present moment where LIFE unfolds. There comes with it a number of realisations…
Everything has a purpose and a place
Good and evil, up and down, right and wrong, front and back, ally and enemy, each by its very existence inferring its polar opposite. Alan watts referred to it as “the game of black and white” in his book THE BIBLE. It’s all part of the same thing, intrinsically interconnected, and necessary to make up the rich tapestry of life.
Life is a game
You shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, after all, it’s all small stuff. Problems look big from close up. Zoom out and see the bigger picture. Everything looks small from a 50 thousand foot view.
FEAR is the route of all evil
We think FEAR keeps us alive and it does to some extent, but when out of control it is as likely to be the agent of death. Fear drives greed and the need for power which results in war and destruction. It increases insecurity and leads to even greater fear.
Mainstream media and politics keep fear front and centre to satisfy the public’s appetite (we are hardwired through evolution to take more interest in threats, and negative news), as well as pursuing their own benefit, such as profit and political ambitions. But in doing so, they report a skewed picture of the world, highlighting the negatives but under reporting the positives. There is an argument for avoiding the news altogether, or at least viewing it with an awareness of its imbalanced nature.
Life only exists IN THIS MOMENT
We can only interact directly with life in the moment it unfolds. A preoccupation with thinking and living inside our head’s is a distraction. It’s necessary to some extent of course, to use mental processes to navigate the world, accessing memory, using critical thinking and the likes, but we should live as much as possible, in the moment. All thought is preoccupied with past and future and that’s where our problems and pain also reside.
I recently saw this question “What is a sad fact of life in 10 words or less?” on Quora.com and a number of answers quickly came to mind, but a few others also occurred to me that I couldn’t fit into 10 words or less, so I thought I’d write a post and put them all in one place. Feel free to add your own, in the comments.
#1. People are spiritually disconnected, and don’t see the WONDERFULNESS of life
#2 People worry about the small stuff, it’s all small stuff.
#3 People focus on their EXPECTATIONS, instead of their APPRECIATIONS.
#4 People spend way too much time in their heads, and not enough in the real world.
#5 All pain and suffering is caused by FEAR, even greed is.
#6 People fear CHANGE, because they focus on UNCERTAINTY and RISK, rather than the OPPORTUNITIES..
#7 Mankind’s behaviour is driven by BELIEFS based largely on nothing more than ASSUMPTIONS.
#8 FEAR drives GREED, which leads to the pursuit for POWER. This means those at the top are the most fearful in society, and we still expect them to worry about the rest of us. What a crazy system we have.
#9 Mankind wastes millions of hours/lives/dollars/expertise fighting over scarce resources, instead of focusing on creating new resources for all.
#10 People worry endlessly about if there is a life after death, make the most of the life you have now, you don’t know and can’t change what happens after death.
Following the list below will inevitably improve your quality of life, and those who you share it with. Remember it’s not about what happens to you, but rather how you deal with whatever happens to you.
I like Eckhart Tolle and his teachings, they resonate with me in a profound way. I’m not a devout follower of his, nor anyone else, but having put much of what he teaches into practice, I feel a greater sense of peace in myself. Some people “get” what Eckhart is saying and others don’t. So I thought I would try to do a walk through his teachings in a more summarised format.
This is my interpretation of what Eckhart Tolle is teaching…
Eckhart Tolle’s teaching boils down to….
Living in the moment, without identification with thought
and here’s the working out bit…
We identify with thought when we mistake them (our thoughts) to be part of us, part of who we are.
We’re not referring to thoughts that pass fleetingly in and out of our minds,
but rather rigid/habitual thought patterns.
They are what we refer to as our beliefs,
Strongly held beliefs are wholly responsible for our behaviours and the way we live our lives
What are our beliefs based on?
Usually nothing more than assumptions
Some of what we learn comes from first hand experience, but much more comes from what we see and hear..
from others, from the media, from so called authorities and experts.
We are conditioned/ taught to believe what we are told, we assume we are being told the truth, by people that know best, and who have our best interests at heart.
Many people are aware of this fact and question such assumptions more critically,
but many more blindly follow.
If you have strong beliefs, you close down openness and willingness to learn, to take a different view, to tolerate other ideas and approaches, to empathise
Strongly held beliefs cause us to be judgmental of others and ourselves.
Strongly held beliefs cause division, and force a “them and us” mentality.
Strongly held beliefs are driven by fear, and life, from a base of fear is scary rather than wondrous.
Strongly held beliefs are responsible for all the wars that have ever been, for all pain and suffering in ourselves and others. It is what is likely to end mankind’s time on earth, unless we wake up to the madness of identifying with thought.
How do you do this?
You spend more time “in the now”, in this moment, and less time in your head, thinking.
How do you find the best path to achieving your goal?
There may be many paths you can take to reach your GOAL.
Some paths may cross one another.
Some paths are longer than others.
Some paths may run into a dead end, requiring you to retrace your steps, at least partially, to get back on track.
Some paths lead you to places you never expected, but come to love.
The only paths that fail, are those you abandon.
So to answer the question posed above….
You must TAKE ACTION, deliberately and purposefully, measuring your progress or lack of, as you go.
You should adjust your approach based on your MEASUREMENT feedback.
You should cycle through a process of 1. testing, 2. measuring, and 3. tweaking your execution.
Remain open to alternative methodology; be an humble apprentice, questioning your assumptions and knowledge, always. The moment you decide you know, is the moment you close yourself off from learning anything more.
When it comes to finding the best path to your goal, you would be best to first focus on two coordinates;
#1 – Where you’re starting from and
#2 -Where you want to end up (GOAL)
Without either of these, particularly a well defined GOAL, you have no sense of direction. You cannot know if you are closer or further away, at any point in your journey.
Tony Robbins is a big proponent of MODELLING, when it comes to achieving goals. He teaches his followers to dissect the success of those that have done what you want to do and identify the key ingredients to achieving a positive result.
Once you know what is required to be successful in achieving your goal, you can work out a strategy for making the most of your existing skills and talents, replacing those of the person you are modelling. For instance if someone is amassing a large following on the back of providing great HOW TO.. advice via say, a podcast, but you don’t have the vocal presence or skills needed, you could, maybe, provide the same information via the written word, if you’re a good writer and your skill-set is better suited to that form of delivery. Alternatively you could practice and improve your vocal skills, to the best of your ability, or even put a unique twist on it, to make it more palatable for the audience.
When you’re modeling, separate out the STYLE and STRATEGY that you’re chosen role model is employing. Employ the same strategy they are using, but marry that with your own style to make it authentic and unique to you.
When you have a list of key requirements and/or stages for achieve your goal, use each as a gauge of your progress. Ask “am closer to being able to achieve my goal today, than I was yesterday?”
Once you have fulfilled all the requirements, you should have achieved your goal. If you are still unsuccessful, then look for what ingredient(s) you might have missed. There must be something else missing.
Just a word of warning, when modelling, be aware of the fact that things may have moved on. What worked yesterday may no longer work in the same way today or be relevant to the needs of the market (if your goal is business/marketing related). So make sure that your approach is also up-to-date. For example television advertising was once very profitable for big brands but is no longer so, the audience’s attention is focused online today, via their smartphones. However while this is the case for the likes of business and marketing, which are fast moving and fluid environments, if your goal is fitness or health related, then what worked yesterday is still relevant today.
Getting results in any aspect of life, whether it be work, business, health, relationships, requires knowing what to do and doing what needs to be done. You must have the know how, motivation, and be productive.
I’m asked quite a lot about the requirements for achieving online success, so have done a walk-through of the considerations for achieving online success, so check it out below.
I haven’t elaborated on each of the points, rather I am just trying to highlight considerations, there are other posts on this site that deal with details.
This site isn’t specifically designed around providing information about running an online business, but I have a number of articles about the subject, based on my research and own experience, which are linked to at the end of this post.
This post is designed for people who want online success, to get results with their online business, but are getting, frustrated, puzzled (why is it not working?), feel like giving up, have run out of ideas.
Let’s begin…
Goal
Let’s assume your goal is to achieve online success.
What’s needed to get there, and what is your target? Make sure you have an end goal in mind, before you begin. You can, by all means, have a number of interim goals, that get increasingly bigger, but by having an end goal you will ensure you are fully in alignment, and not deviating on your journey.
i.e. Making an online income of 10k month
Something to sell
Must first have something to sell that is in-demand by prospective customers, and either…
Monetise via advertising (bring audience to advertisers)
Monetise via sponsorships (bring audience to advertisers)
Get large enough audience/traffic volume to make a living from sales/advertising revenue – bigger volume needed on tighter profit margins.
Produce and use content to pull prospects to sales channel
Allow audience to get to know you
Build trust, likeability
Add value to them
Offer extra help and support
Allow them to see you in action
Advertising online and offline channels
Point all advertising back to content and sales pages
Pay affiliates to drive sales
Influencers with big audience made up of your customer profiles
Get backlinks from other reputable websites
Guest posting on other websites and linking back to your site
Share graphics or unique content with other websites with attribution link back to your site
Optimise website for SEO, using tags, keywords in content text, internal and external links
Problem identification
i.e. Not getting success online
A. Not building volume of traffic to lead pages and then sales pages
to social media pages
content pages
sales pages
B. Not enough engagement/interest in content and then products, no free sharing to help in cost of building volume either
C. No way of monetising or not effectively monetising off back of content
Analysis
A and B. Is the lack of traffic down to…
#1- Quality of content not engaging and building volume (being shared for free)?
#2- Not effectively marketing well enough?
#1- Producing the Quality Content
Is the subject matter in-demand?
If so, by whom?
Where is the attention of these people?
How can I best reach them?
What are their pains/passions/desires?
What are they having difficulty with?
Where and why are they stuck?
How can I help them get unstuck?
Generating content ideas
Go to forums, online groups, niche thought leaders and see what is being asked, and become part of that community (commenting, asking questions and adding value by giving insight) – Do this for interaction with the community (marketing) and getting content ideas
Check out books in the niche (Amazon) and see what is being written about (table of contents)
Check out magazines and publications within the niche to see what is being written about
Check mainstream media to see what is being written/talked about
Is the content good enough?
Is it attractive? Images, text, video
Is it interesting? – Valuable, useful, well presented – does it benefit the reader?
Am I talented/skilled enough to pull it off (writing skills, video capture/editing skills, speaking skills)
Is the content easily digestible (clear, interesting and valuable)?
Easy to navigate
Links to similar content
Well structured
Broken into easy to digest paragraphs
Good grammar
Does it cater for different media preferences?
Written,
Video,
Audio,
Images,
Graphic models
Is it presented from a unique perspective? Not the same as competitors
Are you credible enough?
Proven track record
Income statements
Past prestigious customers
Case studies
Testimonials and reviews
Or Documenting my journey – testing “crash test dummy”
Case studies
What I’ve done up to now and what I’ve learned
Testing ideas
Or Collating and commentating on well renown others
Talking about other’s ideas
Testing what other’s suggest
#2- effective marketing of content – look for low acquisition costs (underpriced attention)
Are you using social media effectively (where the prospects attention is focused) to drive traffic to content/sales pages?
Facebook
Instagram
Twitter
Snapchat
Linkdin
Quora
Reddit
StumbleUpon
Google plus
Musica.lly app
Understand the psychology of these channels, the acceptable code of conduct and make sure you don’t break these.
Are there any other marketing channels available to target specific audience that you’re not making use of?
Look at niche specific publications, forums, chat groups, to see if any are being advertised, or discussed.
c. Monetising off back of content
Is there a service or product to sell at the bottom of your sales funnel?
Is the product service valuable (demanded/needed/wanted)?
Sell professional services/products (one to one coaching)
Via ecommerce or drop ship
Via digital media
Are there other methods of monetising available for this niche, that can be lucrative enough?
Advertising
Sponsorship
Affiliates
Not getting results
Online failure points
Failure to get site ranked high in SERP’s
Not enough traffic to website via
SEO
Optimise for onsite and offsite SEO
PPC or social media ads
Get to know and understand marketing channels on social media, particularly Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and on Google PPC
Backlinking
Link wheels
Ask for links
Make content usable for other bloggers/content creators
Content marketing
Get content seen on niche specific forums/groups
Get content In front of influencers who will freely promote your stuff or you can pay to do so
Post on – https://www.quora.com/
Get advert clicks on website
Make the offers enticing enough, relevant enough
Blend the ads to look like links to other parts of website (posters) so they click on them by accident
Have enough ads around content area
Convert visitor’s to subscribers or get customer’s on website
Incentivise visitors using content upgrades, free reports, white papers etc
Scarcity – make the offer limited (number/timescale)
Get more customers
Advertise/add value on channels where prospect attention is focused
or where influencers (who can increase your reach) are situated
Fear and fearfulness can be a real disabler, stopping you dead in your tracks and keeping you from pursuing your dreams and goals.
Fear manifests in the form of…
Procrastination,
Overwhelm,
Making up excuses,
Doubt in own ability,
Anxiety, where there is an imbalance in perceived ability and requirements,
Denial,
Avoidance
These behaviours come from some underlying fear, it could be fear of failure, fear of… coming to harm, even death, embarrassment, vulnerability, loss, poverty, change, uncertainty, discomfort, rejection… the list goes on.
Fear is a mind-construct and comes from working through scenarios of what might happen in the future, but because it’s thought-based it inevitably will be biased towards self-preservation and minimising risk and uncertainty where possible, because that’s what thoughts are conditioned to do.
Doing anything new, moving away from your comfort zone, will cause a fear reaction. It does so for everybody to some degree. The difference between those that act and those that don’t is confidence and risk-tolerance.
Some people naturally believe more in themselves or have been brought up to have confidence in themselves and are prepared to tackle uncertainty and risk, because they feel they will find a way through to a successful conclusion, no matter what.
Others have been conditioned to believe risk is dangerous and to play safe and/or have been brought up in such a way as to have their confidence eroded to the point that they just don’t want to take a chance.
Confidence is often built-up or demolished in childhood years, and the beliefs about ourselves, that are subsequently formed, follow us into adulthood.
We should increase self-awareness and truly challenge any limiting-beliefs, because often they are more likely to be reflection of the self-doubt of the very people who discouraged us from taking risks, dealing with uncertainty and change, rather than of us, as individuals.
Discouragement and warnings of what might go wrong, may have been made with the best intentions of keeping us safe, but result in a self-imposed prison.
Because they may be long-standing beliefs, it may take some time to break out of the groove they have imprinted on our minds and patterns of thinking, but bringing them into AWARENESS and challenging them is often the all important first step.
Repetition of a new empowering belief will form a new neural pathway through the power of habit. Put simply, replace bad habitual thinking patterns with good ones.
We would all like to be more successful in one way or another. Success is not just about having a profitable business, or achieving great wealth, but comes in the form of successfully achieving good health, having great relationships and being more fulfilled spiritually.
I’ve listed 10 great secrets for improving your chances of success, there are others and you can find more ideas throughout this website, so check them out at your leisure, there’s lots to read and watch on the site. Also please consider signing up to our newsletter to get content updates and exclusive material, not available on the website.
So let’s get on with it…
Embrace CHANGE and RISK
There are winners and losers in every situation. You can focus on blaming and complaining, or you can look to position yourself to win. Be a predator of chance, rather than a victim of circumstance.
We resist CHANGE because it brings uncertainty and risk, but it also brings opportunity. Changing your mindset, changes your results.
For example during the financial crisis of 2007-2008, which brought down most of the major economies, some financial institutions were quick to identify the problem and take positions to benefit from it, by shorting stocks.
Every crisis opens up opportunities, you just have to be clear minded enough to be able to take advantage, often in the face of fear and imminent disaster.
Change your PERSPECTIVE
Challenge your perceptions, expectations, assumptions and interpretations.
Accepting the possibility of being wrong takes courage, and self-confidence
The aim is to have a more rounded perspective of the world and to be open to alternative ideas, views and methods of doing things.
Stop EXCUSING failure
Procrastination, blaming and complaining are clever psychological tricks aimed at making yourself feel better for not trying, or failing.
For instance procrastination allows you to delay the necessity to take action, you say, “I’ll start my diet tomorrow or at the beginning of next week or I’ll make it a new year resolution”. They are excuses that allow you to remain unchanged.
Blaming and complaining passes responsibility to others so you can feel better and free yourself from guilt, but passing responsibility passes power, the very power you need to make progress.
Fix MISPERCEPTIONS
Be wary of what you choose to believe. Many belief systems are based on little more than assumptions. Assumptions about what we are being told and assumptions about the people who are telling us, assumptions about what is true and what is not.
You might see your Facebook feed taken up by people commenting on social and political issues, and if you’re like me you wonder how many of these opinions are nothing other than unresearched re-parroting of mis-truths.
In his book “Think and grow rich”, Napoleon Hill advises to always ask “How do you know?” when somebody tells you something, and if their answer happens to be anything other than “from first hand experience”, take it with a pinch of salt.
Be COMMITTED
Going all-in, burning bridges, reaching the point of no return. However you want to term it, making sure you are committed means you have to make it work or else…
When you do anything half heartedly, with one foot in and one foot out, things seem to take much more time to reach a successful conclusion, if at all.
Success needs determination and perseverance, particularly when the going gets tough, and commitment means you’re more likely to push on rather than give up and throw in the towel. Road blocks and obstructions will inevitably halt your progress, to test your resolve. If you are to get past them you have to be resolute, or don’t even bother starting.
Set GOALS
Make your goals dynamic rather than static. What I mean by this is, don’t focus on being a millionaire, instead make goals more action oriented such as… helping a million people get out of poverty by using [your solution]. This helps you link your GOAL back to where you are starting out from.
Start by focusing on helping one person then get better and more effective at doing it. The aim from there is to leverage your results to help more and more people. Ask “How can I help one person?” and progress from there.
Once you start on this defined path, progress is easy to measure and you are in a groove from the word go.
Narrow your FOCUS
Have you ever used a magnifying glass to concentrate the sun’s rays and burn grass, insects or even a friend’s hand for a bit of, so called fun? Then you’ll appreciate the power of focused energy.
In the same way the sun’s energy is intensified into a small beam of heat, when you concentrate your energy onto a single thing, the power of that energy, of effort, in this case, is greatly intensified to much greater effect than would be the case if you were covering a wide number of different things.
When you spread yourself thin, your energy dissipates to a large extent. You are bound to get a drop in consequences and outcomes. Focus will maximise the return on energy invested, otherwise known as energy return on investment.
Put in the HARD WORK
If you believe you can be an overnight success, make a website and earn thousands of pounds in passive income, you’re deluded.
There are many sharks hoping to sell you the next money making system for just $49. Forget it, the only person you’re going to make rich is the person selling you the system.
Success takes work, don’t be persuaded otherwise. Knuckle down and do something you love, and “GRAFT AT YOUR CRAFT“. Get into a virtuous cycle of continual improvement based on action and feedback, and learn as you practice.
LEVERAGE resources
The ability to leverage resources is the key to riches. Leverage requires employing a system to grow from one to many.
Think of opening a shop, and then two, three and more. You find a method that can deliver value to customers in one area. When you have it cracked you open in a new area and repeat.. If you drive a taxi for a living, you get a second car, pay someone to drive it for you, pocket any profit, repeat and rinse.
You can personally only work so many hours, there is a ceiling to your earning power. Businesses leverage the power of the many, for a common cause, and the owner makes a killing in the process.
Manage STRESS
The ability to manage thoughts and emotions is often the difference between achieving greatness or failing.
Think of the football player stepping up to take a penalty in a big match, with the world on the edge of their seats watching, half the people wishing for a miss, and the other half completely emotionally invested in a successful outcome. A place in history or abject failure, the consequences couldn’t be more stark.
If you’re not a football fan you might not appreciate this scenario fully, so instead think of a situation where success and failure hang on the outcome of one thing, one action, and try to imagine the pressure that builds, the self-doubt that surge’s through your mind and the impact on physiology. The stomach churns, the legs go weak, the mouth is as dry as a bone, the flight or fight mechanism kicks in.
Managing your thoughts is key to managing your emotions. Gain some perspective: if it’s not truly life and death, don’t build it up to be. Don’t believe your whole future happiness depends on this one break, because it doesn’t. Stop manifesting pressure that doesn’t need to be there. Improve your EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE because it will improve your performance.
BE HONEST with yourself
The ability to look in the mirror and admit your shortcomings, your weakness and know what you would prefer to be doing is all important when crafting a life you love, but it’s not easy.
You have to let go of the image of yourself you HOPE TO BE or would like to see yourself being, and embrace the reality. If you suffer from low self esteem, this can be painful, but it is for the best, because it will allow you to move forward in a more realistic way.
There is no point in fooling yourself and wasting precious time. Bite the bullet, be honest with yourself and start moving down the right path, armed with a strong sense of self awareness.
The building blocks to success can be accessed through the following links, covering MOTIVATION, PRODUCTIVITY and KNOWLEDGE.
