Get Results: Being healthy isn’t a fad or a trend, it’s a lifestyle
Why do some people stick to a healthy diet, and a productive exercise routine, while others don’t?
If you’re not exercising regularly (even if it’s just regular walking), and you’re not maintaining a healthy weight, you’re not living a healthy life, and you maybe, should be making a change. We all know it can be difficult to shed the pounds, especially as we get older, but most of the reasons for not following through on a healthy lifestyle, are largely due to motivational issues, rather than physical constraints.
ALWAYS CONSULT A DOCTOR BEFORE UNDERTAKING ANY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY AND DIETARY PLAN. THERE ARE SOME MEDICAL CONDITIONS THAT CAUSE EXCESS WEIGHT, SO CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST.
it is common knowledge, that a mixture of good diet and regular exercise is required to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle, so we will be dealing with both in this article. I’m not going into the particulars about what foods to eat and not eat, and what exercises to undertake and what to avoid, in this article, it’s more about strategy, then execution.
Let’s look at some of the reasons and excuses for not sticking to a good diet and regular exercise routine and then what we can do about them. I have separated them out so that we can deal with them in turn, some of the points are repeated for both, where applicable. These are based on my experience, you may find some of the points apply to you, and some may not. It is recommended that you make your own list.
Self analysis
Not sticking to diet/eating plan
Giving in to a moment of weakness
Giving in to the urge/hunger
Inability to resist/delay (taste) gratification
Crave the taste/experience of (unhealthy/fatty food)
Think “will cut back tomorrow to make up”, but then don’t – (rationalise breaking the rules)
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”
What we can do about it
Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Don’t believe or fool yourself and your rationalisations – resist the temptation
Frame nice tasting food, negatively
Make healthy food more appealing and enjoyable
Fill yourself up on water (no calories), so you don’t feel hungry, sometimes thirst can be mistaken for hunger
Keep your mind busy, so you don’t think about food out of boredom
Avoid distractions and temptations altogether (no chocolates in cupboard)
Have an accountability buddy, or some mechanism for holding yourself to account
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. So you will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy eating some treats (as part of the plan), then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do. Make it a good habit. Once it becomes part of your routine, it will be easier to stick to.
Not exercising
Want to do something other than exercising, like watching TV, working on laptop.
Don’t want the discomfort of going outside, or having to pay and go to the gym, and missing out on doing more fun things.
Lack of energy willpower, can’t be bothered – lethargy.
Would rather be doing anything else – don’t enjoy exercising.
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”
What to do about it
Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Try to undertake exercise that is fun to do – has a social element to it
Exercise in front of the TV, so you can do both
Remove the temptations or distractions, so you can’t do them anyway, even if you don’t exercise.
Do short bursts of high intensity, do them in advert break.
Have a accountability buddy, or exercise with one
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. You will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Don’t think about it, just set a routine and stick to it – make yourself do it, once it becomes a habit, it will get easier.
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy some treats or veto’s, then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do
I have put down some of the things that go through my mind when I’m faced with the choice of either eating something I want to eat or eating healthy, and with regards to exercising or not. You should add your own excuses to this list as part of your self-awareness analysis.
Conclusion
First set yourself a GOAL, give yourself some room for TREATS, otherwise you will be miserable (thinking you are missing out too much) and will be unlikely to keep it up. Your goal has to be sustainable, and enjoyable, if possible. Some exercise is better than none.
Develop a PLAN OF ACTION to achieve your GOAL. Set to a timeline, with a deadline. In doing this, you have to tap into your SELF AWARENESS, and figure out why you’re not doing what you need to do, or find out why you’re doing things that are counter-productive to your goal. Try to manage your weaknesses. For example, If you can’t pull yourself away from the TV, stick a treadmill in front of it and do exercise while watching TV.
Then you have to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. There is no short-cut, or magic formula (be very, very careful about taking slimming aids and quick fixes, they can result in untold damage to your body). Stop making excuses and blaming other people or circumstances and the stresses of life, for not following your plan.
TAKE RIGHT ACTION. Those that take RIGHT ACTION have made it part of their routine. They JUST DO IT. They have found a way to JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN. It can be difficult to go against your bad habits, so either find some form of HACK to fool yourself into complying, or just make yourself do it.
Finally, be COMMITTED to your goal and plan of action, see it through to a successful conclusion.
Below is an inspirational video with quotes and affirmations from the “Law of Attraction” teachings.
https://youtu.be/HoKfz-zCdE8
Check out the “Law of Attraction” which is the idea behind the popular movie “The Secret”. However I would suggest checking out some of the videos done by Abraham Hicks on youtube for some really interesting in-depth videos about the subject. I recommend keeping an open mind when approaching the subject.
The 3 laws that are detailed by Abraham Hicks are:
The Law of Attraction – says “That which is likened to itself is drawn” and refers to the magnetic power of thought
The Law of deliberate creation – says “That which you give thought to or that you believe, allow or expect, is” we are all creators, most thoughts are by accident or default but holding deliberate thought will allow it to grow stronger and manifest itself into our life, good or bad.
The Law of allowing – says “I am that which I am, and I am willing to allow all others to be what they are”
You must understand the first before you can understand the second, and you must understand the first and second before you can understand the third.
Author Napoleon Hill also advocates the use of the Law of Attraction in this book Think and Grow Rich. He outlines the stages that need to be taken to live a fulfilled life:
Develop a burning desire, have faith, learn how to feed constructive ideas to your subconscious mind, acquire specialized knowledge, put your conscious mind to work, have a written plan, be decisive, be persistent, join forces with like-minded individuals, understanding the function of sex as related to success, understanding the power of the subconscious mind, trust your inner voice or six sense.
Although the book was written 1937 many of its teachings are still relevant today and is certainly worth a read. If you search there are a number or free PDF downloads available and the book is also available from Audible.com in audio form.
In a nutshell the premise of the Law of Attraction is:
Whatever you focus on, good or bad, you get more of. So be careful what you lock your thoughts on. Try to positively frame things in your thoughts such as wanting to be rich, instead of not wanting to be poor. If you think of poor, even in the negative you will get more of it in your life. The law of attraction does not understand the difference between not wanting or wanting. If you think poor, even in not wanting to be poor, that is the overriding focus of your thoughts and as a result you will get more of it in your life. So just to clarify, if you don’t want to be poor, think about being rich.
Just thinking of something is not enough, it needs to be mixed with a strong emotion to really work. so desiring something with all your heart will be more effective. So will fearing something. If you fear something greatly and keep that fear in your mind, you will, like a magnet attract that very thing into your life…so be warned!
Don’t just wish for something, believe it is waiting for you in the future, just waiting for you to meet up with it. Believe it is already yours, it’s just waiting for you to claim it.
There needs to be at least two parties involved in the persuasion process, these being the…
Sender of message
Receiver of message
For the purpose of this article, we are going to look at how persuasion is used within MARKETING although it is used in many other real world situations, with good or bad intentions. One of the best ways to protect yourself from its influence, is AWARENESS. If you know how it works, you can defend yourself against it.
As Marketers we are, in our role as “sender of message” ultimately hoping to persuade the “receiver” to buy our product, there are a number of ways we can do this. The bare bone approaches being:
Control
Convince
Convert
Control
If we have power over the receiver we can use this to pressure them to buy. Power can come from..
Using your authority, if you have it,
The lack of options open to the receiver (no substitutes or alternatives available),
If receiver is desperate,
The scarcity of time to make the decision.
The receiver may feel their hand being forced, which might well lead to a feeling of resentment and resistance and is not likely lead to any kind of ongoing relationship, loyalty and bonding between the receiver and sender. I personally, don’t like to be pushed, manipulated or forced into buying, and I’m sure most people feel the same.
Hard sales tactics are often used by the sender, when trying to invoke some level of control over the receiver, and are common in the following circumstances:
When PRODUCT is temporary, limited use, or one-time use: fads, fashions, entertainments, seasonal clothing, equipment, perishable foods, collectables
When SELLER is temporary: door-to-door selling, telephone solicitations (“boiler room”), fly-by-night operations (“one shot”), con games (“pigeon drop”)
When BUYER is temporary, that is, in an unfamiliar area or condition: tourist, travelers, newcomers, inexperienced, immature
When a sense of CRISIS exits (a real or imaged emergency, time limit, or deadline): pain, genuine close-outs, elections, TV “shopping clubs”
When GUARANTEE (refund, or return of goods) is missing: unknown companies, “fronts”
When DEMAND exceeds SUPPLY: SURPLUS situations
Let’s look at a couple of real life examples: Some caravan parks limit the maximum age of caravans on their site, to say, 10 years old and then force caravan owners to buy a replacement new caravan from them, rather than from 3rd party suppliers.
Cinemas often discourage or even stop customers bringing their own refreshments into their venue, so they have to buy them from the foyer, at inflated prices. This control is enforced by the venue as a condition of using its facilities.
Convince
“Convincing” the receiver of your message to take a particular course of action, takes more effort than the “control” method, but is more ethical and rewarding. Getting attention is the first objective, followed by, creating a convincing argument that promotes your case and negates the alternatives. This is illustrated in Professor Hugh Ranks “Intensify and Downplay schema (see below).
If we present a clear cause and effect appeal to the receiver we will find our message more readily accepted from a rational perspective. So we must communicate the benefits and features of our offering and answer any objections that the receiver will inevitably have.
However emotional appeals have proven to yield better results because receivers engage the right-side of their brain more when emotionally aroused, as a result, they think less rationally, and are prone to act without thinking it through fully.
Intensify and Downplay Schema
Professor Hugh Rank’s model of persuasion, describes how promisers (marketers) intensify their own good and downplay their own bad. This model shows how marketers only tell receivers of product benefits using composition, association and repetition, But downplay any negative aspects by omitting this information, diverting attention away from it or trying to confuse. If you want to learn more about Hugh Rank’s model check it out here.
Pros, cons and objection handling
When I’m putting together a marketing message I look at the pros and cons of the product and note each down. I view the “cons” as possible objections and try to answer these objections, turning them into positives where possible. I also look at the benefits of using the product compared to not using it. Here is an example I have done recently for Thrive Landing page WordPress plugin to illustrate the process I use myself.
Positive/pros/for – ask why would they want to buy the product and keep asking why to dig deeper
No coding needed – drag and drop
No design skills needed – pre-defined templates
One off fee – No monthly recurring cost
One interface for website and thrive themes – within WordPress site
Professional looking landing pages
Better than many of competition because no subscription needed
Great support – fast replies via online forum
Lots of tutorial videos provided by Thrive themes
Negative/cons/against/objections (Turn these into positives where possible using law of opposites)
It isn’t free and costs $49 – better than having to pay monthly subscriptions like some of the popular alternatives such as Leadpages.
Negatives if not using product
Need to get a designer to do for you or learn HTML and have good design skills
Other options seem to include monthly subscription charges which mean when you stop paying you can no longer use the landing pages, with Thrive there are no monthly costs anyway, but the landing pages are built into your WordPress site so can be used forever.
With some suppliers you have to login to a remote interface to access your landing page editor
If you’re doing the HTML yourself and if you don’t have any coding skills these can be time consuming, look amateurish, and have limited template options
From this information I can now sell the benefits of the products
Selling Benefits
If you’ve done any marketing in the past, you’ll know about selling the benefits of your product. Getting these benefits over to receivers as early as possible is crucial to marketing effectiveness. Benefit seeking is the main driver of customer motivation. If receivers (customers) are looking for investment opportunities, their main motivation is “making money” or “preserving the value of their money”. So if you’re selling an investment product of any kind you need to communicate the making money aspect of your offer to appeal to the receiver of that message.
It is important to get the product benefits over to the receiver as early as possible, so it grabs their attention. The first thing a receiver sees on most marketing material, is usually the initial headline. Some examples of good headlines include:
You’ll never have Y (without X)
• You’ll never make money from your website (without having professional landing pages)
Buy X to achieve Y
• Buy Thrive Landing pages and make money from your website
How to achieve Y with less effort/cost/time
• How to make money from your website with less effort, cost and time
The Only Way to [Do Something Desirable] Without [Doing Something Undesirable]
• The Only Way to build landing pages Without learning to code HTML
[Do Something Hard] in [Period of Time] or [Promise]
• Make stunning landing pages in minutes or get your money back
[Do Something Desirable] Like [an Expert] Without [Something Expected & Undesirable]
• Make stunning landing page like a marketing expert – without any design or coding skills
Other examples
How to….
• How to Win Friends and Influence People
• How to Save Time and Get Things Done
Lists
• 7 Reasons Why List Posts Will Always Work
• 10 Ways to Beat the High Cost of Living
• Do You Recognize the 7 Early Warning Signs of High Blood Pressure?
Who Else Wants [blank]?
• Who Else Wants a Great WordPress Theme?
• Who Else Wants a Higher Paying Job?
The Secret of [blank]
• The Secret of Successful Podcasting
• The Secret of Protecting Your Assets in Litigation
Little Known Ways to [blank]
• Little Known Ways to Save on Your Heating Bill
• Little Known Ways to Hack Google’s Gmail
Get Rid of [problem] Once and For All
• Get Rid of Your Unproductive Work Habits Once and For All
• Get Rid of That Carpet Stain Once and For All
Here’s a Quick Way to [solve a problem]
• Here’s a Quick Way to Get Over a Cold
[Do something] like [world-class example]
• Speak Spanish Like a Diplomat
• Party Like Paris Hilton
See How Easily You Can [desirable result].
• See How Easily You Can Learn to Dance This New Way.
• See How Easily You Can Own a Lamborghini Miura.
Convert
This is the hardest of the three ways to persuade. Attempting to convert someone’s beliefs and values is really difficult because people hold them tightly and often associate their very being with deeply ingrained value and belief systems. If you’re message contradicts such values and beliefs you will need to provide hard factual evidence to back-up your message to have any chance of converting the receiver. However not all values and beliefs are made equal, and we may convert some, using emotional appeals that do not need complex reasoning to back them up.
The role of Emotions
Emotion makes people act in irrational ways and prevents them thinking clearly, and marketers know this and attempt to use it to their advantage. Many big organisations with vast marketing budgets look to get some incite into their customers inner workings, finding out what they like and dislike and what presses their buttons. They track shopping habits and develop marketing messages designed to get them to take action. Even small businesses need to have an understanding of who their customers are and what they want. The easiest way to do this is carry out surveys, hang out where prospects hang out, ask existing customers for feedback and run test campaigns online offering searchers a choice between options and measuring what choices they take.
Many large companies try to associate their products with popular celebrities, hoping some of that popularity will rub off on their brand. They know that if our idol tells us it’s good, we are more likely to act on their endorsement. On the flip side, if a celebrity encounters controversy, brands are quick to cut ties, and end sponsorship deals so that they are not cast in the same negative light.
If people are made to feel fearful that their family might be in danger, they are more likely to buy a security system, if they are scared their family will be left to struggle if they were to die, they are more likely to buy life insurance. If someone describes how we can live life on a sunny beach, having an amazing time with our families and have no money worries ever again, working a job that takes just thirty minutes a day, simply by reading a $99 Ebook, or joining the latest magic money making system, yes you got it, we will buy the Ebook, if we believe what we are being told.
The emotions of greed and fear are the most often targeted ones, but other emotions like curiosity are often used to pull the reader into marketing messages.
“Check out the one plugin that will turn your website into a money making machine”,
“If you’re not enjoying success online, this is the one thing you NEED to become a success”,
“What Everybody Ought to Know About making money online”.
People are very curious creatures, it is hard-wired into the human psyche and it’s very difficult to ignore curiosity laden statements or headlines. However the subject needs to be relevant to the interests of the reader. or it won’t work.
Summary
Persuasion is a fascinating subject, and the more that is understood about human psychology the more sophisticated the marketing messages will undoubtedly become. The key points to remember are:
Have a clear understand of who your customer’s are or are likely to be
Craft marketing messages from your customer’s point of view (what’s in it for me)
Sell the Benefits of your product, this is the core reason for them to buy
Pre-suppose their objections and tackle these head on
Find an answer to this prospects question “Why should I do business with you, instead of any and every other option available to me, including the option of doing absolutely nothing at all?”
Try to evoke emotion from your prospects to take action NOW
Add value, don’t try to manipulate your audience, try to persuade them that doing business with you is a win win situation, and make sure you mean it.
Manage expectations – Disappointment is based on expectations. Under promise and over deliver.
If you would like to learn more about marketing, check out our marketing guide.
The other day this saying randomly popped into my mind…
“Never ASSUME, it often makes an ASS of U and Me”.
Well it got me thinking about how ASSUMING impacts our lives. We often hear the word used when something has failed to happened, but which should have happened, because an assumption was made instead of checking. For example you might leave the house without your keys, only to realise after you’ve shut the door and locked yourself out, simply because you assumed your partner had picked them up.
That’s one example of assuming, others might include:
assuming we have the correct information,
assuming we are being told the whole truth,
assuming we have and understand all the facts,
assuming we know best.
I came up with this list while considering the current political debate ranging in the UK, where lot’s of strongly held opinions are flying around, based, to a large extent, on many assumptions.
So making assumptions can be very problematic, we should never assume anything, we should always double check, or do the research to make sure we have all the facts. Assuming is a form of laziness, which can cause us more hassle and pain further down the road.
I decided to look up the synonyms of ASSUME and came up with the following list:
taking for granted
taken as given
accept
conclude
consider
estimate
expect
guess
infer
presume
speculate
suspect
think
understand
ascertain
conjecture
deduce
deem
divine
fancy
find
gather
hypothesise
imagine
judge
posit
postulate
predicate
presuppose
suppose
surmise
theorise
be afraid
be inclined to think
count upon
fall for
get the idea
have a hunch
have sneaking suspicion
When I read though this list, it got me thinking about how ASSUMING is not just about missing something, or not checking if something has indeed taken place, it can also be a reason why we DON’T TAKE ACTION.
Think about it for a minute, if you assume you KNOW the outcome of say, a particular course of action, it might be enough to discourage you from even trying. Your internal inner dialogue might go like this…
“It won’t work”, or
“I’m not good enough to make a success of this”, or
“People aren’t going to buy it anyway.”
This might be an assumption based on nothing more then self-doubt, but if you just assume you can’t do it, or assume it won’t work out, you aren’t likely to take the necessary steps to find out.
Stop ASSUMING, it’s a motivation killer. The only way you can know for sure is by giving it a go.
Get Results: Marketing is about providing the right offer, to the right personal in the right place at the right time
Marketing is a subject close to my heart, mainly because it taps deeply into human psychology, and I love trying to figure people out.
The trouble with marketers is they try to game the system all the time, trying to find shortcuts and quick wins, which often means being content with making a quick buck and lacking any kind of long game.
I like marketing when it is used to make people aware of genuine solutions to genuine problems, I like it when it’s used to help people. “The best form of selling is helping.”
Adding value to someones life, and earning something for doing so, means you get to help someone else. That’s the best use of marketing, long term.
So if we are to distil Marketing down to its core, what is it?
Is it the exchange of value? Well “no”, the actual sales transaction is the value exchange, you provide a service or product and the customer pays you for it. Until that happens there is no value exchange.
So what is marketing at its core? How about, the getting and keeping of attention. Sure, good marketing does that, but there’s much more to it then just that, like knowing how to capture attention by targeting the right prospects, and understanding what they want and need. Digging even deeper, we have to understand what prospects will value enough to part with their hard earned money, for. It becomes a rabbit hole of tunnels that are hard to summarise.
So what summary covers a more complete picture about marketing? Well, how about this one. Marketing is all about doing the following…
“Providing the RIGHT OFFER to the RIGHT PERSON, in the RIGHT PLACE at the RIGHT TIME.”
I think that just about covers the necessary basics.
“Providing the RIGHT OFFER, to the RIGHT PERSON” – infers providing something the prospect actually wants or needs and is will to pay for, rather than trying to sell to people that have no interest in purchasing your solution.
“In the RIGHT PLACE at the RIGHT TIME” – infers marketing at a location where your prospects’ attention is going to be, and at a time they will be receptive to listening to you. Much online attention is currently concentrated on social media platforms, particularly for certain demographics, and if that is where your prospect have their attention, you should be there as well.
I would also add a couple of additional points, like giving prospects a reason to TRUST you, to LIKE you and see you as a CREDIBLE provider, but these only come into play once you do the other things RIGHT first and are a big part of your value proposition.
So what do you think. Do you have a better summary that nails what marketing means at its core?
Check out our Marketing guide for more marketing related content.
When it comes to moving closer to goals, by actually taking action, many people can’t even seem to get started. They come up with lots of excuses why they shouldn’t act. For example if you have a goal of becoming a successful business owner, or entrepreneur, you might say to yourself via your inner dialogue…
Justifications for maintaining the current status quo
It’s less risky to just keep doing what I am currently doing (not taking action)
I’m too busy with my current work and family schedule, I don’t really have the time to devote to pursue my goal(s). Working evenings will cut into my time with family an friends.
Possible negative consequences of taking action
It will take time, skills that I may not have
I could fail (so won’t take the risk)
I want to put myself in a situation where I’m being judged by others
People might think I’m fake, a fraud
I don’t know or might not know how to do it (what needs doing)
My idea isn’t good enough, or might not be good enough
I could waste lots of time, effort, money investing in something that just doesn’t work out, so why even bother
Success will mean working all hours and will have no time for family
I’m scared of pushing myself and doing things outside my comfort zone, because it’s uncomfortable
I don’t like asking people for help, and I might have to do
I don’t like asking people to buy from me, I just can’t sell
I might lose all my money
I might get ripped off by scam artist who takes advantage of my naivety
Talking professionally to people (in case they think I’m a fake)
I might be promising something I can’t deliver
I might ruining my reputation, when it’s very important to me
I don’t like giving presentations, pitching, speaking in front of customers, audience and might find I have to at some point
I don’t like the idea of putting myself out there and feeling vulnerable
I don’t like to rely /depend on other people, in case I get let down
If you’re trying to lose weight or get fit you might say to yourself…
Justifications for maintaining the current status quo
I love eating tasty fatty foods – they taste so good. I always have good intentions but when I’m hungry, I just give in
I want to watch TV rather than going out and exercising in the cold/at the gym
Possible negative consequences of taking action
Healthy food doesn’t taste as good as fatty food
Exercise is too hard, I don’t enjoy it, and can’t deal with the discomfort and pain
Issues with self esteem or even some degree of self loathing, can sometimes result in people finding comfort in binge eating, which further fuels self loathing and lowers self esteem. In such circumstances you should try to deal with the underlying root issues, as the eating is a manifestation of these, rather than the root cause.
Why you come up with excuses
This list of excuses, is your mind trying to rationalise the decision not to take action. On one hand you feel you should be doing something in pursuit of your goals, after all everyone says you should have goals, don’t they? On the other hand part of you fears taking the risk.
When you contemplate moving from your comfort zone, your current situation, and the routines and habits that you have, and maybe have had for some time, to something that feels new, you will naturally feel some level of fear.
You are hardwired, through evolution, to resist putting yourself in dangerous situations, and change is perceived as being potentially bad. Change equals uncertainty and uncertainty could result in risk and possible danger. Risk and danger is considered bad because your sense of self (who you see yourself to be) could be devalued in some way, and your survival instincts will do its level best to ensure this doesn’t happen.
All action is driven by the need to avoid pain and being destroyed, and all your actions are built on this one need. You continually strive for more, because being more means you are further away from being nothing. The more you have, the more you are. So you’re not a freak because you’re not taking action, you’re trapped by your fear of change, uncertainty, risk, danger, failure, you might even be fearful of success, or at least the consequences of success (no time to spend with friends and family, responsibility etc).
Moving beyond fear
So now we know why we aren’t taking action, we can move on to working out a strategy for overcome these limiting thoughts and beliefs.
The first thing to consider is how real these perceived dangers are and how seriously are they likely to impact you, should they materialise.
Without knowing your personal situation in more detail, it is difficult to give a specific answer, but general fears can be looked upon in the following ways:
Being judged by others
With regards to being judged by others, if you had more self confidence or self esteem, other peoples’ opinions would matter much less to you. Sure, we all like to be liked, but being dependant on other peoples’ opinions, is not healthy. You will tend to make up stories about how and why this and that person doesn’t like you, which is usually nothing more than a fictional story of your own invention and more about your own judgements of yourself, rather than theirs.
If another person doesn’t like you, and you know this for sure, because they have actually told you so, and for XYZ reasons then at least you know, rather than suspect. You can either try to adjust your behaviour, if you agree that it is unacceptable, or ignore their views, if you disagree. After all they might be accusing you of behaving unacceptably when they are the ones with the insecurities and esteem issues. Remember they are being driven by the same insecurities and fears that you are, and putting yourself in their shoes through empathy, allows you to realise this. They might be lashing out because of their own pain, rather than it being you.
I believe if you are truly joyous and genuinely happy and aligned inside, you have no reason to attack or belittle another person. Anger, frustration, fear and all negative emotions come from insecurities and pain within you, which is already there, but just being aroused by the situation you’re reacting to. Check out my wellbeing guide for more information, particularly the equation of emotion part which details how negative emotions are created.
Not good enough
If you believe you’re not good enough or not up-to-the-job. Try to understand where these thoughts are coming from. Again your self-preservation instincts will try to protect you from risky situations, but you can move beyond this by identifying your weaknesses and educating yourself into mastering them.
Low self esteem and lack of belief in yourself can be embedded deep into your psyche from early childhood, when you were very impressionable and filtered your experiences less. If your environment at an early age was not supportive, maybe you were continually told you were not good enough, or were not given enough love from one or more of your parents, whom you craved love from. Or you were discouraged to take risks or do things outside the norm, being told not to do something “for your own safety”, or told to fit in and not stand out, these fears and insecurities might still be lingering in the background of your mind, influencing your present decision making and possibly sabotaging your goals. None of these things can be considered as “truths”, they were opinions and actions from people who themselves were in some degree of pain, and may well have been just passing on their own insecurities and fears through their actions and words.
You can be good enough if you’re willing to make the effort and put in the work. If you don’t want to make the effort then you’re probably not going to get far, for that reason. Check out my work ethic article for more.
Now a caveat. Talent has a part to play in success, particularly when you’re competing with others to get to the top. You should look to play to your strengths, and you will have strengths as well as weaknesses. We all have weaknesses so don’t feel bad about them. I would love to be a singer, unfortunately I can’t hold a tune, I’m terrible, really. I could probably improve with training and purposeful practice, but I would never be able to go beyond my physical limitations. I might, with lots of practice, get good enough to perform at a certain level but I would never be at the top of the tree. Such limitations are true of some activities, singing, I would say is one, some kinds of sports that rely on certain physical characteristics and prowess, maybe another. But there are many more things that don’t have such limitations, you can practice and practice and become better, and be as good as you want to be. Often hard work trumps talent, when talent doesn’t work. Check out my article on self awareness, because this is key to identifying your strengths and weaknesses.
Fearing success
You might have an inner conflict of wanting to be successful, while at the same time fearing the consequences of success, like having no time for friends and family or relying on other people or being ripped off, or having to shoulder responsibility for yourself and others.
The best thing to do is examine these conflicts and resolve them. If you don’t want to work all hours and miss time with family and friends, then find a lifestyle business that doesn’t depend on your presence so much. Many large businesses have managers operating the business on behalf of the owners, so scale could work in your favour after the initial building phase. Some businesses, such as online businesses can be worked on around family time, or be outsourced/delegated to someone else. If you first, identify the conflict and confront it, you can then work out a solution to move beyond it. If you can’t resolve it, maybe you should drop that particular goal and find a different one that best suits who you are. It’s really no good trying to put a square brick into a round hole (check out my article on self awareness).
Conflicting wants
Wanting one thing (your goal), but also wanting something that is counter-productive to that goal, is obviously problematic. For example if you want to lose weight, be lean, get fit, but can’t resist eating fatty foods such as chocs, snacks, sweets, burgers and the like, you have a conflict of wants. You might have good intentions, but when the temptation is there, for example having chocs in the cupboard, you find it almost impossible to resist, without having a huge amount of self control and willpower.
Another example: If you want to get an assignment done, but can’t resist watching your favourite sports team playing, or can’t face pulling yourself away from the TV, then you have a a conflict of wants.
One solution is to avoid putting yourself in situations that provide temptations or distractions. If you’ve no chocolates in the cupboard, you can’t eat them. If there’s no TV, you can’t watch it. It all comes down to deciding your priorities.
Personally I can work on my laptop, while sat in front of the TV and remain 100% focused on what I’m doing. This means I don’t feel I’m having to lock myself away or miss out on anything. It encourages me to work more frequently and intensely, and really, the TV, even with the sound on low, doesn’t distract me. I find I’m more productive working that way. Find what works best for you.
Giving yourself a reason to take action
Life is all about making choices. You will take the action that drives you most. You will take the action that NEEDS to be done or else…., or that you really WANT to do. Check out my article about getting into a WANT or NEED state of motivation.
Give yourself a compelling reason to take action and you’re more likely to take it. Motivation has many elements, check out my motivational guide here.
My mother was rubbish at finances, she had no business sense whatsoever, she couldn’t understand spreadsheets, profit and loss accounts, or marketing principles, she couldn’t even work a mobile phone, let alone a computer. I don’t think I ever saw her read a book during the 46 years I knew her. She didn’t obsess about personal development, or being a better person, none of that stuff.
But she was pure of heart, she was always there for anyone without judgement. She was an extraordinary person, probably the most extraordinary person I’ve ever known. She listened, loved, and was deeply loved by those around her. She is sadly missed by all who knew her. The world is not the place it once was, when she was in it. The definition of success that I learned from her comes from the ability of positively answering these questions at the end of your life, when you look back at how you lived it.
DID I LIVE?
DID I LOVE?
DID I MATTER?
If you can answer yes to these questions you have been incredibly successful x
Get Results: why do people not take action when others do
Without the motivation to get off your ass and take action, nothing is possible. Taking action is where all progress happens. It is where you will “learn” as well as “do”.
All action and inaction is driven by motivation, which is made up of two opposing forces. One that wants us to be more, to have more, to be better. The other wants to keep us safe, psychologically and physically. They fight over everything we set out to do, and each battle can have only one winner. We need to give ourselves more of a reason to act than not, if we are to chase down our goals. We must NEED or WANT enough, so that staying safe is not enough.
After forcing the initial effort needed, habit comes to help us carry it on. Once you learn to master this initiation phase, the world is your playground.
Learn from TAKING ACTION
The feedback you get from doing is where all your education lies. Don’t be scared of testing boundaries, see what works and what doesn’t. Go about your actions with purpose and in a systematic manner so you can keep track of successes and failures.
Overcome fear of failure
If you fear failure, then you have to be prepared to undergo something of a mind shift. Redefine what failure means to you. Failure can only occur if you throw in the towel, if you are using it to navigate the path to your goal, it just becomes part of the process.
Think of it like finding your way out of a maze. Having a reliable map is great, but not always possible, so in the absence of such a map you might have go down a few dead ends and participating in a little trial and error is as effective as anything else, in such situations.
The three groups of people
Now some people are happy to take action, they have found a purpose that they are enthusiastic to pursue. They wake up excited at what lies ahead of them. Motivation is not an issue for these people. Sure, they might be somewhat fearful of the unknown but they find not taking action much more scary. Their fear of inaction outweighs their fear of action, hands down.
The next group of people, find they have their backs to the wall, they have to take action because of necessity. They might be facing financial or social pressures that are threatening to ruin them, or they might have reached the end of their tether, and just can’t take their present situation any longer. If they stay put, they are finished, emotionally, financial or in some other way. Again taking action is far less risky then not, at this point.
The third group of people are the least likely to be motivated to take action. They might have a burning desire to do something, a dream they want to fulfil, but their fear of change, of the unknown, of the possible risk that might, could possibly be waiting for them further down the road, is too great to take a chance. They might not be 100% content with their present situation, they might even be unhappy with it, but it feels safer or more comfortable to maintain the status quo.
So how do you find enough motivation to initiate action. Well first understand that like pushing a car from a standing start, the hardest bit is starting. Once you build up some momentum, a little thing called inertia takes over. Inertia is where the very act of movement helps propel you forward, requiring less and less effort from you. Inertia comes through the habits and rituals that you do daily. They might be small in nature but doing them daily, means you are using less conscious effort, just to take the action, you just do it, cause it’s what you always do.
It gets easier
So knowing that the first day of a new you is going to be the hardest, but give it a couple of weeks, you will have a new routine that kind of, takes care of itself, without you having to force yourself. If you still have to force yourself at that point, maybe it’s not for you. It’s important to have some self awareness of what you like and don’t like and why, check out my piece on self awareness for more information.
Move from indifference to WANT or NEED
Well going back to our groups of people, those that WANT enough to take action, those that NEED to take action, and the third group, these I call INDIFFERENT to taking action. The INDIFFERENT group as highlighted previously, are the least likely to act, because their fear of taking action is stronger than their fear of not taking action. So, if you’re in this group and are wondering how you find enough motivation to move you towards your goal, you have to push your mindset into either the WANT or NEED groups.
One of the best ways to increasing your WANTING, is by setting yourself goals.
Without a goal to aim for, you will lack direction, and it becomes difficult to effectively gauge if you are doing the right thing at any given moment. With a goal, you can develop a plan of action for achieving your goal and feel that you have a sense of purpose in the pursuit of it.
One of the masters of goal setting Zig Ziglar, outlined a seven step process for effective goal setting:
Identify exactly what you want and write them down
Spell out why you want to reach goals
List obstacles to overcome to get there
Identify the people, the groups and the organisation you need to work with in order to get there
Identify what you need to know to reach your goal
Develop a plan of action to reach your goal
Put a date on when you expect to get there
On the other hand, manoeuvring yourself into a NEED state is for sure, a more high risk option, and not one that I would personally recommend. It includes things like leaving a regular day job that you might hate, to build your dream business, so that you have to make it work, or sink. I would prefer to work in the evenings to test the idea and build it to a point where it becomes less of a risk, but taking this all-or-nothing approach remains an option that some choose to take.
Over to you
You should try to find a purpose that pulls you towards it, rather than you having to push yourself to do it. Alternatively you have to cut your options so that you “HAVE to” take action, and give yourself no other choice.
One thing is for certain, if you stay in a state of INDIFFERENCE, you’re unlikely to take the necessary actions to leave your present situation. “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.”
Now I’ve given you some pointers, the details of how you go about it, are unique to you and your circumstances. Good luck. Please sign up to our mailing list if you want more tailor-made content, and share this article with your friends and family if you found it useful.
For more about motivational influences, check out our Motivation guide.
If you would like to read more articles focused on INITIATING MOMENTUM, click here.
Why do some people NOT take action, when other’s do?
Why are you not living the life you want?
If you’re where you want to be in life, you’ve already won…
… but if you’re hungry for more, for better, then what’s missing?
Why are you not where you want to be?
’cause your stuck in the…
STATUS QUO
You’ve settled
There’s not enough MOTIVATION to move you forwards
You haven’t given yourself a big enough WHY
If your goal isn’t big enough to PULL you to it, or…
You’re not desperate enough to HAVE TO get off your arse…
You WON’T TAKE ACTION
And only by TAKING ACTION is anything going to change
Increase your DESIRE or DESPERATION
Take your motivation from a “WOULD LIKE TO” to a “MUST DO”
There are three states you can occupy, two of which will push you to take action, the other will keep you stuck in your current status quo.
The first state is to “WANT TO…” this is where you are drawn towards or pulled towards a goal or to take a particular action. You’re compelled to act from within yourself. This state is due to having purpose, doing what you love, pursuing something you are passionate about.
The second state is to “HAVE TO…” this is where your back is to the wall. You’re forced to take action through necessity, financial or otherwise.
The third state is “Indifference” this is where you’re somewhat content where you are but would ideally like to progress, be in a better place or position in your life. You have ambitions and dreams but you’re not motivated enough to take action. This is where most people exist.
They don’t take action because they don’t have a big enough WHY. They fear taking action over not taking action. They haven’t tipped the balance. They need to shift their state into one of the other two states to motivate them into action.
. He outlines the stages that need to be taken to live a fulfilled life:
