I recently created a couple of graphics around the idea that fear of being nothing drives us to get and thus be more. The first graphic was designed from a spiritual perspective and says:
“The FEAR of HAVING and thus BEING nothing drives our appetite to get and thus be more and more and more and more and more. In reality, we can never be nothing because we are everything.”
The second was designed from a motivational perspective, with almost the same wording and can be seen at the top of this post.
This got me thinking about how, effectively the same subject, can be viewed as a negative and a positive, depending how you choose to frame it.
What both of these graphics are saying is true, the seeming contradiction comes about because of the intent behind how “THE FEAR OF HAVING AND THUS BEING NOTHING” is used.
If we psychologically lose ourselves in this fear, being fully identified with it, it becomes a negative because we are a slave to it. It controls us, rather than the other way round.
If we use it as a technique to get us to the next level, and to grow, without fully identifying with it, it can be a good thing that positively motivates us. This is a subtle but skillful difference, which is difficult to distinguish between. However the contrast is as different as day and night.
INSECURITY can be very debilitating. It also has at the heart of it, a paradox. People tend to believe the more they HAVE, in the way of possessions and assets, the more they ARE. They entangle their self worth with stuff they own. They weigh their value as a person, by the size of their house, the brand of their car, the status of their job or business, the amount of money in their bank. The need to GET more, is driven by the need to BE more.
When operating from this mindset, and most people do if we’re being honest about it, then they’re never going to be able to satisfy this need. They will always want more. It’s an insatiable appetite that can NOT be satisfied.
On the other hand, and this is where the paradox kicks in, the more they HAVE, in the way of possessions and assets, the more they have TO LOSE. The fear of loss can be a further driver to accumulate even more stuff, in an attempt to get further away from the threat of loss and the possibility of HAVING nothing and thus BEING nothing. You see how insecurity feeds into this from all sides. It’s a situation that can’t be won.
INSECURITY is in fact a good motivator for CHANGE, but for the wrong reasons. When people buy into this way of thinking, there is no end point, it’s a constant source of discontentment in their lives.
If insecurity can be used to drive change and motivate action, enough to get you to where you want to be (goal), and you then have the capacity to switch it off and be contented with your situation when you have attained your goal, it can be a powerful tool. Unfortunately the underlying insecurity is often strengthened by being employed in this way and even harder to break, when you need to break it. When you reach your goal, you will have something else to strive for because your INSECURITY will convince you, you’re still not enough.
To prove this point out, look at the constant struggle many “A” list celebrities have with the constant need for approval, even when they seem to have it all, with millions in the bank and the adoration of their followers, their insecurity is often driving this need and subsequent behaviour.
Jim Carrey in a popular Golden Globes award acceptance speech joked;
“I am two-time Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey. You know, when I go to sleep at night, I’m not just a guy going to sleep, I’m two-time Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey getting some well-needed shut-eye. And when I dream, I don’t dream just any old dream. No sir. I dream about being three-time Golden Globe-winning actor Jim Carrey. because then I would be enough. It would finally be true. And I could stop this terrible search.”
He also is quoted as saying;
“I’ve often said, I wish people could realise all their dreams of wealth and fame so that they can see that it’s not where they’re going to find their sense of completion.”
So how do we get rid of INSECURITY? We all suffer from it to some degree, some more than others.
The most important thing you can do to free yourself from the possession of INSECURITY is to shine the light of AWARENESS onto it. Improve SELF AWARENESS and acknowledge the fact you are insecure. Even better confront and question your personal thought processes around insecurity.
Insecurity is built into us due to the evolutionary survival need. Insecurity helped our ancestors stay alive in a dangerous world, surrounded by wild animals. Today we still need it, to less of a degree, to survive in the modern dog eat dog world, but not to the extent that it drives us to despair.
It may have been further strengthened, by negative childhood experiences, and in more severe cases, from childhood trauma. If you’ve ever felt stupid, or that you’re not enough, that you weren’t as good as others, that others were better, faster, smarter, more capable, had more than you, were better looking than you, these would be examples of your insecurity, which are likely to be still haunting your memories and shaping your current behaviour.
To break INSECURITY you need to operate at a higher conscious level, above identification with THOUGHT. Thinking, particularly emotional thinking is always driven by fear. It’s main purpose after all is designed around our survival. When you take your thoughts to be WHO YOU ARE, you lose sight of the fact that thoughts are just thoughts. You can observe them, you can listen to the voice in your head, but as the observer you don’t make them part of you, of WHO YOU ARE, or THINK YOU ARE.
Your TRUE SELF is hidden in plain sight. Only obscured by identification with thought. It requires a SPIRITUAL AWAKENING, which is nothing more than freeing yourself from IDENTIFICATION WITH THOUGHT. It can be something of a journey for some, but it’s well worth the effort of SPIRITUAL PRACTICE.
Check out my spiritual guide for more information. Sign up for our newsletter for content not available on the website.
What is it with mankind’s preoccupation with WANTING, wanting more and more, wanting better.. The growth mindset.
People often value WANTING more than they value HAVING. Think about it for a second, how much of your thoughts are made up of WANTING the next thing on your list and how much is spent appreciating what you HAVE?
So the lesson we need to learn is that being lost in WANTING should be tempered with AWARENESS of how our WANTING is causing us to miss the bigger picture perspective.
Bring AWARENESS into your THOUGHTS, add space around them. When we lose ourselves in incessant WANTING we lose ourselves in thought, and become preoccupied with what the future holds and in doing so, miss the PRESENT MOMENT where our lives actually unfold.
Below are a few graphics to illustrate this…
For more about spiritual awakening, please check out our spiritual guide.
Awakening is the process of lifting your awareness out of the Ego and freeing yourself from identification with compulsive thought. Doing so allows you to enjoy a more spiritual existence free of fear and all negative emotions which come about when living under the influence of the Ego.
Below are some quotes and wise words relating to awakening, that I have collated, and have taken inspiration and direction from, hope you enjoy them and find them useful on your journey to spiritual enlightenment.
Bookmark this page because I’ll be adding new content to it, as and when I come across it.
“Life gives you what you take from it.” – M. Turner
People give meaning to events, circumstances and experiences largely based on social conditioning, learned from your interactions with the world: media, parents and family, neighbours, school then later, work colleagues.
In the same way you learn cultural values, you learn what is the right way to think and behaviour in your environment, so that you fit in. This is bred into us as young children, when our brains are like sponges, before we can form our own balanced opinions.
It is true however that some people have a compulsion not to conform in such a way, and are often marginalised and find themselves on the fringe of society. These non-conformers follow their nature more closely because it doesn’t fit so well with social norms. They wrestle with this situation, often joining subcultures that better share their preferred beliefs and values. They reject the larger society rules but yearn to feel part of something, but which is more agreeable to them. These people may be more mature, questioning, inquisitive at an earlier age. They are free-thinkers by nature. We would all do well to question our own beliefs and values to ensure they make sense to us, and aren’t getting in our way.
Obstructive beliefs include things like like:
“Life, society is against people like me, I just can’t……”
“Life is meant to be hard, not enjoyed.” (so not true)
“People are trying to rip you off all the time, nobody can be trusted.”
“I’m not good or clever or experienced enough…” (Who says?)
“People like me can’t……” (who says?)
“Other people in this space have more talent, desire, determination, I can’t compete with them….”.
Well, while it might be true that others currently possess more talent, it’s really down to you, if you want something badly enough, then you will find the determination and desire to throw yourself into it and through purposeful practice, get better at it. If you don’t have the desire, or determination, do something that you truly love instead and get really good at that.
When something happens to us, we give it meaning based on our beliefs and values, and the story we tell ourselves about it. Changing the story, changes the meaning.
So while you can, through goal setting and planning, move your life in a certain direction, life will happen to you, good and bad, there is little you can predict for your future, but you can make every set-back a learning experience, every feeling of negativity a chance for spiritual practice.
There are always positives that can be taken from, or that come out of, any negative, if you make it so. Check out this Zen parable for some inspiration.
Life really does give us what we choose to take from it, if you believe it to be so.
The New Year is 6 days old and already the numbers of people going to the gym are dwindling. So much for all those well intentioned New Years resolutions.
Willpower can only take us so far. The effort needed to initiate momentum is finite, it runs out the more its used.
Habits are our saving grace because they take over where willpower leaves off, they are what help us over the longer term.
But habits don’t kick in for at least 30 days of continuous routine, where you do something religiously, almost everyday. After 30 days or so, habit will take over and make the process more automatic. You won’t be thinking about whether to do it or not quite so much, and on the flip side, you will feel a tinge of guilt if you miss a day. Six days of effort isn’t ever going to be nearly enough, persevere through to the end of January at least.
Bad habits tend to be harder to break than good ones, so a few days taking time away/off, results in an interruption of your inertia, which breaks your routine, and consequently the habit, so don’t weaken and get lazy. Health should be a lifestyle, afterall.
Set yourself a tangible goal, and act with purpose in its realisation. Put in the effort to get some momentum, until it becomes habit and then it will be easier to keep going.
For more about increasing your motivation, check out our MOTIVATION GUIDE.
I’ve just finished watching “The Choice” on Netflix with Mrs Turner, and I would highly recommend it. But I’m not writing a movie review here, but talking briefly about what it got me thinking about.
I find choice to be an intriguing aspect of life.
Life is all about choice, right or wrong doesn’t matter because life keeps unfolding regardless.
Choices can be big or small, and can change the whole direction of your life in a heartbeat.
We are where we are because of the choices we have made to this point. The decisions about what to think, to do, and who to do it with or not, provide a continuous stream of options, each following the other.
The best or worse thing about it, depending on how you choose to frame it in your mind, is you get to make them, all of them.
I once made a choice to go away on an holiday, I wasn’t particularly looking forward to. I won’t bore you with the detail, but at the end of it all, it resulted in me meeting the love of my life and marrying her. If I hadn’t of gone on that holiday, and I very nearly didn’t, I wouldn’t have been in a position to meet her and experience the subsequent journey we have enjoyed together since. That holiday literally chanced my life, but really all the decisions we make have the potential to do that don’t they?
So let me wish you good luck with your future choices, may they bring you incredible joy.
I believe SELF AWARENESS to be probably, the most important part of improving the quality of life and achieving success in personal and business life.
As part of my attempt to improve self awareness, I found it important to explore my emotions, feelings and reactions to events, circumstances, situations, and attachments in all aspects of life.
Emotional compass
I’ve learned that how you feel about something lets you know whether you’re on the right track or not. Decoding the meaning of that feeling is very important if you’re to learn anything from it.
If you’re feeling good about something, then you’re likely to be on the right track, at least, from your current perspective. If you’re feeling bad about something, you may need to take a closer look. Think of your emotions and feelings as a compass, indicating which way to go.
Coping strategies
However one thing that can cause a great deal of confusion is the adoption of COPING STRATEGIES (otherwise known as psychological coping mechanisms/tactics/skills), which are often employed to cover up some negative situation or issue and allow you to put-up with them.
Coping strategies can be positive or negative in nature. Drinking and taking drugs to excess is often a sign you’re using them to cover up pain, or trying to temporarily forget about the pain. Overeating, complaining, blaming, gossiping, procrastination, gambling, self-sabotaging are all examples of negative coping strategies. They are designed to temporarily cover up the underlying issue, but seldom work to resolve the issue, and to make matters worse they often add more pain into the mix.
I believe it’s important to look underneath the coping strategy and find the underlying issue, and deal productively with it. The field of Spirituality agrees, saying we should “surrender to what is”, to “go fully into the feeling” and “accept it”, and “let go” of any negative influences, working positively to move beyond it. Many psychotherapies are designed to confront the root cause of pain and again move healthily beyond it.
It’s best to resolve the issue in most cases. Seeking professional help might be needed for more complex, severe issues and trauma. Some issues can be resolved yourself, if you take positive steps or employ positive coping strategies to deal with them.
Knowing the cause
Discovering and examining the underlying issue is the first step. Repressed pain and memories often still influence us at a subconscious level. Uncovering and taking a fresh perspective can help. Some issues start early in life and are left unexamined into adulthood. Often looking at them as an adult helps shift perspective, and what was a big issue as a child is not so much as an adult. We can be particularly hard on ourselves in relation to say ,embarrassing situations, and feel traumatised by them at the time, but looking with fresh eyes, as a mature adult, maybe as a parent, we realise that we may have been viewed less critically or harshly by others, then we thought at the time, at least by those with some level of decency and maturity. If you saw a child mess up, in say, a school play and subsequently became upset, would you look on that child as a complete loser, or would your heart go out to them, and want to tell them it’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it? Only those in pain themselves would negatively view the child.
Taking Responsibility
Blaming and complaining is often an attempt to pass on responsibility. It’s a coping strategy, but when you pass blame or you complain you also pass on power. You pass on the power you need to do something about it yourself. You can’t control what others do, but you can control what you do, and how you react to things, situations, events and people.
Being Empathetic
If you are angry with someone from your past, because they messed up, or let you down. Maybe looking at the situation differently might help, consider the other persons INTENT rather than their EXECUTION. Were they acting with the right intention, but just messed up their execution? Were they acting from a position of fear, and trying protect themselves in some way? What were they going through at the time, that could have impacted on their execution?
Often holding onto resentment, hatred and anger is far more damaging and destructive to ourselves than the other person they are directed towards. Let them go.
Below is a list of coping strategies, check them out and see which ones you use, figure out what the underlying issue is and deal with it or seek professional help to do so.
Coping strategies
Adaptive Mechanisms: That offer positive help.
Adaptation: The human ability to adapt.
Compartmentalisation: separating conflicting thoughts into separated compartments.
Compensation: Over-doing one thing to compensate for another weakness.
Crying: Tears of release and seeking comfort.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Idealisation: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
Intellectualisation: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
Performing Rituals: Getting time to think.
Post-traumatic growth: Using the energy of trauma for good.
Sublimation: Channel psychic energy into acceptable activities.
Substitution: Replacing bad things with good things.
Undoing: actions that psychologically ‘undo’ wrongdoings for the wrongdoer.
Attack Mechanisms: That push discomfort onto others.
Acting Out: not coping – giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Fight-or-Flight Reaction: Reacting by attacking.
Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Trivialising: Making small what is really something big.
Avoidance Mechanisms: That avoid the issue.
Acting Out: not coping – giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Distancing: Moving away.
Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
Idealisation: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Intellectualisation: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
Passive Aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
Performing Rituals: Patterns that delay.
Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
Rationalisation: creating logical reasons for bad behavior.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
Somatisation: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
Suppression: consciously holding back unwanted urges.
Symbolisation: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
Trivialising: Making small what is really something big.
Conversion Mechanisms: That change one thing into another.
Aim Inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
Altruism: Helping others to help self.
Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Idealisation: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Post-Traumatic Growth: Using the energy of trauma for good.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Somatisation: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
Sublimation: channeling psychic energy into acceptable activities.
Substitution: Replacing one thing with another.
Symbolisation: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
Trivialising: Making small what is really something big.
Defense Mechanisms: Freud’s original set.
Denial: claiming/believing that what is true to be actually false.
Displacement: redirecting emotions to a substitute target.
Intellectualisation: taking an objective viewpoint.
Projection: attributing uncomfortable feelings to others.
Rationalisation: creating false but credible justifications.
Reaction Formation: overacting in the opposite way to the fear.
Regression: going back to acting as a child.
Repression: pushing uncomfortable thoughts into the subconscious.
Sublimation: redirecting ‘wrong’ urges into socially acceptable actions.
Self-harm Mechanisms: That hurt our selves.
Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
Somatisation: psychological
problems turned into physical symptoms.
Self-harming: Conscious physical self-harm.
(list sourced from: changingminds.org)
Some ways these manifest themselves into our daily lives, separated into positive and negative grouping can be seen below.
Positive coping strategies (constructive)
Diversions
Artistic – Writing, drawing, painting, photography, playing an instrument, singing, dancing, acting, gardening
Taking a shower or a bath
Taking a walk, or go for a drive
Watching television or a movie
Spending time on social media
Play a game
Going shopping
Cleaning or organise your environment
Reading
Taking a break or vacation
Social/Interpersonal (with others)
Talking to someone you like and trust
Setting boundaries and saying “no”
Writing a note to someone you care about
Being assertive
Using humour
Spending time with friends and/or family
Serving/helping/encouraging someone in need
Caring for or play with a pet
Role-playing challenging situations with others
Cognitive (Of the Mind)
Making a gratitude list
Brainstorming solutions
Lowering your expectations and preferences of the situation
Checking out inspirational quotes
Being flexible and open minded
Writing a list of goals and things you want to achieve
Taking a class, learning a skill
Acting opposite of negative feelings
Writing a list of pros and cons for decision making
Rewarding or pampering yourself when successful
Writing a list of strengths and skills
Accepting a challenge with a positive attitude
Tension Releasers
Exercising or playing sports
Catharsis (yelling in the bathroom, punching a punching bag)
Crying
Laughing
Physical
Getting plenty of sleep
Eating nutricious and healthy foods
Getting into a good routine
Not over indulging in sweet/fatty foods
Limiting caffeine intake
Deep/slow breathing
Spiritual
Meditation and/or praying
Enjoying nature
Getting involved in a worthy cause
Limit Setting
Dropping some involvement
Prioritising important tasks
Using assertive communication
Making time for yourself
Using negative coping strategies
Using Diversions
Procrastinating
Abusing drugs or alcohol
Wasting time on unimportant tasks
Creating a lower level drama to cover up higher level pain (the less of two evils)
Negative coping strategies (maladaptive)
Diversion
Procrastinating
Abusing drugs or alchol
Wasting time on unimportant tasks
Creating lower level drama to cover up higher level pain. (less of two evils)
Social/Interpersonal
Blaming
Isolating/withdrawing
Mean or hostile joking
Gossiping
Criticizing others
Manipulating others
Refusing help from others
Lying to others
Sabotaging plans and goals
Being late to appointments and letting others down
Provoking violence from others
Enabling others to take advantage of you
Accepting embarrassing situation to hide a perceived more embarrassing situation (not undressing to hide fat)
Cognitive (of the Mind)
Denying any problem
Stubbornness/inflexibility
All or nothing/black or white thinking
Catastrophising
Overgeneralising
Tension Releasers
Tantrums throwing
Throwing things at people
Hitting and lashing out at people
Yelling at others
Destroying property
Speeding or driving recklessly
Physical
Suicide
Self harming
Developing illnesses
Intrapersonal
Making fun of yourself
Self-sabotaging behaviors
Blaming yourself
Indulging
Spending too much
Gambling
Eating too much
Setting dangerous fires
Continually crying
Conclusion
We all use coping strategies to deal with anxiety and pain, in some form or another. They help us deal with negative feelings and emotions so that we can function without feeling great sadness, anger, and pain, all the time. There are good ways to deal with pain as well as bad.
The extent to which drugs and drink are indulged and abused in modern life, suggests that there are a lot of people experiencing negative emotions to varying degrees, and are dealing with that pain in a very destructive and damaging manner.
Mental health problems are on the increase, particularly with the uncertainty and fast changing society we now live in. A job for life is no more, and this cause great uncertainty and anxiety. Strong family units and ties are increasing hard to rely on and with them. the important support networks they once provided.
People feel increasing isolated and vulnerable and so look for ways to escape the perceived madness, injustice and isolation. Coping strategies are used, by many, to deal with this pain, in the best way people feel they can.
It’s so important to deal with such issues at the root, and employ positive coping strategies for issues that can’t be easily resolved. Remember you can’t control how others think or behave, but you can control how you respond, react, behave and think about the situation/issue/event. Awareness is often the first BIG step in the right direction.
I hope this article helps increase your awareness and self awareness so that you can move towards a healthier state of well being.
If you would like to read more articles focused on COPING STRATEGIES, click here.
“Problems are not the problem; coping is the problem.”- Virginia Satir
“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”– Jim Rohn
“Culture is a way of coping with the world by defining it in detail.” – Malcolm Bradbury
“Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.”- Chuck Palahniuk
“Routine is part of coping.”- Lorene Scafaria
“Leaving things behind and starting again is a way of coping with difficulties. I learnt very early in my life that I was able to leave a place and still remain myself.”- Rachel Cusk
“Think first of the action that is right to take, think later about coping with one’s fears”.- Barbara Deming
“Scientists have demonstrated that dramatic, positive changes can occur in our lives as a direct result of facing an extreme challenge – whether it’s coping with a serious illness, daring to quit smoking, or dealing with depression. Researchers call this ‘post-traumatic growth.” – Jane McGonigal
“What is forgiveness? An emotion? A coping mechanism? An element of deepest faith? A way for the heart and soul to combat the type of hate, anger, rage and a thirst for revenge that could ultimately consume a person? All of those and more?” – Mike Barnicle
“One day I looked at something in myself that I had been avoiding because it was too painful. Yet once I did, I had an unexpected surprise. Rather than self-hatred, I was flooded with compassion for myself because I realized the pain necessary to develop that coping mechanism to begin with.”- Marianne Williamson
“If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” -T.S. Eliot
“If you are faced with a mountain, you have several options. You can climb it and cross to the other side. You can go around it. You can dig under it. You can fly over it. You can blow it up. You can ignore it and pretend it’s not there. You can turn around and go back the way you came. Or you can stay on the mountain and make it your home.” ― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration
“It is what it is. Isn’t that how these things always go? They are what they are. We just get to cope.” ― Mira Grant, Feed
The power of GRATITUDE can not be overstated, it works like magic, to change a negative mindset into a positive one, in an instant.
There is a quick way to move from negative emotion to positive emotion, and that is by pschologically reframing what you think about.
You can only think about one thing at a time, try it for yourself, your thoughts might flitter around aimlessly, but you can only hold one thought at any time.
If you’re feeling in a negative state, it is because of what is occupying your thoughts in that moment.
One quick fix for this is to become grateful. Coming from the perspective of gratitude, allowing your thoughts to really explore the feeling of gratitude, instantly shifts your perspective.
If you focus on what you don’t have, on the pain that you share your life with, of what’s not good, then you inevitably are going to feel negatively.
However there is so much to be grateful for, your life, the fact you get to experience this reality, against all the odds of even being born. Of the love and friendship you share with others, the glory of health and capability, both physically and mentally. The beauty of nature, the rich tapestry of life that is all around you, if you dare to look, and I mean really look. The possibilities and opportunities that are there for all, if they believe and are willing to put in the work. It’s a matter of perspective. Changing the way you think about things, really does change your experience of life.
If you would like to read more articles focused on GRATITUDE, click here.
Gratitude Quotes
“Trade Expectations for Appreciation.” – Tony Robbins
“Gratitude is the quickest way to turn a negative mood into a positive one.” – getresults.org.uk
“It is not happy people who are thankful. It is thankful people who are happy.”
“Never let the things you want make you forget the things you have.”
“A moment of gratitude makes a difference in your attitude.”
“Expect nothing and appreciate everything.”
“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” – Tony Robbins
“There is always, always something to be thankful for.”
“Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.”
“The quickest way to change a negative mood into a positive one is to think deeply about what you have to be grateful for. There is always something.” Getresults.org.uk
“Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” – Karl Barth
“When you arise in the morning. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”
“Gratitude transforms common days into thanksgivings, turns routine jobs into joy, and changes ordinary opportunities into blessings.”
“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”
“On a good day, give thanks, on a bad day, give thanks. Life is a gift. Tomorrow isn’t promised.”
“Don’t wait ’til it’s gone before you realise its worth. Appreciate it while you have it in your life, instead of neglecting it. That way it’s more likely to be in your life for longer” – getresults.org.uk
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein
“Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received.” – Henry Van Dyke
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie
“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson
“Whatever you appreciate and give thanks for will increase in your life.”
“There is no joy without gratitude.” – Brene Brown
“Enjoy the little things for one day. You may look back and realise they were the big things.”
“If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.” – Robert Quillen
“Contentment makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.”
“The great secret of life is to cultivate the ability to appreciate the things we have.”
Why do some people stick to a healthy diet, and a productive exercise routine, while others don’t?
If you’re not exercising regularly (even if it’s just regular walking), and you’re not maintaining a healthy weight, you’re not living a healthy life, and you maybe, should be making a change. We all know it can be difficult to shed the pounds, especially as we get older, but most of the reasons for not following through on a healthy lifestyle, are largely due to motivational issues, rather than physical constraints.
ALWAYS CONSULT A DOCTOR BEFORE UNDERTAKING ANY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY AND DIETARY PLAN. THERE ARE SOME MEDICAL CONDITIONS THAT CAUSE EXCESS WEIGHT, SO CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST.
it is common knowledge, that a mixture of good diet and regular exercise is required to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle, so we will be dealing with both in this article. I’m not going into the particulars about what foods to eat and not eat, and what exercises to undertake and what to avoid, in this article, it’s more about strategy, then execution.
Let’s look at some of the reasons and excuses for not sticking to a good diet and regular exercise routine and then what we can do about them. I have separated them out so that we can deal with them in turn, some of the points are repeated for both, where applicable. These are based on my experience, you may find some of the points apply to you, and some may not. It is recommended that you make your own list.
Self analysis
Not sticking to diet/eating plan
Giving in to a moment of weakness
Giving in to the urge/hunger
Inability to resist/delay (taste) gratification
Crave the taste/experience of (unhealthy/fatty food)
Think “will cut back tomorrow to make up”, but then don’t – (rationalise breaking the rules)
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”
What we can do about it
Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Don’t believe or fool yourself and your rationalisations – resist the temptation
Frame nice tasting food, negatively
Make healthy food more appealing and enjoyable
Fill yourself up on water (no calories), so you don’t feel hungry, sometimes thirst can be mistaken for hunger
Keep your mind busy, so you don’t think about food out of boredom
Avoid distractions and temptations altogether (no chocolates in cupboard)
Have an accountability buddy, or some mechanism for holding yourself to account
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. So you will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy eating some treats (as part of the plan), then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do. Make it a good habit. Once it becomes part of your routine, it will be easier to stick to.
Not exercising
Want to do something other than exercising, like watching TV, working on laptop.
Don’t want the discomfort of going outside, or having to pay and go to the gym, and missing out on doing more fun things.
Lack of energy willpower, can’t be bothered – lethargy.
Would rather be doing anything else – don’t enjoy exercising.
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”
What to do about it
Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Try to undertake exercise that is fun to do – has a social element to it
Exercise in front of the TV, so you can do both
Remove the temptations or distractions, so you can’t do them anyway, even if you don’t exercise.
Do short bursts of high intensity, do them in advert break.
Have a accountability buddy, or exercise with one
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. You will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Don’t think about it, just set a routine and stick to it – make yourself do it, once it becomes a habit, it will get easier.
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy some treats or veto’s, then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do
I have put down some of the things that go through my mind when I’m faced with the choice of either eating something I want to eat or eating healthy, and with regards to exercising or not. You should add your own excuses to this list as part of your self-awareness analysis.
Conclusion
First set yourself a GOAL, give yourself some room for TREATS, otherwise you will be miserable (thinking you are missing out too much) and will be unlikely to keep it up. Your goal has to be sustainable, and enjoyable, if possible. Some exercise is better than none.
Develop a PLAN OF ACTION to achieve your GOAL. Set to a timeline, with a deadline. In doing this, you have to tap into your SELF AWARENESS, and figure out why you’re not doing what you need to do, or find out why you’re doing things that are counter-productive to your goal. Try to manage your weaknesses. For example, If you can’t pull yourself away from the TV, stick a treadmill in front of it and do exercise while watching TV.
Then you have to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. There is no short-cut, or magic formula (be very, very careful about taking slimming aids and quick fixes, they can result in untold damage to your body). Stop making excuses and blaming other people or circumstances and the stresses of life, for not following your plan.
TAKE RIGHT ACTION. Those that take RIGHT ACTION have made it part of their routine. They JUST DO IT. They have found a way to JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN. It can be difficult to go against your bad habits, so either find some form of HACK to fool yourself into complying, or just make yourself do it.
Finally, be COMMITTED to your goal and plan of action, see it through to a successful conclusion.