What is it with mankind’s preoccupation with WANTING, wanting more and more, wanting better.. The growth mindset.
People often value WANTING more than they value HAVING. Think about it for a second, how much of your thoughts are made up of WANTING the next thing on your list and how much is spent appreciating what you HAVE?
So the lesson we need to learn is that being lost in WANTING should be tempered with AWARENESS of how our WANTING is causing us to miss the bigger picture perspective.
Bring AWARENESS into your THOUGHTS, add space around them. When we lose ourselves in incessant WANTING we lose ourselves in thought, and become preoccupied with what the future holds and in doing so, miss the PRESENT MOMENT where our lives actually unfold.
Below are a few graphics to illustrate this…
Get Results: Dog jumping off ledgeGet Results: Dog jumping off ledgeGet Results: Dog jumping off ledgeGet Results: Dog jumping off ledge
For more about spiritual awakening, please check out our spiritual guide.
Awakening is the process of lifting your awareness out of the Ego and freeing yourself from identification with compulsive thought. Doing so allows you to enjoy a more spiritual existence free of fear and all negative emotions which come about when living under the influence of the Ego.
Below are some quotes and wise words relating to awakening, that I have collated, and have taken inspiration and direction from, hope you enjoy them and find them useful on your journey to spiritual enlightenment.
Bookmark this page because I’ll be adding new content to it, as and when I come across it.
Get Results: Awakening: bringing consciousness into this momentGet Results: Awakening: separation of thought and awarenessGet Results: Awakening: free from identification with htoughtGet Results: Awakening: 100% present in this momentGet Results: Awakening: the moment you become aware of the Ego in you, it is strictly speaking no longer the ego, but just an old conditioned mind pattern. Ego implies unawareness, awareness and Ego cannon coexistGet Results: Awakening: you don’t need to change just wake upGet Results: Awakening: outside the EgoGet Results: Awakening: recognising the EgoGet Results: Awakening: free of the EgoGet Results: Awakening: use thought don’t be used by it
“Life gives you what you take from it.” – M. Turner
People give meaning to events, circumstances and experiences largely based on social conditioning, learned from your interactions with the world: media, parents and family, neighbours, school then later, work colleagues.
In the same way you learn cultural values, you learn what is the right way to think and behaviour in your environment, so that you fit in. This is bred into us as young children, when our brains are like sponges, before we can form our own balanced opinions.
It is true however that some people have a compulsion not to conform in such a way, and are often marginalised and find themselves on the fringe of society. These non-conformers follow their nature more closely because it doesn’t fit so well with social norms. They wrestle with this situation, often joining subcultures that better share their preferred beliefs and values. They reject the larger society rules but yearn to feel part of something, but which is more agreeable to them. These people may be more mature, questioning, inquisitive at an earlier age. They are free-thinkers by nature. We would all do well to question our own beliefs and values to ensure they make sense to us, and aren’t getting in our way.
Obstructive beliefs include things like like:
“Life, society is against people like me, I just can’t……”
“Life is meant to be hard, not enjoyed.” (so not true)
“People are trying to rip you off all the time, nobody can be trusted.”
“I’m not good or clever or experienced enough…” (Who says?)
“People like me can’t……” (who says?)
“Other people in this space have more talent, desire, determination, I can’t compete with them….”.
Well, while it might be true that others currently possess more talent, it’s really down to you, if you want something badly enough, then you will find the determination and desire to throw yourself into it and through purposeful practice, get better at it. If you don’t have the desire, or determination, do something that you truly love instead and get really good at that.
When something happens to us, we give it meaning based on our beliefs and values, and the story we tell ourselves about it. Changing the story, changes the meaning.
So while you can, through goal setting and planning, move your life in a certain direction, life will happen to you, good and bad, there is little you can predict for your future, but you can make every set-back a learning experience, every feeling of negativity a chance for spiritual practice.
There are always positives that can be taken from, or that come out of, any negative, if you make it so. Check out this Zen parable for some inspiration.
Life really does give us what we choose to take from it, if you believe it to be so.
The New Year is 6 days old and already the numbers of people going to the gym are dwindling. So much for all those well intentioned New Years resolutions.
Willpower can only take us so far. The effort needed to initiate momentum is finite, it runs out the more its used.
Habits are our saving grace because they take over where willpower leaves off, they are what help us over the longer term.
But habits don’t kick in for at least 30 days of continuous routine, where you do something religiously, almost everyday. After 30 days or so, habit will take over and make the process more automatic. You won’t be thinking about whether to do it or not quite so much, and on the flip side, you will feel a tinge of guilt if you miss a day. Six days of effort isn’t ever going to be nearly enough, persevere through to the end of January at least.
Bad habits tend to be harder to break than good ones, so a few days taking time away/off, results in an interruption of your inertia, which breaks your routine, and consequently the habit, so don’t weaken and get lazy. Health should be a lifestyle, afterall.
Set yourself a tangible goal, and act with purpose in its realisation. Put in the effort to get some momentum, until it becomes habit and then it will be easier to keep going.
For more about increasing your motivation, check out our MOTIVATION GUIDE.
I’ve just finished watching “The Choice” on Netflix with Mrs Turner, and I would highly recommend it. But I’m not writing a movie review here, but talking briefly about what it got me thinking about.
I find choice to be an intriguing aspect of life.
Life is all about choice, right or wrong doesn’t matter because life keeps unfolding regardless.
Choices can be big or small, and can change the whole direction of your life in a heartbeat.
We are where we are because of the choices we have made to this point. The decisions about what to think, to do, and who to do it with or not, provide a continuous stream of options, each following the other.
The best or worse thing about it, depending on how you choose to frame it in your mind, is you get to make them, all of them.
I once made a choice to go away on an holiday, I wasn’t particularly looking forward to. I won’t bore you with the detail, but at the end of it all, it resulted in me meeting the love of my life and marrying her. If I hadn’t of gone on that holiday, and I very nearly didn’t, I wouldn’t have been in a position to meet her and experience the subsequent journey we have enjoyed together since. That holiday literally chanced my life, but really all the decisions we make have the potential to do that don’t they?
So let me wish you good luck with your future choices, may they bring you incredible joy.
I believe SELF AWARENESS to be probably, the most important part of improving the quality of life and achieving success in personal and business life.
As part of my attempt to improve self awareness, I found it important to explore my emotions, feelings and reactions to events, circumstances, situations, and attachments in all aspects of life.
Emotional compass
I’ve learned that how you feel about something lets you know whether you’re on the right track or not. Decoding the meaning of that feeling is very important if you’re to learn anything from it.
If you’re feeling good about something, then you’re likely to be on the right track, at least, from your current perspective. If you’re feeling bad about something, you may need to take a closer look. Think of your emotions and feelings as a compass, indicating which way to go.
Coping strategies
However one thing that can cause a great deal of confusion is the adoption of COPING STRATEGIES (otherwise known as psychological coping mechanisms/tactics/skills), which are often employed to cover up some negative situation or issue and allow you to put-up with them.
Coping strategies can be positive or negative in nature. Drinking and taking drugs to excess is often a sign you’re using them to cover up pain, or trying to temporarily forget about the pain. Overeating, complaining, blaming, gossiping, procrastination, gambling, self-sabotaging are all examples of negative coping strategies. They are designed to temporarily cover up the underlying issue, but seldom work to resolve the issue, and to make matters worse they often add more pain into the mix.
I believe it’s important to look underneath the coping strategy and find the underlying issue, and deal productively with it. The field of Spirituality agrees, saying we should “surrender to what is”, to “go fully into the feeling” and “accept it”, and “let go” of any negative influences, working positively to move beyond it. Many psychotherapies are designed to confront the root cause of pain and again move healthily beyond it.
It’s best to resolve the issue in most cases. Seeking professional help might be needed for more complex, severe issues and trauma. Some issues can be resolved yourself, if you take positive steps or employ positive coping strategies to deal with them.
Knowing the cause
Discovering and examining the underlying issue is the first step. Repressed pain and memories often still influence us at a subconscious level. Uncovering and taking a fresh perspective can help. Some issues start early in life and are left unexamined into adulthood. Often looking at them as an adult helps shift perspective, and what was a big issue as a child is not so much as an adult. We can be particularly hard on ourselves in relation to say ,embarrassing situations, and feel traumatised by them at the time, but looking with fresh eyes, as a mature adult, maybe as a parent, we realise that we may have been viewed less critically or harshly by others, then we thought at the time, at least by those with some level of decency and maturity. If you saw a child mess up, in say, a school play and subsequently became upset, would you look on that child as a complete loser, or would your heart go out to them, and want to tell them it’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it? Only those in pain themselves would negatively view the child.
Taking Responsibility
Get results: take responsibility
Blaming and complaining is often an attempt to pass on responsibility. It’s a coping strategy, but when you pass blame or you complain you also pass on power. You pass on the power you need to do something about it yourself. You can’t control what others do, but you can control what you do, and how you react to things, situations, events and people.
Being Empathetic
Get Results: Empathy
If you are angry with someone from your past, because they messed up, or let you down. Maybe looking at the situation differently might help, consider the other persons INTENT rather than their EXECUTION. Were they acting with the right intention, but just messed up their execution? Were they acting from a position of fear, and trying protect themselves in some way? What were they going through at the time, that could have impacted on their execution?
Often holding onto resentment, hatred and anger is far more damaging and destructive to ourselves than the other person they are directed towards. Let them go.
Below is a list of coping strategies, check them out and see which ones you use, figure out what the underlying issue is and deal with it or seek professional help to do so.
Coping strategies
Adaptive Mechanisms: That offer positive help.
Adaptation: The human ability to adapt.
Compartmentalisation: separating conflicting thoughts into separated compartments.
Compensation: Over-doing one thing to compensate for another weakness.
Crying: Tears of release and seeking comfort.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Idealisation: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Identification: copying others to take on their characteristics.
Intellectualisation: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
Performing Rituals: Getting time to think.
Post-traumatic growth: Using the energy of trauma for good.
Sublimation: Channel psychic energy into acceptable activities.
Substitution: Replacing bad things with good things.
Undoing: actions that psychologically ‘undo’ wrongdoings for the wrongdoer.
Attack Mechanisms: That push discomfort onto others.
Acting Out: not coping – giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Fight-or-Flight Reaction: Reacting by attacking.
Passive aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Trivialising: Making small what is really something big.
Avoidance Mechanisms: That avoid the issue.
Acting Out: not coping – giving in to the pressure to misbehave.
Avoidance: mentally or physically avoiding something that causes distress.
Denial: refusing to acknowledge that an event has occurred.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Distancing: Moving away.
Fantasy: escaping reality into a world of possibility.
Idealisation: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Intellectualisation: avoiding emotion by focusing on facts and logic.
Passive Aggression: avoiding refusal by passive avoidance.
Performing Rituals: Patterns that delay.
Projection: seeing your own unwanted feelings in other people.
Rationalisation: creating logical reasons for bad behavior.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Regression: returning to a child state to avoid problems.
Somatisation: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
Suppression: consciously holding back unwanted urges.
Symbolisation: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
Trivialising: Making small what is really something big.
Conversion Mechanisms: That change one thing into another.
Aim Inhibition: lowering sights to what seems more achievable.
Altruism: Helping others to help self.
Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
Displacement: shifting of intended action to a safer target.
Idealisation: playing up the good points and ignoring limitations of things desired.
Post-Traumatic Growth: Using the energy of trauma for good.
Reaction Formation: avoiding something by taking a polar opposite position.
Somatisation: psychological problems turned into physical symptoms.
Sublimation: channeling psychic energy into acceptable activities.
Substitution: Replacing one thing with another.
Symbolisation: turning unwanted thoughts into metaphoric symbols.
Trivialising: Making small what is really something big.
Defense Mechanisms: Freud’s original set.
Denial: claiming/believing that what is true to be actually false.
Displacement: redirecting emotions to a substitute target.
Intellectualisation: taking an objective viewpoint.
Projection: attributing uncomfortable feelings to others.
Rationalisation: creating false but credible justifications.
Reaction Formation: overacting in the opposite way to the fear.
Regression: going back to acting as a child.
Repression: pushing uncomfortable thoughts into the subconscious.
Sublimation: redirecting ‘wrong’ urges into socially acceptable actions.
Self-harm Mechanisms: That hurt our selves.
Conversion: subconscious conversion of stress into physical symptoms.
Somatisation: psychological
problems turned into physical symptoms.
Self-harming: Conscious physical self-harm.
(list sourced from: changingminds.org)
Get Results: coping strategies
Some ways these manifest themselves into our daily lives, separated into positive and negative grouping can be seen below.
Positive coping strategies (constructive)
Diversions
Artistic – Writing, drawing, painting, photography, playing an instrument, singing, dancing, acting, gardening
Taking a shower or a bath
Taking a walk, or go for a drive
Watching television or a movie
Spending time on social media
Play a game
Going shopping
Cleaning or organise your environment
Reading
Taking a break or vacation
Social/Interpersonal (with others)
Talking to someone you like and trust
Setting boundaries and saying “no”
Writing a note to someone you care about
Being assertive
Using humour
Spending time with friends and/or family
Serving/helping/encouraging someone in need
Caring for or play with a pet
Role-playing challenging situations with others
Cognitive (Of the Mind)
Making a gratitude list
Brainstorming solutions
Lowering your expectations and preferences of the situation
Checking out inspirational quotes
Being flexible and open minded
Writing a list of goals and things you want to achieve
Taking a class, learning a skill
Acting opposite of negative feelings
Writing a list of pros and cons for decision making
Rewarding or pampering yourself when successful
Writing a list of strengths and skills
Accepting a challenge with a positive attitude
Tension Releasers
Exercising or playing sports
Catharsis (yelling in the bathroom, punching a punching bag)
Crying
Laughing
Physical
Getting plenty of sleep
Eating nutricious and healthy foods
Getting into a good routine
Not over indulging in sweet/fatty foods
Limiting caffeine intake
Deep/slow breathing
Spiritual
Meditation and/or praying
Enjoying nature
Getting involved in a worthy cause
Limit Setting
Dropping some involvement
Prioritising important tasks
Using assertive communication
Making time for yourself
Using negative coping strategies
Using Diversions
Procrastinating
Abusing drugs or alcohol
Wasting time on unimportant tasks
Creating a lower level drama to cover up higher level pain (the less of two evils)
Negative coping strategies (maladaptive)
Diversion
Procrastinating
Abusing drugs or alchol
Wasting time on unimportant tasks
Creating lower level drama to cover up higher level pain. (less of two evils)
Social/Interpersonal
Blaming
Isolating/withdrawing
Mean or hostile joking
Gossiping
Criticizing others
Manipulating others
Refusing help from others
Lying to others
Sabotaging plans and goals
Being late to appointments and letting others down
Provoking violence from others
Enabling others to take advantage of you
Accepting embarrassing situation to hide a perceived more embarrassing situation (not undressing to hide fat)
Cognitive (of the Mind)
Denying any problem
Stubbornness/inflexibility
All or nothing/black or white thinking
Catastrophising
Overgeneralising
Tension Releasers
Tantrums throwing
Throwing things at people
Hitting and lashing out at people
Yelling at others
Destroying property
Speeding or driving recklessly
Physical
Suicide
Self harming
Developing illnesses
Intrapersonal
Making fun of yourself
Self-sabotaging behaviors
Blaming yourself
Indulging
Spending too much
Gambling
Eating too much
Setting dangerous fires
Continually crying
Conclusion
We all use coping strategies to deal with anxiety and pain, in some form or another. They help us deal with negative feelings and emotions so that we can function without feeling great sadness, anger, and pain, all the time. There are good ways to deal with pain as well as bad.
The extent to which drugs and drink are indulged and abused in modern life, suggests that there are a lot of people experiencing negative emotions to varying degrees, and are dealing with that pain in a very destructive and damaging manner.
Mental health problems are on the increase, particularly with the uncertainty and fast changing society we now live in. A job for life is no more, and this cause great uncertainty and anxiety. Strong family units and ties are increasing hard to rely on and with them. the important support networks they once provided.
People feel increasing isolated and vulnerable and so look for ways to escape the perceived madness, injustice and isolation. Coping strategies are used, by many, to deal with this pain, in the best way people feel they can.
It’s so important to deal with such issues at the root, and employ positive coping strategies for issues that can’t be easily resolved. Remember you can’t control how others think or behave, but you can control how you respond, react, behave and think about the situation/issue/event. Awareness is often the first BIG step in the right direction.
I hope this article helps increase your awareness and self awareness so that you can move towards a healthier state of well being.
If you would like to read more articles focused on COPING STRATEGIES, click here.
“Problems are not the problem; coping is the problem.”- Virginia Satir
“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”– Jim Rohn
“Culture is a way of coping with the world by defining it in detail.” – Malcolm Bradbury
“Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.”- Chuck Palahniuk
“Routine is part of coping.”- Lorene Scafaria
“Leaving things behind and starting again is a way of coping with difficulties. I learnt very early in my life that I was able to leave a place and still remain myself.”- Rachel Cusk
“Think first of the action that is right to take, think later about coping with one’s fears”.- Barbara Deming
“Scientists have demonstrated that dramatic, positive changes can occur in our lives as a direct result of facing an extreme challenge – whether it’s coping with a serious illness, daring to quit smoking, or dealing with depression. Researchers call this ‘post-traumatic growth.” – Jane McGonigal
“What is forgiveness? An emotion? A coping mechanism? An element of deepest faith? A way for the heart and soul to combat the type of hate, anger, rage and a thirst for revenge that could ultimately consume a person? All of those and more?” – Mike Barnicle
“One day I looked at something in myself that I had been avoiding because it was too painful. Yet once I did, I had an unexpected surprise. Rather than self-hatred, I was flooded with compassion for myself because I realized the pain necessary to develop that coping mechanism to begin with.”- Marianne Williamson
“If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” -T.S. Eliot
“If you are faced with a mountain, you have several options. You can climb it and cross to the other side. You can go around it. You can dig under it. You can fly over it. You can blow it up. You can ignore it and pretend it’s not there. You can turn around and go back the way you came. Or you can stay on the mountain and make it your home.” ― Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration
“It is what it is. Isn’t that how these things always go? They are what they are. We just get to cope.” ― Mira Grant, Feed
The power of GRATITUDE can not be overstated, it works like magic, to change a negative mindset into a positive one, in an instant.
There is a quick way to move from negative emotion to positive emotion, and that is by pschologically reframing what you think about.
You can only think about one thing at a time, try it for yourself, your thoughts might flitter around aimlessly, but you can only hold one thought at any time.
Get Results: make the best of everything
If you’re feeling in a negative state, it is because of what is occupying your thoughts in that moment.
One quick fix for this is to become grateful. Coming from the perspective of gratitude, allowing your thoughts to really explore the feeling of gratitude, instantly shifts your perspective.
Get Results: appreciation
If you focus on what you don’t have, on the pain that you share your life with, of what’s not good, then you inevitably are going to feel negatively.
However there is so much to be grateful for, your life, the fact you get to experience this reality, against all the odds of even being born. Of the love and friendship you share with others, the glory of health and capability, both physically and mentally. The beauty of nature, the rich tapestry of life that is all around you, if you dare to look, and I mean really look. The possibilities and opportunities that are there for all, if they believe and are willing to put in the work. It’s a matter of perspective. Changing the way you think about things, really does change your experience of life.
If you would like to read more articles focused on GRATITUDE, click here.
Get Results: gratitude changes mood
Gratitude Quotes
“Trade Expectations for Appreciation.” – Tony Robbins
“Gratitude is the quickest way to turn a negative mood into a positive one.” – getresults.org.uk
“It is not happy people who are thankful. It is thankful people who are happy.”
“Never let the things you want make you forget the things you have.”
“A moment of gratitude makes a difference in your attitude.”
“Expect nothing and appreciate everything.”
“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” – Tony Robbins
“There is always, always something to be thankful for.”
“Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.”
“The quickest way to change a negative mood into a positive one is to think deeply about what you have to be grateful for. There is always something.” Getresults.org.uk
“Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” – Karl Barth
“When you arise in the morning. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.”
“Gratitude transforms common days into thanksgivings, turns routine jobs into joy, and changes ordinary opportunities into blessings.”
“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.”
“On a good day, give thanks, on a bad day, give thanks. Life is a gift. Tomorrow isn’t promised.”
“Don’t wait ’til it’s gone before you realise its worth. Appreciate it while you have it in your life, instead of neglecting it. That way it’s more likely to be in your life for longer” – getresults.org.uk
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein
“Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received.” – Henry Van Dyke
“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie
“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson
“Whatever you appreciate and give thanks for will increase in your life.”
“There is no joy without gratitude.” – Brene Brown
“Enjoy the little things for one day. You may look back and realise they were the big things.”
“If you count all your assets, you always show a profit.” – Robert Quillen
“Contentment makes poor men rich; discontent makes rich men poor.”
“The great secret of life is to cultivate the ability to appreciate the things we have.”
Get Results: Being healthy isn’t a fad or a trend, it’s a lifestyle
Why do some people stick to a healthy diet, and a productive exercise routine, while others don’t?
If you’re not exercising regularly (even if it’s just regular walking), and you’re not maintaining a healthy weight, you’re not living a healthy life, and you maybe, should be making a change. We all know it can be difficult to shed the pounds, especially as we get older, but most of the reasons for not following through on a healthy lifestyle, are largely due to motivational issues, rather than physical constraints.
ALWAYS CONSULT A DOCTOR BEFORE UNDERTAKING ANY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY AND DIETARY PLAN. THERE ARE SOME MEDICAL CONDITIONS THAT CAUSE EXCESS WEIGHT, SO CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST.
it is common knowledge, that a mixture of good diet and regular exercise is required to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle, so we will be dealing with both in this article. I’m not going into the particulars about what foods to eat and not eat, and what exercises to undertake and what to avoid, in this article, it’s more about strategy, then execution.
Let’s look at some of the reasons and excuses for not sticking to a good diet and regular exercise routine and then what we can do about them. I have separated them out so that we can deal with them in turn, some of the points are repeated for both, where applicable. These are based on my experience, you may find some of the points apply to you, and some may not. It is recommended that you make your own list.
Self analysis
Not sticking to diet/eating plan
Giving in to a moment of weakness
Giving in to the urge/hunger
Inability to resist/delay (taste) gratification
Crave the taste/experience of (unhealthy/fatty food)
Think “will cut back tomorrow to make up”, but then don’t – (rationalise breaking the rules)
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”
What we can do about it
Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Don’t believe or fool yourself and your rationalisations – resist the temptation
Frame nice tasting food, negatively
Make healthy food more appealing and enjoyable
Fill yourself up on water (no calories), so you don’t feel hungry, sometimes thirst can be mistaken for hunger
Keep your mind busy, so you don’t think about food out of boredom
Avoid distractions and temptations altogether (no chocolates in cupboard)
Have an accountability buddy, or some mechanism for holding yourself to account
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. So you will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy eating some treats (as part of the plan), then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do. Make it a good habit. Once it becomes part of your routine, it will be easier to stick to.
Not exercising
Want to do something other than exercising, like watching TV, working on laptop.
Don’t want the discomfort of going outside, or having to pay and go to the gym, and missing out on doing more fun things.
Lack of energy willpower, can’t be bothered – lethargy.
Would rather be doing anything else – don’t enjoy exercising.
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”
What to do about it
Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Try to undertake exercise that is fun to do – has a social element to it
Exercise in front of the TV, so you can do both
Remove the temptations or distractions, so you can’t do them anyway, even if you don’t exercise.
Do short bursts of high intensity, do them in advert break.
Have a accountability buddy, or exercise with one
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. You will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Don’t think about it, just set a routine and stick to it – make yourself do it, once it becomes a habit, it will get easier.
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy some treats or veto’s, then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do
I have put down some of the things that go through my mind when I’m faced with the choice of either eating something I want to eat or eating healthy, and with regards to exercising or not. You should add your own excuses to this list as part of your self-awareness analysis.
Conclusion
First set yourself a GOAL, give yourself some room for TREATS, otherwise you will be miserable (thinking you are missing out too much) and will be unlikely to keep it up. Your goal has to be sustainable, and enjoyable, if possible. Some exercise is better than none.
Develop a PLAN OF ACTION to achieve your GOAL. Set to a timeline, with a deadline. In doing this, you have to tap into your SELF AWARENESS, and figure out why you’re not doing what you need to do, or find out why you’re doing things that are counter-productive to your goal. Try to manage your weaknesses. For example, If you can’t pull yourself away from the TV, stick a treadmill in front of it and do exercise while watching TV.
Then you have to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. There is no short-cut, or magic formula (be very, very careful about taking slimming aids and quick fixes, they can result in untold damage to your body). Stop making excuses and blaming other people or circumstances and the stresses of life, for not following your plan.
TAKE RIGHT ACTION. Those that take RIGHT ACTION have made it part of their routine. They JUST DO IT. They have found a way to JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN. It can be difficult to go against your bad habits, so either find some form of HACK to fool yourself into complying, or just make yourself do it.
Finally, be COMMITTED to your goal and plan of action, see it through to a successful conclusion.
The other day this saying randomly popped into my mind…
“Never ASSUME, it often makes an ASS of U and Me”.
Well it got me thinking about how ASSUMING impacts our lives. We often hear the word used when something has failed to happened, but which should have happened, because an assumption was made instead of checking. For example you might leave the house without your keys, only to realise after you’ve shut the door and locked yourself out, simply because you assumed your partner had picked them up.
That’s one example of assuming, others might include:
assuming we have the correct information,
assuming we are being told the whole truth,
assuming we have and understand all the facts,
assuming we know best.
I came up with this list while considering the current political debate ranging in the UK, where lot’s of strongly held opinions are flying around, based, to a large extent, on many assumptions.
So making assumptions can be very problematic, we should never assume anything, we should always double check, or do the research to make sure we have all the facts. Assuming is a form of laziness, which can cause us more hassle and pain further down the road.
I decided to look up the synonyms of ASSUME and came up with the following list:
taking for granted
taken as given
accept
conclude
consider
estimate
expect
guess
infer
presume
speculate
suspect
think
understand
ascertain
conjecture
deduce
deem
divine
fancy
find
gather
hypothesise
imagine
judge
posit
postulate
predicate
presuppose
suppose
surmise
theorise
be afraid
be inclined to think
count upon
fall for
get the idea
have a hunch
have sneaking suspicion
When I read though this list, it got me thinking about how ASSUMING is not just about missing something, or not checking if something has indeed taken place, it can also be a reason why we DON’T TAKE ACTION.
Think about it for a minute, if you assume you KNOW the outcome of say, a particular course of action, it might be enough to discourage you from even trying. Your internal inner dialogue might go like this…
“It won’t work”, or
“I’m not good enough to make a success of this”, or
“People aren’t going to buy it anyway.”
This might be an assumption based on nothing more then self-doubt, but if you just assume you can’t do it, or assume it won’t work out, you aren’t likely to take the necessary steps to find out.
Stop ASSUMING, it’s a motivation killer. The only way you can know for sure is by giving it a go.
When it comes to moving closer to goals, by actually taking action, many people can’t even seem to get started. They come up with lots of excuses why they shouldn’t act. For example if you have a goal of becoming a successful business owner, or entrepreneur, you might say to yourself via your inner dialogue…
Justifications for maintaining the current status quo
It’s less risky to just keep doing what I am currently doing (not taking action)
I’m too busy with my current work and family schedule, I don’t really have the time to devote to pursue my goal(s). Working evenings will cut into my time with family an friends.
Possible negative consequences of taking action
It will take time, skills that I may not have
I could fail (so won’t take the risk)
I want to put myself in a situation where I’m being judged by others
People might think I’m fake, a fraud
I don’t know or might not know how to do it (what needs doing)
My idea isn’t good enough, or might not be good enough
I could waste lots of time, effort, money investing in something that just doesn’t work out, so why even bother
Success will mean working all hours and will have no time for family
I’m scared of pushing myself and doing things outside my comfort zone, because it’s uncomfortable
I don’t like asking people for help, and I might have to do
I don’t like asking people to buy from me, I just can’t sell
I might lose all my money
I might get ripped off by scam artist who takes advantage of my naivety
Talking professionally to people (in case they think I’m a fake)
I might be promising something I can’t deliver
I might ruining my reputation, when it’s very important to me
I don’t like giving presentations, pitching, speaking in front of customers, audience and might find I have to at some point
I don’t like the idea of putting myself out there and feeling vulnerable
I don’t like to rely /depend on other people, in case I get let down
If you’re trying to lose weight or get fit you might say to yourself…
Justifications for maintaining the current status quo
I love eating tasty fatty foods – they taste so good. I always have good intentions but when I’m hungry, I just give in
I want to watch TV rather than going out and exercising in the cold/at the gym
Possible negative consequences of taking action
Healthy food doesn’t taste as good as fatty food
Exercise is too hard, I don’t enjoy it, and can’t deal with the discomfort and pain
Issues with self esteem or even some degree of self loathing, can sometimes result in people finding comfort in binge eating, which further fuels self loathing and lowers self esteem. In such circumstances you should try to deal with the underlying root issues, as the eating is a manifestation of these, rather than the root cause.
Why you come up with excuses
This list of excuses, is your mind trying to rationalise the decision not to take action. On one hand you feel you should be doing something in pursuit of your goals, after all everyone says you should have goals, don’t they? On the other hand part of you fears taking the risk.
When you contemplate moving from your comfort zone, your current situation, and the routines and habits that you have, and maybe have had for some time, to something that feels new, you will naturally feel some level of fear.
You are hardwired, through evolution, to resist putting yourself in dangerous situations, and change is perceived as being potentially bad. Change equals uncertainty and uncertainty could result in risk and possible danger. Risk and danger is considered bad because your sense of self (who you see yourself to be) could be devalued in some way, and your survival instincts will do its level best to ensure this doesn’t happen.
All action is driven by the need to avoid pain and being destroyed, and all your actions are built on this one need. You continually strive for more, because being more means you are further away from being nothing. The more you have, the more you are. So you’re not a freak because you’re not taking action, you’re trapped by your fear of change, uncertainty, risk, danger, failure, you might even be fearful of success, or at least the consequences of success (no time to spend with friends and family, responsibility etc).
Moving beyond fear
So now we know why we aren’t taking action, we can move on to working out a strategy for overcome these limiting thoughts and beliefs.
The first thing to consider is how real these perceived dangers are and how seriously are they likely to impact you, should they materialise.
Without knowing your personal situation in more detail, it is difficult to give a specific answer, but general fears can be looked upon in the following ways:
Being judged by others
With regards to being judged by others, if you had more self confidence or self esteem, other peoples’ opinions would matter much less to you. Sure, we all like to be liked, but being dependant on other peoples’ opinions, is not healthy. You will tend to make up stories about how and why this and that person doesn’t like you, which is usually nothing more than a fictional story of your own invention and more about your own judgements of yourself, rather than theirs.
If another person doesn’t like you, and you know this for sure, because they have actually told you so, and for XYZ reasons then at least you know, rather than suspect. You can either try to adjust your behaviour, if you agree that it is unacceptable, or ignore their views, if you disagree. After all they might be accusing you of behaving unacceptably when they are the ones with the insecurities and esteem issues. Remember they are being driven by the same insecurities and fears that you are, and putting yourself in their shoes through empathy, allows you to realise this. They might be lashing out because of their own pain, rather than it being you.
I believe if you are truly joyous and genuinely happy and aligned inside, you have no reason to attack or belittle another person. Anger, frustration, fear and all negative emotions come from insecurities and pain within you, which is already there, but just being aroused by the situation you’re reacting to. Check out my wellbeing guide for more information, particularly the equation of emotion part which details how negative emotions are created.
Not good enough
If you believe you’re not good enough or not up-to-the-job. Try to understand where these thoughts are coming from. Again your self-preservation instincts will try to protect you from risky situations, but you can move beyond this by identifying your weaknesses and educating yourself into mastering them.
Low self esteem and lack of belief in yourself can be embedded deep into your psyche from early childhood, when you were very impressionable and filtered your experiences less. If your environment at an early age was not supportive, maybe you were continually told you were not good enough, or were not given enough love from one or more of your parents, whom you craved love from. Or you were discouraged to take risks or do things outside the norm, being told not to do something “for your own safety”, or told to fit in and not stand out, these fears and insecurities might still be lingering in the background of your mind, influencing your present decision making and possibly sabotaging your goals. None of these things can be considered as “truths”, they were opinions and actions from people who themselves were in some degree of pain, and may well have been just passing on their own insecurities and fears through their actions and words.
You can be good enough if you’re willing to make the effort and put in the work. If you don’t want to make the effort then you’re probably not going to get far, for that reason. Check out my work ethic article for more.
Now a caveat. Talent has a part to play in success, particularly when you’re competing with others to get to the top. You should look to play to your strengths, and you will have strengths as well as weaknesses. We all have weaknesses so don’t feel bad about them. I would love to be a singer, unfortunately I can’t hold a tune, I’m terrible, really. I could probably improve with training and purposeful practice, but I would never be able to go beyond my physical limitations. I might, with lots of practice, get good enough to perform at a certain level but I would never be at the top of the tree. Such limitations are true of some activities, singing, I would say is one, some kinds of sports that rely on certain physical characteristics and prowess, maybe another. But there are many more things that don’t have such limitations, you can practice and practice and become better, and be as good as you want to be. Often hard work trumps talent, when talent doesn’t work. Check out my article on self awareness, because this is key to identifying your strengths and weaknesses.
Fearing success
You might have an inner conflict of wanting to be successful, while at the same time fearing the consequences of success, like having no time for friends and family or relying on other people or being ripped off, or having to shoulder responsibility for yourself and others.
The best thing to do is examine these conflicts and resolve them. If you don’t want to work all hours and miss time with family and friends, then find a lifestyle business that doesn’t depend on your presence so much. Many large businesses have managers operating the business on behalf of the owners, so scale could work in your favour after the initial building phase. Some businesses, such as online businesses can be worked on around family time, or be outsourced/delegated to someone else. If you first, identify the conflict and confront it, you can then work out a solution to move beyond it. If you can’t resolve it, maybe you should drop that particular goal and find a different one that best suits who you are. It’s really no good trying to put a square brick into a round hole (check out my article on self awareness).
Conflicting wants
Wanting one thing (your goal), but also wanting something that is counter-productive to that goal, is obviously problematic. For example if you want to lose weight, be lean, get fit, but can’t resist eating fatty foods such as chocs, snacks, sweets, burgers and the like, you have a conflict of wants. You might have good intentions, but when the temptation is there, for example having chocs in the cupboard, you find it almost impossible to resist, without having a huge amount of self control and willpower.
Another example: If you want to get an assignment done, but can’t resist watching your favourite sports team playing, or can’t face pulling yourself away from the TV, then you have a a conflict of wants.
One solution is to avoid putting yourself in situations that provide temptations or distractions. If you’ve no chocolates in the cupboard, you can’t eat them. If there’s no TV, you can’t watch it. It all comes down to deciding your priorities.
Personally I can work on my laptop, while sat in front of the TV and remain 100% focused on what I’m doing. This means I don’t feel I’m having to lock myself away or miss out on anything. It encourages me to work more frequently and intensely, and really, the TV, even with the sound on low, doesn’t distract me. I find I’m more productive working that way. Find what works best for you.
Giving yourself a reason to take action
Life is all about making choices. You will take the action that drives you most. You will take the action that NEEDS to be done or else…., or that you really WANT to do. Check out my article about getting into a WANT or NEED state of motivation.
Give yourself a compelling reason to take action and you’re more likely to take it. Motivation has many elements, check out my motivational guide here.
