It seems the world is becoming more offended by the views and actions of other people, other nations, other cultures and other societies. If you spend any time on social media, you’ll know the outpouring of outrage of people commenting on posts which they have taken some offence to.
Offence is defined as;
Resentful or annoyed, typically as a result of a perceived insult.
It got me thinking about what offended me.
I’m offended by those that …
Don’t agree with me and who thing it’s okay to insult my views,
Have different views and won’t open their minds to see others’ views,
Don’t say thank you, or acknowledge when I let them go in front of me,
Push in,
Are rude,
Infringe on my cultural values,
Infringe on my civil liberties,
Threaten my way of life,
Try to tell me what I can say, can’t say, can do, can’t do; the PC brigade,
Do what I have been known to do to others,
Take offence over everything they perceive as an insult to them as if they were the center of the universe.
However I realise it’s okay to be offended, in fact, it’s inevitable that at some point someone is going to offend me. So I no longer wish for the world to change, and instead have changed the way I think about things. I don’t take things so personally anymore.
At the end of the day, I can’t control what others do, but I can change the way I react.
Fear and Love are the main drivers for all human behaviour, and this fact is accurate for every person that has ever lived, but we differ greatly in how we believe to best achieve this.
We all have a mix of conservative and liberal views, we are positioned along a continuum which as liberal values at one end, and conservative views at the other. We appear along this continuum at different points from one another and also from ourselves with reference to different subjects, topics at at different time and in different situations.
I lean towards stability and responsibility in some situations while favoring innovation and a more carefree attitude in others. I feel reassured by politicians and celebrities that I am familiar with, and that I trust (there aren’t many of those to be honest), but also embrace change and uncertainty at times.
Conservative values come from beliefs that resist CHANGE, and carry the narrative that change equals uncertainty, risk, threat, and/or danger. Those with Conservative values that feel under threat crave the reassurance of something and someone familiar.
Research shows that people who identify as having liberal values often display conservative tendencies when they feel threatened, and those that classify themselves as conservatives display liberal tendencies when they feel less inhibited.
I was recently researching Simon Baron-Cohen’s hypothesis Empathising-Systemising theory, which suggests that people may be classified on the basis of their scores along two dimensions: empathising and systemising.
It supposedly measures a person’s strength of interest in empathy (the ability to identify and understand the thoughts and feelings of others and to respond to these with appropriate emotions) and a person’s strength of interest in systems (in terms of the drive to analyse or construct them).
Well I consider systemising to be a conservatively based trait. The need to take things apart and figure out how they work, and to organise processes into routines, that are easy to understand and follow, I hypothesis, come from a desire to make us feel less threatened by our environment and more in control of our destiny.
Empathising could also be considered fear based trait, but its an alternative strategy to achieve the same thing as systemising, but in a more inclusive way. It could also be perceived as a way to spiritually connect with others, to get outside of ourselves. Empathisers figure that understanding others makes them less vulnerable to the world. It’s the same desire as the conservative, but employs a completely different strategy to achieve it.
Get Results: diffusion of innovation bell
Now let’s consider the diffusion of innovation bell. This attempts to explain why some people embrace innovation quicker than others. At one end of the scale you have the Early Adaptors and at the other, Laggards.
So why do Laggards resist change, because they crave the status quo, they like to keep things the same, because they fear change, which is a conservative trait. On the other hand Early Adapters focus on the new thing because it brings with it opportunities rather than risk and danger, which is a liberal trait.
So while you might consider yourself coming from a more conservative or liberal mindset, the underlying desire for pleasure and need to avoid pain are the same in everyone. We are more similar than we are different. We love and fear in the same way, but our beliefs shape our strategies for navigating the world so that we avoid pain and find pleasure.
We should embrace different views because they open our minds, and give us ideas for alternative strategies for achieving the same goals.
Fear of LOSS, fear of DISAPPOINTMENT, fear of REGRET and fear of LONELINESS are often quoted as some of the most feared sadness emotions.
Loss and disappointment
Fear of loss and disappointment are often behind why we avoid doing things, such pursuing goals and dreams, I’m talking about the fear of loss in terms of losing money, property or time rather than losing people and relationships. We often experience this kind of fear so strongly, that it paralysis us into inaction.
This is a fairly understandable reaction with fear of loss, after all, you don’t want to be plowing your hard earned money into an investment which has the potential of wiping you out if you get it wrong.
However the fear of disappointment can be easily re-framed by shifting your perspective and looking more critically at your perceptions and the underlying and often shaky beliefs that they are built on.
When it comes to fear of loss in respect of people and relationships, fear of loss often manifests itself in being over-protective towards loved ones, or jealous of their attention with others. Some people avoid falling in love, for fear of having to deal with the possibility of that relationship coming to an end in the future, either because of it breaking down or because of the death of one of the parties. The quote “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never of loved at all”, comes to mind here, but we all know from experience, that it doesn’t feel so clear cut when we’re going through the grieving process.
Get Results: sadness emotions
Regret
Regret comes from making choices, that in retrospect you might wish you hadn’t taken on, including the choice of doing nothing. It’s about looking back on your life or a section of your life and wishing you’d have made better decisions when they presented themselves. The fear of regret is about mitigating the risk of being in such a dreaded future situation.
Other situations
There are many other situations that cause sadness, some being;
Mental illness
Personality disorders
Eating disorders
Traumatic experiences
Drug addiction and substance abuse
Existential Crisis
Bullying
Unemployment and financial hardship
Terminal illness and chronic pain
and while I’ve not gone further into detail with these (because I wanted to keep this article to a reasonable length), they are no less valid than the ones I have detailed previously.
Fear of the future
Fear of the future occurrence of any sadness emotions, while understandable in some respects, is an irrational fear. We can’t know for sure how one decision and one choice will unfold and impact us, in the future. I like the Zen parable; Is that so, for a good illustration of this point.
Sure we can mitigate the risks, by improving our knowledge, doing our homework and due diligence and making the best educated decision, at the time.
But we must be aware that there may be many variables in play that we may not be in control of, or even aware of; the unknown, unknowns, the known unknowns etc.
That’s why it’s always good to have a plan B, a backup plan that helps hedge your position, if things go pear-shaped.
Fear comes from worrying about something imagined in the futures, and often fear and worry are over played in our thoughts. The reality is often not nearly as bad as we’d anticipated.
Obviously terminal illness, chronic pain and future traumatic experiences can be mitigated, by trying to refrain from behaviours that could make them more likely to occur, such as avoiding smoking, substance abuse or putting yourself in risky situations, but simply worrying too much about their potential occurrence, can be draining and stressful, and probably best avoided.
Dealing with Sadness
So what do we do when we’re stuck in the emotion of sadness? When it’s here and real.
Dealing with emotion, is about facing it, rather than running away from it. I’ve known people that have used alcohol, and substances to escape dealing with emotion, It doesn’t appear to work for them, in fact, it often compounds problems and adds to an already difficult situation.
Feeling trapped and unable to cope, thinking there is no hope or no way out can result in a downward spiral of emotions, if allowed to do so.
Pain is an inevitable part of life, everyone deals with sadness and pain more generally, to some extent, and finding a way to reduce the amount of pain you’re experiencing or increasing coping resources is where the answer ultimately lays.
Support networks are vital, if you don’t have the luxury of having good people around you, in your family and friends circle, there are many great specialised organisations, that want to help. Never feel you have to deal with any emotion or situation alone.
It is possible to find pleasure and purpose in life again, it really is. Just find the resources within you, to find those resources that are out there to help you navigate your way through.
S.W.O.T. analysis is a great tool for analysing different aspects of your business, particularly the strengths, weakness, opportunities and threats.
When considering the THREATS in particular, you shouldn’t fear the things you put under this category, in fact these can often be the opportunities you are looking for to disrupt your business and even your industry and take a great leap forward.
Say to yourself “What would a competitor have to do for me to think, oh shit I’m screwed now!” and instead of waiting for this to happen to you, take the first mover advantage and get on with it yourself.
Every THREAT is, with the right mindset, an OPPORTUNITY in waiting.
While watching the Great North Run on television today, I came across the following story, called THE STARFISH. It’s such a powerful story, in terms of motivating action, so thought I’d share it with you. Here it is, hope you get some inspiration from it. Please share it and spread the love.
Get Results: The more you have the more you have to lose
Life is full of contradictions, such as…
The more you learn, the more you know, the more you realise how little you actually know.
One person’s rubbish is another person’s treasure.
Letting go of expectations might well reduce suffering, while at the same time lessening the drive to take action and chase down goals.
The more we have, the more we have to lose.
The more you give, the more you get. “Givers gain” is a popular quote.
The more in need you are, the greater the tendency to “grab” at opportunities, but the less others are willing to give you as a result of this.
Is it best to aim for specialised learning, to go deep and narrow, or generalise by learning wide and shallow, to keep options open, and allowing for easier pivoting in the future, if needed?
There are contradictions everywhere.
Maybe nothing has any meaning other than the one we give it. Maybe life is about experiencing the rich tapestry of existence, and learning to break free of social conditioning and find our own meaning of experience. Maybe we should aim to break free of judging and labeling, or at least improve awareness of the process.
When we read a book with the intention to learn, we are encouraging our mind to shift perspective, to see things from a different position. We are seeking permission to think and feel differently than before, by reading the wise words of someone who may know better than us.
So should we live a life where we chase down dreams and pursue goals, in which we are driven to succeed?
Do we live life in gratitude and contentment, happy to live spiritually in the moment, free of attachments to thoughts, possessions and people, like a monk would do?
I guess, the beauty of life is, we get to decide as individuals.
Sure we might come across difficulties, obstacles and even pressure from people around us, who want us to serve their agendas, but in the end, we have the choice to either put up and shut up or take action to do something for ourselves.
Aligning the inner world of what makes us tick, with the outer world of what we spend time doing is key to living a fulfilling life, so we should perhaps try to live a life that best achieves that aim.
I was chatting to a friend of mine some time ago, when we got onto the subject of DRIVE. Drive to take action, to follow a certain path. I guess you could refer to drive as motivation.
Anyway we got to chatting about drive coming from the need to escape something, in the sense of keeping busy to keep the mind occupied, so as not to dwell on unpleasant memories.
I remember watching a Tony Robbins video where he was having a conversation about his fear of not taking action being so great, that it overcame any fear he had about taking action. The fear of taking action is often what prevent people pursuing their dreams and chasing their goals down. They fear failure, so don’t even try.
Having thought about this some more, I came to the realisation that we can be driven towards something, like a dream or a goal, or we can be driven to escape or avoid something from our past or in our present situation. There is a third option which is to not do anything because we are indifferent about or content with the status quo or we fear change, but we’ll just keep this post about the first two with regards to drive.
I questioned myself as to what the pros and cons of each of these drives were, and decided that if it helped someone achieve a desired course of action, then either is valid. However there are wider implications with regards to dealing with the issues that a person is running away from, because if they aren’t dealt with sooner or later, they are likely to be running forever. Running might originate from the fight or flight response, but prolonged flight is not particularly healthy in the long term.
It’s much healthier to be driven towards something or be driven by doing something. If you’ve a passion for doing something, than that seems like the ideal situation to aim for.
After all life is lived in the present moment, so it makes sense to enjoy the present moment by doing something you love. Anything else is a mind created construct, both past a future. The past has been spent, the future is not promised.
Get Results: true education comes from questioning what your told
Get Results: learn by teaching
Get Results: Love and do what you will
Get Results: holiday is good it enriches you
Get Results: life is too short
Get Results: travel feeds the soul
Get Results: true education comes from questioning what your told
Get Results: experience life
Get Results: accept instead of expect
Get Results: life lives us
Get Results: power corrupts
Get Results: To be great focus
Get Results: Jim Rohn quotes get on the good side of life
Get Results: get out of your head
Get Results: everything else is illusion
Get Results: storytelling is the oldest form of education
Get Results: experience life
Get Results: stop complaining and start gaining
Get Results: dont settle in life
Check out some of the quotes we’ve found inspiration from, hope you also find them motivational. Bookmark this page as we’ll be rotating the quotes periodically.
People who have been told to stop smoking for health reasons, still smoke. Research says this is as high as 70%.
People who hate themselves because they are too fat, go eat more chocolate.
People who have never followed through, suddenly do.
Have you ever wondered why some people don’t take action when others do?
Why do people buy educational products and not get results?
How great would it be if everyone who bought them, actually used them, and did something with the information they provided?
I think people buy products to escape that feeling of lack, they buy for the feeling of hope it gives them, even if only for a short time.
What turns a person on, and what pisses them off is RELATIVE. It’s different for everyone.
People that don’t take action are in a DESIRE situation, they have dreams and ambitions, but not in a MUST situation.
People that do take action fear not following through more than taking action. They fear what they will miss out on, or they have a strong enough reason to follow through.
And they get validation when it works. Once they’ve proven it to themselves, they do more of it, often at a higher level. They leverage their results.
Some create rituals to allow them to get another skill to help them be even more productive/capable of earning more, being more and having more.
Breakthroughs come by feeding your mind, and creating a ritual every day, building momentum.
Surround yourself with more successful people, to help change your perspective. Shift your desires, your standards change by being in situations which show you better.
Alternatively, find something your excited about doing.
What would you do if you had a gun to your head? What would you do if you could not fail?
The holy grail between someone taking action or not is CERTAINTY or BELIEF. If you know it will change your life, you will take action.
Non-believers buy the product event though they don’t believe it will work. The product has to prove itself to them first, before they will believe it. They also lower their expectations. But to be a critic, you don’t have to have guts.
GUTS are needed to BELIEVE, but people don’t want to get their hopes up, for fear of disappointment.
Success is about 2 things…
MINDSET – It’s about potential. Practice in your head, so that you believe it, and body will get you through. The belief in their potential is key. You might say “I’m not like Tony Robbins, or Jim Rohn, so you take no action. So what would happen if you were certain you would not fail?
WHAT ACTION YOUR TAKE – will determine the results you get. Each success, builds on the last, via momentum.
So how do you produce certainty when the world is not giving it to you? Get results in your head, before you actually have them in reality. Visualise what your life is going to be like, believe it. Increase your EXPECTATIONS. Condition your mind so that you know you will achieve x.
Studies show MIND affects PERFORMANCE. So VISUALISE, perfect practice makes perfect. Through mentally practicing many times you develop certainty.
We have beliefs we aren’t even aware of. The POTENTIAL is always there, but you must change you feeling of CERTAINTY.
Don’t focused on the action, visualise the results. The action becomes automatic, you’re in flow state.
CONDITION YOUR MIND by making it a RITUAL, create CERTAINTY and BELIEF that you can and will succeed.
So in summary…
DECIDE – enough is enough
VISUALISATION – success
CONDITIONING – develop rituals, and create certainty. keep moving forwards
It’s an interesting read and builds on the idea of using the WHY, WHAT IF, HOW questioning system, which I love, because it encourages expansive thinking.
I’ve used questions a lot in my life, in fact my wife is forever warning me to stop asking so many damn questions, particularly when we meet new people. I must admit, I do ask lots of questions, but not for any other reason than because I’m deeply interested in people and what makes them tick.
Get Results: ask better questions
Maybe that’s why questions aren’t asked so much by many adults, we get used to adults telling us, as kids, to shut up and stop asking them.
There is no doubt in my mind that question are a gateway to finding things out. I ask my wife about things from her past, about where she lives and what she did, and what other people in her life did etc. It surprises me how little she actually knows about a lot of people she has shared her life with.
Now don’t get me wrong, people have a right to privacy, they don’t owe anyone else an explanation. I don’t mind people telling me to keep my nose out of their business, but I do believe that questions provide us with an opportunity to get to know others on a much deeper level.
Get Results: ask better questions
People often seem content with superficial conversation about what they watched on TV the night before and what such-a-person is doing or saying. Gossip can be quite interesting sometimes, although I try to keep away from it where possible, mainly because I don’t want to be viewed by others as a gossip.
However that level of conversation doesn’t really connect people to others, it doesn’t tell you much about who they are, apart from that they too like a bit of gossip or in some cases, thrive on spreading it, which gives a deeper insight into their personality, I guess.
Get Results: ask better questions
Questions are also great for learning about ourselves, increasing self awareness. We may ask ourselves, why we do what we do and don’t do what we don’t do. What’s driving our behaviour? The answer’s, if given with honesty, can be very revealing. Sometimes people don’t ask these kind of questions, because they don’t want to know or admit to themselves, the answers.
It is surprising how much of what we do and don’t do is conditioned into us by social persuasion, often referred to as social conditioning. Conditioning is drilled into us throughout the duration of our lives, but particularly as young children, when we are particularly susceptible.
Get Results: ask better questions
Questions are also a great way to spark ideas and innovation. Moving us away from the thought processes and work practices we have historically been accustomed to and instead opening up the opportunity to do them differently, and to find a better way. Why do we do it this way? What if we could do it that way instead? and then figuring out the HOW from that perspective.
Personally I like to use the following questions to remind me about not falling into the trap of doing anything that would be wasteful, unimportant or unfulfilling, when I would be better doing something else instead. I find it’s a great productivity tool. The questions should be asked in order.
Why am I doing this, at all? What is my goal?
for example is it to make money, because it’s interesting to me, is it to gain or avoid something (such as not getting left behind or being able to add value to others). You should seriously consider this question and try to unlock your big WHY. This will help with the remaining questions. Use the 5 why’s method of questioning to dig deeper, so each answer you come up with, is followed by another why, do this, you guessed it 5 times. Doing this delves down to the emotional background driving forces of your thoughts and actions, and gives you an opportunity to question these.
What is the opportunity cost of doing it? What else could I be
doing instead? Doing anything means not doing something else, both in terms of time constraints and economics, so consider what you’re missing out not doing. Remember time is the one resource we can’t recoup, once it’s spent.
Is it worth the opportunity cost?
Is there a better way of achieving my goal, instead of doing this?
What other alternatives are available? Consider as many as you can!
