The New Year is 6 days old and already the numbers of people going to the gym are dwindling. So much for all those well intentioned New Years resolutions.
Willpower can only take us so far. The effort needed to initiate momentum is finite, it runs out the more its used.
Habits are our saving grace because they take over where willpower leaves off, they are what help us over the longer term.
But habits don’t kick in for at least 30 days of continuous routine, where you do something religiously, almost everyday. After 30 days or so, habit will take over and make the process more automatic. You won’t be thinking about whether to do it or not quite so much, and on the flip side, you will feel a tinge of guilt if you miss a day. Six days of effort isn’t ever going to be nearly enough, persevere through to the end of January at least.
Bad habits tend to be harder to break than good ones, so a few days taking time away/off, results in an interruption of your inertia, which breaks your routine, and consequently the habit, so don’t weaken and get lazy. Health should be a lifestyle, afterall.
Set yourself a tangible goal, and act with purpose in its realisation. Put in the effort to get some momentum, until it becomes habit and then it will be easier to keep going.
For more about increasing your motivation, check out our MOTIVATION GUIDE.
I’ve just finished watching “The Choice” on Netflix with Mrs Turner, and I would highly recommend it. But I’m not writing a movie review here, but talking briefly about what it got me thinking about.
I find choice to be an intriguing aspect of life.
Life is all about choice, right or wrong doesn’t matter because life keeps unfolding regardless.
Choices can be big or small, and can change the whole direction of your life in a heartbeat.
We are where we are because of the choices we have made to this point. The decisions about what to think, to do, and who to do it with or not, provide a continuous stream of options, each following the other.
The best or worse thing about it, depending on how you choose to frame it in your mind, is you get to make them, all of them.
I once made a choice to go away on an holiday, I wasn’t particularly looking forward to. I won’t bore you with the detail, but at the end of it all, it resulted in me meeting the love of my life and marrying her. If I hadn’t of gone on that holiday, and I very nearly didn’t, I wouldn’t have been in a position to meet her and experience the subsequent journey we have enjoyed together since. That holiday literally chanced my life, but really all the decisions we make have the potential to do that don’t they?
So let me wish you good luck with your future choices, may they bring you incredible joy.
Get Results: We judge ourselves by our INTENTIONS and others by their ACTIONS
Many people provide a true projection of who they are. They are true to themselves, and are easy to read. What you see is what you get.
However some people can initially appear to have certain characteristics or attributes, but when we get to know them better, you find they are not really “like that”.
I consider myself a good judge of character, but occasionally I have had an instant dislike for someone, only to grow fond of them over time. Why have I misjudged them?
I have also had a view of myself, that has differed from the view others have had of me. How can this be?
How do we misread how others think of us? How can we think we are coming across one way, when indeed we are coming across completely differently from the perspective of others?
One example that jumps to mind from recent experience, is the boy racers that rev their engines, screech off from lights, wheel spinning as they go, only to be sat waiting at the next set of lights, when you catch them up. They deeply believe they are projecting coolness, male prowess and demonstrating what a catch they are for the opposite sex. When indeed they look immature, and quite ridiculous.
It can be a real problem, if we see ourselves one way and everyone else see us another, particularly if the two views greatly contrast. If we think of ourselves as warm , friendly , approachable, and likeable and others see us cold, abrupt, unapproachable and not very likeable there is a real disconnect that can be very problematic for our business and personal lives.
Now there is an element of showing your best side, when you first meet strangers, and showing your true colours later, when you get to know people better. But we’re not talking about this, we’re talking about the discrepancy of what you think you are projecting, compared to how others perceive you.
So why can there be such a disconnect for some people? Stephen R. Covey explained “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions.”
This is where the discrepancy lies, we judge ourselves differently to how we judge others, and how we judge others is closer to how others actually judge us.
When perceiving yourself you have lots of background information. You understand your intention, what you’re trying to achieve by your actions. You are more likely to blame situational factors if things don’t work out as planned. You are also privy to your mental and emotional state at the time, and their influence on your behaviour.
When you perceive others, particularly in relation to people you don’t know very well, you’re likely to consider their behaviour as much more representative of the persons underlying character, and a truer reflection of WHO THEY ARE, without much consideration for situational influences.
Likewise, this is inevitably how they will perceive you. They are likely to interpret your actions as an indication of your personality. This difference in how we perceive ourselves versus how others perceive us, is referred to as the Fundamental Attribution Error or attribution effect.
It describes the tendency to overestimate the effect of personality and underestimate the effect of the situation in explaining other people’s actions. For example, if you are in a rush, and cut someone off in traffic because you have to get to the hospital to care for a loved one, you will interpret cutting the person off as totally justifiable. You are not a jerk, in fact, you are trying to help someone. The person you cut off, however, will have no idea you are going to the hospital, and will likely think you are a jerk.
How we see ourselves is intrinsically connected to our self-image, which is developed through our life experiences. A poor self-image can deeply affect our relationships and interactions in the world, which in turn, are perceived, by others, as being who we are, without the deeper understanding of why we may act this way.
A theory coined by Charles Horton Cooley provides us with insight as to how we see ourselves. The concept is called, “The Looking-Glass Self.” As each individual interacts with others in society, a relationship develops. It may last only a few seconds, yet our perception of how others view us, shapes our image of ourselves. It is like looking to a reflective glass for a glimpse of what it is like to be “us.” Cooley’s theory suggests our perceptions of how others see us, inevitably shapes our image of ourselves.
So if you find there is a disconnect between your view of yourself, and that of everyone else around you, there is a need to improve your self-awareness. Be wary that your attempts to be appear confident, aren’t being misinterpreted as arrogance. That trying to appear witty isn’t being seen as sarcastic, cutting or uncaring. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and try to be empathetic to their viewpoint.
Better still, don’t try to put on an act, and instead let your behaviour be a true representation of who you are, without the insecurities, and fears that might cause your behaviour to be undesirable. Embrace your inner being, and let your light shine through.
Check out my article about spirituality and wellbeing, that might give you some insight into letting your true self shine.
Get Results: Being healthy isn’t a fad or a trend, it’s a lifestyle
Why do some people stick to a healthy diet, and a productive exercise routine, while others don’t?
If you’re not exercising regularly (even if it’s just regular walking), and you’re not maintaining a healthy weight, you’re not living a healthy life, and you maybe, should be making a change. We all know it can be difficult to shed the pounds, especially as we get older, but most of the reasons for not following through on a healthy lifestyle, are largely due to motivational issues, rather than physical constraints.
ALWAYS CONSULT A DOCTOR BEFORE UNDERTAKING ANY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY AND DIETARY PLAN. THERE ARE SOME MEDICAL CONDITIONS THAT CAUSE EXCESS WEIGHT, SO CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR FIRST.
it is common knowledge, that a mixture of good diet and regular exercise is required to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle, so we will be dealing with both in this article. I’m not going into the particulars about what foods to eat and not eat, and what exercises to undertake and what to avoid, in this article, it’s more about strategy, then execution.
Let’s look at some of the reasons and excuses for not sticking to a good diet and regular exercise routine and then what we can do about them. I have separated them out so that we can deal with them in turn, some of the points are repeated for both, where applicable. These are based on my experience, you may find some of the points apply to you, and some may not. It is recommended that you make your own list.
Self analysis
Not sticking to diet/eating plan
Giving in to a moment of weakness
Giving in to the urge/hunger
Inability to resist/delay (taste) gratification
Crave the taste/experience of (unhealthy/fatty food)
Think “will cut back tomorrow to make up”, but then don’t – (rationalise breaking the rules)
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”
What we can do about it
Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Don’t believe or fool yourself and your rationalisations – resist the temptation
Frame nice tasting food, negatively
Make healthy food more appealing and enjoyable
Fill yourself up on water (no calories), so you don’t feel hungry, sometimes thirst can be mistaken for hunger
Keep your mind busy, so you don’t think about food out of boredom
Avoid distractions and temptations altogether (no chocolates in cupboard)
Have an accountability buddy, or some mechanism for holding yourself to account
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. So you will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy eating some treats (as part of the plan), then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do. Make it a good habit. Once it becomes part of your routine, it will be easier to stick to.
Not exercising
Want to do something other than exercising, like watching TV, working on laptop.
Don’t want the discomfort of going outside, or having to pay and go to the gym, and missing out on doing more fun things.
Lack of energy willpower, can’t be bothered – lethargy.
Would rather be doing anything else – don’t enjoy exercising.
Procrastinating “I will start tomorrow/next week/new year”
What to do about it
Realise there is only ever this moment, so act NOW.
Try to undertake exercise that is fun to do – has a social element to it
Exercise in front of the TV, so you can do both
Remove the temptations or distractions, so you can’t do them anyway, even if you don’t exercise.
Do short bursts of high intensity, do them in advert break.
Have a accountability buddy, or exercise with one
Set yourself a goal, that has no wriggle room and set a deadline to achieve it, hold yourself to account. You will be embarrassed if you don’t achieve it
Don’t think about it, just set a routine and stick to it – make yourself do it, once it becomes a habit, it will get easier.
Set yourself an achievable target, that allows you to enjoy some treats or veto’s, then have zero tolerance for coming off plan. Mark X’s on a calendar each day you stick to your plan, don’t break the row of X’s
Make it part of your lifestyle, who you are, what you do
I have put down some of the things that go through my mind when I’m faced with the choice of either eating something I want to eat or eating healthy, and with regards to exercising or not. You should add your own excuses to this list as part of your self-awareness analysis.
Conclusion
First set yourself a GOAL, give yourself some room for TREATS, otherwise you will be miserable (thinking you are missing out too much) and will be unlikely to keep it up. Your goal has to be sustainable, and enjoyable, if possible. Some exercise is better than none.
Develop a PLAN OF ACTION to achieve your GOAL. Set to a timeline, with a deadline. In doing this, you have to tap into your SELF AWARENESS, and figure out why you’re not doing what you need to do, or find out why you’re doing things that are counter-productive to your goal. Try to manage your weaknesses. For example, If you can’t pull yourself away from the TV, stick a treadmill in front of it and do exercise while watching TV.
Then you have to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. There is no short-cut, or magic formula (be very, very careful about taking slimming aids and quick fixes, they can result in untold damage to your body). Stop making excuses and blaming other people or circumstances and the stresses of life, for not following your plan.
TAKE RIGHT ACTION. Those that take RIGHT ACTION have made it part of their routine. They JUST DO IT. They have found a way to JUST MAKE IT HAPPEN. It can be difficult to go against your bad habits, so either find some form of HACK to fool yourself into complying, or just make yourself do it.
Finally, be COMMITTED to your goal and plan of action, see it through to a successful conclusion.
The other day this saying randomly popped into my mind…
“Never ASSUME, it often makes an ASS of U and Me”.
Well it got me thinking about how ASSUMING impacts our lives. We often hear the word used when something has failed to happened, but which should have happened, because an assumption was made instead of checking. For example you might leave the house without your keys, only to realise after you’ve shut the door and locked yourself out, simply because you assumed your partner had picked them up.
That’s one example of assuming, others might include:
assuming we have the correct information,
assuming we are being told the whole truth,
assuming we have and understand all the facts,
assuming we know best.
I came up with this list while considering the current political debate ranging in the UK, where lot’s of strongly held opinions are flying around, based, to a large extent, on many assumptions.
So making assumptions can be very problematic, we should never assume anything, we should always double check, or do the research to make sure we have all the facts. Assuming is a form of laziness, which can cause us more hassle and pain further down the road.
I decided to look up the synonyms of ASSUME and came up with the following list:
taking for granted
taken as given
accept
conclude
consider
estimate
expect
guess
infer
presume
speculate
suspect
think
understand
ascertain
conjecture
deduce
deem
divine
fancy
find
gather
hypothesise
imagine
judge
posit
postulate
predicate
presuppose
suppose
surmise
theorise
be afraid
be inclined to think
count upon
fall for
get the idea
have a hunch
have sneaking suspicion
When I read though this list, it got me thinking about how ASSUMING is not just about missing something, or not checking if something has indeed taken place, it can also be a reason why we DON’T TAKE ACTION.
Think about it for a minute, if you assume you KNOW the outcome of say, a particular course of action, it might be enough to discourage you from even trying. Your internal inner dialogue might go like this…
“It won’t work”, or
“I’m not good enough to make a success of this”, or
“People aren’t going to buy it anyway.”
This might be an assumption based on nothing more then self-doubt, but if you just assume you can’t do it, or assume it won’t work out, you aren’t likely to take the necessary steps to find out.
Stop ASSUMING, it’s a motivation killer. The only way you can know for sure is by giving it a go.
Why do some people NOT take action, when other’s do?
Why are you not living the life you want?
If you’re where you want to be in life, you’ve already won…
… but if you’re hungry for more, for better, then what’s missing?
Why are you not where you want to be?
’cause your stuck in the…
STATUS QUO
You’ve settled
There’s not enough MOTIVATION to move you forwards
You haven’t given yourself a big enough WHY
If your goal isn’t big enough to PULL you to it, or…
You’re not desperate enough to HAVE TO get off your arse…
You WON’T TAKE ACTION
And only by TAKING ACTION is anything going to change
Increase your DESIRE or DESPERATION
Take your motivation from a “WOULD LIKE TO” to a “MUST DO”
There are three states you can occupy, two of which will push you to take action, the other will keep you stuck in your current status quo.
The first state is to “WANT TO…” this is where you are drawn towards or pulled towards a goal or to take a particular action. You’re compelled to act from within yourself. This state is due to having purpose, doing what you love, pursuing something you are passionate about.
The second state is to “HAVE TO…” this is where your back is to the wall. You’re forced to take action through necessity, financial or otherwise.
The third state is “Indifference” this is where you’re somewhat content where you are but would ideally like to progress, be in a better place or position in your life. You have ambitions and dreams but you’re not motivated enough to take action. This is where most people exist.
They don’t take action because they don’t have a big enough WHY. They fear taking action over not taking action. They haven’t tipped the balance. They need to shift their state into one of the other two states to motivate them into action.
Gary Vaynerchuk recently did a video talking about the importance of figuring out who you are. Check it out below.
He’s right, without a solid grasp of knowing what you’re about, life can feel somewhat pointless. I don’t mean in the sense of what’s the point in living, but rather, knowing what you should be doing, and where you should be heading.
Those we look up to
We look up to people that have found their niche, who seem to be living the dream. They love what they do, and can’t get enough of it. Productivity is at an all time high, because they are consumed by their passion 247.
No clue
I am aware there are a lot of people, particularly those leaving school, who haven’t got a clue where their destiny lies, and frankly, how could they? Without gaining some practical experience, how can you know what you like and don’t like. You may romanticise certain professions, but until you’re doing it as an occupation, there’s no way of knowing if it’s for you.
Hobbies don’t always make good occupations
All occupations have their downside, and it’s often very different doing something for a living, to earn an income, than it is when you’re doing something as an hobby. There is a certain level of pressure, a certain degree of “have to” and deadlines to consider. This is often enough to take the fun out of it for many. So don’t fall into the trap of thinking every hobby will translate into a good occupation.
The hard bit
So back to Gary, he says “Punt everything else and go all-in. The best blue print for your success, is to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself “What’s the purest form of who I am?“, then build a thing around that.”
So that’s the easy part, recognising you have to start by figuring yourself out. The hard part is actually doing so.
Self awareness is a key step in the process of building a life you love to live. It’s not just knowing what you like and don’t like but figuring out what you’re good and not so good at. This part is difficult and requires some soul searching. None of us like to admit we’re not so good, or even bad at things, particularly if we like to do that thing. If we don’t care about it, there’s no problem, if we care about it, or have invested time and effort into it and are still not very good at it, then there’s a problem.
We’ve all seen the Xfactor contestants that can’t hold a note, but have fooled themselves into thinking they’re the next big thing.
How to improve Self Awareness
Take a long hard look at yourself, be completely honest, ask for a honest second opinion from someone who’ll tell you the truth. Family and friends are usually not good for this, they just don’t want to upset you.
Putting your work out into the market, and seeing if people are willing to buy your stuff is probably the best gauge of the standard and desirability of your talent or lack of. I use a few methods like PPC adverts or Facebook adverts, which are great for fast, inexpensive feedback, but you need to know what you’re doing before burning through your money, if you go down this route. Drop me an email if you want some help with this at info@getresults.org.uk.
Now be warned you have to ensure you have not invested too much of yourself in whatever you are shining a light on, otherwise a knock back can be hard on your self esteem. Don’t let it be, take it as a positive, it’s informing you, it’s being honest with you and allowing you to find a more fruitful path, and preventing you from wasting our most important resource TIME.
To uncover your own interests, tendencies…
Look at what you spend your time actually doing,
What you like to read about,
What websites you visit and are interested in,
What TV programs you spend your time watching,
What you find yourself doing when on holiday or during leisure periods
Ask others that are close to you, what they think you like and don’t like, this can be very enlightening sometimes
And then ask “why?”. What is it about these things/activities that you enjoy, is there a common thread that runs through them. Sometimes identifying what you don’t like or even hate, helps to focus you on what you do like, so build a list of these as well.
It’s a journey of self discovery. Don’t try to fool yourself, be honest. For those that have a negative perspective of themselves already, which are usually as disproportionate as those that have overly positive perspectives, also look for a reality check, as others will not judge you as harshly as you judge yourself. So allow more positivity through if merited.
That’s it, you’ve got to do the rest for yourself. Use those around as well, in the ways discussed above. Enjoy the process, and don’t be too frustrated if it takes a little time. I often find once you have made your mind up to make a start, your unconscious mind springs into action and will gently help inform you, but you can’t push it to do so.
Get Results: Motivation requires use of negative emotions to drive action
Fear and pain is often the very thing that can stop you pursuing your dreams, by contrast, it is often the most powerful catalyst for change. Let’s look at a few examples…..
Regret
Missed opportunities, like what you didn’t do when you had the chance, is often quoted to be one of the greatest pains, when people look back on their lives. We tend to regret what we didn’t do over what we did do, that didn’t work out. Fear of regret however can help to strengthen our motivation to “take action”. Focus on how you will feel, if you fail to give-it-a-go. Visualise your regret, and use that to drive you into action.
Escaping Pain
When you can’t take any more, when you’ve had enough. “No more” you say. This is regularly the point of change. You just can’t take the negativity, the draining negative emotions of a situation. You might feel trapped, frustrated, possessed, and you want to escape to a different reality. It can take years to get to this point of no return, but change happens in an instant, when we decide it has to.
Embarrassment
Loss of credibility or being seen as a failure by others is a big motivator for most people. Put yourself in a situation where you have to deliver on your promise, by declaring a target, a goal and let the fear of failing, drive you into action. Accountability partners, and/or social groups like weight watchers are great examples of this kind of motivation.
Something to prove
How people are viewed by others is a big deal for many, if you’re cast in a negative light, or are seen as less than we feel you should be, you might feel the need to prove a point. Have you got something to prove? How about proving that you can set your mind to something and see it through to a successful conclusion. Use this drive to motivate you into action.
We often ridicule negative emotions, and try to avoid them, but as we’ve pointed out, they can be used to help you take positive action, as you reach for your goals.
For more about motivational influences, check out our Motivation guide.
There’s two types of knowledge you can have, the first is knowledge that’s wide and shallow, like general knowledge. The person with this type of knowledge, knows a reasonable amount about a lot of things. They might include diverse topics or be more closely related, something like the knowledge held by a GP doctor is an example of this type of knowledge set.
Then there’s knowledge that’s narrow and deep. This is specialist knowledge that is obtained by studying a specific topic for many years. These people might not know much else other than their area of expertise. And given enough knowledge about a particular subject, this is were expertise resides.
There are arguments for gaining both types of knowledge. Business owners, particularly small business owners are usually better with a reasonable knowledge about a lot of business related functions. They can, after all employ experts to do particular functions that require more specialised knowledge.
You could argue that running a business is a specific skill in itself and can be developed into expertise, but I guess it’s all relative. You have a finite amount of time to learn an infinite amount of possible things. The fun, I guess is deciding what best fits in with your long term plans.
If you want to be a business person, you need to learn what’s needed to be a successful business person, and focus on that until you’re as good as you can be. Maybe learning to be a good recruiter (of labour and freelancers) is more valuable than acquiring the knowledge to be able to do those particular functions yourself.
Should you spend your limited time, acquiring the knowledge for implementing an effective marketing strategy, understanding the principles that drive human psychology, so you know an effective advert and offer when you see one. Or should you spend your time gathering the knowledge and perfecting the skill to be able to create great visuals for your adverts, and write amazingly persuasive copy that entices your audience to your offer, for yourself, so you can be self sufficient.
These are the kind of choices you need to make in your pursuit of knowledge. It all depends on what you’re trying to achieve, I guess. It’s all about prioritising, which is dependant on what you’re trying to achieve as part of your end game (goal).
