Do What Matters
What are the driving forces that make use take action or prevent us moving forward?
Why do we do what we do and not do what we don’t do?
What makes us do good things, and what makes us do bad?
What makes mankind perform incredible feats and what makes mankind act like monsters?
Why does mankind strive to achieve greatness, why does mankind seem hell bent on destruction?
If we know what drives human behaviour, maybe we can hack it to serve us better.
The other day this saying randomly popped into my mind…
“Never ASSUME, it often makes an ASS of U and Me”.
Well it got me thinking about how ASSUMING impacts our lives. We often hear the word used when something has failed to happened, but which should have happened, because an assumption was made instead of checking. For example you might leave the house without your keys, only to realise after you’ve shut the door and locked yourself out, simply because you assumed your partner had picked them up.
That’s one example of assuming, others might include:
I came up with this list while considering the current political debate ranging in the UK, where lot’s of strongly held opinions are flying around, based, to a large extent, on many assumptions.
So making assumptions can be very problematic, we should never assume anything, we should always double check, or do the research to make sure we have all the facts. Assuming is a form of laziness, which can cause us more hassle and pain further down the road.
I decided to look up the synonyms of ASSUME and came up with the following list:
When I read though this list, it got me thinking about how ASSUMING is not just about missing something, or not checking if something has indeed taken place, it can also be a reason why we DON’T TAKE ACTION.
Think about it for a minute, if you assume you KNOW the outcome of say, a particular course of action, it might be enough to discourage you from even trying. Your internal inner dialogue might go like this…
This might be an assumption based on nothing more then self-doubt, but if you just assume you can’t do it, or assume it won’t work out, you aren’t likely to take the necessary steps to find out.
Stop ASSUMING, it’s a motivation killer. The only way you can know for sure is by giving it a go.
If you’re struggling for motivation, check out our motivational guide.
https://youtu.be/5R1usyAfsAU
Why do some people NOT take action, when other’s do?
Why are you not living the life you want?
If you’re where you want to be in life, you’ve already won…
… but if you’re hungry for more, for better, then what’s missing?
Why are you not where you want to be?
’cause your stuck in the…
STATUS QUO
You’ve settled
There’s not enough MOTIVATION to move you forwards
You haven’t given yourself a big enough WHY
If your goal isn’t big enough to PULL you to it, or…
You’re not desperate enough to HAVE TO get off your arse…
You WON’T TAKE ACTION
And only by TAKING ACTION is anything going to change
Increase your DESIRE or DESPERATION
Take your motivation from a “WOULD LIKE TO” to a “MUST DO”
There are three states you can occupy, two of which will push you to take action, the other will keep you stuck in your current status quo.
The first state is to “WANT TO…” this is where you are drawn towards or pulled towards a goal or to take a particular action. You’re compelled to act from within yourself. This state is due to having purpose, doing what you love, pursuing something you are passionate about.
The second state is to “HAVE TO…” this is where your back is to the wall. You’re forced to take action through necessity, financial or otherwise.
The third state is “Indifference” this is where you’re somewhat content where you are but would ideally like to progress, be in a better place or position in your life. You have ambitions and dreams but you’re not motivated enough to take action. This is where most people exist.
They don’t take action because they don’t have a big enough WHY. They fear taking action over not taking action. They haven’t tipped the balance. They need to shift their state into one of the other two states to motivate them into action.
Gary Vaynerchuk recently did a video talking about the importance of figuring out who you are. Check it out below.
He’s right, without a solid grasp of knowing what you’re about, life can feel somewhat pointless. I don’t mean in the sense of what’s the point in living, but rather, knowing what you should be doing, and where you should be heading.
We look up to people that have found their niche, who seem to be living the dream. They love what they do, and can’t get enough of it. Productivity is at an all time high, because they are consumed by their passion 247.
I am aware there are a lot of people, particularly those leaving school, who haven’t got a clue where their destiny lies, and frankly, how could they? Without gaining some practical experience, how can you know what you like and don’t like. You may romanticise certain professions, but until you’re doing it as an occupation, there’s no way of knowing if it’s for you.
All occupations have their downside, and it’s often very different doing something for a living, to earn an income, than it is when you’re doing something as an hobby. There is a certain level of pressure, a certain degree of “have to” and deadlines to consider. This is often enough to take the fun out of it for many. So don’t fall into the trap of thinking every hobby will translate into a good occupation.
So back to Gary, he says “Punt everything else and go all-in. The best blue print for your success, is to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself “What’s the purest form of who I am?“, then build a thing around that.”
So that’s the easy part, recognising you have to start by figuring yourself out. The hard part is actually doing so.
Self awareness is a key step in the process of building a life you love to live. It’s not just knowing what you like and don’t like but figuring out what you’re good and not so good at. This part is difficult and requires some soul searching. None of us like to admit we’re not so good, or even bad at things, particularly if we like to do that thing. If we don’t care about it, there’s no problem, if we care about it, or have invested time and effort into it and are still not very good at it, then there’s a problem.
We’ve all seen the Xfactor contestants that can’t hold a note, but have fooled themselves into thinking they’re the next big thing.
Take a long hard look at yourself, be completely honest, ask for a honest second opinion from someone who’ll tell you the truth. Family and friends are usually not good for this, they just don’t want to upset you.
Putting your work out into the market, and seeing if people are willing to buy your stuff is probably the best gauge of the standard and desirability of your talent or lack of. I use a few methods like PPC adverts or Facebook adverts, which are great for fast, inexpensive feedback, but you need to know what you’re doing before burning through your money, if you go down this route. Drop me an email if you want some help with this at info@getresults.org.uk.
Now be warned you have to ensure you have not invested too much of yourself in whatever you are shining a light on, otherwise a knock back can be hard on your self esteem. Don’t let it be, take it as a positive, it’s informing you, it’s being honest with you and allowing you to find a more fruitful path, and preventing you from wasting our most important resource TIME.
To uncover your own interests, tendencies…
And then ask “why?”. What is it about these things/activities that you enjoy, is there a common thread that runs through them. Sometimes identifying what you don’t like or even hate, helps to focus you on what you do like, so build a list of these as well.
It’s a journey of self discovery. Don’t try to fool yourself, be honest. For those that have a negative perspective of themselves already, which are usually as disproportionate as those that have overly positive perspectives, also look for a reality check, as others will not judge you as harshly as you judge yourself. So allow more positivity through if merited.
That’s it, you’ve got to do the rest for yourself. Use those around as well, in the ways discussed above. Enjoy the process, and don’t be too frustrated if it takes a little time. I often find once you have made your mind up to make a start, your unconscious mind springs into action and will gently help inform you, but you can’t push it to do so.
Fear and pain is often the very thing that can stop you pursuing your dreams, by contrast, it is often the most powerful catalyst for change. Let’s look at a few examples…..
Missed opportunities, like what you didn’t do when you had the chance, is often quoted to be one of the greatest pains, when people look back on their lives. We tend to regret what we didn’t do over what we did do, that didn’t work out. Fear of regret however can help to strengthen our motivation to “take action”. Focus on how you will feel, if you fail to give-it-a-go. Visualise your regret, and use that to drive you into action.
When you can’t take any more, when you’ve had enough. “No more” you say. This is regularly the point of change. You just can’t take the negativity, the draining negative emotions of a situation. You might feel trapped, frustrated, possessed, and you want to escape to a different reality. It can take years to get to this point of no return, but change happens in an instant, when we decide it has to.
Loss of credibility or being seen as a failure by others is a big motivator for most people. Put yourself in a situation where you have to deliver on your promise, by declaring a target, a goal and let the fear of failing, drive you into action. Accountability partners, and/or social groups like weight watchers are great examples of this kind of motivation.
How people are viewed by others is a big deal for many, if you’re cast in a negative light, or are seen as less than we feel you should be, you might feel the need to prove a point. Have you got something to prove? How about proving that you can set your mind to something and see it through to a successful conclusion. Use this drive to motivate you into action.
We often ridicule negative emotions, and try to avoid them, but as we’ve pointed out, they can be used to help you take positive action, as you reach for your goals.
For more about motivational influences, check out our Motivation guide.
There’s two types of knowledge you can have, the first is knowledge that’s wide and shallow, like general knowledge. The person with this type of knowledge, knows a reasonable amount about a lot of things. They might include diverse topics or be more closely related, something like the knowledge held by a GP doctor is an example of this type of knowledge set.
Then there’s knowledge that’s narrow and deep. This is specialist knowledge that is obtained by studying a specific topic for many years. These people might not know much else other than their area of expertise. And given enough knowledge about a particular subject, this is were expertise resides.
There are arguments for gaining both types of knowledge. Business owners, particularly small business owners are usually better with a reasonable knowledge about a lot of business related functions. They can, after all employ experts to do particular functions that require more specialised knowledge.
You could argue that running a business is a specific skill in itself and can be developed into expertise, but I guess it’s all relative. You have a finite amount of time to learn an infinite amount of possible things. The fun, I guess is deciding what best fits in with your long term plans.
If you want to be a business person, you need to learn what’s needed to be a successful business person, and focus on that until you’re as good as you can be. Maybe learning to be a good recruiter (of labour and freelancers) is more valuable than acquiring the knowledge to be able to do those particular functions yourself.
Should you spend your limited time, acquiring the knowledge for implementing an effective marketing strategy, understanding the principles that drive human psychology, so you know an effective advert and offer when you see one. Or should you spend your time gathering the knowledge and perfecting the skill to be able to create great visuals for your adverts, and write amazingly persuasive copy that entices your audience to your offer, for yourself, so you can be self sufficient.
These are the kind of choices you need to make in your pursuit of knowledge. It all depends on what you’re trying to achieve, I guess. It’s all about prioritising, which is dependant on what you’re trying to achieve as part of your end game (goal).
Finding, increasing and maintaining motivation is vital if you’re going to GET RESULTS. Motivation comes out of a psychological process, made up of two opposing forces, which either push you towards your goal or hold you back from pursuing it. You have largely fear based emotions on the one hand, designed to keep you from harm, but which often hold you back. On the other hand, you have motivational forces that help you take the necessary steps for realising your goals, and getting the results you desire.
Most people find it difficult to overcome the internal struggle that is fought between these opposing forces. We fear too much, so we don’t take action. We want something with all our heart, but we don’t take action, because we’re having to move away from our comfort zone.
When you start to break down the components of motivation, it becomes clear why it is so difficult. We have things like fear, conflict, self-doubt, discomfort, distraction, and temptation fighting against things like commitment, effort, resourcefulness, purpose, desire and determination.
TAKING ACTION towards a goal is a must if you’re going to be successful. Knowing what to do and when to do it, is also vitally important. Being effective rather than efficient makes you as productive as possible, but motivation is the key, without it, nothing else is possible or gets done. You have to be motivated to learn what needs to be learned, to spend the hours, weeks, days, months, even years acquiring knowledge, building skill, perfecting talent. You will not take action without motivation. It is the fuel in your tank.
Motivation is made up of a number of ingredients, which will need to be mastered if you’re to move closer to your goal, check them out below …
Some of the posters below, link to more in-depth articles (still on this website) that drill into the subject matter of that poster, in much more detail.
Additionally by subscribing to our email list, we will send our step-by-step process, which will help you get results, and covers motivation and its role in the goal attainment process, among other things. It’s a big picture overview of the process, and is easy to unsubscribe from, whenever you want, so what have you got to lose? Jump on board.
Additionally and for a limited time only, we are offering our “Get Results Quotes jpeg”, which presents some great inspirational quotes, covering the categories listed below, and is a great motivational reference you can keep with you on your phone. [thrive_2step id=’2645′] CLICK HERE [/thrive_2step] to sign up for it, so we can email the link to you.
Self awareness is essential in effectively planning the road ahead, gaining insight into why you do what you do, and don’t do what you don’t do. What you’re good at and not so good and and why. For more information about self awareness click here.
Being resourceful is about putting the excuses like “I don’t have the money, or the time, or the experience to do this” to one side and getting the job done, regardless of the difficulties you face. Resourcefulness is about getting results no matter what. For more information about resourcefulness, click here.
Taking responsibility is about not blaming others or complaining that this or that is getting in your way. It’s about being accountable for your own results. When you make the psychological shift away from playing the role of victim, you empower yourself to get results. For more about taking responsibility, click here.
Being committed is about burning your bridges, taking a focused, determined path forward, without wavering and second guessing yourself. For more about being committed, click here.
Having a strong work ethic is essential if you’re going to cover the ground from where you are now to where you want to be. For more about having a strong work ethic, click here.
Accessing your intuition is a skill which can be developed over time. Your subconscious knowledge pool is always at work, without your conscious awareness, it’s collecting information, scanning your environment, looking for inconsistencies and abnormalities. Learning to quiet your mind so that you can distinguish between intuition and fear response is something you will get better at over time. For more about intuition, click here.
Getting started is often the hardest part about making change, because over time habit kicks in and makes the behaviour/ action more automatic, check out more about initiating momentum, here.
The easiest way of getting rid of a bad habit is establishing a new good habit. Habits are hard to break because we often don’t think about doing them, they are by their nature, automatic. Most people complain that they struggle with filling the gap left by a habit, so fill the space with a new, more empowering habit, and over time it too will become automatic.
Having purpose requires having a direction, a goal. It gives us a reason to take action, to establish new behaviours, and develop new habits. Without purpose we are like a rudderless boat floating helplessly. Without purpose, there is no motivation to move from the current status quo.
To move from where you are now to where you want to be, requires change, and change is often feared because of the uncertainty, risk and danger it is perceived as bringing with it. Learning how to embrace change and risk is key to helping you move forwards. For more about embracing change and risk, click here.
No matter where you are in life, whether you are where you ultimately want to be, you have many things to be grateful for, and appreciation shouldn’t be far from the top of your mind. For more about gratitude, click here.
Fear is THE dream killer. If you can master fear, the world is your playground. For more about overcoming fear, click here.
Inner conflict can occur on both a subconscious level as well as a conscious level, which makes it difficult to identify and move beyond. For instance, fearing success or the consequences of success, while at the same time craving success, can cause chaos with internal motivational drives and subsequently attempting to unpick the underlying causes can clarify irrational beliefs. For more information about inner conflicts, click here.
Avoiding temptations and distractions is key to getting things done in a meaningful and effective way. We are often surrounded by these things and learning how to hack a way around them, or avoid them completely, so that we don’t sidetracked, is a must.
Even the thought of having to deal with discomfort, can be an ambition killer. Putting yourself in harms way, psychologically speaking, is a tough one to overcome, but with practice, you can become a master of it, rather than a victim to it.
Emotions are a vital component in driving behaviour and instigating action-taking. Emotions are what stir you, make you overcome situations, where you would not ordinarily take action. Anger, fear, regret, disappointment can be used to move you closer to your goal or keep you stuck where you are. Figuring out how to use emotions as useful tools rather than annoying obstacle is what will get you to where you want to be.
Shifting of perspective is about opening your mind and seeing things in a different way. Rigid beliefs, are often the major cause of keeping you stuck and preventing you seeing things, people, ideas and situations in a completely different light and from a completely different perspective. For more about shifting perspective, click here.
Overcoming coping strategies is about stopping yourself rationalising the thoughts, actions and behaviours that are preventing you pursuing your dreams and goals. Blocking coping strategies are a psychological way of feeling okay about your failure to take the necessary actions that are required to get you to your goals. For more about blocking coping strategies, click here.
I recently did some keyword research on the search terms inputted into Google around the word “motivation” and came up with a list of questions people want answered about motivation, which I’ve listed below, along with some of the more important answers. I’m not going to answer question by question, but rather gather the general gist of the questions into a few important answers. I’ve grouped them around, questions about 1. the definition of motivation, 2. self motivation, 3. motivating others and 4. more general motivational questions.
Keyword research is a great insightful tool for getting down to the nuts and bolts of what people want to know, and are actively searching for.
Motivation is defined as a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation can be intensified by using EMOTIONS, driving the NEED or WANT to take action, instead of maintaining a state of INDIFFERENCE in the STATUS QUO.
Motivation has two opposing forces, the first is the motivation to achieve some goal, to improve, get better, to succeed. All those things that you wish for, dream of or have desire to do or be.
On the flip side are the blocking motivations, which are driven by self-preservation and fear. The little voice in your head that tells you not to take risk, or pursue change because you might fail, be embarrassed, lose something important.
Both these forces fight over every decision you have to make, and only one can ever win.
If you’re not where you want to be, then the blocking motivations are the cause. It’s your job to recondition your thinking so that the blocking motivations are defeated. You can do it!
Clicking on the posters above, will walk you through the important considerations of motivation, including improving self-awareness, taking responsibility, being committed, overcoming fear, breaking inner conflicts and self sabotage.
With respect to using motivation for work, career or fitness, it works the same way in all aspects of life. Hacking motivation will support you in all aspects of life.
Once you truly understand how motivation works, you will be better placed to motivate others.
Understand that DESIRE and FEAR are the basic drivers of human behaviour. People always act with positive intent, and will respond to a potential improvement in their situation, or sense of self, as long as the risk and uncertainty, which they fear, is reduced. If the reward is greater than the risk, they will act, but you have to make a good enough argument to convince them that the rewards do indeed outweigh the risks.
If you can align employees goals with your business goals, you will win. This is why some businesses run profit sharing schemes.
But to understand people’s motivations you have to develop your emotional intelligence, so that you have more empathy for how that person models the world. We all have the same psychological structures of thought that influence behaviour, we all feel anger, sadness, happiness in the same way, but our triggers and perceptions can vary significantly. What is important to you, is not necessarily important to me, but you will react in the same way to something that is important to you, as I would to something that was important to me.
Don’t worry if you don’t get it at the moment, we will be revisiting it in future posts. I would also advise subscribing to our newsletter for exclusive content, not available on the website, which covers this subject in more detail.
Without motivation, nothing gets done, so it is an essential part of taking action and getting results.
Intrinsic motivation refers to doing something for the enjoyment of doing it, for its own sake, rather than any external rewards. Think of things like hobbies or passions that you may engage in, which are done simply for the enjoyment of doing them. Extrinsic motivation refers to doing something to earn a reward, such as money, fame or praise, or to avoid a punishment such as being chastised, or beaten, or made to feel embarrassed. You would not engage in this behaviour if it wasn’t for the consequences. Many people’s jobs are an example of extrinsic motivation, because they wouldn’t do it if they weren’t getting paid.
Many different emotions can be entangled in motivation. Desire for something else, frustration, discontentment, dissatisfaction with the way things currently are, yearning for more, for better, or a desperate sense of needing, are good examples of supporting emotions (emotions that drive you closer to your goal). Fear is largely responsible for blocking progress (stopping you reaching your goal). I recommend checking out the posters above, for all the supporting and blocking internal and external motivations.
Maslow’s (1943, 1954) hierarchy of needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid. It can be described as a model for motivation.
Maslow stated that people are motivated to achieve certain needs and that some needs take precedence over others. Our most basic need is for physical survival (bottom of triangle), and this will be the first thing that motivates our behaviour. Once that level is fulfilled the next level up is what then motivates us, and so on, until we eventually reach self-actualisation, at the top of the pyramid.
As far as establishing a process for motivation, the first and probably most important thing to do is increase SELF-AWARENESS, so to improve understanding as to what creates motivation within us as individuals, finding out what our particular triggers are. Then use these motivations to drive us towards our goal, while hacking those that get in the way. Again I would recommend reading the posters above and following the links for more in-depth information.
We will be detailing some clever motivation hacks in future articles, so please subscribe to our newsletter for content updates, as well as unique content, not available on the website.
Motivation is one of the building blocks for getting results, subscribe to our newsletter to get a walk through of our GET RESULTS methodology, as well as other content not available on the website. Email is a great way for us to provide information for you.
Self awareness is the conscious knowledge and understanding of your own character, feelings, motivates and desires. It’s knowing, why you do what you do and don’t do what you don’t do. Its knowing what you like and don’t like and what you’re good at and not so good at.
It’s important to develop self awareness so that you can align the world around you to serve your natural tendencies, rather than trying to be something you’re not. Let me explain what I mean.
If you’re doing a job you hate, there’s something wrong with your outer world and your inner world alignment. This can be a real problem,
I remember when I worked in middle management in my 20’s and 30’s, I enjoyed being a manager, directing the work force, organising the processes and production etc, but I also thought that there was something missing, something that felt out of sync. I realised over time that the silly games of politics that go on in big business was not for me. I wanted to get on with the job and do the best I could for the business, while other managers seemed more content with point scoring, apportioning blame when things went wrong. They prioritised activities that were self serving over what was right for the business, and this included managers that I reported to.
The sense of something being missing began to drive me mad, and I came to hate having to go to work. I would get a sinking feeling on the Sunday, thinking about having to go to work the Monday. I would be wishing for the weekend to come, counting down the days. I can tell you it wasn’t a feeling I would want to experience again.
I wanted to be “the leader”. I wanted to be the driver of the business. I enjoyed the business of business, creating the strategy, the marketing, the culture rather than carrying out the orders of someone else and being a pawn in someone else’s game. It was what I wanted to do, I couldn’t hide from that fact.
I left and started my own business, and although the business is much smaller than the one I’d worked in previously, I enjoy operating at a higher level within the business. I’m the boss, of marketing, strategy, and execution. I feel I am where I belong. I get to be in the business of business now. I feel in alignment, emotionally and mentally.
Now that I am my own boss, I have still got to make choices about what I should do and what I should get others to do. I’m lucky that I’m a bit of a geek so I like to figure stuff out. I enjoy doing the finances, I enjoy doing the marketing etc. I don’t enjoy doing the routine photo editing stuff ( I run a photography business to give you some context), so I don’t do it, I employ someone else to do it for me. I don’t like to do the administration side of things, so I hire someone else to do it for me. So I do the things I want to do and get others to do the rest.
I’m lucky that I can get to do this, not everyone has the finances to be able to do so, at least initially, but in time, this is what you should be aiming for. Instead of taking all the money out of your business, live a little more conservatively and pay someone to do the other stuff you don’t like to do.
Now something to remember here is, make sure you hire people that are good at doing the other stuff and that enjoy doing the other stuff. If you get a situation where they love what they do, then you’re going to be in a win win situation for both of you.
You improve self awareness by self examination. Give yourself some time to get away from the hustle and bustle of life, sit in a quiet place and exam your life, your routines, your likes and dislikes. Look at the things you spend your time doing and the things you try to avoid and ask yourself why. keep asking why to dig deeper.
By being self aware you get to figure out what you like and don’t like. You can punt the stuff you don’t like to someone else, who does like to do that particular thing.
You will discover you actually do the things you like to do, or at the very least, you find yourself wanting to do them, you’re also likely to be good at these things and they come naturally for you. If they don’t come naturally, you will, at least be happy to put in the time to practice and perfect them.
On the flip side you will find you don’t do activities you don’t like to do, or you try to avoid doing them. These are also likely to be activities you’re not very good at.
Now if you’re not doing something that needs to be done to make progress towards you goal, you can’t just ignore it. You either have to make the effort and do it or delegate it, if it can be delegated and you have someone to delegate it to. Otherwise you will be stuck where you are. Self awareness will at least shine a light on this situation.
Now the next bit can be a little more difficult, it’s knowing what you’re good at and not so good at, or even bad at. It can be difficult to face up to your shortcomings and weaknesses. You have to be bluntly honest with yourself.
Sometimes you should ask the opinion of others who are considered experts in a particular activity and see how you measure up from an experts point of view. You need to consider criticism as valuable feedback, which will allow you to progress. For instance if you’re doing your own graphic design for adverts and they suck, this could be adversely affecting the effectiveness of those adverts.
By getting some honest and unbiased feedback, you might decide to delegate the work it to a graphic designer rather than doing it yourself, and hopefully that will improve your adverts conversion rate. One caveat here, make sure the feedback is from someone who isn’t going to profit directly from saying you’re crap at something, otherwise they might be telling you because it’s good for them (they get that business), rather than good for you.
So there you have it, self awareness is a key component of getting results and should be a priority in both your business life and personal life. Don’t try to change who you are to fit the world around you, but shape the world around you to fit who you are.
For more about motivational influences, check out our Motivation guide.
If you would like to read more articles focused on SELF AWARENESS, click here.
“What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”
“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
“If you’re your authentic self, you have no competition.”
“Self-awareness gives you the capacity to learn from your mistakes as well as your successes. It enables you to keep growing.” – Lawrence Bossidy
“I am” two of the most powerful words. What you put after them defines your reality.”
“One way to measure self-awareness is by looking at your ability to tell your life story in a coherent way.”
“What other people say about you is their reality, not yours.”
“The most important journey is the journey within.”
“Happiness is a feeling of well-being derived from knowing ourselves.”
“Be yourself. There is something that you can do better than any other. Listen to the inward voice and bravely obey that.”
“Get lost and find yourself.”
“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” – Nathaniel Branden
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it late.”
“Awareness allows us to get outside our mind and observe it in action.”
“We can’t change reality: we can only change our experience of it, by changing our self…”
“knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle
“Accept no one’s definition of your life. Define yourself.”
“We have self-centered minds which get us into plenty of trouble. If we do not come to understand the error in the way we think, our self-awareness, which is our greatest blessing, is also our downfall.”
“Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.” – Debbie Ford
“Self-awareness is not self-centeredness, and spirituality is not narcissism. ‘Know thyself’ is not a narcissistic pursuit.” – Marianne Williamson
“Self-awareness is knowing why you do what you do and don’t do what you don’t do. It’s knowing what you like and don’t like, and why. It’s about having the enough self esteem to be able to look in the mirror and admit your shortcomings as well as celebrate your strengths.” – get results
“Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.”
“Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed”
“Bravery, honesty, honour, loyalty, self discipline, hospitality, industriousness, self reliance, perseverance. Nothing else is needed.”
The EU referendum has certainly divided the country, with strong opinions on either side of the argument. And it has been an argument, rather than a debate. From a psychological point of view it’s been a rough ride for both sides.
Politicians and the media have been guilty of constructing their campaigns in such a way as to play to the fears and insecurities of both sides, by using very emotive and divisive language rather than just presenting the facts. Why have they done this? Well because there are no facts, no one really knows if it would be best in or out of the EU. There are opinions about pros and cons on either side of the debate, but not many facts.
It is a gross understatement to say that the general public have been manipulated during this referendum. Politicians and the media recognised the fear of both sides and played heavily on these to influence voter’s decision-making.
Both sides have their own expectations and preferences about the future, which are in opposition. The leavers want to maintain democracy and see the EU as anti-democracy and a symbol of anti sovereign control. Remain campaigners want to remain part of a EU that promises being part of something bigger, making the UK something bigger than they see it as being outside the EU.
The current reality as perceived is also different for each side of the argument. Leavers feel they are having a bad deal, influenced by decision makers that are not directly accountable, see the UK with an elected government that lacks any real power to influence its own economic, immigration and law-making requirements. Remainers’ believe while the current situation isn’t ideal change is better influenced from within the EU rather than being isolated outside it.
The views are certainly in opposition, but you will never get a consensus. In fact it is good that we question each other’s beliefs. In fact both sides want the same thing, to have an improved quality of life, they just disagree on how best to achieve this.
What is not good, is the way politicians and the media have used emotive and divisive language to intensify the fears of both sides, and position the other side in such a way that they become perceived as the “enemy”
Let’s have look at how it works…..
If you look at how emotion is created, it becomes obvious how politicians and media have been playing us and why we have reacted so aggressively to the opposition, and it has been aggressive, and we do see the other side as “the opposition”, even “enemy”. In fact we are both victims of the same process of emotional and unscrupulous manipulation.
Lets look at the equation of emotion and how it shapes your emotional reactions. The equation of emotion is…
Expectation/Preference (EP) compared to Reality as Perceived (EP) = Emotional Reaction (ER)
When your Expectations and preferences don’t match your perception of reality you will experience a negative emotion. This is a fact.
If the source of this imbalance is not something we are attached to, we will become angry towards it. If we feel the threat to be greater, more real, and imminent, we feel even more angry towards the source. (Find out more about the Equation of Emotion by following this link.)
Let me explain…
Remain campaigners have a strong belief that:
The theme for these beliefs is that we are better together rather than alone. The fear of remain campaigners includes, fear of isolation, fear of not being part of the decision making process, but still being subject to the EU rules of trade, the underlying fear is a fear of being worse off, having less money, having less prospects, having less of an open society. It’s a fear of loss.
Remain politicians have played on these fears by using very emotive language and attacking opposing views as beings racist, xenophobic, anti-establishment fuelled, and of being an isolation mentality.
These are so against remain campaigners views that it positions opponents as the “ENEMY”. There is no greater “other” than an enemy.
So let’s go back to our equation from earlier.
Remain campaigners have an expectation/preference that the UK is open, inclusive, part of something bigger, part of the decision making process within the EU,
Their reality as perceived is, we are no longer that kind of country with over half of the nation having racist, xenophobic, anti-establishment tendencies. Seeing themselves as now being materially and prospectively worse off out of EU than they would have been within the EU.
The emotion they feel as a result of this, is anger. Anger directed at leave voters who have been painted implicitly and explicitly as the “enemy” because of their opposing views. The more remainers’ feel this to be true, the stronger their anger towards leavers. The more they believe they will be worse off, the more they believe leavers to be everything they are not, the more of an enemy they see leavers, the more the anger and hate they direct at them.
Leavers have a strong belief that:
The theme for these beliefs are centred around control and democracy.
Leavers see remainers’ as not standing up for their democratic rights and laying down and letting the establishment take advantage. They feel the quality of life is being eroded by a lack of control and accountability of the politicians that have been elected.
Politicians and media have played on immigration fears, and lack of democracy to strengthen the resistance to these issues. Again they have strengthened their argument with emotive language designed to stir up and intensify these fears.
Leavers expectation and preference is to have accountable government who have control of the important aspects of society, like the economy, border control and law making and enforcement.
Their reality as perceived is that, this is now the case, having won the referendum, but let’s assume they had lost the vote, for illustration purposes. Had they lost they would feel that they had lost control of democracy. That the political elite had been given a mandate to take further power from the sovereign countries. They would be blaming the remain voters for allowing this to happen. They would likely see remainers’ as being gullible, spineless people who have foolishly given democracy away without a fight.
The emotional reaction would have likely also been anger. This anger would be directed at those seen as responsible for this unacceptable situation, the remain campaigners.
The truth is, that the exact same internal process is going on in the remain voters as is in the leave voters. Both sides have opposing views but both are doing it because they feel it is right for them and the wider community. They are both doing it from a position of “good will”. Both feel passionately about their views and see opposing views as misguided, ill informed, and the victim of propaganda. The emotion has been intensified by manipulative politicians and the media, who are trying to influence voters’ decision-making, by preying on voters fears and insecurities and over-blowing the consequences of either decision.
The truth is, staying or leaving isn’t as bad as either side believes it to be, and that the politicians and media have been stirring up emotion to serve their own agendas, and voters have been caught up in the intense emotion of it all. We would have survived had we stayed in, we will survive now that we are out.
Try to stop feeling angry and realise that love and caring is driving both sides of the debate. Now is the time to put our differences aside and focus on creating a new and improved Great Britain for the good of us all.
Motivation lies at the heart of getting results. Without it you can’t get anything done. However motivation is made up of opposing forces, which makes progress more difficult than it otherwise would be. Let’s first look at the forces that help us move closer to our goals these forces are made up of internal and external supporting motivations.
Self awareness is a key aspect of motivation, simply because it allows you to know why you do and don’t do certain things. If you can hack your subconscious and align your goals in such a way that they fit in with “who you are”, then the journey to achieving them will be a much easier one. This article is designed to allow you to discover and question what is going on inside your head, and force you to take a deeper look at what is helping you and more importantly. hindering you making progress towards your goals.
It is so important that you take responsibility for your results. Stop blaming your situation, your living arrangements, your job, stop blaming other people around you, like your spouse, your boss. When you pass blame to someone or something else, you also pass power, the very power you need to do something about it.
When you take responsibility, you empower yourself to find a solution and take action. It is a huge mental shift in the way you approach situations. You become a problem solver instead of a just a problem spotter. You access the creative part of your brain, rather than being in “wait and see what happens” mode, hoping for someone else to sort it out for you.
If you have purpose, a strong reason why you want or even need your goal, and you desire that goal so much, taking action is going to be that much easier. If you’re about to lose your home because you can’t make your next mortgage payment, you’re more likely to take that shitty job, than you would if you had a years worth of savings in your bank account. What’s changed, your purpose has. You suddenly have to do something, you have to earn some money or else. This might not be an aspirational purpose like “bringing an end to poverty” or “finding a cure for cancer” but it is a purpose, the purpose of getting money to pay your bills, so you still have a roof over your family’s head. If that purpose is strong, or as desperate enough (as in the case of the previous example) you are more likely to take action, that you might not otherwise have taken. Purpose doesn’t have to be some romanticised great deed, it just has to work for you, and get you closer to your goals.
Habits are formed to ease the burden on thought processes. We don’t have to mentally process every little thing we do, especially with regards to things we do on a regular basis. We form habits that we just do, without thinking about. This frees our brains to concentrate on other things.
As part of this process we often form bad habits that no longer serve us. The best way of getting rid of bad habits is by replacing them with good ones. To do this you have to begin to take action on a regular basis and do something that serves your goals. If you want to be a writer, start to write 200-300 words a day. Do this everyday for 30-60 days, after which you will have formed a habit of doing it. Then up the word count by a further 200. when you have done that everyday for a month or so, up it again.
One of the main reasons we fail to take action, is fear, we will deal with fear later in the article when discussing blocking motivations, you might want to read that part of the article first and come back to this section.
“Embracing change” and “risk taking” are the same thing. We resist change because we fear the uncertainty that “change” brings with it. Embracing change is a difficult mind shift, but an essential one, if we’re to grow into our goals.
Many people falsely believe there exists a status quo, some fictional place where everything stays the same forever. The reality of course is that everything is always changing, and change is part of life. Life and change are inseparable, so face the truth, and stop resisting it. Be excited by the opportunities that come about because of it.
Risk is also a part of life, we risk death every time we walk out the door, every time we get into the car. We risk embarrassment every time we open our mouths, we risk loss of possessions every time we leave the house empty, or every time we put something in our pocket or bag when we go out. We can try to mitigate risk but we can’t live without being exposed to it.
I’ve included gratitude here because, gratitude adds some perspective to our thoughts. If we are grateful for what we have now, our health, our family and friends, our ability to reason, and make decisions, our ability to communicate and get on with other people, if we are grateful for everything we have, we don’t need to take the attainment of our goals too seriously, so that the fear of not attaining them, paralyses us from reaching optimal performance. We want to achieve our goals but not so badly that not achieving them means we drop into a great depression. Make life a game to be enjoyed, not one that feels like life or death depends on your success, because in most cases it really doesn’t.
External supporting motivations come from things we get from other people rather than from within us.
Incentives can be tangible and intangible. Tangible incentives can include money rewards, a chance of winning something like a holiday or prize. Tangible incentives are used to reward us for outstanding performance at work for instance.
Intangible incentives on the other hand are things like getting a pat-on-the-back, or a “well done”, a “thank you for your effort” from someone we respect or have done something for.
Incentives push us to behave in a certain way usually for the benefit of others, but we can use them to help us get results for ourselves. An accountability buddy for instance can spur us on, say “well done” when we do something good, and at the same time put us right when we fail to do it or do something that is counter-productive to our goal attainment.
Well fear has such a grip on the human psyche, that it stops the majority of people ever pursuing their dreams. Fear is a perceived possible future devaluation of our sense of self, which simply means that we fear the thought of something that “might” happen to us or to things, people or ideas that are important to us. We fear death, embarrassment, rejection, being negatively judged by others, disappointment, being vulnerable, loss, poverty, the unknown, uncertainty, change, being let down by others, some people even fear success. In fact we fear most things. Fear is a thought about the future, and as we can’t do anything about the future, until it becomes “this moment”. Fear is nothing more than a made up thought or series of thoughts that might happen, but is much more likely not to happen. Stop focusing on what might go wrong and start dreaming about what might go right.
We’ve all heard the stories of kids that were told they wouldn’t amount to anything, only to go on to become big successes. These people felt they had something to prove, and this motivated them to succeed, but for many, negative reinforcement can kill their motivation, and keep them trapped in mediocrity.
Social conditioning -the environment where we grow up, the people we are surrounded by, the stories we are told has a big impact on how our beliefs and values are formed through childhood and as teenagers, and these values have a major impact on our lives as adults. As the saying goes “If you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right”, the question is where did this belief come from?
Our thoughts are formed by our experiences which are shaped by our actions, reactions, and behaviours which are affected by our thoughts. It’s a cycle that feeds itself. It can be a virtuous cycle or downward spiral. If you can feed your psyche with positive thoughts, beliefs and values, this will positively affect your actions and behaviours, and this will in turn dictate the quality of your experiences and the way people react to you, for the better.
If you feel conflicted about your goals you may feel you want them on the one hand, but also feel in some way you don’t want them. When you feel this way, you might sabotage your progress. you might want to be wealthy, but at the same time feel it will ruin important relationships you have presently, and this dampens your motivation to take action to pursue your goal.
Another type of conflict comes in the form of “want” versus “should” situations. If you have a goal to be thinner, and healthier, but you see a delicious looking cream cake that you really want to eat, you are going to feel torn between “wanting” the pleasure of eating the cream cake and knowing that you “should” reframe from doing so, if you are to achieve your weight loss goal. If you give in and eat the cream cake you are not just failing to moving closer to your goal, but are in-fact moving further away from it, which is likely to make you feel even worse. “Wanting”, more often than not outweighs “should” as a mental choice calculation. This is why we so often give in to temptation. The best way to overcome this is avoid situations that present such a choice in the first place. If there is no cream cake waiting for you in the fridge, you aren’t going to feel you are missing out on it.
Overcoming the blocking motivations by strengthening the supporting motivations is the name of the game. If we can have stronger supporting motivations and hack our blocking motivations we stand a better chance of progressing towards our goals.
Become more self aware, take responsibility, have a strong purpose, replace bad habits with good ones, embrace change and risk, be happy and grateful with the positives in your life today, get help from others and get them to reward you for good behaviour. Be less fearful of your imagination, lose those limiting beliefs and straighten out your conflicted thoughts about your goals. Do this and success is your next destination.
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