Gary Vaynerchuk recently did a video talking about the importance of figuring out who you are. Check it out below.
He’s right, without a solid grasp of knowing what you’re about, life can feel somewhat pointless. I don’t mean in the sense of what’s the point in living, but rather, knowing what you should be doing, and where you should be heading.
Those we look up to
We look up to people that have found their niche, who seem to be living the dream. They love what they do, and can’t get enough of it. Productivity is at an all time high, because they are consumed by their passion 247.
No clue
I am aware there are a lot of people, particularly those leaving school, who haven’t got a clue where their destiny lies, and frankly, how could they? Without gaining some practical experience, how can you know what you like and don’t like. You may romanticise certain professions, but until you’re doing it as an occupation, there’s no way of knowing if it’s for you.
Hobbies don’t always make good occupations
All occupations have their downside, and it’s often very different doing something for a living, to earn an income, than it is when you’re doing something as an hobby. There is a certain level of pressure, a certain degree of “have to” and deadlines to consider. This is often enough to take the fun out of it for many. So don’t fall into the trap of thinking every hobby will translate into a good occupation.
The hard bit
So back to Gary, he says “Punt everything else and go all-in. The best blue print for your success, is to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself “What’s the purest form of who I am?“, then build a thing around that.”
So that’s the easy part, recognising you have to start by figuring yourself out. The hard part is actually doing so.
Self awareness is a key step in the process of building a life you love to live. It’s not just knowing what you like and don’t like but figuring out what you’re good and not so good at. This part is difficult and requires some soul searching. None of us like to admit we’re not so good, or even bad at things, particularly if we like to do that thing. If we don’t care about it, there’s no problem, if we care about it, or have invested time and effort into it and are still not very good at it, then there’s a problem.
We’ve all seen the Xfactor contestants that can’t hold a note, but have fooled themselves into thinking they’re the next big thing.
How to improve Self Awareness
Take a long hard look at yourself, be completely honest, ask for a honest second opinion from someone who’ll tell you the truth. Family and friends are usually not good for this, they just don’t want to upset you.
Putting your work out into the market, and seeing if people are willing to buy your stuff is probably the best gauge of the standard and desirability of your talent or lack of. I use a few methods like PPC adverts or Facebook adverts, which are great for fast, inexpensive feedback, but you need to know what you’re doing before burning through your money, if you go down this route. Drop me an email if you want some help with this at info@getresults.org.uk.
Now be warned you have to ensure you have not invested too much of yourself in whatever you are shining a light on, otherwise a knock back can be hard on your self esteem. Don’t let it be, take it as a positive, it’s informing you, it’s being honest with you and allowing you to find a more fruitful path, and preventing you from wasting our most important resource TIME.
To uncover your own interests, tendencies…
Look at what you spend your time actually doing,
What you like to read about,
What websites you visit and are interested in,
What TV programs you spend your time watching,
What you find yourself doing when on holiday or during leisure periods
Ask others that are close to you, what they think you like and don’t like, this can be very enlightening sometimes
And then ask “why?”. What is it about these things/activities that you enjoy, is there a common thread that runs through them. Sometimes identifying what you don’t like or even hate, helps to focus you on what you do like, so build a list of these as well.
It’s a journey of self discovery. Don’t try to fool yourself, be honest. For those that have a negative perspective of themselves already, which are usually as disproportionate as those that have overly positive perspectives, also look for a reality check, as others will not judge you as harshly as you judge yourself. So allow more positivity through if merited.
That’s it, you’ve got to do the rest for yourself. Use those around as well, in the ways discussed above. Enjoy the process, and don’t be too frustrated if it takes a little time. I often find once you have made your mind up to make a start, your unconscious mind springs into action and will gently help inform you, but you can’t push it to do so.
Fear and pain is often the very thing that can stop you pursuing your dreams, by contrast, it is often the most powerful catalyst for change. Let’s look at a few examples…..
Regret
Missed opportunities, like what you didn’t do when you had the chance, is often quoted to be one of the greatest pains, when people look back on their lives. We tend to regret what we didn’t do over what we did do, that didn’t work out. Fear of regret however can help to strengthen our motivation to “take action”. Focus on how you will feel, if you fail to give-it-a-go. Visualise your regret, and use that to drive you into action.
Escaping Pain
When you can’t take any more, when you’ve had enough. “No more” you say. This is regularly the point of change. You just can’t take the negativity, the draining negative emotions of a situation. You might feel trapped, frustrated, possessed, and you want to escape to a different reality. It can take years to get to this point of no return, but change happens in an instant, when we decide it has to.
Embarrassment
Loss of credibility or being seen as a failure by others is a big motivator for most people. Put yourself in a situation where you have to deliver on your promise, by declaring a target, a goal and let the fear of failing, drive you into action. Accountability partners, and/or social groups like weight watchers are great examples of this kind of motivation.
Something to prove
How people are viewed by others is a big deal for many, if you’re cast in a negative light, or are seen as less than we feel you should be, you might feel the need to prove a point. Have you got something to prove? How about proving that you can set your mind to something and see it through to a successful conclusion. Use this drive to motivate you into action.
We often ridicule negative emotions, and try to avoid them, but as we’ve pointed out, they can be used to help you take positive action, as you reach for your goals.
For more about motivational influences, check out our Motivation guide.
There’s two types of knowledge you can have, the first is knowledge that’s wide and shallow, like general knowledge. The person with this type of knowledge, knows a reasonable amount about a lot of things. They might include diverse topics or be more closely related, something like the knowledge held by a GP doctor is an example of this type of knowledge set.
Then there’s knowledge that’s narrow and deep. This is specialist knowledge that is obtained by studying a specific topic for many years. These people might not know much else other than their area of expertise. And given enough knowledge about a particular subject, this is were expertise resides.
There are arguments for gaining both types of knowledge. Business owners, particularly small business owners are usually better with a reasonable knowledge about a lot of business related functions. They can, after all employ experts to do particular functions that require more specialised knowledge.
You could argue that running a business is a specific skill in itself and can be developed into expertise, but I guess it’s all relative. You have a finite amount of time to learn an infinite amount of possible things. The fun, I guess is deciding what best fits in with your long term plans.
If you want to be a business person, you need to learn what’s needed to be a successful business person, and focus on that until you’re as good as you can be. Maybe learning to be a good recruiter (of labour and freelancers) is more valuable than acquiring the knowledge to be able to do those particular functions yourself.
Should you spend your limited time, acquiring the knowledge for implementing an effective marketing strategy, understanding the principles that drive human psychology, so you know an effective advert and offer when you see one. Or should you spend your time gathering the knowledge and perfecting the skill to be able to create great visuals for your adverts, and write amazingly persuasive copy that entices your audience to your offer, for yourself, so you can be self sufficient.
These are the kind of choices you need to make in your pursuit of knowledge. It all depends on what you’re trying to achieve, I guess. It’s all about prioritising, which is dependant on what you’re trying to achieve as part of your end game (goal).
Finding, increasing and maintaining motivation is vital if you’re going to GET RESULTS. Motivation comes out of a psychological process, made up of two opposing forces, which either push you towards your goal or hold you back from pursuing it. You have largely fear based emotions on the one hand, designed to keep you from harm, but which often hold you back. On the other hand, you have motivational forces that help you take the necessary steps for realising your goals, and getting the results you desire.
Most people find it difficult to overcome the internal struggle that is fought between these opposing forces. We fear too much, so we don’t take action. We want something with all our heart, but we don’t take action, because we’re having to move away from our comfort zone.
When you start to break down the components of motivation, it becomes clear why it is so difficult. We have things like fear, conflict, self-doubt, discomfort, distraction, and temptation fighting against things like commitment, effort, resourcefulness, purpose, desire and determination.
TAKING ACTION towards a goal is a must if you’re going to be successful. Knowing what to do and when to do it, is also vitally important. Being effective rather than efficient makes you as productive as possible, but motivation is the key, without it, nothing else is possible or gets done. You have to be motivated to learn what needs to be learned, to spend the hours, weeks, days, months, even years acquiring knowledge, building skill, perfecting talent. You will not take action without motivation. It is the fuel in your tank.
Motivation is made up of a number of ingredients, which will need to be mastered if you’re to move closer to your goal, check them out below …
Some of the posters below, link to more in-depth articles (still on this website) that drill into the subject matter of that poster, in much more detail.
Additionally by subscribing to our email list, we will send our step-by-step process, which will help you get results, and covers motivation and its role in the goal attainment process, among other things. It’s a big picture overview of the process, and is easy to unsubscribe from, whenever you want, so what have you got to lose? Jump on board.
Great giveaway
Additionally and for a limited time only, we are offering our “Get Results Quotes jpeg”, which presents some great inspirational quotes, covering the categories listed below, and is a great motivational reference you can keep with you on your phone. [thrive_2step id=’2645′] CLICK HERE [/thrive_2step] to sign up for it, so we can email the link to you.
Self awareness is essential in effectively planning the road ahead, gaining insight into why you do what you do, and don’t do what you don’t do. What you’re good at and not so good and and why. For more information about self awareness click here.
Being resourceful is about putting the excuses like “I don’t have the money, or the time, or the experience to do this” to one side and getting the job done, regardless of the difficulties you face. Resourcefulness is about getting results no matter what. For more information about resourcefulness, click here.
Taking responsibility is about not blaming others or complaining that this or that is getting in your way. It’s about being accountable for your own results. When you make the psychological shift away from playing the role of victim, you empower yourself to get results. For more about taking responsibility, click here.
Being committed is about burning your bridges, taking a focused, determined path forward, without wavering and second guessing yourself. For more about being committed, click here.
Having a strong work ethic is essential if you’re going to cover the ground from where you are now to where you want to be. For more about having a strong work ethic, click here.
Accessing your intuition is a skill which can be developed over time. Your subconscious knowledge pool is always at work, without your conscious awareness, it’s collecting information, scanning your environment, looking for inconsistencies and abnormalities. Learning to quiet your mind so that you can distinguish between intuition and fear response is something you will get better at over time. For more about intuition, click here.
Getting started is often the hardest part about making change, because over time habit kicks in and makes the behaviour/ action more automatic, check out more about initiating momentum, here.
The easiest way of getting rid of a bad habit is establishing a new good habit. Habits are hard to break because we often don’t think about doing them, they are by their nature, automatic. Most people complain that they struggle with filling the gap left by a habit, so fill the space with a new, more empowering habit, and over time it too will become automatic.
Having purpose requires having a direction, a goal. It gives us a reason to take action, to establish new behaviours, and develop new habits. Without purpose we are like a rudderless boat floating helplessly. Without purpose, there is no motivation to move from the current status quo.
To move from where you are now to where you want to be, requires change, and change is often feared because of the uncertainty, risk and danger it is perceived as bringing with it. Learning how to embrace change and risk is key to helping you move forwards. For more about embracing change and risk, click here.
No matter where you are in life, whether you are where you ultimately want to be, you have many things to be grateful for, and appreciation shouldn’t be far from the top of your mind. For more about gratitude, click here.
Fear is THE dream killer. If you can master fear, the world is your playground. For more about overcoming fear, click here.
Inner conflict can occur on both a subconscious level as well as a conscious level, which makes it difficult to identify and move beyond. For instance, fearing success or the consequences of success, while at the same time craving success, can cause chaos with internal motivational drives and subsequently attempting to unpick the underlying causes can clarify irrational beliefs. For more information about inner conflicts, click here.
Avoiding temptations and distractions is key to getting things done in a meaningful and effective way. We are often surrounded by these things and learning how to hack a way around them, or avoid them completely, so that we don’t sidetracked, is a must.
Even the thought of having to deal with discomfort, can be an ambition killer. Putting yourself in harms way, psychologically speaking, is a tough one to overcome, but with practice, you can become a master of it, rather than a victim to it.
Emotions are a vital component in driving behaviour and instigating action-taking. Emotions are what stir you, make you overcome situations, where you would not ordinarily take action. Anger, fear, regret, disappointment can be used to move you closer to your goal or keep you stuck where you are. Figuring out how to use emotions as useful tools rather than annoying obstacle is what will get you to where you want to be.
Shifting of perspective is about opening your mind and seeing things in a different way. Rigid beliefs, are often the major cause of keeping you stuck and preventing you seeing things, people, ideas and situations in a completely different light and from a completely different perspective. For more about shifting perspective, click here.
Overcoming coping strategies is about stopping yourself rationalising the thoughts, actions and behaviours that are preventing you pursuing your dreams and goals. Blocking coping strategies are a psychological way of feeling okay about your failure to take the necessary actions that are required to get you to your goals. For more about blocking coping strategies, click here.
Questions and answers about motivation
I recently did some keyword research on the search terms inputted into Google around the word “motivation” and came up with a list of questions people want answered about motivation, which I’ve listed below, along with some of the more important answers. I’m not going to answer question by question, but rather gather the general gist of the questions into a few important answers. I’ve grouped them around, questions about 1. the definition of motivation, 2. self motivation, 3. motivating others and 4. more general motivational questions.
Keyword research is a great insightful tool for getting down to the nuts and bolts of what people want to know, and are actively searching for.
1. Definition of motivation
Search Terms inputted into search engines
what is motivation,
define motivate,
definition of motivate,
what is the definition of motivation,
external motivation definition,
emotional motive definition,
the definition of motivation,
extrinsic motivation definition psychology,
what is the meaning of motivation,
what does the word motivation mean,
what is a motivation,
define the term motivation,
the meaning of motivation,
Questions (condensed)
What is motivation?
Emotional motive behind motivation?
Definition of motivation?
What is the meaning of motivation?
What does the word motivation mean?
Answer
Motivation is defined as a reason or reasons for acting or behaving in a particular way. Motivation can be intensified by using EMOTIONS, driving the NEED or WANT to take action, instead of maintaining a state of INDIFFERENCE in the STATUS QUO.
2. Self motivation
SEARCH TERMS INPUTTED INTO SEARCH ENGINES
intrinsic motivation,
stay motivated,
internal motivation,
positive motivation,
motivate yourself,
motivational thoughts,
need motivation,
personal motivation,
job motivation,
career motivation,
develop yourself,
intrisic motivation,
Questions
How to stay motivated?
How to increase motivation internally?
How to use positive motivation?
How to motivate yourself?
What thoughts can be used to increase motivation?
How to increase personal motivation?
How to increase job or career motivation?
How to develop motivation?
Answer
Motivation has two opposing forces, the first is the motivation to achieve some goal, to improve, get better, to succeed. All those things that you wish for, dream of or have desire to do or be.
On the flip side are the blocking motivations, which are driven by self-preservation and fear. The little voice in your head that tells you not to take risk, or pursue change because you might fail, be embarrassed, lose something important.
Both these forces fight over every decision you have to make, and only one can ever win.
If you’re not where you want to be, then the blocking motivations are the cause. It’s your job to recondition your thinking so that the blocking motivations are defeated. You can do it!
Clicking on the posters above, will walk you through the important considerations of motivation, including improving self-awareness, taking responsibility, being committed, overcoming fear, breaking inner conflicts and self sabotage.
With respect to using motivation for work, career or fitness, it works the same way in all aspects of life. Hacking motivation will support you in all aspects of life.
3. Motivating others
SEARCH TERMS INPUTTED INTO SEARCH ENGINES
extrinsic motivation,
motivational people,
how to motivate staff,
motivating staff,
staff motivation,
leadership motivation,
motivation in business,
extrinsic motivation psychology definition,
employee motivation techniques,
motivation of employees,
worker motivation,
motivation definition,
achievement motivation,
motivation techniques,
creative development,
business motivation,
Questions
How to get motivated?
How to increase staff and worker motivation?
How to increase leadership motivation?
How to increase motivation in other people?
How to increase business motivation?
Ideas for creative motivation?
Answer
Once you truly understand how motivation works, you will be better placed to motivate others.
Understand that DESIRE and FEAR are the basic drivers of human behaviour. People always act with positive intent, and will respond to a potential improvement in their situation, or sense of self, as long as the risk and uncertainty, which they fear, is reduced. If the reward is greater than the risk, they will act, but you have to make a good enough argument to convince them that the rewards do indeed outweigh the risks.
If you can align employees goals with your business goals, you will win. This is why some businesses run profit sharing schemes.
But to understand people’s motivations you have to develop your emotional intelligence, so that you have more empathy for how that person models the world. We all have the same psychological structures of thought that influence behaviour, we all feel anger, sadness, happiness in the same way, but our triggers and perceptions can vary significantly. What is important to you, is not necessarily important to me, but you will react in the same way to something that is important to you, as I would to something that was important to me.
Don’t worry if you don’t get it at the moment, we will be revisiting it in future posts. I would also advise subscribing to our newsletter for exclusive content, not available on the website, which covers this subject in more detail.
4. Motivation general
SEARCH TERMS INPUTTED INTO SEARCH ENGINES
Motivating,
intrinsic and extrinsic motivation,
achievement motivation,
types of motivation,
motivation techniques,
business motivation,
motivational activities,
maslow motivation,
motivational strategies,
motivation and emotion,
psychology motivation,
increase motivation,
motivation model,
importance of motivation,
goal motivation,
motivation process,
motivational ideas,
models of motivation,
motivation help,
Questions
What is the importance of motivation?
Where to find help for increasing motivation?
What is intrinsic and extrinsic motivation?
What are the types of motivation?
What is business motivation?
What are some motivational activities?
What is Maslow’s pyramid of motivation?
What are some motivational strategies?
What emotions are used in motivation?
What is a model for motivation?
What is a process for motivation?
What are ideas for motivation?
Answer
Without motivation, nothing gets done, so it is an essential part of taking action and getting results.
Intrinsic motivation refers to doing something for the enjoyment of doing it, for its own sake, rather than any external rewards. Think of things like hobbies or passions that you may engage in, which are done simply for the enjoyment of doing them. Extrinsic motivation refers to doing something to earn a reward, such as money, fame or praise, or to avoid a punishment such as being chastised, or beaten, or made to feel embarrassed. You would not engage in this behaviour if it wasn’t for the consequences. Many people’s jobs are an example of extrinsic motivation, because they wouldn’t do it if they weren’t getting paid.
Many different emotions can be entangled in motivation. Desire for something else, frustration, discontentment, dissatisfaction with the way things currently are, yearning for more, for better, or a desperate sense of needing, are good examples of supporting emotions (emotions that drive you closer to your goal). Fear is largely responsible for blocking progress (stopping you reaching your goal). I recommend checking out the posters above, for all the supporting and blocking internal and external motivations.
Maslow’s (1943, 1954) hierarchy of needs is a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five tier model of human needs, often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid. It can be described as a model for motivation.
Maslow stated that people are motivated to achieve certain needs and that some needs take precedence over others. Our most basic need is for physical survival (bottom of triangle), and this will be the first thing that motivates our behaviour. Once that level is fulfilled the next level up is what then motivates us, and so on, until we eventually reach self-actualisation, at the top of the pyramid.
As far as establishing a process for motivation, the first and probably most important thing to do is increase SELF-AWARENESS, so to improve understanding as to what creates motivation within us as individuals, finding out what our particular triggers are. Then use these motivations to drive us towards our goal, while hacking those that get in the way. Again I would recommend reading the posters above and following the links for more in-depth information.
We will be detailing some clever motivation hacks in future articles, so please subscribe to our newsletter for content updates, as well as unique content, not available on the website.
Motivation is one of the building blocks for getting results, subscribe to our newsletter to get a walk through of our GET RESULTS methodology, as well as other content not available on the website. Email is a great way for us to provide information for you.
Self awareness is the conscious knowledge and understanding of your own character, feelings, motivates and desires. It’s knowing, why you do what you do and don’t do what you don’t do. Its knowing what you like and don’t like and what you’re good at and not so good at.
Why is Self Awareness important?
It’s important to develop self awareness so that you can align the world around you to serve your natural tendencies, rather than trying to be something you’re not. Let me explain what I mean.
If you’re doing a job you hate, there’s something wrong with your outer world and your inner world alignment. This can be a real problem,
I remember when I worked in middle management in my 20’s and 30’s, I enjoyed being a manager, directing the work force, organising the processes and production etc, but I also thought that there was something missing, something that felt out of sync. I realised over time that the silly games of politics that go on in big business was not for me. I wanted to get on with the job and do the best I could for the business, while other managers seemed more content with point scoring, apportioning blame when things went wrong. They prioritised activities that were self serving over what was right for the business, and this included managers that I reported to.
The sense of something being missing began to drive me mad, and I came to hate having to go to work. I would get a sinking feeling on the Sunday, thinking about having to go to work the Monday. I would be wishing for the weekend to come, counting down the days. I can tell you it wasn’t a feeling I would want to experience again.
I wanted to be “the leader”. I wanted to be the driver of the business. I enjoyed the business of business, creating the strategy, the marketing, the culture rather than carrying out the orders of someone else and being a pawn in someone else’s game. It was what I wanted to do, I couldn’t hide from that fact.
I left and started my own business, and although the business is much smaller than the one I’d worked in previously, I enjoy operating at a higher level within the business. I’m the boss, of marketing, strategy, and execution. I feel I am where I belong. I get to be in the business of business now. I feel in alignment, emotionally and mentally.
Now that I am my own boss, I have still got to make choices about what I should do and what I should get others to do. I’m lucky that I’m a bit of a geek so I like to figure stuff out. I enjoy doing the finances, I enjoy doing the marketing etc. I don’t enjoy doing the routine photo editing stuff ( I run a photography business to give you some context), so I don’t do it, I employ someone else to do it for me. I don’t like to do the administration side of things, so I hire someone else to do it for me. So I do the things I want to do and get others to do the rest.
I’m lucky that I can get to do this, not everyone has the finances to be able to do so, at least initially, but in time, this is what you should be aiming for. Instead of taking all the money out of your business, live a little more conservatively and pay someone to do the other stuff you don’t like to do.
Now something to remember here is, make sure you hire people that are good at doing the other stuff and that enjoy doing the other stuff. If you get a situation where they love what they do, then you’re going to be in a win win situation for both of you.
How improve Self Awareness
You improve self awareness by self examination. Give yourself some time to get away from the hustle and bustle of life, sit in a quiet place and exam your life, your routines, your likes and dislikes. Look at the things you spend your time doing and the things you try to avoid and ask yourself why. keep asking why to dig deeper.
By being self aware you get to figure out what you like and don’t like. You can punt the stuff you don’t like to someone else, who does like to do that particular thing.
You will discover you actually do the things you like to do, or at the very least, you find yourself wanting to do them, you’re also likely to be good at these things and they come naturally for you. If they don’t come naturally, you will, at least be happy to put in the time to practice and perfect them.
On the flip side you will find you don’t do activities you don’t like to do, or you try to avoid doing them. These are also likely to be activities you’re not very good at.
Now if you’re not doing something that needs to be done to make progress towards you goal, you can’t just ignore it. You either have to make the effort and do it or delegate it, if it can be delegated and you have someone to delegate it to. Otherwise you will be stuck where you are. Self awareness will at least shine a light on this situation.
Now the next bit can be a little more difficult, it’s knowing what you’re good at and not so good at, or even bad at. It can be difficult to face up to your shortcomings and weaknesses. You have to be bluntly honest with yourself.
Sometimes you should ask the opinion of others who are considered experts in a particular activity and see how you measure up from an experts point of view. You need to consider criticism as valuable feedback, which will allow you to progress. For instance if you’re doing your own graphic design for adverts and they suck, this could be adversely affecting the effectiveness of those adverts.
By getting some honest and unbiased feedback, you might decide to delegate the work it to a graphic designer rather than doing it yourself, and hopefully that will improve your adverts conversion rate. One caveat here, make sure the feedback is from someone who isn’t going to profit directly from saying you’re crap at something, otherwise they might be telling you because it’s good for them (they get that business), rather than good for you.
So there you have it, self awareness is a key component of getting results and should be a priority in both your business life and personal life. Don’t try to change who you are to fit the world around you, but shape the world around you to fit who you are.
For more about motivational influences, check out our Motivation guide.
“What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.”
“Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
“If you’re your authentic self, you have no competition.”
“Self-awareness gives you the capacity to learn from your mistakes as well as your successes. It enables you to keep growing.” – Lawrence Bossidy
“I am” two of the most powerful words. What you put after them defines your reality.”
“One way to measure self-awareness is by looking at your ability to tell your life story in a coherent way.”
“What other people say about you is their reality, not yours.”
“The most important journey is the journey within.”
“Happiness is a feeling of well-being derived from knowing ourselves.”
“Be yourself. There is something that you can do better than any other. Listen to the inward voice and bravely obey that.”
“Get lost and find yourself.”
“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” – Nathaniel Branden
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it late.”
“Awareness allows us to get outside our mind and observe it in action.”
“We can’t change reality: we can only change our experience of it, by changing our self…”
“knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle
“Accept no one’s definition of your life. Define yourself.”
“We have self-centered minds which get us into plenty of trouble. If we do not come to understand the error in the way we think, our self-awareness, which is our greatest blessing, is also our downfall.”
“Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at your life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.” – Debbie Ford
“Self-awareness is not self-centeredness, and spirituality is not narcissism. ‘Know thyself’ is not a narcissistic pursuit.” – Marianne Williamson
“Self-awareness is knowing why you do what you do and don’t do what you don’t do. It’s knowing what you like and don’t like, and why. It’s about having the enough self esteem to be able to look in the mirror and admit your shortcomings as well as celebrate your strengths.” – get results
“Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness.”
“Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed”
The EU referendum has certainly divided the country, with strong opinions on either side of the argument. And it has been an argument, rather than a debate. From a psychological point of view it’s been a rough ride for both sides.
Politicians and the media have been guilty of constructing their campaigns in such a way as to play to the fears and insecurities of both sides, by using very emotive and divisive language rather than just presenting the facts. Why have they done this? Well because there are no facts, no one really knows if it would be best in or out of the EU. There are opinions about pros and cons on either side of the debate, but not many facts.
It is a gross understatement to say that the general public have been manipulated during this referendum. Politicians and the media recognised the fear of both sides and played heavily on these to influence voter’s decision-making.
Both sides have their own expectations and preferences about the future, which are in opposition. The leavers want to maintain democracy and see the EU as anti-democracy and a symbol of anti sovereign control. Remain campaigners want to remain part of a EU that promises being part of something bigger, making the UK something bigger than they see it as being outside the EU.
The current reality as perceived is also different for each side of the argument. Leavers feel they are having a bad deal, influenced by decision makers that are not directly accountable, see the UK with an elected government that lacks any real power to influence its own economic, immigration and law-making requirements. Remainers’ believe while the current situation isn’t ideal change is better influenced from within the EU rather than being isolated outside it.
The views are certainly in opposition, but you will never get a consensus. In fact it is good that we question each other’s beliefs. In fact both sides want the same thing, to have an improved quality of life, they just disagree on how best to achieve this.
What is not good, is the way politicians and the media have used emotive and divisive language to intensify the fears of both sides, and position the other side in such a way that they become perceived as the “enemy”
Let’s have look at how it works…..
If you look at how emotion is created, it becomes obvious how politicians and media have been playing us and why we have reacted so aggressively to the opposition, and it has been aggressive, and we do see the other side as “the opposition”, even “enemy”. In fact we are both victims of the same process of emotional and unscrupulous manipulation.
Lets look at the equation of emotion and how it shapes your emotional reactions. The equation of emotion is…
Expectation/Preference (EP) compared to Reality as Perceived (EP) = Emotional Reaction (ER)
When your Expectations and preferences don’t match your perception of reality you will experience a negative emotion. This is a fact.
If the source of this imbalance is not something we are attached to, we will become angry towards it. If we feel the threat to be greater, more real, and imminent, we feel even more angry towards the source. (Find out more about the Equation of Emotion by following this link.)
Let me explain…
Remain campaigners have a strong belief that:
We are better in EU than out because we are part of a bigger trading block rather than being alone, this comes from the belief we are too small to make our way in the world alone
We are an open society that welcomes diversity and is outward looking rather than being against immigration and having racist tendencies
We are more secure sharing security information within the EU, than being out on our own.
We can affect change better within the EU rather than being powerless outside it
The theme for these beliefs is that we are better together rather than alone. The fear of remain campaigners includes, fear of isolation, fear of not being part of the decision making process, but still being subject to the EU rules of trade, the underlying fear is a fear of being worse off, having less money, having less prospects, having less of an open society. It’s a fear of loss.
Remain politicians have played on these fears by using very emotive language and attacking opposing views as beings racist, xenophobic, anti-establishment fuelled, and of being an isolation mentality.
These are so against remain campaigners views that it positions opponents as the “ENEMY”. There is no greater “other” than an enemy.
So let’s go back to our equation from earlier.
Remain campaigners have an expectation/preference that the UK is open, inclusive, part of something bigger, part of the decision making process within the EU,
Their reality as perceived is, we are no longer that kind of country with over half of the nation having racist, xenophobic, anti-establishment tendencies. Seeing themselves as now being materially and prospectively worse off out of EU than they would have been within the EU.
The emotion they feel as a result of this, is anger. Anger directed at leave voters who have been painted implicitly and explicitly as the “enemy” because of their opposing views. The more remainers’ feel this to be true, the stronger their anger towards leavers. The more they believe they will be worse off, the more they believe leavers to be everything they are not, the more of an enemy they see leavers, the more the anger and hate they direct at them.
Leavers have a strong belief that:
We are better as a sovereign country rather than giving control to an un-elected EU
Want to control UK border rather than having no say in numbers and choice of migrants coming into country
Ability to make and enforce our own laws, rather than EU making blanket laws that don’t fit our particular national circumstances
Want elected politicians to be accountable and able to be sacked if not doing what the populations wants/needs
Don’t want to be pushed into ever closer union with a United States of Europe with un-elected officials making decisions for us, without accountability.
The theme for these beliefs are centred around control and democracy.
Leavers see remainers’ as not standing up for their democratic rights and laying down and letting the establishment take advantage. They feel the quality of life is being eroded by a lack of control and accountability of the politicians that have been elected.
Politicians and media have played on immigration fears, and lack of democracy to strengthen the resistance to these issues. Again they have strengthened their argument with emotive language designed to stir up and intensify these fears.
Leavers expectation and preference is to have accountable government who have control of the important aspects of society, like the economy, border control and law making and enforcement.
Their reality as perceived is that, this is now the case, having won the referendum, but let’s assume they had lost the vote, for illustration purposes. Had they lost they would feel that they had lost control of democracy. That the political elite had been given a mandate to take further power from the sovereign countries. They would be blaming the remain voters for allowing this to happen. They would likely see remainers’ as being gullible, spineless people who have foolishly given democracy away without a fight.
The emotional reaction would have likely also been anger. This anger would be directed at those seen as responsible for this unacceptable situation, the remain campaigners.
The truth is, that the exact same internal process is going on in the remain voters as is in the leave voters. Both sides have opposing views but both are doing it because they feel it is right for them and the wider community. They are both doing it from a position of “good will”. Both feel passionately about their views and see opposing views as misguided, ill informed, and the victim of propaganda. The emotion has been intensified by manipulative politicians and the media, who are trying to influence voters’ decision-making, by preying on voters fears and insecurities and over-blowing the consequences of either decision.
The truth is, staying or leaving isn’t as bad as either side believes it to be, and that the politicians and media have been stirring up emotion to serve their own agendas, and voters have been caught up in the intense emotion of it all. We would have survived had we stayed in, we will survive now that we are out.
Try to stop feeling angry and realise that love and caring is driving both sides of the debate. Now is the time to put our differences aside and focus on creating a new and improved Great Britain for the good of us all.
Motivation lies at the heart of getting results. Without it you can’t get anything done. However motivation is made up of opposing forces, which makes progress more difficult than it otherwise would be. Let’s first look at the forces that help us move closer to our goals these forces are made up of internal and external supporting motivations.
Internal Supporting Motivations
Become Self Awareness
Self awareness is a key aspect of motivation, simply because it allows you to know why you do and don’t do certain things. If you can hack your subconscious and align your goals in such a way that they fit in with “who you are”, then the journey to achieving them will be a much easier one. This article is designed to allow you to discover and question what is going on inside your head, and force you to take a deeper look at what is helping you and more importantly. hindering you making progress towards your goals.
Take Responsibility
It is so important that you take responsibility for your results. Stop blaming your situation, your living arrangements, your job, stop blaming other people around you, like your spouse, your boss. When you pass blame to someone or something else, you also pass power, the very power you need to do something about it.
When you take responsibility, you empower yourself to find a solution and take action. It is a huge mental shift in the way you approach situations. You become a problem solver instead of a just a problem spotter. You access the creative part of your brain, rather than being in “wait and see what happens” mode, hoping for someone else to sort it out for you.
Tap into your Purpose
If you have purpose, a strong reason why you want or even need your goal, and you desire that goal so much, taking action is going to be that much easier. If you’re about to lose your home because you can’t make your next mortgage payment, you’re more likely to take that shitty job, than you would if you had a years worth of savings in your bank account. What’s changed, your purpose has. You suddenly have to do something, you have to earn some money or else. This might not be an aspirational purpose like “bringing an end to poverty” or “finding a cure for cancer” but it is a purpose, the purpose of getting money to pay your bills, so you still have a roof over your family’s head. If that purpose is strong, or as desperate enough (as in the case of the previous example) you are more likely to take action, that you might not otherwise have taken. Purpose doesn’t have to be some romanticised great deed, it just has to work for you, and get you closer to your goals.
Form good habits
Habits are formed to ease the burden on thought processes. We don’t have to mentally process every little thing we do, especially with regards to things we do on a regular basis. We form habits that we just do, without thinking about. This frees our brains to concentrate on other things.
As part of this process we often form bad habits that no longer serve us. The best way of getting rid of bad habits is by replacing them with good ones. To do this you have to begin to take action on a regular basis and do something that serves your goals. If you want to be a writer, start to write 200-300 words a day. Do this everyday for 30-60 days, after which you will have formed a habit of doing it. Then up the word count by a further 200. when you have done that everyday for a month or so, up it again.
Embrace Change and risk taking
One of the main reasons we fail to take action, is fear, we will deal with fear later in the article when discussing blocking motivations, you might want to read that part of the article first and come back to this section.
“Embracing change” and “risk taking” are the same thing. We resist change because we fear the uncertainty that “change” brings with it. Embracing change is a difficult mind shift, but an essential one, if we’re to grow into our goals.
Many people falsely believe there exists a status quo, some fictional place where everything stays the same forever. The reality of course is that everything is always changing, and change is part of life. Life and change are inseparable, so face the truth, and stop resisting it. Be excited by the opportunities that come about because of it.
Risk is also a part of life, we risk death every time we walk out the door, every time we get into the car. We risk embarrassment every time we open our mouths, we risk loss of possessions every time we leave the house empty, or every time we put something in our pocket or bag when we go out. We can try to mitigate risk but we can’t live without being exposed to it.
Live with Gratitude
I’ve included gratitude here because, gratitude adds some perspective to our thoughts. If we are grateful for what we have now, our health, our family and friends, our ability to reason, and make decisions, our ability to communicate and get on with other people, if we are grateful for everything we have, we don’t need to take the attainment of our goals too seriously, so that the fear of not attaining them, paralyses us from reaching optimal performance. We want to achieve our goals but not so badly that not achieving them means we drop into a great depression. Make life a game to be enjoyed, not one that feels like life or death depends on your success, because in most cases it really doesn’t.
External supporting motivations
External supporting motivations come from things we get from other people rather than from within us.
Incentives
Incentives can be tangible and intangible. Tangible incentives can include money rewards, a chance of winning something like a holiday or prize. Tangible incentives are used to reward us for outstanding performance at work for instance.
Intangible incentives on the other hand are things like getting a pat-on-the-back, or a “well done”, a “thank you for your effort” from someone we respect or have done something for.
Incentives push us to behave in a certain way usually for the benefit of others, but we can use them to help us get results for ourselves. An accountability buddy for instance can spur us on, say “well done” when we do something good, and at the same time put us right when we fail to do it or do something that is counter-productive to our goal attainment.
Internal Blocking Motivations
Fear of ….
Well fear has such a grip on the human psyche, that it stops the majority of people ever pursuing their dreams. Fear is a perceived possible future devaluation of our sense of self, which simply means that we fear the thought of something that “might” happen to us or to things, people or ideas that are important to us. We fear death, embarrassment, rejection, being negatively judged by others, disappointment, being vulnerable, loss, poverty, the unknown, uncertainty, change, being let down by others, some people even fear success. In fact we fear most things. Fear is a thought about the future, and as we can’t do anything about the future, until it becomes “this moment”. Fear is nothing more than a made up thought or series of thoughts that might happen, but is much more likely not to happen. Stop focusing on what might go wrong and start dreaming about what might go right.
Limiting Beliefs and Values
We’ve all heard the stories of kids that were told they wouldn’t amount to anything, only to go on to become big successes. These people felt they had something to prove, and this motivated them to succeed, but for many, negative reinforcement can kill their motivation, and keep them trapped in mediocrity.
Social conditioning -the environment where we grow up, the people we are surrounded by, the stories we are told has a big impact on how our beliefs and values are formed through childhood and as teenagers, and these values have a major impact on our lives as adults. As the saying goes “If you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right”, the question is where did this belief come from?
Our thoughts are formed by our experiences which are shaped by our actions, reactions, and behaviours which are affected by our thoughts. It’s a cycle that feeds itself. It can be a virtuous cycle or downward spiral. If you can feed your psyche with positive thoughts, beliefs and values, this will positively affect your actions and behaviours, and this will in turn dictate the quality of your experiences and the way people react to you, for the better.
Conflicted Thoughts
If you feel conflicted about your goals you may feel you want them on the one hand, but also feel in some way you don’t want them. When you feel this way, you might sabotage your progress. you might want to be wealthy, but at the same time feel it will ruin important relationships you have presently, and this dampens your motivation to take action to pursue your goal.
Another type of conflict comes in the form of “want” versus “should” situations. If you have a goal to be thinner, and healthier, but you see a delicious looking cream cake that you really want to eat, you are going to feel torn between “wanting” the pleasure of eating the cream cake and knowing that you “should” reframe from doing so, if you are to achieve your weight loss goal. If you give in and eat the cream cake you are not just failing to moving closer to your goal, but are in-fact moving further away from it, which is likely to make you feel even worse. “Wanting”, more often than not outweighs “should” as a mental choice calculation. This is why we so often give in to temptation. The best way to overcome this is avoid situations that present such a choice in the first place. If there is no cream cake waiting for you in the fridge, you aren’t going to feel you are missing out on it.
Moving forward
Overcoming the blocking motivations by strengthening the supporting motivations is the name of the game. If we can have stronger supporting motivations and hack our blocking motivations we stand a better chance of progressing towards our goals.
Become more self aware, take responsibility, have a strong purpose, replace bad habits with good ones, embrace change and risk, be happy and grateful with the positives in your life today, get help from others and get them to reward you for good behaviour. Be less fearful of your imagination, lose those limiting beliefs and straighten out your conflicted thoughts about your goals. Do this and success is your next destination.
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The Fear of Change is really the fear of a possible future devaluation in our “sense of self” otherwise known as the “Ego”. It’s the fear of the unknown and sense of uncertainty about the future and what dangers that future might hold for us.
The only way to make things better than they are at present, is to make a change – change the way we think and how we do certain things. Failing to change, often results in stagnation and a sense of getting left behind, because everything around us is constantly changing whether we like it or not.
We falsely think that keeping the status quo is the safest thing to do because it’s familiar and we know we can cope with things as they are “Better the devil you know” as the saying goes. This is an illusion. Change is the only reality, so embrace it and be excited by all the possibilities that exist because of it.
The negative things we fear aren’t real, they are only imagined. We can’t deal with future threats, because they are mind projections, which we play, rather like a movie, over and over. We simulate these experiences as if they were real. We feel the sense of danger, our bodies feel the stress as if the experience was actually happening to us. It’s important to know the difference between the bear in your mind that is going to eat you and the actual bear in real life that is going to eat you. Our mind will always gravitate to the “worst case scenario”, because it’s designed to keep us alive. But many modern day situations are not life or death.
Ask yourself “What is really the worst that could happen if things don’t work out, will you die?” How many times have you dreaded a future event, only to find the reality was far less scary than you thought it would be?
I embrace change, I find it exciting. It is the only way to live in our modern world. Doors will open for you, while others may close but the journey is what life is about, not the destination. So enjoy the ride. Open your heart, open your mind. Jim Carey said it best. “Open the door in your mind and when the door opens in real life just walk through it”.
For more information regarding motivation, check out our motivational guide.
“If you insist on holding onto EXPECTATIONS, then expect the future to bring CHANGE, and you won’t be disappointed.”
“CHANGE brings with it OPPORTUNITIES, stop focusing on the RISKS and look for the CHANCES.”
“Why we resist change – CHANGE = UNCERTAINTY = RISK = LOSS. In reality it also provides OPPORTUNITY. But we fear LOSS more than we value gain. So we focus on that.”
Change Quotes
“There is no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love. There’s only scarcity of resolve to make it happen.” – Dr Wayne Dyer
“Nothing changes if nothing changes”.
“When you reach a fork in the road, TAKE IT.” – Yogi Berra
“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” – Dr Wayne Dyer
“The only way to make sense out of CHANGE is to plunge into it, move with it and join the dance.” – Alan Watts
“We can have more than we’ve got, because we can become more than we are.” – Jim Rohn
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading”. – Lao Tzu
“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance”. – Alan Watts
“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”- John F. Kennedy
“The key to change, is to let go of fear.” – Rosanne Cash
“Strive for progress not perfection.”
“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” –George Bernard Shaw
“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” –Frederick Douglass
“Goals seem impossible only when you are not heading toward them.” – Mike Hawkins
“Everyday is a second chance.”
“If you don’t take risks, you will always work for someone who does.”
“Your life does not get better by chance it gets better by change.”
“I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don’t.”
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
“Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must, just never give up.”
“You create your own reality.”
“The distance between dreams and reality is action.”
“You create your own reality.”
“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” – Tim Notke.
“Dont make excuses, make improvements.” – tyra banks
“Are your excuses more important than your dreams?”
“Make things happen.” – getresults.org.uk
“Decide – commit – succeed.”
“If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.”
“Let’s not regret what we did not do, rather everyday is an opportunity to do the things we will never regret.”
The model above illustrates how improving the quality of our lives, starts with our thoughts.
THOUGHTS shape our ACTIONS
ACTIONS shape our EXPERIENCES
EXPERIENCES shape our THOUGHTS
Don’t take my word for it, think about your own experiences. What are the thoughts you have, the beliefs and values you hold? Where do they come from? They come from your experiences of life, through what you see and hear, how people and life treats you. Your upbringing, your relationships etc.
These experiences depend on your actions. The things you say, and do. Your impact on the people and world around you. What shapes your actions?
Your thoughts, the things you think about. The things that matter to you. Your beliefs values, opinions…. and so the cycle continues.
Let’s look at a couple of examples to illustrate the process.
If someone is extremely rude to you (experience), you may feel angry and this will influence your feelings and emotions (thoughts), you may keep playing the event over and over in your mind, fuelling the feeling of anger (thoughts). If this anger is intense you may display it in your behaviour (actions). You may snap at your nearest and dearest, who snaps back causing an argument (experience), further fuelling anger (thoughts), and so the cycle continues, unless something breaks it.
Let’s look at another example. Let’s imagine you have been cheated on by your ex-lover (experience), who you really cared about. You are still upset and distrustful of the opposite sex as a result (thoughts) even though a few months have passed since it happened, you are then asked out by someone else, but you turn them down, because you are not yet ready and still somewhat distrustful of the opposite sex (action), the person doesn’t approach you again, in fact avoids you like the plague in future (experience), yet they may have been the love of your life for all you know. You are failing to move on because of what’s going on in your head (thoughts), thoughts that relate to someone else, and nothing to do with the person that asked you out. Now it might be a good idea not to jump from one relationship straight into another, it is probably sensible, for a while at least, but on the other hand you might be craving a relationship (thoughts), but are fearful of committing again (actions) to someone in case you get hurt again. This means you stay single (experience) and miserable (thoughts). This cycle then becomes problematic, and unless you make the necessary changes to your thoughts, you are going to impact your experience of relationships going forward.
Think about the areas of your life you are struggling with. Go through the thoughts you have about them, the actions that result from your thoughts, and the experiences that are a consequence of your actions.
How do you break the cycle? You either move out of thought, out of your Ego, your mind, whatever you want to call it and rise into the spiritual plane. If you don’t buy into spirituality, then concentrate on addressing your thoughts, examine why you think what you do. Where your values, beliefs, thoughts, opinions and the like, come from and if they really make sense for you and your goal(s). Make positive changes to your thoughts and the rest will follow.
If your EXPERIENCES aren’t what you want, look at your ACTIONS and try to identify what you need to be doing to create the EXPERIENCES you’re wishing for. Then once you’ve identified these, go back and check that your THOUGHTS (beliefs and values etc) are aligned in such a way as to motivate those necessary ACTIONS.
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We make decision’s every day of our lives, from the simplest decision about what to eat for breakfast or what to wear when we go out, to more complex problem solving decisions such as how to overcome an particular obstacle that is preventing us achieving a particular goal, or which choice of investment will provide the best return.
What is decision making?
Decision making refers to making choices between alternative courses of action. This involves a comparative assessment of the costs and benefits of different courses of action, however the future value of a choice is not always fixed or known before it is made. This means we can only make most decisions based on a “best guess” basis. So there is a level of risk associated with most of the decisions we make, particularly the important ones.
There are many factors that play into our decision making process, and the subsequent choices we opt for. Here is a breakdown of those factors.
Risk Taking
Risk taking refers to decision making when the outcomes of particular choices are not guaranteed, and the consequent uncertainty means that an assessment of the probability (chance) of a positive or negative outcome has to occur. Given that human thinking about probability is prone to many errors and biases, there are many important practical implications for risk taking behaviour. We will discuss many of these errors later.
We are constantly assessing the risks against the rewards of taking any particular course of action, especially if it’s an important decision. We have a tendency, as human beings, to prefer safety over risk and will often favour the status quo over action that has the potential of opening us up to risk, danger and uncertainty.
To overcome this bias we have to find the NEED, or WANT within us, to motivate us enough to take the risk, effectively swinging the balance in favour of action over settling for the status quo.
Choice Architecture
Choice architecture is the design of different ways in which choices can be presented to consumers, and the impact of that presentation on consumer decision-making. It’s the fact people are more likely to op-in to something rather than opt-out, if the default value is already the opt-in option and vise versa.
How things are presented to us has a greater impact on our choices than we realise. Big businesses have long since known this and set things up for their advantage, making the most of our natural tendencies and dispositions.
It’s important to realise that the creators of the modern world, are not necessarily designing things with our best interests at heart, and we should, at least, be aware of the possibility of manipulation from other parties.
For example, social media is designed to keep us hooked and coming back for more, red notification bubbles tap into our innate sense of curiosity, knowing we won’t be able to resist finding out what’s waiting for us on the other side of that click.
Inner conflict between WANT and SHOULD
This is the inner conflict between;
What do I want?
What should I choose? what we ought to choose
If you’ve ever struggled with your weight, this scenario will be very familiar to you. You want that delicious looking chocolate cake, rather than the salad, but you know you should, for the good of your health, choose the salad.
Facing these kinds of choices, uses up your willpower, which will eventually run out and you’ll succumb to the temptations. So remove the temptations or remove yourself from them.
This approach also goes for distractions. If you’re productivity is being adversely affected by your Facebook activities, lock your phone away or lock yourself in a room free of social media connectivity, until your work is done.
Influence of beliefs and values
This is a biggie and I’m not going to go too deep into beliefs and values here, other than highlight their importance.
All behaviours are a reflection of our thoughts, and thoughts that are repetitive, fixed, and invested with a sense of ourselves, are what we call BELIEFS, they are our beliefs. Conditions and rules that are attached to these beliefs become our VALUES.
Beliefs in particular shape how we behaviour, how we interact with other people and the world around us. They affect our affiliations, or passions, what we pay attention to, what we buy, and how we live our lives.
Much of our beliefs come from social conditioning, they are largely built form assumptions, and inferences, rather than facts and evidence. They are stories we tell ourselves to make sense of the world around us.
We look to confirm our beliefs, ignoring or rejecting counter-argument, rather than trying to disprove them, which is the scientific approach. This is what is described as confirmation bias, if you want to find out more about it.
The best way to deal with beliefs and values is to question their origin, their basis and accuracy. It’s much more productive to consider beliefs as hypotheses, which you look to disprove rather than prove, like science does.
If you can’t prove something, consider it a best guess, until more evidence is discovered.
Avoid throwing your opinions and views around, until you know for sure what you’re talking about.
If someone tells you something ask “how do you know?”, and “where is the evidence?”
Unknown consequences and outcomes
Many decisions are made with knowing what the consequences or outcomes will be. Sometimes we just can’t know whether choice A is going to be better than choice B.
We should instead weigh the facts, as we know them at the time, and commit to whatever choice we make and make the best of it, living with the consequences.
We are not passive recipients of the decisions we make, we interact and influence them as time progresses. So by committing to them and stopping questioning and second guessing ourselves, we give ourselves the best chance of getting the results we are looking for.
Choice overload, too many choices
Too many choices can be paralyzing, and results in nothing being chosen, so be wary of thinking more options are better.
Difficulty in evaluating and comparing choices
It can often be difficult to pick one choice over another because they offer different advantages and disadvantages.
It helps to have a goal that you’re working towards, and decide which is most likely to get you closer to it. That way you have a direction you’re heading towards. But even then some things might just not comparable so what do you do in such circumstances?
Well you decide on one based on the facts, and commit to it.
Errors in THINKING
Dealt with below.
How to too make better decisions
We would all like to know how to do exactly the right thing at all possible times, making good decisions in all circumstances. Some help was given to us back in 1738 by Daniel Bernoulli. The equation he came up with has been translated as:
The goodness we can count on getting from a decision we make, which is based on:
The odds of gain
The value of that gain
Expected value = (odds of gain) x (value of gain)
In itself this equation offers an effective decision making framework, but we must be wary of miscalculating the odds of gain, and be mindful about how we value that gain when using it. As long as we sidestep the many errors and biases in our thinking (which we”ll discuss below), we should be good to go.
Much of our decision making, depends on us using memory and comparison in our assessment of PROBABILITY (when we’re working out the odds of gain) and likewise when trying to establish the VALUE of that gain.
For example, if I asked you, would you consider buying a burger for £10. You would likely make an assessment about what else could be purchased for the £10, along with checking your memory to see what you had paid for a similar burger in the past. If you considered the burger to be overpriced, you would likely not purchase, if you believed there to be other things more worthy to spend the money on, you may opt for them instead. What you’re doing here is you’re making use of comparison and memory to determine the burgers value.
Other factors also come into play, for instance, if you’re hungry you’re more likely to opt to buy the burger. How I frame the question, might also impact your answer. If all your friends were buying a burger, you might decide to buy, just to fit in. If you knew you weren’t going to get the chance to eat for a prolonged time afterwards you might again, opt to buy.
So while this is a pretty straight forward decision, to buy or not, there are still a lot of potential factors that come into play. Decision making is not always so clear cut, particularly if there are a number of choices available.
Let’s look at some of the pitfalls that can befall us if we’re not careful, they consist of errors in judgement and personal biases.
Memory Errors
Let’s look at a couple potential errors in memory…
If I asked you “What is most common, dogs on leashes or pigs on leashes?”. You would most likely say dogs, largely because you have seen and remember seeing more dogs on leashes than pigs on leashes and because of this, memory is relied upon as more representative of fact. You are likely to be correct in your assessment, but unless you’re an authority about the world of pigs, and pig owners, you could easily be wrong.
If I asked you “Which is more common in the English language, words containing the letter “R” in first place or in third place?” You would probably be able to remember more words with the letter “R” in first place and would likely choose this as a result, when in fact there are more words with the letter “R” in third place. Because these are harder to recall we have a tendency to think there is less of them. These are examples of “Availability heuristic”.
Comparison Errors
Lets look at couple of examples of errors when we try to compare things,…
A £2000 Hawaiian vacation package is on sale for £700. You think it over for a week, but by the time you get to the ticket agency, the best fares are gone and the package will now cost you £1500. Would you buy it? Most people would say no. because they would not want to pay for something that was cheaper just a week before, even though the vacation is still well priced at £1500. If the price had just gone from £2000 directly to £1600 (without the drop to £700 in between) would you feel any differently even though the holiday is in fact £100 dearer in the second scenario? Many people would be inclined to opt for this situation given the choice.
Another example for you to consider. You are on your way to the theatre. In your wallet you have a ticket for which you paid £20, along with a £20 pound note. When you arrive at the theatre you discover that you’ve somehow lost the ticket. Would you spend your remaining £20 on a new ticket? Most people answer no. Let’s change the scenario and replace the ticket with another £20 note instead, so you now have two £20 pound notes, and this time you lose one of the £20 pound notes. In this circumstance people often change their answer to yes. Why is this? Well in the first scenario they say they do not want to pay twice for the same ticket, in the second scenario they take the opinion that just because they have lost £20, what difference does it make, they came to see the show and still want to see it.
In our last example, imagine you went to your local cinema and saw a small portion of popcorn for £3 and a large for £7, which would you choose? If a medium portion was then added for £6.50, which would you go for now? In tests, when the medium option was added, more people opted for the large portion than before, why? Because in comparison to the medium the large looked better value than it did before.
So you can see from these examples how easily errors can occur when relying on memory and comparison.
Poor assessment of Probability
Lets look at how our assessment of probability can result in bad decision making. There are two methods we use to assess probability these are:
“Representativeness heuristic” refers to estimating the probability of a particular sample of events based on their similarity to characteristics we feel are typical of the whole category population of those events. This may result in thinking some events are more likely than others, and that certain trends can be predicted. But if people fail to follow the true principles of representativeness, such as ignoring information on probability base rates or forgetting that small samples are less likely to be representative, then this can lead to false estimates as is seen with use of stereotyping. For example if we toss a coin, a sequence of HTTHTH is thought to be more probable than a sequence of HHHHH, even through they are equally likely
and secondly “Availability heuristic” (examples given previously) is based on estimating the probability of an event based on how easy it is to remember. This may lead to familiar, recent or popularised events being more available in memory and subsequently seen as more probable. For example murder might be thought to be more likely than other crimes because of its greater media coverage.
Faulty decision making
Rational decision making would involve taking account only of the odds of an expected outcome and expected value gain of each option. In fact, this is rarely the case, and is often influenced by some of these biases and errors in thinking:
Framing effects – how the problem is presented to us. This is particularly so with marketing messages and political messages which are aimed at getting us to react in a particular way. The way the information is presented often intensifies certain facts and downplays others, in the hope of pushing us towards a certain course of action. (check out our post on Hugh Rank’s Persuasion model)
Loss aversion – as humans we are wired through evolution to be more sensitive to loss than gain. As a result we want to protect what we have over reaching for more.
Elimination-by-aspects theory – this involves eliminating options by considering one relevant attribute after another.
Satisficing theory – choosing an option that has satisfactory attributes when it becomes available. Most commonly found when dating, we pick the first suitable mate that comes along, often rejecting others that come later, but that might be a better suit.
Conforming evidence trap – which involves seeking out evidence that justifies our choices and subconsciously ignoring contradictory evidence rather than looking at the whole picture.
The status quo trap – shifting deck chairs on the Titanic rather than jumping over while it’s sinking
The sunk cost trap – which involves throwing good money after bad in the hope of recovering losses rather than simply cutting losses, as evidenced by many gamblers and stock market investors.
Trial and error – where no decision can be considered correct unless it has been subjected to testing and scrutiny in order to accept or reject it. Which appears to be a rational approach, but is prone to subjectivity and influenced by the persons own values.
A few more to consider:
Compensatory rule – “we selected the security system that came out best when we balance the good ratings against the bad ratings”
Conjunctive rule – “we picked the security system that had no bad features”
Disjunctive rule – “we selected the security system that excelled in at least one attribute”
Lexicographic rule – “we looked at the feature that was most important to us and chose the security system that ranked highest on that attribute”
Affect referral rule – “everything they do is outstanding, so we decided to have them install our security system.”
Biases with Time
Time also plays a part in our decision making:
If I offered you £60 now or £50 now, you would likely go for £60 now.
2.If I offered you £60 now or £60 in a month most would go for the £60 now.
3.If I offered you £50 now or £60 in a month most would go for £50 now – because they don’t want to delay gratification.
4.If I offered you £50 in 12 months or £60 in 13 months many would elect to go for the £60 in 13 months because they think to themselves, what’s the difference between 12 or 13 months, I might as well hang on for another month and pocket an extra £10. But in reality the only thing that has changed between our third example and this one, is the time frame, and the fact that it is further away from the present moment. When we actually get to month 12 we will probably change our minds and wonder why we didn’t settle for the £50 in 12 months rather than wait and extra month for the extra £10.
What else plays a part in poor decision making outcomes
Decisions are made with our best interests at heart, and with positive intent, however we don’t always get them right as discussed. This is partly due to the “faulty thinking” we have talked about above but also other things play a part
External influences and pressure forcing our hand or influencing our decision making, such as time limit, peer pressure, salesmanship, fraudsters, threat
Luck plays a part in the final outcomes and we shouldn’t underestimate its role.
Unforeseen events and circumstances outside our knowledge at the time of the decision or after a decision is made. Unless we have a magic wand, there is little we can do about this. “With hindsight I would have….”
Deductive and Inductive Reasoning
We have included reasoning as part of this discussion on decision making, to highlight how we can easily stray away from accurate thinking, which can later impact our decision making effectiveness.
“Reason sits firm and holds the reins, and she will not let the feelings burst away and hurry her to wild chasms. The passions may rage furiously, like true heathens, as they are; and the desires may imagine all sorts of vain things: but judgement shall still have the last word in every argument, and the casting vote in every decision.”
— Charlotte Brontë
Reasoning or accurate thinking, as it is sometimes described, most commonly comes in the form of Deductive and Inductive reasoning and is often used in the search to find logical explanations for things around us. Why does this happen? How can I make this happen?
Inductive Reasoning
Inductive reasoning – is an hypothesis or idea about things we don’t know. It is built on arguments that do not have categorical support for the conclusion. We make many observations, discern a pattern, make a generalization, and infer an explanation or a theory. An example of inductive reasoning is:
Lots of people are interested in internet marketing, Mr Turner is a person, so Mr Turner likes internet marketing
The premise that “lots of people are interested in internet marketing” is true, as is “Mr Turner is a person”. The conclusion that follows “Mr Turner likes internet marketing” is logically correct, but may not be true. The reason for this is that while we have stated that lots of people are interested in internet marketing, Mr Turner may not be one of them.
Because inductive reasoning is based upon probabilities, conclusions are considered to be cogent, rather than true. This is because the probability exists that the two accepted premises may not truly lead to the acceptable conclusion.
Deductive Reasoning
Deductive reasoning on the other hand is when we have the facts or appear to have the facts and the arguments provide absolute support for the conclusion.
Deductive reasoning makes the strong assertion that the conclusion must follow the premises out of strict necessity. Denying the conclusion means that at least one of the premises is self-contradictory and thus not true. For example:
All human beings need oxygen to survive. Mike is a human being, therefore, Mike needs oxygen to survive.
For deductive reasoning to be effective the original premise needs to be true, as with the example used above. However check out the example below. Although the conclusion follows on logically from the premise, there is possible doubt over the validity of the original premise that “Every website that has an opt-in form on it, is collecting subscribers”. If this premise is invalid, the conclusion will also be invalid.
Every website that has an opt-in form on it is collecting subscribers, if I put an opt-in form on my website, I will get subscribers.
So the key to a creditable conclusion lies in the premise. If this is valid then so will the conclusion, if not, then neither will be the conclusion.
Another form of deductive reasoning is the Syllogism. A Syllogism consists of a minor premise and major premise and a conclusion and are of the form If A=B; and B=C; then A=C.
A=B (minor premise/specific instance) i.e. Patch is a dog
B=C (major premise/generalisation) i.e. All dogs can bark
A=C (conclusion) i.e. Patch can bark
There are a number of Syllogism fallacies that can producing faulty conclusions these include;
undistributed middle – some dogs (rather than all)
illicit major – last part (C) of the conclusion is broader than premise allows
illicit minor – first part (A) of the conclusion is broader than premise allows
Check out this article for a more in-depth analysis of Reasoning.
So as you can see, it is easy for poor reasoning techniques to impact our decision making effectiveness, and we should always be mindful of ensuring we are using accurate thinking in our decision making.
So as you can see there are many ways of making bad decisions. Below are more tactics designed at improving decision making.
Common Decision Making Methodology
There are often 3 levels of decision making that are generally employed:
The simplest THE REFLEX ACTION (knee jerk reaction. Unconscious, without considering the alternatives i.e. profits down – costs need to be reduced, or sales are slipping – prices too high. Here is a great example. A racket and ball together cost £1.10, Racket costs £1 more than ball, how much is the Racket? work this out for yourself, most people say £1, the answer is actually £1.05.
ALGORITHM or checklist. i.e. You come face to face with a tiger, You instantly go into flight or fight mode. You’re mind within a nano second asks itself, is it a big one? If the answer is yes, you run, if no, you ask yourself, do I have spear with me? If yes you might fight, if no, you run.
Using more sophisticated methods like, Cost Benefit Analysis and The decision matrix approach. Which involves listing alternatives and weighing the pros and cons of each, scoring them against each other and choosing the winner (see worksheet at bottom of post).
As individuals we usually make decisions using the first 2 of these. The first (Reflex action) is not recommended in most cases other than were you have no choice such as flight or fight/life or death situations. The second (Algorithm or checklist) takes the hastiness out of the situation and can help you to be more logical in your thought process. Most of the time we make decisions using our emotions and feelings and this can cause us all sorts of problems, it’s best to give yourself some space to remove the emotion from the situation and consider rationally the best course of action to take.The third option (decision matrix) discussed above is much more considered and allows analysis of the alternatives, but is likely to be biased by subjective preferences. You can ask for a second opinion as a type of check and balance, to help correct this.
More decision making tactics
Identify all factors that affect a decision (weight them against one another) for instance Cost versus Comfort plus emotional factors such as attractiveness felt by having/wearing etc. avoid letting emotions affect decisions. Write down the options and canvas opinion from trusted others.
Be aware of your perception of loss or gain. For instance offering people £20 or giving them £50, taking back £30 and offering a bet to win back the other £30. This framing effect will result in more people taking the latter option even though they would be getting the same thing. People will make bolder decisions to avoid loss (loss aversion)
We tend to post-rationalise decisions after the event. Avoid dressing up bad decisions.
Be aware of Priming – images/words/temperature/smells can colour peoples decisions later on. For example getting people to hold a hot drink can illicit warmer feelings towards someone soon after. So be aware of others trying to manipulate us.
Recognise intuition.
Use a two-tiered approach with a small group of core people who set the standards that a larger group can implement with autonomy but within those standards
Tap into as much knowledge as possible (mentors and mastermind groups)
Ensure those carrying out the decisions are involved in the decision making process.
Harvard Business Review blog recommends using the Trick acronym to aid decision making.
Two – tiered approach (detailed above)
Rapport with strategic team and implementers
Involve all – from management to customer in the decision making process
Cause and effect reversals – to remove self limiting beliefs that are effecting how you approach strategy. i.e. Is your strategy impacting your success, or is you success impacting your strategy?
Kahneman perspective – 12 question checklist to identify and reduce bias
Accurate Thinking
In his book “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill he describes the using accurate thinking as being the foundation of all successful achievements.
He advises to separate important facts from unimportant facts. An important fact is one that aids you in the achievement of your goal, if it doesn’t do this consider it unimportant.
Be wary of opinions prejudice and biases that come with them. Look for proof of hard facts. Ask “How do you know?” and stand firm until they have answered to your satisfaction.
If someone has a negative attitude about someone or something, be wary of what they say because it is sure to be negatively framed.
Free advice is usually worth what it costs
Never accept anything as fact until proven
Negative attitude = negative framing
Don’t give away what you want the answer to be when you ask a question, cause people want to give people what they think they want to hear
Ask “how do you know” when you can’t identify if something is true
Check out his book on Amazon by clicking on the image below.
Conclusion
Personally I like to use the “Decision Making Matrix” template below and get other people involved to get some perspective and offset some of my biases. while it has served me well, I would suggest finding what works best for you, however if you check out my post on problem solving you will find a large list of tools and techniques to help in your decision making.
I suspect the biggest takeaway from this post will be in identifying the biases and errors in thinking that may affect many of the day to day decisions that you make. Hopefully by being more aware of these you will look more critically at the decisions you make and what might be motivating them. Decision’s are mainly made on a best guess basis and are sometimes influenced by factors outside our control and span of knowledge at the time we make them. We can only control the actions we take and by examining our biases and errors in thinking, try to improve our decision making strategies.
When we think about things in the distance future we have a view of them, but as we move closer to them we change our minds. Our brains have evolved from a very different world, where we needed immediate gratification to survive. We need to be more aware of these old habits which are no longer relevant to our modern way of living, and be more willing or open to, delaying gratification.
For a working excel spreadsheet version of the form above please join my mailing list. All the calculations are done for you, just enter your own data.
I came about this Ted talk about how to make difficult decisions, I thought I would add it to this article because I thought it would provide great value.